Tis Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years. He's 42 I'm 26. I have a particular silver ring that I have had since before the beginning of our relationship that only fits on my ring finger. I love the ring so I wear it when it looks good with my clothes. My boyfriend tends to freak out about it because its on my left hand and wants me to take it off. Why should it even matter? I ask him and he gives me a non answer like he just doesn't like it and trys to shrug it off. We have talked about engagement and it's probably not going to happen. Could he be paranoid that people might think we are engaged for some reason.
elaine567 Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years. He's 42 I'm 26. I have a particular silver ring that I have had since before the beginning of our relationship that only fits on my ring finger. I love the ring so I wear it when it looks good with my clothes. My boyfriend tends to freak out about it because its on my left hand and wants me to take it off. Why should it even matter? I ask him and he gives me a non answer like he just doesn't like it and trys to shrug it off. We have talked about engagement and it's probably not going to happen. Could he be paranoid that people might think we are engaged for some reason. Why are you wasting years with a man who is not serous about you? The ring - I think he doesn't like other people making the assumption he is engaged to you for some reason. 6
deadparrot Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 Yeah, he sounds like a tool. If you're fine with the relationship remaining casual and engagement not being in the cards, tell him firmly that you'll be happy to correct people if they assume you're engaged or married. If he continues to act juvenile, I'd say you should go your separate ways. 3
Author Tis Posted May 5, 2016 Author Posted May 5, 2016 Why are you wasting years with a man who is not serous about you? Marriage isn't my ultimate goal in relationships. So I don't really care how serious he is. I'm just enjoying myself and his company while it last.
smackie9 Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 You know what, just tell him you are not pretending to be engaged, or proving a point nor do you expect an engagement from him. Wearing the ring on that finger represents nothing to you, it's just a bloody ring. Tell him to stop being so paranoid about it and give it a rest. These days, how you wear a ring has lesser meaning. 6
GemmaUK Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 Like Smackie said it's only a bloody ring! It really doesn't matter where people wear their jewellery - if he I that bothered et him to pay to replace the shank. Resizing is never a good idea as it weakens the existing shank. This is now a funny story, it was freaking odd at the time and actually funny then too! I dated a man in his 40's who was less than a year younger than me. He didn't like the rings I wore - two on one hand, one on the other and I have a few for one ring size which I switch around sometimes. He insisted upon knowing where I got them and he also questioned a bracelet I wear. Late on in the few months I was dating him I bought some earrings while out shopping with him. All were delicate, silver coloured, no bling but dangly to less than an inch below my ear lobe. About an hour later (after he had gone quiet and clearly 'stewed on it') he went into this bizarre tirade which started with him asking where I would wear them. I said 'Whenever I felt like it'. He said 'But you wouldn't wear them to work...' I replied 'Yes, course I would' He then went on for around an hour about how they would be inappropriate for work - literally finding every reason he could pull out of thin air! They would clang against the phone when I answered it... I would get my ear lobes ripped when walking past office plants as the earrings would get caught... I would get my ear lobes ripped when my female colleague hugged me when the earrings caught on their clothes... But he was controlling & possessive and yep abusive, emotionally and physically to a degree ...so... I still love wearing earrings - I feel like a rebel!! Lol! Wear your ring whenever you want to. You like it. That is all that matters. 3
elaine567 Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 Just had another thought - the ring you had before you and he got together so perhaps he thinks an old bf gave it to you as a gift, or even an engagement/commitment ring, and whenever you wear it, you are thinking of him and the times you shared... 1
Buddhist Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 We have talked about engagement and it's probably not going to happen. Could he be paranoid that people might think we are engaged for some reason. Yes this. I think it's rather suspicious that a 42yr old man is worried about a silver ring on your wedding hand. Doesn't say much for his level of maturity IMHO. 5
blackcat777 Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 Tell him if you remove it, your finger will fall off, or that you will turn invisible. 2
Versacehottie Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 Yeah, he sounds like a tool. If you're fine with the relationship remaining casual and engagement not being in the cards, tell him firmly that you'll be happy to correct people if they assume you're engaged or married. If he continues to act juvenile, I'd say you should go your separate ways. OMG I was going to say the same thing!!! If people ask, tell him that you promise to tell them you are single!! Seriously, that is one messed up puppy to say Smtg like that. You can wear what you want! 1
blackcat777 Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 Also, if he is SO worried what other people think... he's not playing other women on the side, is he? You haven't said much about relationship status. Sounds like this guy has some problems with the healthy act of wearing jewelry, *especially* if he claims not to want engagement. Why does he care if that's not what he wants? (sets off my bad feeling feelers)
kztar Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 Marriage isn't my ultimate goal in relationships. So I don't really care how serious he is. I'm just enjoying myself and his company while it last. If this isnt your ultimate goal you should probably tell him. Are you sure your goals are also his goals. That could be the ring problem.
kendahke Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 when you wear it and he loses his mind, tell him you dont' want to marry him anyway, so what does it matter--and that you'll tell anyone who asks that you don't want to marry him. Problem solved. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 Also, if he is SO worried what other people think... he's not playing other women on the side, is he? You haven't said much about relationship status. Sounds like this guy has some problems with the healthy act of wearing jewelry, *especially* if he claims not to want engagement. Why does he care if that's not what he wants? (sets off my bad feeling feelers) That's where my mind went, too. I'm not sure if I'm just cynical or if there's more to it.
