nordic Posted May 2, 2016 Posted May 2, 2016 I miss my ex girlfriend. I always do after breakups when I have been in love. This is the third time in my life, and it doesnt get easier with each time. Its the opposite, it gets worse. First time I was over the girl in like half a year, I was then in my mid twenties. Second time took about a year, I was in my 30s. Now I am in my 40s and this time its worse. Its only been 5 months, well soon, now its 4 months and 16 days. But its bad this time, I notice that. Maybe we get weaker as men over the years, or its something else. The women younger as well, and maybe the gap means its harder to replace the girl. Its now how i feel but maybe its subconscious. So I felt ok in the beginning, I knew it would get worse though. And it has been getting to me, gradually worse and worse. I get like a pressure behind my eyes when it gets to me, and that does not go away by itself. And not much helps. So far the plan has been to to three things. I train about four hours a day, which is enough to balance me but i cant keep it up, so after about four days I crash and then I get like a hangover from both the training and the fact that I miss her. But at least I stay ok for four days. I also sleep weird, I had a sleep in the weekend where I slept for 24 hours straight almost. I went up after 5 hours to drink, and after another 5 hours i was awake for two, and then slept twelve hours in one go. Second thing is it to date other women. The problem is that the girls I had as girlfriends, especially this last one, are such high quality that finding women like that is close to impossible, its takes a lot of time a bit of luck. And for some reason I get so mean to the girls I date, I treat them really bad, not coz I like to, but I have like thorn in me. I dont want to see them really, but the sex helps some, and it balance out any jealousy that I might otherwise start having (I really need to avoid that, for everybody's sake, I have so far). Anyway, so I dont know what to do there, I need the sex, but its getting a bit crazy. One of the girls I actually really hurt, and I am amazingly mean. Third. When I get a pressure that doesnt go away, I go to her house. I have a place where cant be seen and I cant see her or anybody in the apartment, but I can see the lights in her home. For some reason it takes away the pressure and I feel calm. Its enough, I dont need more. But its crazy so I try to avoid it. I have done it four times now. Last time, last night. I am not snooping really. Its something else that calms me. I can walk further up a hill and see through her windows, I also have all her passwords from when we were together, so I could go full spy crazy. But of course I am not stupid in that way. Anyway. Is there a way to heal quicker? Does anybody have tricks? As it feels now I will be in for a two year thing this time. I dont want to, and I am not sure I have the time either. This girl was 15 years younger than me and a perfect 10, and the next will need to be almost 20+ years younger, and I am not sure how long I can keep pulling stuff like that off. If I even can again. For now I dont want anybody anyway so, but in the long run it will be the only way to start functioning again.
Larryville Posted May 2, 2016 Posted May 2, 2016 I miss my ex girlfriend. I always do after breakups when I have been in love. This is the third time in my life, and it doesnt get easier with each time. I read this three times and don’t understand a freaking thing you are talking about. Judging from the first line alone just sounds like you don’t have a clue what being in a relationship means, or the true meaning of “love” Maybe another participant can translate for me, or I need an espresso shot to wake the brain up!
Author nordic Posted May 2, 2016 Author Posted May 2, 2016 I read this three times and don’t understand a freaking thing you are talking about. Judging from the first line alone just sounds like you don’t have a clue what being in a relationship means, or the true meaning of “love” Maybe another participant can translate for me, or I need an espresso shot to wake the brain up! Not that I am enormously hopeful for anything useful coming out of this. But you could also ask about what you dont get. To me thats pretty straight forward.
