Author Audacious Posted May 8, 2016 Author Posted May 8, 2016 Any waitress or someone in a similar profession who is friendly or possibly flirty with their customers is most likely just doing their job. They are your captive audience who gets paid with tips. I don't think the op should feel foolish or too humiliated to go back. But realize that that girl is not like someone on the street or at a bar, that can just get up and walk away when you are flirting with them. I definitely wouldn't ask for her number if you went back. Just act normal like nothing happened. humiliated ? h#ll no , why would I be ? I just don't want to go for the time being , maybe in the near future . as I said before , there is a great chance that she will "happened" to be off the floor when I go there .
WellHelloThere Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 humiliated ? h#ll no , why would I be ? I just don't want to go for the time being , maybe in the near future . as I said before , there is a great chance that she will "happened" to be off the floor when I go there . Yeah, I get it. You are going to show up to her work when you know she'll be there, so you can get a direct answer from her, because her not calling you wasn't clear enough.
Author Audacious Posted May 8, 2016 Author Posted May 8, 2016 Yeah, I get it. You are going to show up to her work when you know she'll be there, so you can get a direct answer from her, because her not calling you wasn't clear enough. Have you even read my previous comments ? Or you just posted a comment off the cuff ... Gheez
d0nnivain Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 Audacious I think your plan to return but act cool is fine. You are right that if you had gotten a straight up No, then it would be wrong for you or anybody to be pushy & ask again. But you didn't. You gave her your #. She hasn't called. Her equivocal maybe was just that an unknown. Yes, the longer she doesn't call, the worse this looks but you said she's shy & I reminded you that shy girls don't call. They just don't. As for waitresses who play coy because flirting helps tips, anybody who has been in the service industry for more then a few days knows how to say no clearly but still be flirty about it so it doesn't ruin the tip. The cat & mouse game gets old fast. It's a real p.i.t.a. to have to fend off some guy who has false hope. It's so much easier to make it clear that you won't date him but you are happy to flirt shamelessly with him while he is in your place of employ but nothing more. Yes, it's a fine line but it works. I know you don't want to chase her but I'm suggesting you still may have to take the lead & you may need to clarify. Perhaps a more direct approach will help. I'd recommend something like this: Hey, I thought you were going to call when I gave you my number. You said maybe we could go out sometime. I don't want to make things awkward because I like eating here but I need to know. If you were just being polite & you didn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me you are not interested, that kind of 'kindness' is confusing. Tell me straight up no & this never happened. But if you are on the fence, can I please have your number & we can talk about all this when you are not at work? If she says no, you do need to honor that promise & back off. 1
Author Audacious Posted May 8, 2016 Author Posted May 8, 2016 Audacious I think your plan to return but act cool is fine. You are right that if you had gotten a straight up No, then it would be wrong for you or anybody to be pushy & ask again. But you didn't. You gave her your #. She hasn't called. Her equivocal maybe was just that an unknown. Yes, the longer she doesn't call, the worse this looks but you said she's shy & I reminded you that shy girls don't call. They just don't. As for waitresses who play coy because flirting helps tips, anybody who has been in the service industry for more then a few days knows how to say no clearly but still be flirty about it so it doesn't ruin the tip. The cat & mouse game gets old fast. It's a real p.i.t.a. to have to fend off some guy who has false hope. It's so much easier to make it clear that you won't date him but you are happy to flirt shamelessly with him while he is in your place of employ but nothing more. Yes, it's a fine line but it works. I know you don't want to chase her but I'm suggesting you still may have to take the lead & you may need to clarify. Perhaps a more direct approach will help. I'd recommend something like this: Hey, I thought you were going to call when I gave you my number. You said maybe we could go out sometime. I don't want to make things awkward because I like eating here but I need to know. If you were just being polite & you didn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me you are not interested, that kind of 'kindness' is confusing. Tell me straight up no & this never happened. But if you are on the fence, can I please have your number & we can talk about all this when you are not at work? If she says no, you do need to honor that promise & back off. you have a good opinion , however , how coy could one be not to be able to text even ? if it is the case then that shyness is paralyzing ... point is , she might be shy but not that shy in my opinion , there are a hundred different ways to hint