Forceawakensme Posted May 4, 2016 Posted May 4, 2016 Want to just interject one thought here, re: comments that she was "out for a free dinner." PEOPLE DON'T DO THAT. That's not anywhere in the realm of normal behavior for anyone who's not HOMELESS and/or seriously deprived. No one's going to put forth the effort of arranging a date online, getting all dressed up, meeting with a stranger, flirting, etc. just to manipulate a free meal, however nice the restaurant is. I find that suggestion ridiculous. haha exactly.. some of the "reasons" people are suggestion on here are cracking me up, literally . (wanted a one night stand? .. wanted a free supper? lol ) . It probably cost her more in grooming products (leg wax for that short skirt lol) and cab fare to meet you for dinner than her dinner cost.. she did not do it for a 'free supper' .. LOL.. $80 is not an expensive night out -- hers was what, $40?.. i promise it wasn't that. My guess?.. She sounds very opinionated in a weird way. She "wont eat at a franchise restaurant".. is "offended by the very idea of tinder" .. what else is she uptight about? chances are she DID see something online about you and got herself all judgey wudgy about it. Forget her.. she is not a 'good catch' .. -- she is uptight and apparently rude and impolite to someone who just took her to dinner. Definitely dont send her any more messages -- If shes playing games, she'll be back in a few days with "Oh so sorry, ive been tied up at work .. " -- if shes not back in a few days, she just wasn't that 'into you'.. and a text from you wont change that. So sorry! 3
jen1447 Posted May 4, 2016 Posted May 4, 2016 I can attest to this. My roommate is the absolute worst at this. She'll go out on a date (or two!) with a guy and then suddenly get busy with work and only remember like five days later that she forgot to reply to their text(s). Whenever she tells me this, I look at her like she's got a third arm growing out her back. I'm like, "gurl, these men think you're flakey and disinterested, what are you doing??!" That hasn't stopped her from doing it, though. I know right?? And they just look back at you like they never met you before. (I mean the friend, not the date lol.)
katiegrl Posted May 4, 2016 Posted May 4, 2016 haha exactly.. some of the "reasons" people are suggestion on here are cracking me up, literally . (wanted a one night stand? .. wanted a free supper? lol ) . It probably cost her more in grooming products (leg wax for that short skirt lol) and cab fare to meet you for dinner than her dinner cost.. she did not do it for a 'free supper' .. LOL.. LOL have you read the thread? Most of us agree she didn't do it for the "free dinner." There are many other factors involved re why some women do this. Attention, power trip, game playing. Maybe to get back at all the men who done HER wrong in the past..... who the hell knows, but clearly such women have some serious issues. And yeah while the gal I spoke about earlier did it for the attention mostly, she did enjoy the food as well at these high end restaurants these guys took her too. Way more than $80 I can tell you that. She spoke about her exploits like they were some badge of honor or something.
preraph Posted May 4, 2016 Posted May 4, 2016 She wanted a free meal at an expensive place with a public figure. She did what she had to do to get you to pick up the check. Sorry. I'm afraid that's what it sounds like to me too. She was actually TOO touchy to be genuine at this juncture. There are a lot of meal protitutes out there. I know it sounds crazy but I learned that some years ago when I met a girl who said if she didn't get taken to dinner, she didn't eat, and she accepted any and all invitations from guys to buy her dinner. For as long as they'd keep doing it. 1
joseb Posted May 4, 2016 Posted May 4, 2016 haha exactly.. some of the "reasons" people are suggestion on here are cracking me up, literally . (wanted a one night stand? .. wanted a free supper? lol ) ! Perhaps your circle of friends and acquaintances isn't large enough to know people like this, but I can tell you I have personally had both these things happen to me, and I know many guys (and a couple of women) who is has happened to or who did it. The "free supper" is a bit misunderstood, sure they are not doing it Just for free food, it's also for something to do, to try a new place, to feel wanted and validated...the last reason is why some only want ONS.
Author Reltubsirch0412 Posted May 4, 2016 Author Posted May 4, 2016 BIG NEW DEVELOPMENT She just texted me and apologized for not responding back. She said she's been sick all week.....and now she wants to know how my week has been. I haven't responded yet. OK, guys what are your thoughts?
katiegrl Posted May 4, 2016 Posted May 4, 2016 BIG NEW DEVELOPMENT She just texted me and apologized for not responding back. She said she's been sick all week.....and now she wants to know how my week has been. I haven't responded yet. OK, guys what are your thoughts? Me thinks this RL, should you pursue it, is gonna be one hell of a roller coaster ride.... lots of ups and downs... twists and turns. Have fun with that and good luck!