Lois_Griffin Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years. He's 42 I'm 26. I have a particular silver ring that I have had since before the beginning of our relationship that only fits on my ring finger. I love the ring so I wear it when it looks good with my clothes. My boyfriend tends to freak out about it because its on my left hand and wants me to take it off. Why should it even matter? I ask him and he gives me a non answer like he just doesn't like it and trys to shrug it off. We have talked about engagement and it's probably not going to happen. Could he be paranoid that people might think we are engaged for some reason. There's a reason this guy is single at 42 and chasing 20-somethings. 2
trolloperative Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 Ignore him when he mentions it. Eventually he'll stop.
katiegrl Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 (edited) I agree with the others but wondering why you wish to wear it on that finger in the first place. Do you want people to think you are engaged? Yes people will assume you are engaged including men, which may prevent them approaching you and asking you out. Since you are only casual with this guy, don't you think it's best to keep your options open in case something better comes along? More fulfilling? I dunno up to you but I certainly would.... Edited May 6, 2016 by katiegrl 2
anna121 Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 Well, she says she only wears it when it goes with an outfit. Personally, I don't assume that *any* ring worn on the ring finger is an engagement or wedding ring. It would depend on what it looks like. I mean, she met this guy, right? OP, I think this is a non-issue, except for demonstrating that this guy is a bit of a tool. Wear whatever jewelry you like. 1
Author Tis Posted May 9, 2016 Author Posted May 9, 2016 I agree with the others but wondering why you wish to wear it on that finger in the first place. Do you want people to think you are engaged? Yes people will assume you are engaged including men, which may prevent them approaching you and asking you out. Since you are only casual with this guy, don't you think it's best to keep your options open in case something better comes along? More fulfilling? I dunno up to you but I certainly would.... This so made me laugh. When you are a woman there are always options anyway
Author Tis Posted May 9, 2016 Author Posted May 9, 2016 Like Smackie said it's only a bloody ring! It really doesn't matter where people wear their jewellery - if he I that bothered et him to pay to replace the shank. Resizing is never a good idea as it weakens the existing shank. This is now a funny story, it was freaking odd at the time and actually funny then too! I dated a man in his 40's who was less than a year younger than me. He didn't like the rings I wore - two on one hand, one on the other and I have a few for one ring size which I switch around sometimes. He insisted upon knowing where I got them and he also questioned a bracelet I wear. Late on in the few months I was dating him I bought some earrings while out shopping with him. All were delicate, silver coloured, no bling but dangly to less than an inch below my ear lobe. About an hour later (after he had gone quiet and clearly 'stewed on it') he went into this bizarre tirade which started with him asking where I would wear them. I said 'Whenever I felt like it'. He said 'But you wouldn't wear them to work...' I replied 'Yes, course I would' He then went on for around an hour about how they would be inappropriate for work - literally finding every reason he could pull out of thin air! They would clang against the phone when I answered it... I would get my ear lobes ripped when walking past office plants as the earrings would get caught... I would get my ear lobes ripped when my female colleague hugged me when the earrings caught on their clothes... But he was controlling & possessive and yep abusive, emotionally and physically to a degree ...so... I still love wearing earrings - I feel like a rebel!! Lol! Wear your ring whenever you want to. You like it. That is all that matters. Honestly I think it's the same here after asking my boyfriend what his issue is. I think its just him being possessive so I'm going to ignore it. I need no opinions on my fashion choices from crazy men ^_^
Gaeta Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 People are jumping in with their ideas of why it should not be a big deal to your boyfriend, they're not answering your question. Your question is, even though it should not be a deal at all, why is it a big deal to him. The answer is he does not want people to think you are married, not the people you know, not even the people you don't know. Why? because he wants to appear single + it would be embarrassing to him that people assume you are his wife. I would not ignore what he says, I would take it very seriously. If a man shows embarrassment toward something that means we're together, I take it seriously. I would dump him. Yes even if you are just killing time with him. 1
Boomerangmagnet Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 Having a ring on that finger for most is a statement. You've spoken of engagement and marriage. He may be thinking that if you can casually wear that ring on that finger, then you could casually wear one he gave you. He's older and maybe more traditional.
preraph Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 I had a diamond and onyx ring on my entire life on my left hand for most of my dating years and no one cared. So something is off with him.
Author Tis Posted May 10, 2016 Author Posted May 10, 2016 People are jumping in with their ideas of why it should not be a big deal to your boyfriend, they're not answering your question. Your question is, even though it should not be a deal at all, why is it a big deal to him. The answer is he does not want people to think you are married, not the people you know, not even the people you don't know. Why? because he wants to appear single + it would be embarrassing to him that people assume you are his wife. I would not ignore what he says, I would take it very seriously. If a man shows embarrassment toward something that means we're together, I take it seriously. I would dump him. Yes even if you are just killing time with him. Thanks for your actual answer to the question. I feel like he might be acting like he's embarrassed of people thinking we are engaged. He has no problem claiming me as his girlfriend though. Really the acting like he's embarrassed that people might think we are married is almost a deal breaker though.
CarrieT Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 I'm curious why you - a girl of 26 - is interested in marrying someone who is almost old enough to be your father?
Recommended Posts