that the meant yes , the lack of these hints is a huge indication that it is not a "yes" . - again I WILL go there , and see , I will read the signs realistically , if she waited on my table I'll drop a subtle hint and perhaps if things are going smoothly I might go full "audacious " and ask her number . - I like your message however , it is way too forward for a girl like her in my opinion , I might try to rephrase it a bit but ONLY if I see encouraging signs , It is simple at this point, waitresses can always cover for each others . it is simple to avoid a custom simply by changing tables with another waitress , so if she would wait my table , its a favorable sign , if not , or if she was not on the floor : then there is my answer, because once could be a coincident , twice , still could be a coincident , thrice ? no that is intentional Her equivocal maybe was just that an unknown. No one who is genuinely interested says "maybe" , she might have said it flirtingly which clouded my judgement and mistook it for a yes , fact of the matter is "maybe" is used by girls to make "no" more palatable
Author Audacious Posted May 8, 2016 Author Posted May 8, 2016 I just want to add something , lets assume that she is truly shy but interested , doesn't wanna call and doesn't wanna text ...fine . my number is linked to my Facebook account ,she could have easily sent me a message or a friend request there , she could easily deny it meant something because Facebook labels everyone as a friend , and could have easily gotten off the hook by sticking me in the friendzone .
d0nnivain Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 No you are wrong about the FB thing. Women in general, especially shy women do not do what you are suggesting. She is not going to make any overtures. She won't call, text, or make the 1st move to connect to you on any social media. Even in this day & age she may be of the mindset that good girls don't chase and every think you think she ought to be doing is too much for her. You said that my suggestion was "way too forward for a girl like her in my opinion". To me that says more about you then her. Remember when you started this you were thinking about a note. I told you that IMO a note indicates that you lack self confidence. Here too, it's you who are equivocating. If you want an answer, you have to push for it. If you are unwilling to go after what you want, then your failure to get it lies solely with you. Plus it completely contradicts your insistence that she should have been able to text you or send you a FB message. If she's too shy for you to talk to her & get to the bottom of this, how on earth can you conclude that she had the ability to take any kind of initiative. In this like most things in life, if you want it, you have to make it happen. Yes you asked. Good for you. You got an equivocal response. You naively put the ball in her court. All your passiveness isn't working. So why do you think continuing down this same passive road is going to change anything? 3
elaine567 Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 No you are wrong about the FB thing. Women in general, especially shy women do not do what you are suggesting. She is not going to make any overtures. She won't call, text, or make the 1st move to connect to you on any social media. Even in this day & age she may be of the mindset that good girls don't chase and every think you think she ought to be doing is too much for her. Agreed. Shy women will never make contact, and neither will some other women. Chasing is seen as being desperate, we all know the stereotype ugly woman chasing the guy who is running away fast. Also, for all she knows you could be handing out notes saying call me, all over town and when she calls you have no idea who she is. Embarrassing. She is not to know, she is the focus of your attention. 1
katiegrl Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 (edited) Agreed. Shy women will never make contact, and neither will some other women. Chasing is seen as being desperate, we all know the stereotype ugly woman chasing the guy who is running away fast. Also, for all she knows you could be handing out notes saying call me, all over town and when she calls you have no idea who she is. Embarrassing. She is not to know, she is the focus of your attention. Why are folks (some) assuming she IS shy though? Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. That seems to be the *go to* assumption on this board when someone isn't responding like you hoped they would. She (he) is shy. Ugh. Not to mention, are shy girls in a profession where they are interacting with the public all day long? I dunno maybe they are. But then again..... OP, I agree with going back and this time getting HER nu!her. Then when you know she is OFF work, call and ask her out. But with respect to what Donnovain suggested, I usually agree with her, but completely disagree on this one. Confronting her AT WORK is not only inappropriate but way over the top IMO. "I thought you were going to call"" or "why didn't you call" is presumptuous . Again, she never said or suggested she would call. You *hoped* she would call because you are into you but that's all. A maybe does NOT mean "I will call you." At best it's "let me think about it, ask again." At worst, it's "no, I am not interested." I get it is frustrating and not clear. But nothing about dating is clear, at least early stages. If you like this girl, which apparently you do, stay cool. It is REALLY important to just let this stuff roll off sometimes. I mean you have not even gone out, confronting her with "I thought you were going to call" etc etc etc just sounds really weak and rather whiny IMO. It would turn me off big time! And other women I know. Go back, chit chat when appropriate, get her number and call and ask her out when she is off work. Good luck and keep us posted! Edited May 8, 2016 by katiegrl