RecentChange Posted May 4, 2016 Posted May 4, 2016 Too sick to send a text message? Was she in a coma? The hospital? That sounds the same as "too busy" to text - which at least in my book, usually means "sorry, I was too busy texting these other guys, but they are working out for whatever reason - you still around and interested?" I don't know OP, I don't BELIEVE the "I was sick" excuse. Do you? Maybe things will work out - just don't be surprised if she disregards you again. 1
insert_name Posted May 4, 2016 Posted May 4, 2016 (edited) BIG NEW DEVELOPMENT She just texted me and apologized for not responding back. She said she's been sick all week.....and now she wants to know how my week has been. I haven't responded yet. OK, guys what are your thoughts? She is a plate spinner and a pretty lame one at that. I would either mirror her behaviour by texting a few days later being very non-committal (even then only if she was really worth the hassle) or just leave her hanging. Given that you spent a few quid and in return she couldn't text to say she was ill it is probably more in your interests to just move on than get drawn into playing games. 'I was ill', she must think you were born yesterday. Edited May 4, 2016 by insert_name
Author Reltubsirch0412 Posted May 4, 2016 Author Posted May 4, 2016 OK, I'm NOT defending her. I will state objective facts when I say a lot of people in my area of the United States have had their allergies aggravated this week due to pollen, weather changes, etc.....myself included, so much so I felt dizzy and disoriented and went to bed early a few nights. She said what she had in her case was worse than allergies. The only thing that's going to keep me from responding to someone's text is a stomach flu, when I really am too sick to care. So, I may respond, but I will have a level of skepticism about her I never had before.
insert_name Posted May 4, 2016 Posted May 4, 2016 Sounds like you are desperately trying to rationalise it. Been there, done that, I know what it is like. Take a step back and ask yourself what advice you would give to your friend, or better still, your son if he told you that a girl who he dropped a not inconsiderable sum on left him hanging for days before coming back with the explanation 'I was ill'.
katiegrl Posted May 4, 2016 Posted May 4, 2016 What IS so damn enthralling about this chick anyway. I mean you have really been on edge about this whole thing. Put things in perspective man. You had one date.
Author Reltubsirch0412 Posted May 5, 2016 Author Posted May 5, 2016 I have a date with another woman Saturday....and more women in EH are interested in me.
GR4 Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 I know most people are telling you not to contact this woman again and I agree with their reasoning, however, her behaviour isn't acceptable and for that reason, if I were in your shoes, I'd call her out on her behaviour. Tell her exactly what you think of all this, delete her number and never contact her again. People will say that calling a girl out like this shows you care too much or is petty or whatever. Who cares. You'll never see her again and maybe you calling her out on her behaviour will actually make her take a good, hard look at herself. You don't have to be rude and insulting but be blunt and honest. I've done this a few times now and I find it satisfying to have the last word and to take them down a notch or two. Women like this act this way because they know they can get away with it without consequence. Speak your mind.
Zapbasket Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 I know most people are telling you not to contact this woman again and I agree with their reasoning, however, her behaviour isn't acceptable and for that reason, if I were in your shoes, I'd call her out on her behaviour. Tell her exactly what you think of all this, delete her number and never contact her again. People will say that calling a girl out like this shows you care too much or is petty or whatever. Who cares. You'll never see her again and maybe you calling her out on her behaviour will actually make her take a good, hard look at herself. You don't have to be rude and insulting but be blunt and honest. I've done this a few times now and I find it satisfying to have the last word and to take them down a notch or two. Women like this act this way because they know they can get away with it without consequence. Speak your mind. I hear you, but OP, only do this if it really will make you feel better. Honestly, I'd just not reply and move on, unless you truly think she's REALLY special--enough so that you can give her another go. In her defense, she DID text you first, the next day. It all lines up with her having then fallen ill and I could imagine being in her shoes and feeling like such a disgusting mess that even thinking about a romantic prospect was just impossible. Sure, it's not the best thing to do...but you are a relative stranger and sickness makes you feel really vulnerable and maybe she just didn't want to "show" that side to you yet and so in the haze of whatever illness she had going on she maybe didn't handle things in the best way. Also, if she were ambivalent about you or just not interested, a) she'd not have called you first thing on Sunday and b) she certainly wouldn't have contacted you now as she would've figured you'd gotten the point by now that she wasn't interested and just would have let it go. Somehow her texting you today made things much clearer, at least to me. I suggest going on that date with your best foot forward (i.e., harboring no resentment towards her for her faux pas), and seeing how it plays out. At least then you will know. You know? 1
Standard-Fare Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 I'm not understanding the reactions of sheer outrage to this woman taking a few days to respond. Is it frustrating and inconsiderate? Definitely. Is it malicious and unforgivable? No. Look, this was ONE ONLINE DATE. She doesn't owe him anything yet. He's not a priority in her life right now. He's just a relative stranger she briefly felt positive vibes with. OP: Given how great the first date was, it seems worth it to give her one more shot. I mean, be cautious, be wary - her flakey behavior is definitely a red flag, and you shouldn't give her free passes beyond this - but she hasn't committed any crimes against humanity. 4
jen1447 Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 Whatever you do, don't do the wait-longer-to-text-her-than-she-did thing and think "THAT will show her" bc it won't, it'll just make you look like a little boy. If you're gonna text her at all, do it asap before you have to start thinking up your own lies to explain yourself. 4
