Spangler Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 Hello, I'm usually not the type to seek help from others but I'm having difficulties with my dating life. My problem is with women and, in particular, keeping them interested. I'm pretty poor at making first impressions and I think this is due to the fact that I get socially anxious around women. My eye will start twitching and I'll slur my words. I'll try to buy a woman a drink right away but it doesn't get me far. Another thing... I have an issue with my "package". I'm not very well endowed. This is something I can't help thinking about while talking to women and I wish I could overcome it. Any advice is appreciated. Regards
d0nnivain Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 You need to work on your self confidence. At the very least read some self help books on the subject. Think about joining a group called ToastMasters. It's really about public speaking but it you can do that you will fewer issues with slurring when you talk to new people. 1
mike_89 Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 (edited) The first advice I could give you (and anybody with confidence issues) is to start working out heavily. 3-4 times a week at least, and don't go running, but lift heavy weights, compound exercises (squats, deadlifts, overhead press, bench press, barbell rows, olympic lunges, pull ups, ...). First off you'll generate a lot more testosterone which will make you feel better and more confident. Second you'll look more attractive, which definitely helps. The effects are visible within 2 months of training. (If you decide to train these types of exercises make sure to check out some youtube channel on how to correctly perform these exercises there's a lot more to it than just lifting a barbell). To overcome that social anxiety, just practise a lot. Start talks with people (especially women since that seems where your problem lies), not for a date, not to ask them out, just for the polite conversation. The conversation is your goal. In public transport for example. Some people don't appreciate it when you start a conversation with them but this is easily picked up on and then just leave them alone, but other people really enjoy having somebody to talk to. Really get out there and practise your conversation skills. The last advice I could give you is to join dancing classes, some partnered dance (I would recommend salsa). When you're doing a partnered dance you have to get used to physical contact with women, it's about getting trained in this social interaction with women. Salsa is in my opinion the best because (in most dancing courses anyway) if you're doing ballroom you're always dancing with the same partner, your partner, while in salsa you switch partners every 5-10 minutes. Again, it's about getting trained having contact with many women (not just one), so that you will lose your anxiety when you're going to talk to a woman that you're really interested in. You'll also gain confidence because you have to learn how to lead. As a man you're the one who is going to make up the dance, you're the one that's deciding literally everything that will happen while you're dancing. And about your package, don't even think about it man. It doesn't matter to most women, and the ones it really matters to are the ones you don't even want to date anyway (crazy in the bed is crazy in the head ). Edited May 6, 2016 by mike_89
Arieswoman Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 Hi Spangler, Sorry to hear you've having some social anxiety with women. Can you say how old you are, and what sort of activities you are interested in? This will help people advise you better.
AMarriedMan Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 Hello, I'm usually not the type to seek help from others but I'm having difficulties with my dating life. My problem is with women and, in particular, keeping them interested. I'm pretty poor at making first impressions and I think this is due to the fact that I get socially anxious around women. My eye will start twitching and I'll slur my words. I'll try to buy a woman a drink right away but it doesn't get me far. Another thing... I have an issue with my "package". I'm not very well endowed. This is something I can't help thinking about while talking to women and I wish I could overcome it. Any advice is appreciated. Regards Work on becoming successful. If you succeed, all your problems attracting women are over. Build an interesting life for yourself. The more powerful and independent you are, the easier it will be for you to attract women and have relationships with them _on your own terms_. I can't stress this enough. Don't fool yourself into thinking there is paradise in the arms of a woman. The worst that can happen to you at this stage is to improve yourself enough to attract someone and then commit too easily because you have been thirsty for female acceptance for so long. You have to be really picky.
Alamo657 Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 Work on becoming successful. If you succeed, all your problems attracting women are over. Build an interesting life for yourself. The more powerful and independent you are, the easier it will be for you to attract women and have relationships with them _on your own terms_. I can't stress this enough. Don't fool yourself into thinking there is paradise in the arms of a woman. The worst that can happen to you at this stage is to improve yourself enough to attract someone and then commit too easily because you have been thirsty for female acceptance for so long. You have to be really picky. Thats the problem tho not everyone can be successful , and for people who realize that success is lacking in their lives if they are too old then it is also too late. The "be successful" speach also means that for people who exhausted their possibilities, there is no way out and it increase anxiety instead of motivating.