d0nnivain Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 so here is what happened , I went there . sat down , and she was not there ...... so I asked about her and they told me she is here , after minutes she came to my table and said hi and we chatted for a minute or so , and I asked her out , she smiled and said "maybe" and I gave her my number . we continued to talk for a while , she took my order and left . I got a vibe that she wanted to say yes but was too shy to say it directly , but I don't know ... I was smiling all the way home Why are folks assuming she IS shy though? A maybe does NOT mean "I will call you." At best it's "let me think about it, ask again." At worst, it's "no, I am not interested."! I didn't assume she was shy. OP said she was shy. She also said "maybe" she would go out with him. Katie I think you & I are saying similar things just the methodology varies. Either way the OP has 2 choices: do something or try again because he made a tactical mistake when he only gave the waitress his number without getting hers. Until he has that all he can do is talk to her at work. Besides it's a restaurant not a stuffy office so it's less obnoxious IMO to talk to her at work.
katiegrl Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 I didn't assume she was shy. OP said she was shy. She also said "maybe" she would go out with him. Katie I think you & I are saying similar things just the methodology varies. Either way the OP has 2 choices: do something or try again because he made a tactical mistake when he only gave the waitress his number without getting hers. Until he has that all he can do is talk to her at work. Besides it's a restaurant not a stuffy office so it's less obnoxious IMO to talk to her at work. Fair enough. This reminds of that great movie " Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore" with Ellen Burstyn and Kris Kristofferson. Oldie but goodie!! Alice was a waitress and one of her male customers was really into her and pursues her. He eventually got her!! Not without a lot of ups and downs, miscommunication , etc along the way. OP, if you can rent it. It's one of the best!
Author Audacious Posted May 8, 2016 Author Posted May 8, 2016 No you are wrong about the FB thing. Women in general, especially shy women do not do what you are suggesting. She is not going to make any overtures. She won't call, text, or make the 1st move to connect to you on any social media. Even in this day & age she may be of the mindset that good girls don't chase and every think you think she ought to be doing is too much for her. You said that my suggestion was "way too forward for a girl like her in my opinion". To me that says more about you then her. Remember when you started this you were thinking about a note. I told you that IMO a note indicates that you lack self confidence. Here too, it's you who are equivocating. If you want an answer, you have to push for it. If you are unwilling to go after what you want, then your failure to get it lies solely with you. Plus it completely contradicts your insistence that she should have been able to text you or send you a FB message. If she's too shy for you to talk to her & get to the bottom of this, how on earth can you conclude that she had the ability to take any kind of initiative. In this like most things in life, if you want it, you have to make it happen. Yes you asked. Good for you. You got an equivocal response. You naively put the ball in her court. All your passiveness isn't working. So why do you think continuing down this same passive road is going to change anything? I don't lack self- confidence, I don't know why you assume that . Point taken , I will try again after three days or so , But again , I won't do anything if the signs are not right . It's not me not wanting to take another go at it , it's the possibility of that being futile is what makes me reluctant. Also , lack of initiative on her part , I chalked up to shyness but I seriously don't think that she is shy to that debilitating extent . I put the ball in her court thinking that if she was interested that she would text . Also , asking her number from the get go might be awkward and even pushier . Your comment makes me wanna go there now . I can be as bold as they come , after all what's the worst that could possibly happen? But as I said , I will do it only if she came to take my order , not gonna have them call her 1
