I want to ask out a waitress at my favorite place , yet .....

May 5, 2016

Don't ask for her number.

When you go to her restaurant (and please, give it some time), just be polite and friendly as you would as a normal customer.

Don't let it be awkward, and don't act like your ego is bruised. Convey the attitude (without words) of "shrug, you didn't get back to me, ok, moving on!"

I promise she would respect that confidence. And in fact, if she's ever going to be interested in you, this would be the only way to encourage it.

That seems to be the best course of action and I have to decided on it .

Chances are she won't wait my table , which is also cool by me as it is her choice .

I am glad that I won't have to stop going there , the food there is amazing so I will keep on going ...

In spite of all of that , I still wish that I am wrong

May 7, 2016

So far , I agree with you on stuff while disagree on the rest .
It could very well be a NO and I am not in denial about it , It's a 50-50 chance of going either way . I just don't want to look back and think perhaps I should have taken one more step .

what I vehemently disagree with you on , is the whole being easy on the guy . when a guys goes out of his comfort zone , a little honestly is really appreciated , I mean after all that is what women seek in a man . why don't extent him the same courtesy

remember, she makes a living off tips. some servers keep men on a string to keep the money coming in.

p.s. even if my orphans don't work in a restaurant i would not want them to give out their phone number to a stranger or even a "regular" customer.

if she doesn't know you from adam's house cat, she has to consider her own safety.

no guy is gonna get a decent girl into his car just because she's seen him at work. or she "knows" him from work. unless the girl is cavalier about her own safety.

you haven't told her anything about what you want. tell her what you want. "i'd like to meet you for a movie, a drink, a coffee, a sponge bath. she's probably confounded by you wanting her to "call" you.

make your case then watch her face. if it's still maybe or she hedges, just say, i like you, i'd like to get to know you better but i understand. the offer stands.

then buy a mr. coffee.

May 7, 2016

remember, she makes a living off tips. some servers keep men on a string to keep the money coming in.

p.s. even if my orphans don't work in a restaurant i would not want them to give out their phone number to a stranger or even a "regular" customer.

if she doesn't know you from adam's house cat, she has to consider her own safety.

no guy is gonna get a decent girl into his car just because she's seen him at work. or she "knows" him from work. unless the girl is cavalier about her own safety.

you haven't told her anything about what you want. tell her what you want. "i'd like to meet you for a movie, a drink, a coffee, a sponge bath. she's probably confounded by you wanting her to "call" you.

make your case then watch her face. if it's still maybe or she hedges, just say, i like you, i'd like to get to know you better but i understand. the offer stands.

then buy a mr. coffee.

I did ask her that , not only to text or call . I said to get to know each other more , he facial expressions was indicating a yes when she said maybe , he reaction was a favorable one . However, I didn't receive anything from her so maybe she was a good actress in hiding her rejection of me .

I am left with two choices but I am leading towards one of them .

I could just hint that the offer still stands , which is something I just don't wanna do , she didn't take initiative, so why would I pressure her more ?

She could be doing this intentionally for me to ask her out again , to see how serious I am ( that is also unlikely )

If she is so paranoid about her own safety fine , it's her choice ,

Not all men are serial killers or rapists .

To be honest I hate this whole " game " thing , I could be simple or naive but I just don't like to look at dating as a game , I don't wanna " play" , I just want to tell the one that I like how I feel and see how it goes ,

I hate the planning , the mind games , the ifs and buts , the whole thing .

I just want someone that I can be spontaneous around , that I can be myself and won't have to wear a b$ll**** social mask .

Anyhow, my number is in a trash bin somewhere , it happens with the best of them. She just wasn't in to me .

May 7, 2016

OP - you went into the place and asked her out. I salute you. You gave her your number. Not so good. She said maybe... eh.

If she were really interested, she would have written her number on the customer copy of the bill.

It's possible she's shy, mildly-interested, but not sure because you are a patron at her workplace. I think you need to keep going in and act like nothing ever happened. Do this for the next 2 months. Talk to her, get to know her more, see if that wins her over enough to either contact you or offer you her number.

If nothing comes of it, I would pick up another girl in the place and walk out with her. Warning: I did this before and the bartender at the place flipped out on me. So be careful if you take this approach

May 7, 2016

there is no time table when the ball is in the other court.

Very true. All the leverage is in the other person's hands. I tried giving my number out to women and it's never worked.

i would not bring it up with her, i'd rather die than let someone know i give a **** whether they got my number and never used it.

I love how you women hold everything inside and put on a good face.

May 7, 2016

OP - you went into the place and asked her out. I salute you. You gave her your number. Not so good. She said maybe... eh.

If she were really interested, she would have written her number on the customer copy of the bill.