carhill Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 Hello, I'm usually not the type to seek help from others but I'm having difficulties with my dating life. My problem is with women and, in particular, keeping them interested. While admirable, IMO no need nor reason to supplicate at the altar of anothers interest, or disinterest. People simply aren't that important. I'm pretty poor at making first impressions and I think this is due to the fact that I get socially anxious around women. My eye will start twitching and I'll slur my words. I'll try to buy a woman a drink right away but it doesn't get me far. Immerse more. Spend more time around women in non-dating situations. Ask out women who don't bowl you over immediately. Experience and immersion brings comfort and familiarity. IMO, it's also healthy to, regardless of 'cool', be a little anxious around a lady you like. They pick up on it and it can be attractive because, well, they like being liked. It's an emotional thing. Another thing... I have an issue with my "package". I'm not very well endowed. This is something I can't help thinking about while talking to women and I wish I could overcome it. You got what you got and it's all you're gonna get so make the most of it. The vast majority of us are not 'well-endowed', rather average. Focus on other things. You can choose to do that. Again, immersion will help. Any advice is appreciated. Regards Little that's worthwhile in life is easy. While I might debate the worthwhile content of the pursuit of women, it is what it is so, if you want it, expect it to provide challenges and your job is to adapt and overcome because, well, that's what men do.
GenuineAttraction Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 Hello, I'm usually not the type to seek help from others but I'm having difficulties with my dating life. My problem is with women and, in particular, keeping them interested. I'm pretty poor at making first impressions and I think this is due to the fact that I get socially anxious around women. My eye will start twitching and I'll slur my words. I'll try to buy a woman a drink right away but it doesn't get me far. Another thing... I have an issue with my "package". I'm not very well endowed. This is something I can't help thinking about while talking to women and I wish I could overcome it. Any advice is appreciated. Regards Hey man, I can definitely empathize with your position. Women lose interest when you come off as needy. They obviously find something pretty interesting in you in the beginning, but you are talking them out of liking you. Don't worry about your penis. If you are watching porn, that can make your penis issue worse for you psychologically. Also a lot of social anxiety can come from watching too much porn. You can be a great lover without a big penis. You need some introspection. Look at the language you are using in your post. This is the story you are telling yourself. Which is what is limiting you. You need a little bit of a confidence boost. Try making and maintaining eye contact with people. When a woman maintains eye contact, try not to look away. Then approach her and introduce yourself. That should be a great starting point. Go for the little wins, they compound over time. I have faith you'll do well.
smackie9 Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 Instead of going at it alone, have a couple of buddies with you, talk to a pair of females in a group setting. They can be their for moral support, and help you interact more comfortably. Maybe get some pointers from them, or watch and learn.
Author Spangler Posted June 18, 2016 Author Posted June 18, 2016 Women are strange creatures. I will take one on a date and things will seem to be fine. I'll talk about my job and interests (video games). Then, I'll listen to her blab on for a while about things that I know nothing about. By the end of the date it's a bit awkward. If I try to go in for a kiss it usually turns into a really awkward hug with patting on my back. I usually never get a call back from a woman even though I make sure to give my number out at the end of each date. Why are women so hard to please? Regards
deadparrot Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 Maybe you should 1) try to date someone whose interests align more with your own or 2) take an active interest in the girl you're out with so you don't characterize what she has to say as "blab[bing] on...about things I know nothing about." If you're not interested in what she has to say, it's going to be clear to her, and she's not going to want to take the relationship further. 3
CarrieT Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 I will take one on a date and things will seem to be fine. I'll talk about my job and interests (video games). Then, I'll listen to her blab on for a while about things that I know nothing about. Oh, puleeze.... Don't you think that YOUR interest in video games is the same as "blabbing" and something she may know nothing about!?!? Why are women so hard to please? There's the rub. You have to change your mindset and learn - perhaps - to show genuine interest in her "blabbing" if you want her to be interested in yours. It is a two-way street, my friend. 5
Emilia Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 Women are strange creatures. I will take one on a date and things will seem to be fine. I'll talk about my job and interests (video games). Then, I'll listen to her blab on for a while about things that I know nothing about. By the end of the date it's a bit awkward. If I try to go in for a kiss it usually turns into a really awkward hug with patting on my back. I usually never get a call back from a woman even though I make sure to give my number out at the end of each date. Why are women so hard to please? Regards You are boring. 2
VeveCakes Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 Make sure you are dating women who are into gaming, talking about video games to people who are not interested in gaming is seen as boring and immature. 1
elaine567 Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 I usually never get a call back from a woman even though I make sure to give my number out at the end of each date. Are you really expecting her to give YOU a call back? I think most women would expect YOU to call them back and arrange a second date. Re the slurring - Do you have Asperger's? They may go off on tangents during a conversation and their speech can seem incoherent. Even though in some cases this symptom might mean a possible thought disorder, it’s more likely that the incoherent speech is a result of their one-sided, egocentric conversational style, inability to provide background information, clearly distinguish changes in topic and tendency to express their inner thoughts. Asperger?s Syndrome | Psych Central
deadparrot Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 Make sure you are dating women who are into gaming, talking about video games to people who are not interested in gaming is seen as boring and immature. Not necessarily. I'm not a gamer but my boyfriend is, and he's a successful lawyer. I may not have an interest in gaming, but I'm happy to chat about them with him, even if I don't know much, just because I like learning about what makes him tick, and he does the same with interests of mine that he doesn't share. That said, the OP seems to think that his interests as legitimate while dismissing/tuning out those of his date, which is where you run into trouble. 1
VeveCakes Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 You have some interest, as I would be the same.... but a lot of women don't. Not saying it's right to be that way lol
deadparrot Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Well, better then to know that at the outset, right? If a woman is going to dismiss a man (or vice versa) based on a love of video games, you may as well get it out there early so they don't waste any time. 1
CarrieT Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Another thing... I have an issue with my "package". I'm not very well endowed. This is something I can't help thinking about while talking to women and I wish I could overcome it. Also, you have a whole other thread on the issue with your "package" and should know that you are 100% NORMAL AND AVERAGE. You are dwelling too much on something that doesn't matter to most women.