Author Audacious Posted May 8, 2016 Author Posted May 8, 2016 Why are folks (some) assuming she IS shy though? Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. That seems to be the *go to* assumption on this board when someone isn't responding like you hoped they would. She (he) is shy. Ugh. Not to mention, are shy girls in a profession where they are interacting with the public all day long? I dunno maybe they are. But then again..... OP, I agree with going back and this time getting HER nu!her. Then when you know she is OFF work, call and ask her out. But with respect to what Donnovain suggested, I usually agree with her, but completely disagree on this one. Confronting her AT WORK is not only inappropriate but way over the top IMO. "I thought you were going to call"" or "why didn't you call" is presumptuous . Again, she never said or suggested she would call. You *hoped* she would call because you are into you but that's all. A maybe does NOT mean "I will call you." At best it's "let me think about it, ask again." At worst, it's "no, I am not interested." I get it is frustrating and not clear. But nothing about dating is clear, at least early stages. If you like this girl, which apparently you do, stay cool. It is REALLY important to just let this stuff roll off sometimes. I mean you have not even gone out, confronting her with "I thought you were going to call" etc etc etc just sounds really weak and rather whiny IMO. It would turn me off big time! And other women I know. Go back, chit chat when appropriate, get her number and call and ask her out when she is off work. Good luck and keep us posted! Are you even reading my posts ? I said numerous times that I am almost certain that she said no , however her body language and facial expressions were in stark contrast of her answer. Mixed messages ? Mind games? Ladies best game is to make guys chase them? Who knows , it could be . But I am thinking of the best intentions, that she is either shy or thinking strategically about it , ( don't call , let him show up and ask again) The latter is very manipulative and doesn't sit well with me . However, I like her alot and I am willing to ask her again or drop a hint .
preraph Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 This is my first time weighing in on this. You didn't do anything wrong at all in the way you gave her a way to contact you and let her know you were interested. You should not have any regrets about that. You should not assume that because the outcome wasn't a date, that your strategy was bad, because it's about all you could politely do in this set of circumstances. You leave your contact info, she knows you're interested, and then the ball is in her court to contact you. It's that simple. It all caught her offguard, so she said "Maybe." Maybe is nearly always "no" coming from a woman (I'm a woman). It's what we say when we haven't had time to think about it and were caught off guard. It's what we say when we mean no but don't want to hurt someone's feelings and instead wish to just put them off and hope they fade away. I've been on both sides of this. I was a waitress when young and I've also had a server at my favorite restaurant after me. He was much more aggressive than you and always hugging me and even sat down at my table when I brought my old best girlfriend in to eat while she was in town. It was the only time I'd see her that year as she lived out of town, and he ruined the meal by making himself comfortable and speaking to her in Spanish the whole time, telling her I needed a boyfriend (him), etc. I was very angry about it and he still works there 10 years later and for many of those years, he would not stay away from my table, even though management (upon my insistence) told him to. He's finally chilled. On top of that he was married with a bunch of kids, so I don't know what he was thinking, but I didn't let him ruin my favorite lunch spot, though it did ruin it for awhile. If I were you, I'd keep going there, but I'd assume she is not interested, for whatever reason. She may be taken, after all. Even if not, she didn't take the bait. Go there and find out the name of another server. Just go up to one and ask them their name. Then next time you go there, ask to be seated with the other server. On the small chance that she has a change of heart, she can still see you are there and approach if she wants to. Meanwhile, no awkward times at the table. I went so far as to ask the hostess "Anyone but Romero," but it's more polite to just get the name of a server. You can even call ahead if you want and ask for the name of a server on the shift to ask for. They will just think it's probably about you trying to impress a date or something. Don't change your strategy. It was just fine. Do try to stop obsessing over it afterward though. Give your card out and then get on with life and assume you'll never get a call, because it IS a long shot, but then if you do, it will be a nice surprise. 1
