generalguy Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 Hi. I'm new here and well, honestly new to actually dating overall. See, I've been on maybe three dates in my life. All I've ended after just the one date. I didn't feel anything, or they were just way too clingy and turned me off immediately. However, just recently I met this girl who I feel (and she even said it herself) we are almost the same person - just the opposite sex. We share a lot in common and the time we've spent and the conversations we've had only highlight how compatible we are. She's the first person who I've dated more than one date - and same for her - I'm the first she's ever been on this many dates with. We've had five dates now. Nothing sexual, I know she wants to go slow and wants to build something. So do I. She makes me really happy. We've kissed, held hands, hugged. Anyways, despite this, there's a few things I just find odd, that I've noticed since our last date. For the most recent date we had planned to meet and she rescheduled on me three times. She's said she wasn't feeling well, or was over tired but since she always gave a different date I assumed she wasn't doing it to avoid me. After this fifth date though it feels like she's become a bit distant. Not messaging / talking as much as we did, and most importantly, when I mention things we were talking about doing together before she blames her work schedule saying it's probably not going to happen. I don't get how she's all of the sudden so busy with everything. Family and friends (which are very important I understand), and even charity work. I love she's doing all this, because I want her to be happy. I also know our work schedules do clash. However I've done a lot to make sure it works and let her know, if I'm not at my job I'm free to be with her and want to spend time with her. However I don't get the feeling from her she would want to do the same. I suppose I'm trying to figure out why we seemed to be going strong and making progress - and the point I desire to see her as much as possible - yet I feel she's trying to push me away but I can't figure out why. She talks to me every day and I even gave her space to see if she would initate talking the last few times and she does. So I know she's interested. Even when I asked her she said she's into me and really enjoys spending time with me. If so, why won't she make time, even if it's just a hour or two a week or a couple times a week? Why is she backing away from plans we had to do certain things as dates all of a sudden? I'm wondering if maybe I am doing something that's making her back away - or am I just reading into this? Any ideas? I don't want to waste her time or mine for that matter if she's really just trying to find a way to let me down easy for whatever reason. If that was the case, it would be great if she said something. It would suck, cause I really like this girl. But, the heart wants what it wants, I'd just like to figure out what hers wants.
Dis Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 Sounds like she just had a change of heart but shes still entertaining the idea of you...maybe shes trying to convince herself that she likes you. I know it hurts to have somone you like pull away. It sounds like you got invested, thats an easy thing to do, your human. It also sounds like your very young, so just a tip....When you are first dating someone pls be aware that things can change and end in a heartbeat for any reason. Try not to get too invested early on (Easier said than done, I know) If for some reason shes still interested, let her prove that to you. I would stop texting her and let her text you to set up a date. I wouldnt put much stock into the "Hey, hows it going" texts as these prove nothing other than the fact she just wants a text buddy. I'd start looking elsewhere. Sorry hun. Keep your chin up. Plenty of fish in the sea 4
Author generalguy Posted May 3, 2016 Author Posted May 3, 2016 Thanks. I figured this could be it. I'm 23, so yes, young, but very little dating experience in my life. I think you're right about the texting buddy thing, never even thought about that being a possibility. I guess I'll leave it as is and if it turns out she's really interested she'll probably make a move from what you are suggesting.
smudge21 Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 I'd talk to her about it. I know many will suggest doing the silent treatment and seeing if the partner comes to them, but the problem there is relying on the other person understanding your intentions. If you made most of the contact, initiated most of the time (and generally it's the men who do) then to suddenly go quiet may tell her you've lost interest and as she's got into that position of letting you reach out, she won't feel like initiating herself. Just my opinion but I'd call her (not text) and ask her. I've done that in the past and from there have been told that nothing is wrong and they're just busy, yadda yadda, but it's clear they're moving on. At that point I've at least made the effort and now felt okay about moving on myself. I'd rather that than spend ages wondering if... JMO. 1
Gaeta Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 I'd talk to her about it. I know many will suggest doing the silent treatment and seeing if the partner comes to them, but the problem there is relying on the other person understanding your intentions. If you made most of the contact, initiated most of the time (and generally it's the men who do) then to suddenly go quiet may tell her you've lost interest and as she's got into that position of letting you reach out, she won't feel like initiating herself. Just my opinion but I'd call her (not text) and ask her. I've done that in the past and from there have been told that nothing is wrong and they're just busy, yadda yadda, but it's clear they're moving on. At that point I've at least made the effort and now felt okay about moving on myself. I'd rather that than spend ages wondering if... JMO. Even when I asked her she said she's into me and really enjoys spending time with me. He already spoke to her about it, no need to repeat himself. OP, she is keeping you on the back burner, she probably met someone else and keeps you on the back burner. You shouldn't be anybody plan's B. Time to move on. Sorry 1
Zippy2000 Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 Strung along? You could be. Based on my past experience with a girl. I had gave her my number. She told me she was single and fast forward month later she told me she wasnt aware that I wanted to date her. I hope youre making your intentions clear and by telling her you are wanting to date. The girl I describe above initially liked me but I guess she had a change for heart and didnt tell me. I sent her a valanetines card February just gone and she still didnt tell me she had a chnage of heart until I called her up on it. She then denied she ever knew I wanted to date her and then said we didnt have the same "dynamic" and she was seeing someone else. You have to find out now what she wants and if someone re-schedules 3 times. it shoes shes not that excited about seeing you. Good luck out there. 1
Lois_Griffin Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 You know how you thought the other girls you went on one date with were being supposedly 'clingy?' That's how you're acting, now. What did you do about those clingy girls? You nexted them. She's chosen to put you on the back burner because she's got other pokers in the fire. 1
Author generalguy Posted May 3, 2016 Author Posted May 3, 2016 You know how you thought the other girls you went on one date with were being supposedly 'clingy?' That's how you're acting, now. What did you do about those clingy girls? You nexted them. She's chosen to put you on the back burner because she's got other pokers in the fire. Yes, you're exactly right. I am acting this way and being on the other side I think I get it now. I suppose I deserve some payback. With that being said we did finally have a conversation where I bluntly asked, where is this going and what do you see happening. Turns out, and I take stock in what she says here, that she basically... - Enjoys being around me - Wants to be around me more - Might be hesitating because I'm her first serious relationship (again we're both in the same boat on this one). - Things are going forward in her eyes - Finally, she wants to keep this on track So, I mean, to be I think it's clear I'm overthinking the situation. But anyone's thought on this development? Is it still a "back burner" scenario? I mean I have nothing to lose if I wait to see how it turns out right? I just shouldn't invest unless I see the same effort on her end I think.
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