galaxyman Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 Context I'm 30 yrs old and I work as a substitute teacher. I'd say every month, I hit it off with either a teacher who's single or a student-teacher who happens to be working there that day. The issue What's frustrating for me is that I always seem to really hit it off with them, but I can't seem to force that "transition" between chatting, and asking out. It all feels so awkward and forced to me. Example of a what I dread: Me: "lol yeah you're right it does suck doing that" .....(breathes)....Sooooo...wanna go out sometime? The only phrase that makes sense to me is: "Let me buy you a drink." What do you think? I find that I'm missing out on great women on a consistent basis. And I was hoping to get advice on this issue. What do you guys think?
d0nnivain Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 You need a transitional sentence. Something like "I really enjoy talking to you. I'd like to continue. Any chance you'd like to join me for coffee [or a drink or dinner] later?" 4
StreetsKings Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 There's so many ways to do it. You say there's student teachers there? End of the school year coming up, when your talking and just bs'ing about whatever you can ask "Soo.. Last couple weeks here student teaching huh... Any thoughts on where you're gonna go? Or what school/grade/subject are you hoping to get and where?" Once you get better at just casual convo, that's when you'll pick up on things to use in the transition. So let's say you asked her where she wanted to get hired... And she said "here, I was talking to ___ and they want my resume so hopefully that can work out". That's when you flirt - "wow, so you had that much of a great time working with me that now you wanna come back forever huh? ... I think I could put a good word in that might help you out" Don't forget you can avoid the in person asking out if you just get their number. Then you can take your time and text them which I think you would feel less stressed about doing. Make something up if you have to "Hey, was going to tell you, give me your number , im seeing a friend of mine this weekend who works in the board of education and can shoot you a text if there's any opening he knows about before they're posted." Then just text her one day/night and ass if she'd like to grab dinner or go see something . No sweat
jen1447 Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 In that scenario I wouldn't transition at all. Just hit her w/an invite first thing next time you see her (or sometime anyway). "Hi. Hey, would you like to go out w/me sometime?" (big smile) You'd look pretty spontaneous that way instead of like you've been working up the courage and taking deep breaths and all that. The main 'secret' to success w/asking ppl out is just to demistify the process. She's not a god, she's not the One and Only Shot You'll Ever Have, and if she pans it, so what? Will you die of heart failure? No. Humiliation? No. Truth is you'll 'survive' just fine and you'll even have a personal pat on the back for trying. You know the saying about failure - the only successful ppl are the ones who failed first, etc. 6
edgygirl Posted May 4, 2016 Posted May 4, 2016 I think you should do that almost as naturally as you would with someone you suddenly realize could be a good friend. The way that works better with women (at least with me) is when a man is natural and confident at the same time - "Hey, I really enjoy hanging out with you.. Would you like to go for a coffee on Wednesday afternoon/evening so we can hang out some more?" This way if they're not interested they can just politely come up with an excuse, and you won't feel like a weirdo/rejection seeing them around later. At the same time, it's sometimes confusing to women when a man doesn't make his interest clear. I've had a super cute former co-worker ask me out for dinner and thought he might be interested. I was slightly disappointed later when I realized he only seemed to be interested in professional mingling haha. 1
todreaminblue Posted May 4, 2016 Posted May 4, 2016 just ask her out next time you see her..and dont sweat on a yes.....if she says yes great..if she doesnt...it wont hurt you either.....deb
redbaron007 Posted May 4, 2016 Posted May 4, 2016 (edited) When you think the conversation is going great, say this word-for-word:"I like you...I think you're a really cool person...let's grab a <drink /coffee/smoothie> sometime." with a sunny smile (very important, that smile!) You'll either get: - Sure (in which case you exchange numbers, or better still, go on a mini-date right away) Or: - I have a boyfriend - I'm too busy - I'm not interested/available in which case you say:"Cool...good talking to you!" and move on! Edited May 4, 2016 by redbaron007
Miss Peach Posted May 4, 2016 Posted May 4, 2016 You need a transitional sentence. Something like "I really enjoy talking to you. I'd like to continue. Any chance you'd like to join me for coffee [or a drink or dinner] later?" I agree with this. This is how BF asked me out. I met my BF at a monthly group meeting so his was "I would hate to wait another month to continue this conversation. Can I get your number?" 2
oldshirt Posted May 4, 2016 Posted May 4, 2016 Do you ever do things with your buddies and guy friends? How do you arrange those activities? ......you ask them if the want to do "X" activity at "Y" time and "Z" place. Do the same thing here - "would you like to grab a coffee at Starbucks and talk more after work this afternoon?" - "would like to go for a bike ride at the lake this Sat afternoon?" - would you go with me to the Dancing Frogs concert at the coliseum Friday night?" You get the idea. I would be a little hesitant about making some vague, nebulous offer like, "would you like to do something sometime?" That makes you like weak and like you are just probing. And it puts them on the spot wondering just where you are going with this. Unless some gal is already madly in live with you and ready to drop her drawers, that kind vague approach will get someone squirming for an exit route. Activity, time and place. They will say yes if interested. An excuse if they aren't. An will offer an alternative if they are interested but unable. 1
Miss Peach Posted May 4, 2016 Posted May 4, 2016 I would be a little hesitant about making some vague, nebulous offer like, "would you like to do something sometime?" Activity, time and place. They will say yes if interested. An excuse if they aren't. An will offer an alternative if they are interested but unable. Totally agree with this. This is how you weed out the women who aren't interested or are flaky.
Author galaxyman Posted May 4, 2016 Author Posted May 4, 2016 Guys, these answers are really helpful. Thanks. I think my situation is a bit unique in that I generally work at these schools once a year. So, I really have to be fast to do something with them, or else I won't see them again. The main thing I took away from your answers was to simplify everything, and take the pressure off of myself and the girl. 1. demystify the process and don't "build-up courage". (Jen1447) 2. Have a time/place ready, or else it looks like you're probing. (oldshirt & edgy girl, & streetsking) I hope this thread helps others on this forum. 1
SammySammy Posted May 4, 2016 Posted May 4, 2016 (edited) Have some hobbies or activities that you enjoy doing with or without someone else. Do those things - with or without someone else. I live in a large city and I'm always paying attention to what what's going on. Things I may be interested in doing for entertainment. If I meet someone who has mutual interests I simply say "I'm going to XYZ this weekend, would you like to go with me?" I've found having a definite place works better than saying "do you want to go out?" If she says yes, go out together. If she says no, go anyway. Have a great time anyway. Would you rather hang out with - the person who can have fun without you or the person desperate to pick somebody up? Edited May 4, 2016 by MidKnightDreams
Recommended Posts