Author Audacious Posted May 8, 2016 Author Posted May 8, 2016 This is my first time weighing in on this. You didn't do anything wrong at all in the way you gave her a way to contact you and let her know you were interested. You should not have any regrets about that. You should not assume that because the outcome wasn't a date, that your strategy was bad, because it's about all you could politely do in this set of circumstances. You leave your contact info, she knows you're interested, and then the ball is in her court to contact you. It's that simple. It all caught her offguard, so she said "Maybe." Maybe is nearly always "no" coming from a woman (I'm a woman). It's what we say when we haven't had time to think about it and were caught off guard. It's what we say when we mean no but don't want to hurt someone's feelings and instead wish to just put them off and hope they fade away. I've been on both sides of this. I was a waitress when young and I've also had a server at my favorite restaurant after me. He was much more aggressive than you and always hugging me and even sat down at my table when I brought my old best girlfriend in to eat while she was in town. It was the only time I'd see her that year as she lived out of town, and he ruined the meal by making himself comfortable and speaking to her in Spanish the whole time, telling her I needed a boyfriend (him), etc. I was very angry about it and he still works there 10 years later and for many of those years, he would not stay away from my table, even though management (upon my insistence) told him to. He's finally chilled. On top of that he was married with a bunch of kids, so I don't know what he was thinking, but I didn't let him ruin my favorite lunch spot, though it did ruin it for awhile. If I were you, I'd keep going there, but I'd assume she is not interested, for whatever reason. She may be taken, after all. Even if not, she didn't take the bait. Go there and find out the name of another server. Just go up to one and ask them their name. Then next time you go there, ask to be seated with the other server. On the small chance that she has a change of heart, she can still see you are there and approach if she wants to. Meanwhile, no awkward times at the table. I went so far as to ask the hostess "Anyone but Romero," but it's more polite to just get the name of a server. You can even call ahead if you want and ask for the name of a server on the shift to ask for. They will just think it's probably about you trying to impress a date or something. Don't change your strategy. It was just fine. Do try to stop obsessing over it afterward though. Give your card out and then get on with life and assume you'll never get a call, because it IS a long shot, but then if you do, it will be a nice surprise. Thanks for your comment and sorry that you had a bad experience with that handsy sleezbag . Sometimes people click and sometimes they don't, that is just life . I doubt that she is taken though but seriously, it's her loss . I won't stop going there at all , it's just with my diet and my hectic schedule at least for a few days , but eventually I will go there and get tea . I am not gonna avoid her , if she wants to do that its her choice and I am not the lingering time , I usually finish my food or drink and leave immediately so there wont be any awkwardness. It's her loss , she missed out 1
smackie9 Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 In this like most things in life, if you want it, you have to make it happen. Yes you asked. Good for you. You got an equivocal response. You naively put the ball in her court. All your passiveness isn't working. So why do you think continuing down this same passive road is going to change anything? ^^^this 100% Passiveness = no confidence. If you were confident, you would not worry or be nervous about anything. #1 you didn't ask for her number #2 I'm guessing you go there all the time alone (loner/creepy factor) #3 (I'm assuming) you never threw a complement out there or asked if she was single. #4 maybe means "I'm not interested, but I said maybe because I don't want it to be awkward when I say no". You didn't receive a text or whatever for obvious reasons. You want success you need to be direct. Trust me even shy girls won't stop at anything if they are into you. You learn, now move on. Tip: don't put a girl up on a pedestal.
Author Audacious Posted May 8, 2016 Author Posted May 8, 2016 ^^^this 100% Passiveness = no confidence. If you were confident, you would not worry or be nervous about anything. #1 you didn't ask for her number #2 I'm guessing you go there all the time alone (loner/creepy factor) #3 (I'm assuming) you never threw a complement out there or asked if she was single. #4 maybe means "I'm not interested, but I said maybe because I don't want it to be awkward when I say no". You didn't receive a text or whatever for obvious reasons. You want success you need to be direct. Trust me even shy girls won't stop at anything if they are into you. You learn, now move on. Tip: don't put a girl up on a pedestal. Passive ? How is a guy asking a girl out be passive ? How much more direct a guy must be , ?! Because I didn't wanna push her , put her on the spot and ask her number ? Instead I was considerate to give her time to decide for herself ? Yeah , I am too passive indeed ... I threw the ball in her court and she did not do the same so , thats that I don't want to make things worst for HER by asking her for her number without positive signs first then , make no mistake about it I will ask . You contradict yourself by saying that I should be more aggressive but at the same time you admit that she wasn't into me based on what you read . Note : there are many people who aren't creepy or loners eat out alone for many reasons , so if a girl is too shallow as to judge that person regardless of his merits simply because he eats alone for whatever reason that might very well be unknown to her , then seriously f@&k that girl .