normal person Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Work on becoming successful. If you succeed, all your problems attracting women are over. Build an interesting life for yourself. The more powerful and independent you are, the easier it will be for you to attract women and have relationships with them _on your own terms_. I can't stress this enough. Very good advice. With great success will come confidence, and every woman likes those things. With success, lots of your current issues will resolve themselves. The moment you become successful, women will be fighting over you and your life will likely become a lot easier. Your whole attitude and persona will be elevated. It's kind of magic, really. Thats the problem tho not everyone can be successful , and for people who realize that success is lacking in their lives if they are too old then it is also too late. Most people can be successful, but many of those people make choices which prevent them from being so. That's their own fault. You can't be jealous of a guy with a great life who studied his ass off in med school when you dropped out sophomore year to play video games. If you made the wrong choices, you'll have to live with the consequences. Women are strange creatures. I will take one on a date and things will seem to be fine. I'll talk about my job and interests (video games). Then, I'll listen to her blab on for a while about things that I know nothing about. What makes you think she would get excited about trivial aspects of your job and video games? What girl wants to hear about video games? From a grown man? Do you think she'll be inclined to like you if you tell her you beat Call Of Duty? What do you do with your life? What things do you invest your time in that aren't mindless escapism (video games, tv, movies)? What are you an active participant in? What do you make a woman feel? What are you expecting a woman to like about you? By the end of the date it's a bit awkward. If I try to go in for a kiss it usually turns into a really awkward hug with patting on my back. I usually never get a call back from a woman even though I make sure to give my number out at the end of each date. If you totally bombed (and I imagine if you spent even a fraction of a second talking about video games, you bombed hopelessly), and it was awkward, what makes you think she'd want to kiss you? And why didn't you have her number ahead of time? Why are women so hard to please? Why do you think a woman would be pleased by a grown man who talks about video games, seems devoid of any quality that's alluring or engaging, and is uninterested and not at all curious in the things she says?
Dark Horse Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Hang in there buddy, dating is not easy. Do me a favor, when you finally get a girlfriend. You hold her tight and don't let her go. And remember the ones who never got to experience love other than their online fantasy. The ones who died prematurely never experiencing the touch of a womans body. Think of those people, and be glad it wasn't you. Okay?
MGX Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Women are strange creatures. I will take one on a date and things will seem to be fine. I'll talk about my job and interests (video games). Then, I'll listen to her blab on for a while about things that I know nothing about. By the end of the date it's a bit awkward. If I try to go in for a kiss it usually turns into a really awkward hug with patting on my back. I usually never get a call back from a woman even though I make sure to give my number out at the end of each date. Why are women so hard to please? At least you make it to the date stage... If you aren't tired of the BS, maybe you should look into dating girls who are gamers (or at least geeks) themselves. They'll understand and appreciate where you're coming from moreso than anyone else. Try to look up single female gamers who deal with the same type of entertainment that you are into, who live nearby. Now if you meet up, things won't be so awkward as you'll have plenty to talk about.
Emilia Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Do me a favor, when you finally get a girlfriend. You hold her tight and don't let her go. Clinging onto a person desperately? The sure death sentence for any relationship.
Dark Horse Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 All you need to do is attach a long and skinny balloon to your penis when you fk. That will solve the endowed problems.
GravityMan Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 Spangler, The impression I'm getting is that you are NOT genuinely interested in these women as individuals. Meaning, you don't seem interested in actually getting to know them...their lives, interests, thoughts, feelings, humorous anecdotes and so on. In other words, you aren't really engaged, and don't seem to truly care about them as people. So, the women are picking up on that vibe...and of course they are losing interest. Understandably so. I also sense a whiff of selfishness from you, and not in a good way. I also think your social awareness and people skills seem rather poor. Part of being a decent conversationalist is knowing how to keep the conversation flowing okay even if it's a subject you're unfamiliar with. You don't want things to get too awkward. Your social anxiety probably isn't doing you any favors, but I think the above things (along with your low self-confidence) are bigger reasons why they're losing interest. There are other guys out there that have some social anxiety issues but don't have any of the above problems. 1
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