kendahke Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 (edited) He has lied to me also which is why its hard to trust him. Why do you want to remain in a relationship with someone you won't trust? That makes things harder than they need to be. I mean, what's the point? If you can't trust him, why devalue yourself by remaining with him? The relationship with the friend, my issue isnt trust it was the fact he was spending so much time wirh her although he ignores how she acts towards me. The issue isn't trust or this chick. The issue is HE DOESN'T CHOOSE YOU. That much is obvious. Did you read that article I mentioned in my last post? If this guy chose you, his friend would be sorted long before now. She'd have been in check so long ago and would not have stepped out of it ever again towards you. He chooses her over you and that's why she can do what she wants/say what she wants to you and he's not going to make a peep about it. Why? Because something about her is more important to him which leads him to appease her over you. Sit back and think about that and quit trying so hard to not see this glaring insult to your esteem and intelligence. You should have been walking out of his a long time ago, but you stick around for the insults, hoping he'll magically get around to telling you something his actions are screaming he doesn't feel for you. He doesn't choose you. Understand that. Edited May 7, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
Gaeta Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 He chooses her over you and that's why she can do what she wants/say what she wants to you and he's not going to make a peep about it. Why? Because something about her is more important to him which leads him to appease her over you. OP I am quoting this so you read it again, and again.
AMJ Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 Love definitely happens at different paces for different relationships. It depends on how well both people know themselves and what they want, how mature they are, and ready for a relationship too. It sounds like the problem is less about saying "i love you" and more about how he's treating you in general. If things were fantastic, you'd probably not be so concerned about where you stood in his mind. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 I'm of the mindset that if you have to ask the question then you already know the answer.
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 (edited) I don't think his lack of communication is the problem here. The problem here, is more your lack of self-worth. It seems from what you say that you are making far too many allowances for his attitude and behaviour, than is good for you. His friend calls you names - and he says nothing. That's total lack of respect. (My H's brother once referred to me as a 'dumb cow'. The words had barely left his mouth that he found himself on the floor after a well-aimed right hook from my hubby. While I do not in any way shape or form condone violence - the act shocked me - in a verbal manner, that is the way I would have expected your Bf to react.) He lies to you and you mistrust him. And you accept his excuse of 'not quite there yet'...? In your shoes, I wouldn't be quite there at all! Lack of Respect? Lack of Trust? Tacit and vague Communication? All spell disaster. I reiterate my first post of advice. Bail. Leave. This man is playing with you because you make yourself conveniently available to play with. 5 weeks of dating should be MORE than sufficient to establish what the feelings are, and how deep they run. 5 months? 5 MONTHS??? Please...... You need to take your blinkers off. You've invested far too much time in a man who is patently not as into you as he should be by now. And is unlikely to be, ever, let alone the foreseeable future. Edited May 7, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language~T
Buddhist Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 I love him and it is not mutual. How long do you wait for them to fall in love and share those feelings? I've had 2 brief relationships before where it ended because they didn't love me. One of those lasted 9 months and that hurt. I don't want the same thing to happen again, but don't want to write it off in case it evolves. Thoughts? My thoughts are this. - You don't love him, you're attached to him. They are two different things. Love doesn't need reciprocation and it definitely doesn't have a ticking clock with an eject button attached to it. It's okay to be attached, we all get attached. But you can make it less dramatic in your mind if you realise it's attachment rather than love. - If you have a pattern of past relationships that follow the same script, that's your personal heads up to look into why this keeps happening to you. The big hint here is that it's something inside of you. This is not an admonition to start blaming yourself. It's a head up to have a look at why this keeps repeating for you. - Why do you need someone to say 'I love you'? That's a personal question for you to answer. No one else needs to know it. What would happen if someone said that then betrayed you later? Again just a question to ask yourself in this quest to find answers. What is your definition of love? 2
elaine567 Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 The issue isn't trust or this chick. The issue is HE DOESN'T CHOOSE YOU. That much is obvious. Did you read that article I mentioned in my last post? If this guy chose you, his friend would be sorted long before now. She'd have been in check so long ago and would not have stepped out of it ever again towards you. He chooses her over you and that's why she can do what she wants/say what she wants to you and he's not going to make a peep about it. Why? Because something about her is more important to him which leads him to appease her over you. He doesn't choose you. Understand that. Yes, agreed. Saying ILY maybe no big deal anyway. They can say ILY all night long but if their actions do not match up to their words then the words are meaningless. Too many people put up with dreadful behaviour from partners because saying ILY seems to give them a pass to do almost anything. He never calls, but he says ILY, so I wait expectantly. She cheated on me with her ex, but she says ILY, so its OK I'll get over it. He abuses me and spends all my money but it is fine, because he says he loves me. She fights with me all the time and calls me all the horrible names under the sun but it is OK because she says she loves me... Here he doesn't say he loves you and he is not showing much signs of it either, so be careful. 2
BluEyeL Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 My fiancée and I said it at 7 months.How do you know he doesn't love you? To me, that's what's concerning rather than whether he said it at 5 months . If it's just about saying it, I wouldn't worry just yet. But if he shows you he doesn't through his actions, that's when id say get out. 1
Author guest572 Posted May 8, 2016 Author Posted May 8, 2016 Thanks for your input all. The fact it was not mutual, coupled with another issue that has led to constant tension/arguments for most of our relationship.. And knowing that problem will never go away.. I finally faced the truth and ended things. I am most certainly in love with him. It is the hardest thing I've had to do.
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 Thanks for your input all. The fact it was not mutual, coupled with another issue that has led to constant tension/arguments for most of our relationship.. And knowing that problem will never go away.. I finally faced the truth and ended things. I am most certainly in love with him. It is the hardest thing I've had to do. I'm so sorry you have to endure the pain of that. What was his reaction, could you say? I hope that you manage to move on form this and find a better place, by a better side of someone special.
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