booboomane Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 So, long story short, I've went out with this girl twice. During both outings, I got the impression she was nervous and uneasy. She avoided eye contact (mostly). She was fidgety and distant. I tried to hug her goodbye on our last get together and she gave me this extremely weak hug by slowly easing her head in and darting away. Basically, making it seem like she was not into me whatsoever. So I sent her a text a couple of days ago telling her "you seemed pretty uneasy and uncomfortable around me the past two outings, whether it be natural shyness or another reason. Regardless, I just wanted to let you know that you never have to be uncomfortable around me because that's not who either one of us are". She replied back by saying she was sorry if she made me feel uncomfortable and that was not her intention. She said she was very appreciate of the incantations to both outings. She ended it by saying I know I don't want to send you mixed signals or confused messages. What is everyone's take on what she exactly means?
Patrice Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 She is not interested, and is trying to be nice about it. 2
Lois_Griffin Posted May 4, 2016 Posted May 4, 2016 Patrice hit the nail on the head. She enjoyed your outings but doesn't want to give you the wrong impression that she's romantically interested - because she isn't. She's trying to tell you that in a very delicate way. "But...but...why did she go out with me twice, then?" is your next question. We live in an instant gratification society. Everyone wants something and they want it NOW. Few are willing to take the time to SEE if there's something there. She's one of those rare people who will take the time and so are you. Maybe she went on 2 dates because she wanted to see if she could possibly see something developing but it just wasn't happening for her. From the sounds of her text, she just doesn't have a romantic interest in you. Just take it gracefully and move on. 2
Larryville Posted May 4, 2016 Posted May 4, 2016 She avoided eye contact Eyes contact is dating 101. If your date does not engage you by looking at you they are NOT interested. Remember "eyes don't lie" 1
Lostweekend Posted May 4, 2016 Posted May 4, 2016 Not wanting to give you false hope but here´s a different take on it! She could be nervous and fidgety because she likes you! I for one know that I have behaved the same around a guy that I really like! So, again, not wanting to give you false hope but the only way you can really find out is to ask her out a 3. time? Not everyone can play by the "rules" and behave a certain way to give out the "right" signals. There´s no right or wrong here and again, the only way you can find out is if you ask her to meet again!?! If you´re introverted or shy then perhaps looking someone straight in the eye(s) might be difficult. I know that no matter how much I liked this one guy, I wanted to run away whenever I met him! Felt so uneasy and insecure! Good luck
kendahke Posted May 4, 2016 Posted May 4, 2016 (edited) So, long story short, I've went out with this girl twice. During both outings, I got the impression she was nervous and uneasy. She avoided eye contact (mostly). She was fidgety and distant. I tried to hug her goodbye on our last get together and she gave me this extremely weak hug by slowly easing her head in and darting away. Basically, making it seem like she was not into me whatsoever. So I sent her a text a couple of days ago telling her "you seemed pretty uneasy and uncomfortable around me the past two outings, whether it be natural shyness or another reason. Regardless, I just wanted to let you know that you never have to be uncomfortable around me because that's not who either one of us are". She replied back by saying she was sorry if she made me feel uncomfortable and that was not her intention. She said she was very appreciate of the incantations to both outings. She ended it by saying I know I don't want to send you mixed signals or confused messages. What is everyone's take on what she exactly means? How old is she? 15? If she doesn't want to send mixed signals or confused messages (and knows well enough that she is because she mentioned it), then she needs to say "hey, I'm just not feeling it." From what you've written, she was acting like she'd rather be anyplace else but there with you. Notice that she didn't respond by saying "No, not at all!!! I really like you and have fun with you". That's the response of someone who likes being with you. Do yourself a favor: don't invest time and energy with girls who act like they don't enjoy being in your company. There are plenty out there who will enjoy hanging and being with you. Don't beg any girl to spend time with you by allowing yourself to chase someone who clearly acts as if they'd rather be somewhere else. Edited May 4, 2016 by kendahke
Author booboomane Posted May 7, 2016 Author Posted May 7, 2016 No false hope. I've certainly looked into both possibilities. I thought the exact same thing initially. A girl who is naturally shy (it's obvious and she's even admitted it) may have issues around people she likes. She has no problem speaking to my friends or co workers, but easing up around me and maintaing eye contact just never came natural. I mean she darts around like shes being shot at. She also just got out of a 10 year relationship, so I don't think she has a ton of single experience. But I have zero plans on asking her on a third date. I mean, I'm into her, but the last thing I'm gonna do is force something that probably isn't there. I appreciate your feedback! Not wanting to give you false hope but here´s a different take on it! She could be nervous and fidgety because she likes you! I for one know that I have behaved the same around a guy that I really like! So, again, not wanting to give you false hope but the only way you can really find out is to ask her out a 3. time? Not everyone can play by the "rules" and behave a certain way to give out the "right" signals. There´s no right or wrong here and again, the only way you can find out is if you ask her to meet again!?! If you´re introverted or shy then perhaps looking someone straight in the eye(s) might be difficult. I know that no matter how much I liked this one guy, I wanted to run away whenever I met him! Felt so uneasy and insecure! Good luck
Author booboomane Posted May 7, 2016 Author Posted May 7, 2016 LOL right? Just an odd situation. But you are right. There are plenty of other women that won't take near the effort to figure out and regardless, would atleast act like they enjoy my company. I don't have a problem with the girl not being into me (if that's the case) but shutting down and not giving me an inch of affection or appreciative body language is bull****. How old is she? 15? If she doesn't want to send mixed signals or confused messages (and knows well enough that she is because she mentioned it), then she needs to say "hey, I'm just not feeling it." From what you've written, she was acting like she'd rather be anyplace else but there with you. Notice that she didn't respond by saying "No, not at all!!! I really like you and have fun with you". That's the response of someone who likes being with you. Do yourself a favor: don't invest time and energy with girls who act like they don't enjoy being in your company. There are plenty out there who will enjoy hanging and being with you. Don't beg any girl to spend time with you by allowing yourself to chase someone who clearly acts as if they'd rather be somewhere else.
katiegrl Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 LOL right? Just an odd situation. But you are right. There are plenty of other women that won't take near the effort to figure out and regardless, would atleast act like they enjoy my company. I don't have a problem with the girl not being into me (if that's the case) but shutting down and not giving me an inch of affection or appreciative body language is bull****. Why would you expect her to give you affection or "appreciative body language" if she's not into you though? Would that not be leading you on? Yes it would be. And why is her not giving you affection bull****? She is not into you, which you said you don't have a problem with. But it's bull**** that she gave you no affection? I don't understand the logic.
Author booboomane Posted May 7, 2016 Author Posted May 7, 2016 Affection is the wrong word. Respect and attention is what I was looking for. After all, I am paying for your dinner and bought you tickets to a ballgame that you were "dying" to go to. It's just common courtesy to show appreciation. And no, even though I'm bummed at the end of the day it's fine that if she isn't in to me, but it is bull**** that she would accept my invitation and give the impression like that was the last place on earth she wanted to be. There is a difference between leading someone on and being friendly. Why would you expect her to give you affection or "appreciative body language" if she's not into you though? Would that not be leading you on? Yes it would be. And why is her not giving you affection bull****? She is not into you, which you said you don't have a problem with. But it's bull**** that she gave you no affection? I don't understand the logic.
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