LookAtThisPOst Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 Something I've noticed lately that my success with online dating and garnering phone numbers and dates from dating sites were due in part from newcomers signing up. In most instances, they were willing to give their phone # right and schedule a date in a timely fashion. Happened to me just today. A woman just signed up for a dating site, we exchanged like 3 messages, asked for her phone #, and got it. We'll be moving forward with a phone call later. Easy peasy, while the veterans sit there and plate spin, flake, or remain unresponsive until their Mr. or Miss Wonderful comes to town. I was wondering if THESE people have something going on with them that the online flakers do not? Chances are if you're timing is right, you strike while the iron is hot as soon as they join and schedule a date...and they are off the site pretty quickly, yes? It's like, the longer these people are on the site, the more behind-the-screen they become. I'm guessing though that they aren't really picky nor really have a "grass is greener" mentality? Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 I think the people who are new either 1) don't know what they're doing, or 2) aren't picky. I did this. I was so enthralled with the ease of it all at first, that I would really accept dates from almost anyone. It was only after accepting all these dates at first, and having some bad experiences, and getting a better sense of what I liked/wanted, that I started being more choosy. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted May 5, 2016 Author Share Posted May 5, 2016 I think the people who are new either 1) don't know what they're doing, or 2) aren't picky. I did this. I was so enthralled with the ease of it all at first, that I would really accept dates from almost anyone. It was only after accepting all these dates at first, and having some bad experiences, and getting a better sense of what I liked/wanted, that I started being more choosy. Unfortunately, that's the downfall of dating, which is online dating. If they wind up spending TOO much time doing it, they get sucked into the perpetual, "Bigger better deal" or "grass is always greener" mode. Hopefully I'll come across such a woman that isn't influenced. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 I'm wondering how you know who's new. It seems like everyone I meet online tells me I'm their first date. I assume that almost all of them are liars. lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted May 5, 2016 Author Share Posted May 5, 2016 I'm wondering how you know who's new. It seems like everyone I meet online tells me I'm their first date. I assume that almost all of them are liars. lol I typically ask them as they turn up as a new face in my search results. If I've never seen them before, sometimes I'll ask if they are new to the site. :-) It's kind of obvious in smaller towns as the smaller towns yield lesser quantities. The one I recently mentioned actually moved to the area rather recently. So not only new online, but new in town. Link to post Share on other sites
The_Dork_Lard Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 I think the people who are new either 1) don't know what they're doing, or 2) aren't picky. I did this. I was so enthralled with the ease of it all at first, that I would really accept dates from almost anyone. It was only after accepting all these dates at first, and having some bad experiences, and getting a better sense of what I liked/wanted, that I started being more choosy. Further to this, once one realises Mr or Mrs right does not magically appear at the end of a clicky box-ticking forage, one abandons online dating altogether in the vague hope of bumping shopping trolleys with somebody, somewhere down the years. Love comes when you least expect it, and all that... ...online dating can be a great experience though, so I'm not knocking it altogether. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted May 5, 2016 Author Share Posted May 5, 2016 Further to this, once one realises Mr or Mrs right does not magically appear at the end of a clicky box-ticking forage, one abandons online dating altogether in the vague hope of bumping shopping trolleys with somebody, somewhere down the years. Love comes when you least expect it, and all that... ...online dating can be a great experience though, so I'm not knocking it altogether. Right, and I sometimes I think, "Good thing she ran into me first." Save her from all the other knuckleheads in the area. Link to post Share on other sites
The_Dork_Lard Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 Right, and I sometimes I think, "Good thing she ran into me first." Save her from all the other knuckleheads in the area. Ha ha, assuming it is indeed a she. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted May 5, 2016 Author Share Posted May 5, 2016 Ha ha, assuming it is indeed a she. *Smiles, crossing fingers* :-) Link to post Share on other sites
