Jump to content

FEELING DUPED-BF still on dating sites

SunnyWeather

By SunnyWeather
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted
I think he knows.

 

I think that's what he meant when he said he learned something new about your culture, that people check up on their partners.

 

He may have reached out to your friend to confirm his suspicions. Or maybe he was playing along with your game.

 

Or maybe he said that because he feels GUILTY.

 

And/or to cover his arse.

 

Plus he would have had to actually email and ask her out first first, before OP found out about it.

 

And why the asking out? Why not just email? The only reason why OP knows he asked her out was because she is her friend!

 

introverted, we usually agree on most things.... but agree to disagree on this one.

 

Not buying it for one second. He's a sleaze.

  • Like 1
elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
I wouldn't say he is 'chastising' me at all. we had a brief texting check in last night and he merely said he learned something new about American culture

A snide remark made under the guise of a innocent observation...

  • Author
SunnyWeather Established Member

SunnyWeather

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I think he knows.

 

I think that's what he meant when he said he learned something new about your culture, that people check up on their partners.

 

He may have reached out to your friend to confirm his suspicions. Or maybe he was playing along with your game.

 

didn't reach out to my friend, in no way did that happen..

 

she messaged him after he visited her profile (ok, granted, she checked his out first, 'liked' him, then he visited and then she messaged him) do the details matter now? It's a big stinky mess.

 

at the end of our texting last night he dripped loads of sweet nothings, asked me out for tomorrow and loaded up on the lovey dovey stuff :eek:

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted
didn't reach out to my friend, in no way did that happen..

 

she messaged him after he visited her profile (ok, granted, she checked his out first, 'liked' him, then he visited and then she messaged him) do the details matter now? It's a big stinky mess.

 

at the end of our texting last night he dripped loads of sweet nothings, asked me out for tomorrow and loaded up on the lovey dovey stuff :eek:

 

IMO it doesn't even matter if she messaged first. He responded and actually asked her out!

 

A man who was serious about pursuing (and maintaining) an exclusive RL .... just like he and OP agreed to.... wouldn't have responded back.

 

Better yet, he wouldn't still have an active profile up in the first place.

  • Like 2
  • Author
SunnyWeather Established Member

SunnyWeather

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I don't think he knew you set him up, I think he made the comment about you asking about his language class, Because he was feeling guilty about the other woman or because he never actually went to the language class as he was so busy chatting, he made the snide comment about you checking up on him.

 

bingo! I specifically asked how his class went because the messaging with the other woman happened during the time he was supposed to be in class. I pretty much concluded that he didn't go to class either and lied about that too :mad:

 

you asked in an earlier post his nationality, which is going to fuel the lying camp because of their reputations: Persian

  • Like 1
introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

Posted
Posted
didn't reach out to my friend, in no way did that happen..

 

she messaged him after he visited her profile (ok, granted, she checked his out first, 'liked' him, then he visited and then she messaged him) do the details matter now? It's a big stinky mess.

 

at the end of our texting last night he dripped loads of sweet nothings, asked me out for tomorrow and loaded up on the lovey dovey stuff :eek:

 

Ok, so the sequence is:

 

  • She visited his profile
  • She "liked" him
  • He visited her profile
  • She messaged him

 

Look, I am not saying he behaved like a boy scout, but I am saying it is entirely possible he knew what was going on and played along.

 

I've gotten several messages in the last 2 weeks directed from the site to my email from men really interested in meeting me. Being true to my word, I never replied, even to one who looked quite promising...

 

So you've done some of what he did, too -- you looked at the profiles of guys who contacted or liked you. So it appears that neither of you deactivated your OLD accounts when you agreed to do so.

 

Hmmm

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted
bingo! I specifically asked how his class went because the messaging with the other woman happened during the time he was supposed to be in class. I pretty much concluded that he didn't go to class either and lied about that too :mad:

 

you asked in an earlier post his nationality, which is going to fuel the lying camp because of their reputations: Persian

 

SW, you've got to walk away from this. NOT because he is Persian but because, between the rushing in fast and the love-bombing (which would have me running just from THAT).... only to find out he still has an active profile, emailing and asking out other women, lying re his whereabouts to cover for the fact he is still on line emailing and asking out other women.... I see nothing good or positive coming from this for you.

 

Please walk away now... before you experience further frustration and disappointment... and possible heartbreak later.

 

That's what I would do anyway. When I spot red flags like this very early on, I don't stick around to see what awaits me.

 

I move on. I deserve better than that crap and SO DO YOU!!

  • Like 5
Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted
I've gotten several messages in the last 2 weeks directed from the site to my email from men really interested in meeting me. Being true to my word, I never replied, even to one who looked quite promising...