ufo8mycat Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 Women like this act this way because they know they can get away with it without consequence. Speak your mind. And women you call out will think you are obnoxious and entitled. They don't know and they don't owe you anything - not even politeness or manners. Just because you like a woman, enjoy her company doesn't mean that anyone owes the other anything. She is not obliged to text you back, provide reasons or any justification. Nor is any man in the same scenario. After one day you are still basically strangers. If she was sick then I know sending text messages to a stranger wouldn't be high on my list. This creating of accountability that someone has because they went on one date is frightening. 3
Zapbasket Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 This creating of accountability that someone has because they went on one date is frightening. I'm finding myself agreeing with this. That's why I'm growing more convinced that the best mindset for a first date, especially with a stranger from OLD, is to be upfront about YOUR interest, and put forward your absolute best, and think of the whole experience as an indulgence of your curiosity and sense of adventure and then whatever follows from that just is what it is. OP, here's a question for you: if this woman had responded to your texts and voicemail asking her out on a second date with a text that said simply, "Thank you for the other evening. It was lovely getting to know you, but I don't feel we have enough of a connection to pursue anything further. Good luck in your search," how would you feel? Specifically, how would you feel given that you FELT there was a connection and genuine interest on her part while on the first date? 3
ufo8mycat Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 is to be upfront about YOUR interest, and put forward your absolute best, and think of the whole experience as an indulgence of your curiosity and sense of adventure and then whatever follows from that just is what it is. Agree with this. Sometimes people might have a nice time but think about it later and decide they don't want to pursue anything further. They may be scared, overwhelmed or just not that interested on reflection. Some people are also just really good with people. Engaging and charming personalities - this doesn't mean they want to pursue something with every person they get along with. I think of dating as an adventure as described above. You never know what you might get. But there is no entitlement, no expectation and no accountability. Anything more is a bonus. 3
Shining One Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 Want to just interject one thought here, re: comments that she was "out for a free dinner." PEOPLE DON'T DO THAT.This "professional" would disagree with you. While I haven't dated anyone that bad, I've had more than my fair share of women who date for free meals / entertainment.
MidwestUSA Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 (edited) There was absolutely no doubt in my mind that there would be a second date. Sunday afternoon she texted me first. She knew I liked to go hiking on that day. She texted me to say she hoped I was enjoying myself. I was out of cell phone range, so I responded a couple of hours later. I asked her how her day was going......and I got no response. I tried calling her later that night to (1) see how she was doing and (2) set up a second date for next weekend.......no answer.....so I left a voicemail and assumed she'd call or at least text back. She never did. Two things stand out. If you were sure there would be a second date, why not ask for it at the end of the first? Just as you seem to have some 'rule' in your mind about how quickly she should reply to your text, perhaps she had some 'rule' about the quickness with which you firm up a second date. What did you say in the voicemail? 'Hey, how's your day?' (again)? Or did you leave something that would compel her to call you back? Like ask for that date? Honestly, all these unwritten rules and expectations, it's a wonder anyone dates. Lastly, where did you get away with 'fancy' for $80? Edited May 5, 2016 by MidwestUSA 3
MidwestUSA Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 BIG NEW DEVELOPMENT She just texted me and apologized for not responding back. She said she's been sick all week.....and now she wants to know how my week has been. I haven't responded yet. OK, guys what are your thoughts? Text her and ask her out on the second date. Doesn't anyone deserve the benefit of the doubt anymore? I've been sick as a dog too. Haven't checked my email in days, and only replied to absolutely necessary texts. She did text you first the day after your date. As someone else said, she is still virtually a stranger who owes you nothing. Sometimes the texting dynamic changes after that first date. That's why I advise people to meet up as soon as possible rather than spending weeks 'getting to know' each other by text. It creates a false sense of priority. 3
insert_name Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 Text her and ask her out on the second date. Doesn't anyone deserve the benefit of the doubt anymore? I've been sick as a dog too. Haven't checked my email in days, and only replied to absolutely necessary texts. She did text you first the day after your date. As someone else said, she is still virtually a stranger who owes you nothing. Sometimes the texting dynamic changes after that first date. That's why I advise people to meet up as soon as possible rather than spending weeks 'getting to know' each other by text. It creates a false sense of priority. Benefit of the doubt was killed by online dating. Of course it could all be totally legit, but when a girl (or a guy) from OLD disappears for a few days then bounces back it is usually because they are dating someone else and are flim-flamming about. In my experience, and so it seems, that of others, no healthy relationship evolved from such a start. On the one hand give her a chance, on the other bear in mind that people treat us how we allow ourselves to be treated. Kind of want OP to play along with her because I am really intrigued how this turns out now. This being OLD the cynical outlook is usually richly rewarded and I can't help but think that this might make it to date 2, maybe 3, then someone better will come along and she will ghost.
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