Trouble after argument with a girlfriend

[burrburr]

Hello all

 

I'm new to the forum and wanted to come for some advice (always found this site very helpful but haven't posted before; also my friends are tired of listening to me)

 

I've been with a girl for about 6 months. It has been rocky at times but we love each other, even though it hasn't been THAT long. Anyhow, things were great till a month ago. Not even a single argument. We hung out one night and the next day she told me she felt like I didn't love her anymore (named a few things i did, such as not hugging her while we in the elevator), but quite honestly I was just probably getting comfortable with the relationship (this is her first serious relationship). We had plans to hang out the next day but she told me she didn't feel like she was in a good place mentally and said she couldn't hang out. I took it really personally (cause I would never do that), but it's how she deals with stress...withdraws. Anyhow, we got over it. I left town a few days later and we got in a really long texting argument about what happened over the weekend (to be honest I have no idea how it even happened). We worked things out when I got back a few days later.

 

Fast forward a few weeks. We went out and had some drinks with our friends. We had a good time and came home. The next day she blows up at me over text and says that I said something disrespectful to her that night...quite honestly neither of us remembers me, but her friends told her this. I apologized profusely and it seemed like she forgave me. I felt genuinely guilty about it. She was busy that week so we didn't meet up, and I decided to see a movie alone because I didn't want to bother her. She got very upset about this, because apparently we were supposed to see it together (I didn't recall this), and she felt hurt that I'd go alone. Anyhow I end up canceling the ticket, and we made plans to hang out saturday.

 

Come saturday, she says that her friends want to do girls night. I said you can go. Then she got mad about that, saying she felt like I didn't care about seeing her and was pushing her away. I told her it was a misunderstanding, but she again canceled our plans, because she said she didn't want me to see her upset and crying. I asked her not to cancel because I really hate that, but she refused, so at that point I got very upset. I told her I really hated that, and she brought up the stuff from earlier in the week, and told me she didn't want to talk for awhile. I was very flustered, and told her sorry for pressuring you, take time if you need it. She texted back and seemed grateful for understanding.

 

I tried reaching out later that night, as well as a couple days later. She was pretty short with me. I had origiinally planned on just waiting for her to reach out, but since she felt hurt, I thought I should show her I care. She replied, but hours later, and quite short with her replies, which is quite unusual. Then I asked the next day if I could bringher lunch since I'll be in the area (something we usually do for each other, but she was agian fairly short with me and said they had work lunch but thank you (I understand they have something for work but again, she spoke in a manner that was pretty detached and uncharacteristic).

 

At this point Ive been agonizing over the lack of contact and decided to just back off and stop initiating contact. I don't think she was completely right with how she acted, but I acknowledge I did things to hurt her. Im the type of person to tackle issues head on, so the almost complete lack of comunication has been killing me. I just wanted to see if anyone had advice, criticism of my actions/mindset, suggestions for what to do moving forward. All I can think at this point is to try to mentally put things on the backburner and try to live my life for the time being. Thank you!

[Satu]

She's not grown up enough to be in a functioning relationship.

 

This is kindergarten stuff.

 

Find somebody more mature.

[kendahke]

You are dealing with an immature brat. You would be far happier with an adult and not a petulant child. She needs way more life experience before she is ready to be in a relationship.

 

You're never going to do anything right in her eyes.

 

Seriously--let her go. It's not supposed to be this much angst.

[Zahara]

The next day she blows up at me over text and says that I said something disrespectful to her that night...quite honestly neither of us remembers me, but her friends told her this. I apologized profusely and it seemed like she forgave me. I felt genuinely guilty about it.

 

She was busy that week so we didn't meet up, and I decided to see a movie alone because I didn't want to bother her. She got very upset about this, because apparently we were supposed to see it together (I didn't recall this), and she felt hurt that I'd go alone. Anyhow I end up canceling the ticket, and we made plans to hang out saturday.

 

I asked her not to cancel because I really hate that, but she refused, so at that point I got very upset. I told her I really hated that, and she brought up the stuff from earlier in the week, and told me she didn't want to talk for awhile. I was very flustered, and told her sorry for pressuring you, take time if you need it. She texted back and seemed grateful for understanding.

 

I tried reaching out later that night, as well as a couple days later. She was pretty short with me. I had origiinally planned on just waiting for her to reach out, but since she felt hurt, I thought I should show her I care. She replied, but hours later, and quite short with her replies, which is quite unusual. Then I asked the next day if I could bringher lunch since I'll be in the area (something we usually do for each other, but she was agian fairly short with me and said they had work lunch but thank you (I understand they have something for work but again, she spoke in a manner that was pretty detached and uncharacteristic).

 

Apologizing for something you said that you both don't even remember and yet she has the ability to get you with tail tucked in between your legs riddled with guilt? She's great at making you feel bad and manipulating you into submission. I mean, you can't even go to a movie without this brat crying and manipulating you into canceling your ticket! What on earth is wrong with you? Speak up. Stand up for yourself.

 

Tip toeing around her and walking on eggshells trying to appease her the moment she wants to act like a brat and manage you into doing what she expects of you. Six months into this and you're behaving like a scared little boy -- I can't imagine where you'll be with another six months of this craziness.

 

Seek an adult relationship.

Edited May 3, 2016 by Zahara

[preraph]

Okay. It's ridiculous and not typical for any woman I know to tell you she wants a girls night out and then get mad because you say okay, so this woman has issues and at least one of her issues is game playing and immaturity. So I can't tell you how to have a common-sense response because there is none. No matter what you do, she's going to turn it around on you and cause drama. So I think your best move here is no move at all and let her sit down for a bit, because if you keep playing into this, then she keeps getting something out of it (mega-attention) and as long as it keeps working, there is no end to it. Go about your business and when she goes batty about it, tell her what she did makes no sense and was immature and unreasonable and therefore you cannot possibly fix it.

[joseb]

I suspect the honeymoon phase is ending, and you are seeing what she is really like.

If you want a life of misery and walking on eggshells, keep apologising profusely for things you didn't do, and keep trying to appease her.

 

If, on the other hand, you want to stay sane, you either stand up for yourself and let her know clearly and calmly that she is out of order, and you won't put up with it, or just end it - because honestly, if she is doing all this I can't see it working out well.