 

So, you're still active on the dating site too?

  • Like 1
  • Author
SunnyWeather Established Member

SunnyWeather

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Ok, so the sequence is:

 

  • She visited his profile
  • She "liked" him
  • He visited her profile
  • She messaged him

 

Look, I am not saying he behaved like a boy scout, but I am saying it is entirely possible he knew what was going on and played along.

 

 

 

So you've done some of what he did, too -- you looked at the profiles of guys who contacted or liked you. So it appears that neither of you deactivated your OLD accounts when you agreed to do so.

 

Hmmm

 

first part, yes, that's the sequence. the way the messaging went, he dodged direct questions about his status, what he's looking for and wanted to meet in person to discuss.

 

the second part--NO, I DIDN'T go to the site, the messages bounce to my email, so I can read part of them from my personal email, and see their pics if they liked me. We never discussed about deleting or deactivating per se, didn't go that far into detail, just that we'd stop doing the OLD thing while we were seeing each other.

 

so you see, it was done a bit loosely, no specifics. the spirit of the conversation was as said above. His culture, however, might see that wiggle room differrently ;)

  • Author
SunnyWeather Established Member

SunnyWeather

Posted
  • Author
Posted
So, you're still active on the dating site too?

 

NO, but neither of us deleted our profiles, was never put into that detail. however, it clearly shows the last time I visited as being mid april.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted
Ok, so the sequence is:

 

  • She visited his profile
  • She "liked" him
  • He visited her profile
  • She messaged him

 

Look, I am not saying he behaved like a boy scout, but I am saying it is entirely possible he knew what was going on and played along.

 

 

 

So you've done some of what he did, too -- you looked at the profiles of guys who contacted or liked you. So it appears that neither of you deactivated your OLD accounts when you agreed to do so.

 

Hmmm

 

She never responded to those messages though, nor did she ask to meet them.

 

Big difference there.

 

And I just don't buy the reason why he actually asked her friend out was because he believed she was testing him.... or even checking on him.

 

What possible good would come of that?

 

Had it not been her friend, she NEVER would have even known about any of it anyway, so what was his point?

 

Doesn't make sense. What elaine said makes sense. He feels guilty and suspects OP knows because of that guilt.

 

So attempted to flip the script and place blame on her for "checking."

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
Ok, so the sequence is:

 

  • She visited his profile
  • She "liked" him
  • He visited her profile
  • She messaged him

 

You forgot to add the main course

 

  • he messaged her to arrange to meet up

  • Author
SunnyWeather Established Member

SunnyWeather

Posted
  • Author
Posted
You forgot to add the main course

 

  • he messaged her to arrange to meet up

 

lololol

 

er, not

 

oh the part I forgot, he didn't just ask, she went offline after he asked her out and he came back an hour later with "So...?"

 

as in being persistent, which he is known to be when he wants something...

  • Like 1
katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted
lololol

 

er, not

 

oh the part I forgot, he didn't just ask, she went offline after he asked her out and he came back an hour later with "So...?"

 

as in being persistent, which he is known to be when he wants something...

 

OMG he would have been so history after that. No question.

 

The title of this thread is "Feeling Duped."

 

That's because you were duped!

 

What are you gonna do?

  • Like 2
  • Author
SunnyWeather Established Member

SunnyWeather

Posted
  • Author
Posted
OMG he would have been so history after that. No question.

 

The title of this thread is "Feeling Duped."

 

That's because you were duped!

 

What are you gonna do?

 

continue to hear LS responses. I guess a part of me wants to save face and somehow do a fade in such a way so as not to trigger confirmation he was being played with. oh dear, I feel bad about all of this, but a part of me is very relieved to know this now. we were talking about taking a trip together and more :eek:

 

I also was considering how I could turn him in a fwb, rotf, but that's my other brain thinking as I withdraw from him.

 

thanks Katiegirl and others, I appreciate your clarity.

 

wow, just wow, what a whirlwind month :lmao:

Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
Posted

I know the feeling about a whirlwind month. I am experiencing that too.

 

As to your situation, I think he is suspicious that you have set him up and is trying to get you to confess. What a mess this is now. I think you should have just trusted him that he wasn't dating others and would soon get off the dating site, but it's too late for that. If you think this guy likes you a lot, you can come clean and he should forgive you, but it will leave a bad taste in his mouth about you being someone who is jealous and checks up on him (being jealous is one thing, totally normal, but checking up on someone without reason is another). Of course, it will also leave a bad taste in your mouth that he agreed to go out with some other woman. So I guess you're both even, and neither of you will really be able to explain yourself. Your best hope is that you both just sweep it under the rug and go on having a good time together without letting this come in between you.