Larryville Posted May 2, 2016 Posted May 2, 2016 Miss her I miss my ex girlfriend. I always do after breakups when I have been in love. This is the third time in my life, and it doesnt get easier with each time. First time, second, third…. Bla bla . But its bad this time, Maybe we get weaker as men over the years, The women younger as well, harder to replace the girl. gradually worse and worse. I get like a pressure behind my eyes when it gets to me, So far the plan has been to to three things. I train about four hours a day, I get like a hangover slept twelve hours in one go. Second thing is it to date other women. girls I had as girlfriends, especially this last one, are such high quality finding women like that is close to impossible, for some reason I get so mean to the girls I date, You clearly have an issue with women in general... I treat them really bad, I dont want to see them really, but the sex helps some, You don't value women, that is learned behavior... balance out any jealousy I need the sex, One of the girls I actually really hurt, and I am amazingly mean. When I get a pressure that doesnt go away I go to her house. I am not snooping really. Its something else that calms me I can walk further up a hill and see through her windows, So you are a stalker... I also have all her passwords Ok.... Anyway. Is there a way to heal quicker? Does anybody have tricks? This girl was 15 years younger than me and a perfect 10 the next will need to be almost 20+ years younger For now I dont want anybody anyway so, but in the long run it will be the only way to start functioning again. Even after reading I don’t know what you are asking or what your specific issue is, not cut and dry to my. If someone else comments maybe that can decipher for me. Sorry, but you have some issues you need to address with yourself. Not about "tricks" dude you clearly have no respect for women, in my opinion. 1
Author nordic Posted May 2, 2016 Author Posted May 2, 2016 You clearly have an issue with women in general... You don't value women, that is learned behavior... One of the girls I actually really hurt, and I am amazingly mean. So you are a stalker... Ok.... Even after reading I don’t know what you are asking or what your specific issue is, not cut and dry to my. If someone else comments maybe that can decipher for me. Sorry, but you have some issues you need to address with yourself. Not about "tricks" dude you clearly have no respect for women, in my opinion. Probably true. The objective now is to get over this one though. I dont think i can use any of that you wrote for that. But thanks for the effort.
Larryville Posted May 2, 2016 Posted May 2, 2016 Dude you need help, therapy and or some professional counseling. I'm dead serious, not making lite of your situation at all. You have to address "you" first before anything else. Good luck. 1
Noideanow Posted May 2, 2016 Posted May 2, 2016 hi nordic, i can understand everything you write and i think you are perfectly healthy, but just still in love:) why did the relationship end? was she in love with you or was it onesided? if you can come to peace by knowing that you have done everything you could to make it work then i think you will feel better-
Larryville Posted May 2, 2016 Posted May 2, 2016 i can understand everything you write and i think you are perfectly healthy… for some reason I get so mean to the girls I date, I treat them really bad, I dont want to see them really, I can walk further up a hill and see through her windows, I also have all her passwords Perfectly healthy… alrighty then… 2
Author nordic Posted May 3, 2016 Author Posted May 3, 2016 hi nordic, i can understand everything you write and i think you are perfectly healthy, but just still in love:) why did the relationship end? was she in love with you or was it onesided? if you can come to peace by knowing that you have done everything you could to make it work then i think you will feel better- Yes, very much still in love. I am struggling to decouple. I know I work like this, so its no surprise. And it helps that I know its a finite time. But it is still like being in the beginning of something that is really hard, and knowing that there a lot left. Relationships are tricky and difficult, since people are difficult and complicated. Its hard to exactly point out why it ended. We started fighting and she fell out of love. She is the type that does that though, I knew from the beginning that this would happen. But I liked her too much and decided to do it this way. I knew that I would pay this price for this girl. I am still happy I did though, in the end I will hopeful get through this and just have the positive memories. The love was very much mutual in the beginning, she fell for me like she never fell before, and thats what made me go with it and fall in love as well. It just felt too good. The girl in stunningly beautiful. Highly intelligent and very social. She was born on a stage. She went into politics at a young age, during her studies, and go so involved that she ended up in parlament and the head of a womans organisation at the age of 25. All her family works with music, and she is the black sheep for not doing that, but she benefited enormously from it. She can change a room just was walking into it, I have seen that many times, and thats from her background partly. Her relationships kind of told me what