deadparrot Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 I mean, I met my wonderful boyfriend through OLD, but that was after seven years on and off of various sites with very little to show for it other than a couple 4-6 month relationships. Especially speaking as a woman, yeah, you do have to be choosy. I had lots of dates with perfectly nice guys with whom I felt no romantic chemistry, I had several dates with guys who forced themselves on me at the end of the night, and a small handful where things got legitimately scary after just one date. And based on hearing others' experiences, I was one of the "lucky" ones. People do get jaded after a while, but often not without good reason. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 A sure thing? Nope. She is a newbie and you can count on she is inundated with mails from long timers and other newcomers. She just hasn't become aware that it's better to be more choosy yet. Due to quality and as a woman you have to be to self protect in various ways and over various things - I have no doubt you understand that. She has likely replied to every mail she has had and has picked a multiple who so far appear OK but she has no investment over. She is trying it out as a means to meet new men. You might be her dream man! Hope the call goes well! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 Unfortunately, that's the downfall of dating, which is online dating. If they wind up spending TOO much time doing it, they get sucked into the perpetual, "Bigger better deal" or "grass is always greener" mode. Hopefully I'll come across such a woman that isn't influenced. More likely they still have their wide-eyed hopeful anticipation of actually meeting *great guys* and have not [YET] run into the male counterparts of the types of flakey/GIGS-y/scammer/subtracted-10-years-but-forgot-to-add-the-40-extra-pounds females that have turned you so off to OLD. Yes, it really is a goose/gander thingy...you just don't notice what women go through on OLD, as you're not meeting the men who participate in it, too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 More likely they still have their wide-eyed hopeful anticipation of actually meeting *great guys* and have not [YET] run into the male counterparts of the types of flakey/GIGS-y/scammer/subtracted-10-years-but-forgot-to-add-the-40-extra-pounds females that have turned you so off to OLD. Ah, the wide eyed doe in the headlights. Hopefully, she doesn't get hit by too many cars before OP gets his chance to meet her. Yep, it's all hope and optimism in the beginning, isn't it? A virtual candy store. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 How did the call go? Got a date lined up? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted May 7, 2016 Author Share Posted May 7, 2016 How did the call go? Got a date lined up? Thanks for asking. :-) No date lined up yet. Will be calling her today actually. She couldn't talk yesterday, so she asked I call her today. :-) Chances are I'll be asking her out today. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jacques on stage Posted May 11, 2016 Share Posted May 11, 2016 I'm amazed you get ANY response online dating. I would find it easier to become the Leader of the Chinese Communist Party than get a woman to say hi to me on a dating app. Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted May 11, 2016 Share Posted May 11, 2016 I would imagine it's kind of like a kid going to a new school. They're gonna be friends with the first person that approaches them! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted May 12, 2016 Share Posted May 12, 2016 I think the people who are new either 1) don't know what they're doing, or 2) aren't picky. I did this. I was so enthralled with the ease of it all at first, that I would really accept dates from almost anyone. It was only after accepting all these dates at first, and having some bad experiences, and getting a better sense of what I liked/wanted, that I started being more choosy. Just responded to the OLD burn out thread and more or less said the same. When I first got on OLD, I was new, so obviously all of it was new to me, the process, the people, everything (I was also younger). I talked to a lot of people and went on A LOT of dates! MOST of them were truly a waste of time. But I felt that I should "put myself out there" so really wasn't very picky and had more of the mentality like "why not, at least I'll get out of the house." However, after a while, you learn. You sort of begin to realize who and what is a waste of time or you start to think about what you want. After I got burnt out and laid off it for 4 years and came back, I was MUCH MUCH pickier. Where before I would maybe agree to go on several dates, I started being honest about what I was looking for and in a month went on only 2 dates, 2nd of whom became my bf, and I favorited him first or something and then he reached out and the rest was history. It's common sense that if you're new to anything (a job, OLD, a place, etc) you can see it with rose-tinted glasses or the novelty of it all makes you not see the unpleasant parts....then you learn. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted May 12, 2016 Share Posted May 12, 2016 I would imagine it's kind of like a kid going to a new school. They're gonna be friends with the first person that approaches them! Or even dating within a new school or new social circle. The old people either already dated each other, or have known the others long enough to sort of know who is worth it and not and knows "the dirt" so to speak. Here comes New Jane or New John and they obviously know none of that history, have no prior experience with these people so have no reason to not accept Two-timing Tim's dating offer . Meanwhile, they may be wondering how come no one else seems into Tim, although he seems "nice" or cute....and it's like look...I already went out with Tim or I already know his story so I'm not interested. In any group, when new people come they become instant magnets for the old people who are tired of each other, and they also have less skepticism or issues because they're simply ignorant because they're new....6 months down the line though, when they're no longer shiny and new, it may be a very different story. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted May 12, 2016 Author Share Posted May 12, 2016 Just responded to the OLD burn out thread and more or less said the same. When I first got on OLD, I was new, so obviously all of it was new to me, the process, the people, everything (I was also younger). I talked to a lot of people and went on A LOT of dates! MOST of them were truly a waste of time. But I felt that I should "put myself out there" so really wasn't very picky and had more of the mentality like "why not, at least I'll get out of the house." However, after a while, you learn. You sort of begin to realize who and what is a waste of time or you start to think about what you want. After I got burnt out and laid off it for 4 years and came back, I was MUCH MUCH pickier. Where before I would maybe agree to go on several dates, I started being honest about what I was looking for and in a month went on only 2 dates, 2nd of whom became my bf, and I favorited him first or something and then he reached out and the rest was history. It's common sense that if you're new to anything (a job, OLD, a place, etc) you can see it with rose-tinted glasses or the novelty of it all makes you not see the unpleasant parts....then you learn. Right, I did wind up going out with her, and she was quite surprisingly refreshing in her attitude. She said she has received a ton of weirdos, pervs, propositions, etc., but she didn't let it impact her attitude...just hit "delete". Apparently, she's resilient and it sounds like online fatigue isn't an issue for her. Apparently, she doesn't let it get to her. Water off a ducks back. :-) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Flavia Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 When I was a newcomer, I managed to get scammed. For money. I ended up rationalizing the experience as the price I had to pay to not be that naive again. In my demographic, the OD contactors who are the most aggressive/assertive are the scammers. So after you have been online for a while, and most of your contacts have been what you recognize as likely scammers (they all seem to use exactly the same attributes), it is harder for anyone genuine to get on the radar. And things like obviously canned introductions, or one word introductions aren't likely to be responded to. Now I'm off a couple of the sites, and I continue to get messages-- either 'robots' from the service trying to get me interested in signing up again, or real people who think that I'm still a member of the site, but don't realize I can't respond. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted May 14, 2016 Share Posted May 14, 2016 Right, I did wind up going out with her, and she was quite surprisingly refreshing in her attitude. She said she has received a ton of weirdos, pervs, propositions, etc., but she didn't let it impact her attitude...just hit "delete". Apparently, she's resilient and it sounds like online fatigue isn't an issue for her. Apparently, she doesn't let it get to her. Water off a ducks back. :-) No one gets fatigued after a day, or a week, sometimes not even a month. It takes some time of the same ol' same ol', or many failed dates to get that way. If you're new to OLD of course you're not as yet fatigued . Glad ya'll went out. Will you be going out again? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Aniela Posted May 14, 2016 Share Posted May 14, 2016 Right, I did wind up going out with her, and she was quite surprisingly refreshing in her attitude. She said she has received a ton of weirdos, pervs, propositions, etc., but she didn't let it impact her attitude...just hit "delete". Apparently, she's resilient and it sounds like online fatigue isn't an issue for her. Apparently, she doesn't let it get to her. Water off a ducks back. :-) You said she's new, so it hasn't been that long. Glad you had fun, though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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