  • Author
SunnyWeather Established Member

SunnyWeather

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I know the feeling about a whirlwind month. I am experiencing that too.

 

As to your situation, I think he is suspicious that you have set him up and is trying to get you to confess. What a mess this is now. I think you should have just trusted him that he wasn't dating others and would soon get off the dating site, but it's too late for that. If you think this guy likes you a lot, you can come clean and he should forgive you, but it will leave a bad taste in his mouth about you being someone who is jealous and checks up on him (being jealous is one thing, totally normal, but checking up on someone without reason is another). Of course, it will also leave a bad taste in your mouth that he agreed to go out with some other woman. So I guess you're both even, and neither of you will really be able to explain yourself. Your best hope is that you both just sweep it under the rug and go on having a good time together without letting this come in between you.

 

Hi Popsicle, I saw your thread about your new beau, I also have some other girlfriends who have recently met someone new in a whirl--must be the astrological aspects...

 

I do appreciate your perspective. I've toyed with this a bit, but the fact is, he's on the site right now as I write this, and was on earlier today too. It makes my stomach turn. I just don't think this is a one off with him, I think he's been trolling it all along. I just don't think I can brush this under the rug.

  • Like 1
Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
Posted
Hi Popsicle, I saw your thread about your new beau, I also have some other girlfriends who have recently met someone new in a whirl--must be the astrological aspects...

 

It must be!!!

 

I do appreciate your perspective. I've toyed with this a bit, but the fact is, he's on the site right now as I write this, and was on earlier today too. It makes my stomach turn. I just don't think this is a one off with him, I think he's been trolling it all along. I just don't think I can brush this under the rug.

 

Ugh... that really sucks. He has some 'splainin' to do!

  • Author
SunnyWeather Established Member

SunnyWeather

Posted
  • Author
Posted
It must be!!!

 

 

 

Ugh... that really sucks. He has some 'splainin' to do!

 

really, I'm so over this now, I don't think I'm going to even bother asking for an explanation. Maybe a couple of days ago I might've tried that approach, but after the last 24 hours, hearing the responses here, seeing him STILL online, I'm pretty done. :(

  • Like 1
katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted
really, I'm so over this now, I don't think I'm going to even bother asking for an explanation. Maybe a couple of days ago I might've tried that approach, but after the last 24 hours, hearing the responses here, seeing him STILL online, I'm pretty done. :(

 

I agree with you SW.

 

I mean what's he gonna say?

 

He will either lie and/or blame you and accuse you of stalking him. Flip the script.

 

You are only a few weeks in. This not a long term relationship where you "talk" things out.

 

Get out now before you become even more invested.

 

He's a liar. Among other things, but the lying should be enough to just next him.

  • Like 1
Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
Posted

No no, he lied....end of story. You two were supposed to be exclusive, that was agreed upon by both of you. He has shown his true colors, deceptive and dishonest. Dump him 100%. Done.

 

Be honest with yourself...you could never trust him after this. Who would??? You cant build a relationship without trust.

 

You figured out he's a liar early on, use that information to wisely move on.

  • Like 1
Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
Posted
really, I'm so over this now, I don't think I'm going to even bother asking for an explanation. Maybe a couple of days ago I might've tried that approach, but after the last 24 hours, hearing the responses here, seeing him STILL online, I'm pretty done. :(

 

So, what if he asks to see you later this week, what will you do?

  • Author
SunnyWeather Established Member

SunnyWeather

Posted
  • Author
Posted
So, what if he asks to see you later this week, what will you do?

 

oh man, I haven't decided how to end this yet...I'm supposed to see him tomorrow night, groan.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted (edited)
oh man, I haven't decided how to end this yet...I'm supposed to see him tomorrow night, groan.

 

If it were me, I would text him tonight and tell him it's been fun, but you don't wish to pursue further. Wish him well... goodbye.

 

Then BLOCK! So you don't have to deal with his BS response back.

 

He knows he's a scammer SW. No need to explain it to him.

 

Just me.

Edited by katiegrl
  • Author
SunnyWeather Established Member

SunnyWeather

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
If it were me, I would text him tonight and tell him it's been fun, but you don't wish to pursue further. Wish him well... goodbye.

 

Then BLOCK! So you don't have to deal with his BS response back.

 

Just me.

 

will consider this.

 

I'm eating a healthy dose of humble pie right now. When I've been on the sidelines on other threads, I've had a pretty straight and narrow approach, like the one above you've suggested. It's different when in the thick of things--the attachment part, I've got to unravel that with him.

 

I think I should change my name to FoggyWeather for the time being :confused:

Edited by SunnyWeather
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...