It's possible she's shy, mildly-interested, but not sure because you are a patron at her workplace. I think you need to keep going in and act like nothing ever happened. Do this for the next 2 months. Talk to her, get to know her more, see if that wins her over enough to either contact you or offer you her number.

If nothing comes of it, I would pick up another girl in the place and walk out with her. Warning: I did this before and the bartender at the place flipped out on me. So be careful if you take this approach

Thanks man

Your username reminds of that song by the Who " the seeker" which is cool

I don't think it was a mistake giving her my number , again , she would have texted but she didn't so ....

Frankly, I don't wanna go back there , I am on a diet anyways and the place is not really known for healthy dishes .

I am not gonna disappear though

My gut tells me even if I went there, she won't wait on my table .

She'll make her best to avoid me .

I am puzzled by her , felt she was into it but I misread so , it is what it is .

I would have appreciated her saying " sorry but I can't " instead of the vague maybe .

I admit , I never got a maybe before, I would always get either a yes or a no with a BS excuse .

May 7, 2016

Very true. All the leverage is in the other person's hands. I tried giving my number out to women and it's never worked.

I love how you women hold everything inside and put on a good face.

It would have worked if they were into you , they weren't.

I did everything by the book and it went smooth as a frog's hair

It just didn't work , And I am losing interest all together,

There is no need to keep liking someone who doesn't recuperate the feeling .

May 7, 2016

Women have been socialized for millennia to be warm, pleasant, and accommodating. Being assertive gets you labeled as cold and heartless, in some cases it's even dangerous if you say "no" to the wrong person. This isn't just in the dating world; there are plenty of studies that female bosses are criticized for using language that their male counterparts would be praised for ("being bossy" vs. "being a strong leader").

I'm not saying woman aren't capable of saying no and that they shouldn't say no if that's how they're feeling, but there are very real social (and often physical) concerns to doing so. Basically, while it's not ideal for reasons of clarity, I can understand why she wouldn't want to reject you outright.

May 7, 2016

If she is so paranoid about her own safety fine , it's her choice ,
Not all men are serial killers or rapists .

it's not paranoia. it's reality. all the advice to women about meeting a guy for the first time is to take their own car and meet in a well-lit busy place, early evening. no alcohol.

and, i got ya, i hate all the dating game bullsh*t myself. hell, i asked mr. clavel out for our first date and he turned me down. said he had to work. we got married 10 months later.

May 7, 2016

Women have been socialized for millennia to be warm, pleasant, and accommodating. Being assertive gets you labeled as cold and heartless, in some cases it's even dangerous if you say "no" to the wrong person. This isn't just in the dating world; there are plenty of studies that female bosses are criticized for using language that their male counterparts would be praised for ("being bossy" vs. "being a strong leader").

I'm not saying woman aren't capable of saying no and that they shouldn't say no if that's how they're feeling, but there are very real social (and often physical) concerns to doing so. Basically, while it's not ideal for reasons of clarity, I can understand why she wouldn't want to reject you outright.

Well , why would anyone think that a woman who rejects them is cold and heartless? It is her own right .

If she is not interested and gave this equivocal answer then in my opinion that was not right , and an indication of some unpredictability.

I lost this one , but you know what , it was her loss . Because I was real honest and straightforward with her and I was looking forward to start something that could be a serious commitment.

The way I see it right now , it just didn't work and won't work

May 7, 2016

Of course it's her right, but that's not how society has worked for the past several thousand years, and as it happens, old habits are hard to break. Men have grabbed me and shoved their tongue down my throat when I've turned them down for more dates, in an effort to try and convince me of how "wrong" I was. One guy went completely nuts after I gently told him after a first date that I wasn't feeling it--he contacted me by all possible means in the following days trying to get me to reconsider, that he had developed deep feelings for me during our one-hour date, and that he couldn't imagine his life without me. It took me threatening to contact the authorities to get him to stop. So, yes, women should be able to turn down a date and be allowed to go about their business, but there are concerns for their reputation or safety that cause them to equivocate, leading to confusion for the men asking them. Which goes to show why sexism is just as hurtful to men as it is to women.

May 7, 2016

Whatever your pattern, stick to it but skipping today is probably a good idea. Let her settle down.

Calling, texting, sending an e-mail or friend request . . . doesn't matter. My point is that "shy" women do not initiate. Heck, if it wasn't her job to greet the customer she may never even say hi first.

When you go back you have two options:

1. Cool & aloof. Act like it never happened & let her wonder. I don't think she's the type to chase so this will only work if you want to go on as if the ask is forgotten & you will never again bring it up.

