alexaa1 Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 Hello. I am 21 years old, and I have been with my boyfriend for more than 2 years. I love my boyfriend so much that I think that I love him more than I love myself. However, I am currently unhappy with our relationship. Just a little background: My boyfriend and I started out as friends because he was seeing another girl that time. We were really just friends that progressed into something more when the previous girl dumped him as her parents did not like my boyfriend. Our relationship started off great -we connected well and I feel like he was not only my boyfriend, but my bestfriend, too. That was until things started happening. There would be instances wherein he would shove his ex on my face -comparisons that really hurt so bad that even up to this day, I don't like seeing his ex anywhere (online or in real life). Over time, there are things that he has said or done that I just let it slide because I try to think of his good characteristics. Nobody is perfect, anyway. Also, he used to get annoyed if I tell him the things he does that bothers me. He also gets pissed off easily. So what happened is that I learned to bottle **** up inside and I followed what a friend has told me: just keep on loving my boyfriend and do things that would make him happy. I support him in every thing that he does and give him all the space that he wants. Basically, I just let him do whatever he wants. Fast forward to today, there would be times that I can notice improvements from my boyfriend. Mainly, he does not compare me to other girls anymore. I also feel like that there he has matured in some way. The problem is, I keep feeling unhappy lately. I do not know why, but lately, I have been craving for something sweet in our relationship. My bf used to do those little things or say sweet stuff once in a while. I try to still do that for him, just to let him know that I really love him, but I just end up feeling pathetic and desperate. Communication is getting a little bland as well. I understand that he is busy, but he shots down my attempts to improve our communication. I voiced out what I was feeling the other day, and he told me that he sees me as not his girlfriend anymore, but as a part of his family that's why he feels like he does not need to do those things anymore. Now, can you guys help me out with this? I really want to continue our relationship. Will this feeling of unhappiness pass? Thank you.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 Hello. I am 21 years old, and I have been with my boyfriend for more than 2 years. I love my boyfriend so much that I think that I love him more than I love myself. However, I am currently unhappy with our relationship. Just a little background: My boyfriend and I started out as friends because he was seeing another girl that time. We were really just friends that progressed into something more when the previous girl dumped him as her parents did not like my boyfriend. Our relationship started off great -we connected well and I feel like he was not only my boyfriend, but my bestfriend, too. That was until things started happening. There would be instances wherein he would shove his ex on my face -comparisons that really hurt so bad that even up to this day, I don't like seeing his ex anywhere (online or in real life). Over time, there are things that he has said or done that I just let it slide because I try to think of his good characteristics. Nobody is perfect, anyway. Also, he used to get annoyed if I tell him the things he does that bothers me. He also gets pissed off easily. So what happened is that I learned to bottle **** up inside and I followed what a friend has told me: just keep on loving my boyfriend and do things that would make him happy. I support him in every thing that he does and give him all the space that he wants. Basically, I just let him do whatever he wants. Fast forward to today, there would be times that I can notice improvements from my boyfriend. Mainly, he does not compare me to other girls anymore. I also feel like that there he has matured in some way. The problem is, I keep feeling unhappy lately. I do not know why, but lately, I have been craving for something sweet in our relationship. My bf used to do those little things or say sweet stuff once in a while. I try to still do that for him, just to let him know that I really love him, but I just end up feeling pathetic and desperate. Communication is getting a little bland as well. I understand that he is busy, but he shots down my attempts to improve our communication. I voiced out what I was feeling the other day, and he told me that he sees me as not his girlfriend anymore, but as a part of his family that's why he feels like he does not need to do those things anymore. Now, can you guys help me out with this? I really want to continue our relationship. Will this feeling of unhappiness pass? Thank you. You don't know why you're unhappy? Really, girl? Re-read the bolded. This sounds like quite a one-sided relationship, in which you are too afraid to state your needs. Of course you're unhappy. He doesn't see you as a romantic partner anymore. This doesn't sound good at all. Your friend's advice, though she probably meant well, was very misguided. It led you to become a doormat, so to speak. You should never feel you cannot express a need or desire. Bottling things up isn't healthy because it breeds resentment and brings you to where you are today. No, this feeling of unhappiness won't just pass on its own. It's not a phase. He's already emotionally checked out. Your boyfriend needs to be willing to listen and meet you half-way. if he won't, you have to decide if this is really worth it.
AVeryConfusedGuy Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 You actually sound similar to my ex girlfriend, it reminds me of her. I was with her for 4 years and she broke up with me 3 months ago. Her reasons involved her being confused, know knowing what she wanted, was unhappy and didn't know why, was unhappy with her life in general, relied too much on me for her happiness and didn't want to feel like she was settling, etc. She tried telling me at times before she 'pulled the trigger' about certain things that bothered her about me, I TRIED to work on them but it just wasn't enough. Honestly, I never really understood or saw my flaws or problems from her point of view until after she was already gone. Over time when she disappeared from my life, I started reflecting on myself and could clearly think of situations or times where she was unhappy when I didn't actually realize it at the time. This time away, I've been working on myself and been trying to correct some of the flaws I had during our relationship and feel that if she came back, we would be much stronger and better than before. Unfortunately during this 3 months apart, she has yet to reach out to me. I reached out asking if she wanted to meet up a month ago, but she said she isn't ready and we've been in no contact since. My advice? Break up with him if nothing is changing and you're unhappy. Maybe he needs to go through the same thing I went through and needs to figure out his problems on his own. You leaving him means you're serious and that you need him to change, otherwise you're doomed to fail. Take some time apart for both of you to think and reflect. This will go either 2 ways: you both will severely miss each other and after time apart, will want to try harder for the relationship to succeed and make changes. OR either you, him, or both of you will realize that you don't need each other as much as you think you do. Don't let other people make it sound easy by saying "move on" "it's over", I think your relationship sounds fixable, but maybe your relationship requires time apart to be able to figure out what's wrong with it. Not ALL break ups are bad, sometimes breaking up CAN save a relationship. As long as you aren't constantly breaking up and getting back together.
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