can't tell if he really means it or if he seeing how long i will stay to find out

[kimmie1212]

I've been dating this guy 4 5yrs. & it's been quite a ride on my emotions. He's 43 & i'm 29. He has been married&div. once & lived with another 10 yrs. I've been married&div. once. He never had kids & I have a 6yr. old girl. We worked 2gether in the same factory 4 4yrs. & never spoke a word. Then out of the blue, he came up 2 me & asked me out. For the 1st month, we talked on the phone every night, sometimes right up till time 4 work. Finally, we got 2 go out & we really enjoyed each other alot. Seen alot of each other. He lived with friend & his wife so it was hard 2 have quality time because it was a hang out place.

 

He started talking about he needed 2 do something with his life & he needed a place where he could die. He found his dream house & bought it July 2003. It needed total remodeling inside & out. Moved in with me 2 save money while he fixed a bedroom & bath 2 live there. He talked about living the all american dream. He stayed with me 4 7 months & then moved there. In those 7 months, I spent every spare moment I had at his house cleaning, scrubbing, picking up, & helping him. When he moved in, ALL of his time was spent on the house. We hardly spent any quality time 2gether. It was hard on me but, I could handle it because I thought I was in the BIG PICTURE.

 

The day he bought house, I found out I was pregnant. I told him & I knew by the look in his eyes, he diden't want 2 b a father. We talked & decided 2 have a abortion would b best. Deep down, I diden't want it but, I loved him so much that I diden't want 2 ruin his dream.

 

As time went on, he totally put me on the back burner. I tried to tell him but, it done no good. Summer 2004, he cheated on me while I was visiting my sister in Del.(I diden't find out about it until last yr). I got 2 the point where I was so lonely that I turned 2 a guy friend at work. We both had the same prob. We would talk at work & on the phone at night. Then one night, we ended up having sex. I was 2 the point that I was going 2 leave him. Funny thing is everyone knew about me&other guy but him. Really shows u how much he paid attention 2 me. Finally, a friend at work told him. He totally was surprised & hurt.I never thought he would react the way he did. He still stayed with me & from that day on he mentally & emotionally abused me. Made me feel like I was whore 4 doing that 2 him.(remember he has already cheated but i diden'tknow) This went on 4 over a yr & one of his friends finally told me what he did. I was a hell of alot more mad than I was hurt 4 all the emotional abuse he put me through. I confornted him & he said it was nothing & none of my business. Acted like it was ok 4 him 2 do it but , it was a major deal when i did.The trust issue in our relatioship is very hard. The talk of big picture was turned into he doesn't want 2 get married or even live 2gether.

 

It's been 5yrs now & his mind hasen't changed but, he really scared of the thought of me leaving him or finding someone else. Since our last talk, I've decided 2 stop giving my all & getting nothing in return. I've stop going out 2 his house everynight 2 about once a week. I don't call as much. Last night, he came by about 8pm & left at 1030.When he left, he asked me what I was going 2 do & i said go 2 bed. My phone rings at1215am & It's him calling 2 see if I had left the house. Then kept on questioning why I was still up & not in bed. I ask him whats up & he says the way I've been acting lately by not callin or comin 2 his house makes him think I'm seein someone else. He also start up about the past when we agreed not 2.

 

Ok here's where I need some help on if he really means it when he says he doesen't want 2 get married or llive 2gether or is he testing me on how long I'm willing 2 stick it out. Now that I'm not around as much he seems like it bothers him. What do I need 2 do or look 4 2 find out his intentions on his plans 4 us?

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

Ok here's where I need some help on if he really means it when he says he doesen't want 2 get married or llive 2gether or is he testing me on how long I'm willing 2 stick it out. Now that I'm not around as much he seems like it bothers him. What do I need 2 do or look 4 2 find out his intentions on his plans 4 us?

 

He really means it when he says he doesn't want to get married or live together.

 

He IS testing you to see how long you will stick it out.

 

Of course it bothers him that you're not around as much to clean his house, have sex with him, and receive the abuse he dishes out.

 

For your own sake and your daughter's get on with your life. He is a selfish loser who is using you for what HE can get out of it.