2. Talk to her. Express disappointment that she didn't call but press for her number. I mean guilt her into feeling bad about blowing you off.

Part of me thinks she may be the type that needs you to "prove" that you like her by chasing her. Personally I hate that but some women need that reassurance that they made the guy work for the date by forcing him to ask more than once. It's a very delicate balance because if she's really not interested but too wishy washy to be direct about it you run the risk of turning into creepy stalker guy

I am confused about number 2. Where did she say she was going to call? I read what happened three times and she never ever said she would call. Or text.

OP asked her out, she said maybe and HE gave her his number.

She NEVER asked for his number and she NEVER promised, said or even suggested she would call or text.

She doesn't owe him nor is she obligated to do anything other than treat him respectfully if he ever goes back there and she is his waitress again.

OP, do not confront her about this or attempt to make her feel guilty.

She has not done anything wrong!

It would be completely inappropriate especially at her place of work.

Her *maybe* was a polite way of saying no. It is very common given the crazy reactions from men women are forced to contend with after hearing the word no.

Sorry this didn't work out, but try and let it go.

Being resilient and not taking everything so personally goes s long way at being successful at dating..

May 7, 2016

It would have worked if they were into you , they weren't.
I did everything by the book and it went smooth as a frog's hair

It just didn't work , And I am losing interest all together,
There is no need to keep liking someone who doesn't recuperate the feeling .

Yes and no. From what a lot of women have said on a thread I posted about giving out my number, women get turned off by a guy giving out their number and not asking the lady for hers.

In the last two situations, one woman and I were hitting it off great and I opted to give her my business card. Looking back, if I asked for her number or even asked her to continue our conversation at my place or her place, something would've happened... the other one, I passed a note to a friend of the woman I was interested in. So, yes, you're right they weren't into me in the end, but if I had done things differently, both would have been different outcomes

May 7, 2016

Of course it's her right, but that's not how society has worked for the past several thousand years, and as it happens, old habits are hard to break. Men have grabbed me and shoved their tongue down my throat when I've turned them down for more dates, in an effort to try and convince me of how "wrong" I was. One guy went completely nuts after I gently told him after a first date that I wasn't feeling it--he contacted me by all possible means in the following days trying to get me to reconsider, that he had developed deep feelings for me during our one-hour date, and that he couldn't imagine his life without me. It took me threatening to contact the authorities to get him to stop. So, yes, women should be able to turn down a date and be allowed to go about their business, but there are concerns for their reputation or safety that cause them to equivocate, leading to confusion for the men asking them. Which goes to show why sexism is just as hurtful to men as it is to women.

I don't know why people get so offended to the point of violence over someone not liking them.

I understand a woman trying to be polite to not hurt a guy's feelings or putting herself in a dangerous situation with the dude going ape sh-t over a rejection... what I don't like is someone insulting my intelligence. To me that's more offensive and insulting than a flat out rejection.

If a woman were to let me down, reject me, please give me: "Aw, that's sweet of you but I'm a relationship." Whether it's a lie or not, at least I walk away knowing I tried and not have my ego crushed.

May 7, 2016

Thread: tl;dr

Anyway Ive only done it once and this was one of the most embarassing moment in my life..

Short version: Been flirting in an all inclusive resort with that young lady.. Laughing and joking every evening until I decided it was time for me to grow a pair and ask her out.. Took her out of the staff and clients, gave a note with my number and she never called... I never understood why. Was it too pushy?

Needless to say.. The remaining days and dinner felt terribly awkward and our flirting stopped instantly. Sometimes life sucks.

I explained the story to a much older and experienced friend and he told me that it was too pushy. Maybe so.

May 7, 2016

Thread: tl;dr

Anyway Ive only done it once and this was one of the most embarassing moment in my life..

Short version: Been flirting in an all inclusive resort with that young lady.. Laughing and joking every evening until I decided it was time for me to grow a pair and ask her out.. Took her out of the staff and clients, gave a note with my number and she never called... I never understood why. Was it too pushy?

Needless to say.. The remaining days and dinner felt terribly awkward and our flirting stopped instantly. Sometimes life sucks.

I explained the story to a much older and experienced friend and he told me that it was too pushy. Maybe so.

You went to all that trouble to excuse her from the staff and clients just to hand her a note? Why not just tell her to visit you in your room later on?

May 8, 2016

You went to all that trouble to excuse her from the staff and clients just to hand her a note? Why not just tell her to visit you in your room later on?

Spare me your snarkily assumption. I was and I am still looking for a serious Relationship.

Oh wait, all men are lying, cheating and manipulative bastards.

Good bye.

May 8, 2016

Why not just tell her to visit you in your room later on?

What???