would happen. She had three of them, and they are with older often very powerful men, except her first boyfriend. One member of parlament (her longest relationship) and then a very famous actor. She ended it with all of them, since she gets bored, and she loses interest. She is very sexually driven and thats where her relationships get their energy from. She also sexually submissive, which makes for a very powerful dynamic when one hits it right with her. We hit it off enormously there and thats where a lot of the energy into the relationship came from. The issue with her there, is that since she is so socially dominant, she needs powerful men since if she is able to dominant them socially the sexual dynamics change and at one point she loses interest. So when that starts happening the choices for the man is to fight her socially or lose the sex dynamics, and that in the long run leads to long term friction that breaks things down slowly. Yes, I did what i could more or less, within a complicated framework to keep her, but I knew I had to let her go, at one point. The feelings are difficult to handle at the moment. I use them as energy and burn them away as much as possible, while trying to use the environment to get well, without causing too much destruction. I never did any drugs but I have seen people trying to quit smoking and alcohol and I think this is like that to a degree. I am still hooked on her and I am trying to take one day at a time to put distance in time between me and her. Its so slow though, I still automatically count the days. She may have similar feelings it seems. I got an envelope that she had come here to deliver herself since it had no address written on it, where she compared it to quitting a favourite drug by going cold turkey. Maybe she was just feeling in what i feel. I have no real clue what she feels. It will never work though, so plan now is to let time work this out.
Author nordic Posted May 3, 2016 Author Posted May 3, 2016 Perfectly healthy… alrighty then… Its been experience, that people's inner life often shine through in what they express and how, more so than the actual problems that they experience in life. we all experience those, especially if participate in life a lot. People who are sincerely happy with their lives seldom end up in commentator fields and internet forums feeling the need to be very negative and destructive. That is usually instead a sign that they are not happy with something their lives. Maybe they are not really happy with their job/career or their relationships or maybe they have few or not very close friends. Or something else. Its usually something like that, and instead of finding ways of solving that they let their negative emotions out on issues that are unrelated to them. That feels safe, and helps short term, but will never lead to happiness since the energy that would be spent on that real change that matters are being used in the wrong way.
Noideanow Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 interesting to read, just hope you find the true love around the corner-) love shouldnt be so complicated:( i think your feelings Will die out soner than you realize maybe the next time you see her there will be nothing left:o i have experienced that:o Good luckk:)
Zippy2000 Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 Sorry to hear you miss your ex-girlfriend. I guess she was the one for you. To answer your question. There isnt any quick way to heal except give it time. Im like you. As you get older the break ups get harder. Have you tried to take up a hobby that takes you away from your ex girlfriend. Something like cycling or meeting up with new people or friends to take your mind off things?
Author nordic Posted May 3, 2016 Author Posted May 3, 2016 interesting to read, just hope you find the true love around the corner-) love shouldnt be so complicated:( i think your feelings Will die out soner than you realize maybe the next time you see her there will be nothing left:o i have experienced that:o Good luckk:) I have no chance to feel anything real until this is healed. Otherwise that would be a solution. I have a feeling this will take two years, I am buckling down for that at least. If it takes shorter its good. Id it takes much longer I dont know, I might not recover at all. Thanks for the pep.
Author nordic Posted May 3, 2016 Author Posted May 3, 2016 Sorry to hear you miss your ex-girlfriend. I guess she was the one for you. To answer your question. There isnt any quick way to heal except give it time. Im like you. As you get older the break ups get harder. Have you tried to take up a hobby that takes you away from your ex girlfriend. Something like cycling or meeting up with new people or friends to take your mind off things? Interesting that you work the same as you get older. Are you a male? It feels it works the same with other things as well for me. I had a lucky escape once as a young man. Two friends died, and there was a couple of hard months afterwards where things happened. I was a teenager. I got over that very quickly I realise now with hindsight. Today it would have shook me to the core and made me think and feel much longer. I could do more there. Maybe something completely new. Its good advice. I will work it in. Doing things for the first time put things in perspective.
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