WellHelloThere Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 Have you even read my previous comments ? Or you just posted a comment off the cuff ... Gheez I read them. I just don't agree with you. You are trying to figure out how to get a verbal yes or no. You're not accepting what happened. It's been almost a week now. If you're not going to accept that she doesn't want the date, then go there and drop your hints and ask for her number. I'm just pretty sure that she's not interested, so you should save yourself the trouble. 2
smackie9 Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 (edited) I knew exactly how you were going to respond. Just chill. I never said you were creepy or a loner. I was talking about impressions and sorry it's a reality. People may want everyone to be politically correct and never judge, but it happens instinctively. What are ya gonna do? Change your strategy, not fight against the current being all negative about it. Of course if you were incredibly good looking those rules never apply, but for average joes, you need to work at it a little harder. Hey I want you to improve your game, and let you in how the female brain works so you can be successful. I'm not trying to insult you, I'm trying to help you. The reality is you need to up your value, it's in a players hand book, it's all about psychology knowing how that female brain works and use it to your advantage. You are not changing who you actually are, you just need to tweak a few things to create attraction. It is such a bad thing to try something new? Think outside the box? Edited May 8, 2016 by smackie9 1
smackie9 Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 NP, Hey we want you and anyone else that comes here to be successful. We got yer back. 2
truth_seeker Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 Agreed. Shy women will never make contact, and neither will some other women. Chasing is seen as being desperate, we all know the stereotype ugly woman chasing the guy who is running away fast. Also, for all she knows you could be handing out notes saying call me, all over town and when she calls you have no idea who she is. Embarrassing. She is not to know, she is the focus of your attention. This is all true but at some point the woman has to make some moves of her own to show the guy she is interested. Maybe can go either way... maybe could mean no, or it could be her way of putting him on hold while she thinks about it, gives her leverage. What I've learned in the last couple of months in regards to handing out my number is that it hardly works. I know two guys who gave out their numbers and the women called them. However, and not to be a jerk, but they weren't the most attractive women either... a smokin' babe doesn't take a guy's number and call him unless he's a pro athlete, celebrity or some mogul with a big bank account. The babe will make the ordinary man work for it... even then, she might do it just to f-ck with his head for a laugh. You have to be direct, get a straight answer and go from there. If she says, yes, you get her number... if she says no, you be a gentleman, and gracefully exit. If she asks for your number, you say: "I'll give you mine only if you give me yours." If she says no, you flip it on her and say: "Sorry. I'm not giving you my number." If she says maybe, you turn it into your favor. "When maybe turns into yes, you let me know." You say this with a smile and carry on with your business as if that little conversation didn't matter a thing in the world to you. Women think and ponder about everything... plant the seed and let it grow. Know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em (Kenny Rogers reference lol) I could go on and on... 2
losangelena Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 Here's another thought: What if, when she said "maybe," she actually meant "maybe?" I feel like sometimes, when we're the interested party, we're anxious and we want something to happen right away, and if it doesn't we just give up. So, maybe suggesting you go out and giving her your number is step one. Maybe she's excited and a little intrigued, but not quite ready to text or call you. Because you like her so much, or are maybe idealizing her a bit, you feel like that's how she should act. But maybe she wants to interact with you again a few more times before giving you a call. Maybe she's waiting to see how you are the next time you go in there, if you're still friendly and flirty, or if you're going to be butt-hurt over her "maybe." Maybe she has 101 other things going on in her life and going out with you isn't her #1 priority this week. Do you know anything about her outside the restaurant? Does she have kids? Is she taking care of a sick parent? Does she have to take a bus 90 minutes each way to get to and from work? Is she in night school? Maybe "maybe" is no, but I dunno, I think instead of getting annoyed or defeated that she hasn't responded yet how you want her to, it may behoove you to not throw in the towel so quickly. Not to sound insulting, but I feel like what you're describing is almost a fantasy. You fancy your waitress, get up the guts to give her your number, and expect her to just fall into your arms so easily. I would posit that it doesn't always work that way. I mean, you say you don't even know much about each other at all. That's like accepting a date from a stranger, which yes you could argue is most of OLD, but not everyone likes that. I actually know an IRL couple who met at a restaurant. He was a regular at the NYC bar/restaurant she worked at. Flirtation morphed into friendship (then they both independently moved to LA), and over time the friendship turned into something more. But it was over a long period of time, and there was definitely more of an intent on his part to get to know her. Again, I'm not tryna pick on you or anything, but I do feel as if your expectations might be a little off in this whole scenario. You've said before in this very thread that you've romanticized her, and I think that's true. But when that happens, it can easily become all about the romanticizer and their feelings. 1