<<<<<<<

May 8, 2016

Spare me your snarkily assumption. I was and I am still looking for a serious Relationship.

Oh wait, all men are lying, cheating and manipulative bastards.

Good bye.

Okay, my mistake for assuming you were just looking for a good time. Instead of asking her to your room, why not tell her how you felt instead of handing her the note?

May 8, 2016

What???
<<<<<<<

I thought he was looking for :bunny:

May 8, 2016

Any waitress or someone in a similar profession who is friendly or possibly flirty with their customers is most likely just doing their job. They are your captive audience who gets paid with tips.

I don't think the op should feel foolish or too humiliated to go back. But realize that that girl is not like someone on the street or at a bar, that can just get up and walk away when you are flirting with them. I definitely wouldn't ask for her number if you went back. Just act normal like nothing happened.

May 8, 2016

Of course it's her right, but that's not how society has worked for the past several thousand years, and as it happens, old habits are hard to break. Men have grabbed me and shoved their tongue down my throat when I've turned them down for more dates, in an effort to try and convince me of how "wrong" I was. One guy went completely nuts after I gently told him after a first date that I wasn't feeling it--he contacted me by all possible means in the following days trying to get me to reconsider, that he had developed deep feelings for me during our one-hour date, and that he couldn't imagine his life without me. It took me threatening to contact the authorities to get him to stop. So, yes, women should be able to turn down a date and be allowed to go about their business, but there are concerns for their reputation or safety that cause them to equivocate, leading to confusion for the men asking them. Which goes to show why sexism is just as hurtful to men as it is to women.

clingy guys who can't take a no are the worst , that is very creepy indeed ,

sorry this happened to you

May 8, 2016

I am confused about number 2. Where did she say she was going to call? I read what happened three times and she never ever said she would call. Or text.

OP asked her out, she said maybe and HE gave her his number.

She NEVER asked for his number and she NEVER promised, said or even suggested she would call or text.

She doesn't owe him nor is she obligated to do anything other than treat him respectfully if he ever goes back there and she is his waitress again.

OP, do not confront her about this or attempt to make her feel guilty.

She has not done anything wrong!

It would be completely inappropriate especially at her place of work.

Her *maybe* was a polite way of saying no. It is very common given the crazy reactions from men women are forced to contend with after hearing the word no.

Sorry this didn't work out, but try and let it go.

Being resilient and not taking everything so personally goes s long way at being successful at dating..

I am not going to make her feel guilty in order to get a call back or possibly a pity date , that is just pathetic and devious , and that is not who I am .

maybe I can get a date that way but even if it is the case , I won't go down that path , it is just not me .

It has been my experience that asking again after getting a NO is a very humiliating thing and never ever works .

I do feel like I need to get to the bottom of this , to know her true feelings no matter what they might be , but I need to read the signs first .

I will go there twice in the future , if she "happened" to be off the floor then that is my answer , if she waited my table I might drop a very subtle hint but nothing more .

if she wants to make sure I am serious , then I have no qualms about asking her out again , if she is the "chase me " type then , sorry but no ,

I won't be chasing anyone .

May 8, 2016

I am confused about number 2. Where did she say she was going to call? I read what happened three times and she never ever said she would call. Or text.

OP asked her out, she said maybe and HE gave her his number.

She NEVER asked for his number and she NEVER promised, said or even suggested she would call or text.

She doesn't owe him nor is she obligated to do anything other than treat him respectfully if he ever goes back there and she is his waitress again.

OP, do not confront her about this or attempt to make her feel guilty.

She has not done anything wrong!

It would be completely inappropriate especially at her place of work.

Her *maybe* was a polite way of saying no. It is very common given the crazy reactions from men women are forced to contend with after hearing the word no.

Sorry this didn't work out, but try and let it go.

Being resilient and not taking everything so personally goes s long way at being successful at dating..

I can argue that being respectful would require a certain amount of clarity and honesty , not vagueness and equivocation .

just sayin'

May 8, 2016

Thread: tl;dr

Anyway Ive only done it once and this was one of the most embarassing moment in my life..

Short version: Been flirting in an all inclusive resort with that young lady.. Laughing and joking every evening until I decided it was time for me to grow a pair and ask her out.. Took her out of the staff and clients, gave a note with my number and she never called... I never understood why. Was it too pushy?

Needless to say.. The remaining days and dinner felt terribly awkward and our flirting stopped instantly. Sometimes life sucks.

I explained the story to a much older and experienced friend and he told me that it was too pushy. Maybe so.

no , it was not .

she just wasn't interested I guess , just playing around .

if it is pushy to give her your number , then it is even pushier to ask her number , so ...

how the heck are you gonna date her ? ....

I don't buy your friend's analysis

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