truth_seeker Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 Here's another thought: What if, when she said "maybe," she actually meant "maybe?" I feel like sometimes, when we're the interested party, we're anxious and we want something to happen right away, and if it doesn't we just give up. So, maybe suggesting you go out and giving her your number is step one. Maybe she's excited and a little intrigued, but not quite ready to text or call you. Because you like her so much, or are maybe idealizing her a bit, you feel like that's how she should act. But maybe she wants to interact with you again a few more times before giving you a call. Maybe she's waiting to see how you are the next time you go in there, if you're still friendly and flirty, or if you're going to be butt-hurt over her "maybe." Maybe she has 101 other things going on in her life and going out with you isn't her #1 priority this week. Do you know anything about her outside the restaurant? Does she have kids? Is she taking care of a sick parent? Does she have to take a bus 90 minutes each way to get to and from work? Is she in night school? Maybe "maybe" is no, but I dunno, I think instead of getting annoyed or defeated that she hasn't responded yet how you want her to, it may behoove you to not throw in the towel so quickly. Not to sound insulting, but I feel like what you're describing is almost a fantasy. You fancy your waitress, get up the guts to give her your number, and expect her to just fall into your arms so easily. I would posit that it doesn't always work that way. I mean, you say you don't even know much about each other at all. That's like accepting a date from a stranger, which yes you could argue is most of OLD, but not everyone likes that. I actually know an IRL couple who met at a restaurant. He was a regular at the NYC bar/restaurant she worked at. Flirtation morphed into friendship (then they both independently moved to LA), and over time the friendship turned into something more. But it was over a long period of time, and there was definitely more of an intent on his part to get to know her. Again, I'm not tryna pick on you or anything, but I do feel as if your expectations might be a little off in this whole scenario. You've said before in this very thread that you've romanticized her, and I think that's true. But when that happens, it can easily become all about the romanticizer and their feelings. Interesting take. I think he should continue to go in there and get to know her. Not push it... but lightly continue to talk to her where she feels no pressure and isn't uncomfortable around him. He can't get upset or irritated if it doesn't go his way. He has to act as natural as possible. If it doesn't go his way... flirt with other women there. Let her know her rejection is not stopping him from living his life.
Author Audacious Posted May 9, 2016 Author Posted May 9, 2016 This is all true but at some point the woman has to make some moves of her own to show the guy she is interested. Maybe can go either way... maybe could mean no, or it could be her way of putting him on hold while she thinks about it, gives her leverage. What I've learned in the last couple of months in regards to handing out my number is that it hardly works. I know two guys who gave out their numbers and the women called them. However, and not to be a jerk, but they weren't the most attractive women either... a smokin' babe doesn't take a guy's number and call him unless he's a pro athlete, celebrity or some mogul with a big bank account. The babe will make the ordinary man work for it... even then, she might do it just to f-ck with his head for a laugh. You have to be direct, get a straight answer and go from there. If she says, yes, you get her number... if she says no, you be a gentleman, and gracefully exit. If she asks for your number, you say: "I'll give you mine only if you give me yours." If she says no, you flip it on her and say: "Sorry. I'm not giving you my number." If she says maybe, you turn it into your favor. "When maybe turns into yes, you let me know." You say this with a smile and carry on with your business as if that little conversation didn't matter a thing in the world to you. Women think and ponder about everything... plant the seed and let it grow. Know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em (Kenny Rogers reference lol) I could go on and on... For me it definitely doesn't end here ( she could have meant no ) but I will ignore that since she didn't actually say it . As I said before , that wont be that last of me , providing there are signs If she means yes but she won't do or say anything about it fine , but not even a sign? That would be a no go for me I am not an athlete or a banker , I could be a much better person
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