Twon Posted May 2, 2016 Posted May 2, 2016 Hi everyone, First id like to thank everyone on this site as reading a lot of other peoples stories has helped me immensely with my relationship troubles recently. As the title suggests, I have a 2 week holiday planned with my ex gf of 5 years. Unfortunately all costs have been paid and pretty much everything is non refundable or transferable due to being on special. We have both talked about it and both still want to go and while im somewhat confident it will be a good trip, understandably I do have my reservations too. While the money we paid is the biggest issue, we have both been looking forward to this trip for ages and think itd be a waste to not go anyway some additional info: - trip is scheduled for 2 months time. LC at the moment only contacting each other about trip. - break up was 2 weeks ago and not mutual, but somewhat amicable- i was the dumpee. no begging and arguing but crying on both sides (I saw it coming). - Both left relationship on friendly terms and mutual respect (or so i hope!) - Reasons for breakup: stress she is going through now with uni/anxiety issues and my general lack of communication and clinginess. Before anyone asks, despite being the dumpee, I actually have no intention of using the trip to reconcile, or at least not in a romantic way. We were one of those couples that just evolved from being the best of friends to lovers. I know it will be extremely difficult to do, particularly if we still have romantic feelings for each other, but i do hope we can remain as friends. To contradict myself somewhat tho, I can still see us being lovers again one day tho...just not in the immediate future. Im not sure if thats truly what i feel or simply my mind playing tricks with me post breakup tho... To make matters more confusing, I have suggested we get seperate rooms or at least an extra bed, but my ex doesnt want to and wants us to sleep in the same bed?!?! what gives?! Has anyone been in a similar situation or have any advice on what I should do? Also its in 2 months time. Do you think thats enough time for us to get over each other romantically?
gimlynick Posted May 2, 2016 Posted May 2, 2016 Hey! So many things can happen in the next 2 months, be carefull! I tell you a little bit of my story: allmost 2 years together, booked a flight end of january to Iceland ( we were going in August ), 1 month later she dumps me ( peacefully ), she still wants to go with me to Iceland. 1 month later ( so we are march ) she says she doesn't want to go anymore... It was for both of us our dream destination and we have promised to to never go anymore... It's just painfull for both and she said one day we go together... lol Anyway: I just want to say that in 2 months she still can change her mind in going with you on vacation. Make sure you're not suprised by this. Is there a possibility that she or you go with a friend, instead of going together? It will be an emotional mess! Maybe you will both have fun over there, maybe you will even get back together... Because on vacation special things happen. But when you're back home she can back off all of a suden without explenation. Just be carefull my friend, it's a very tricky thing to do. You don't have annulation Insurance?
Standard-Fare Posted May 2, 2016 Posted May 2, 2016 Twon, get out of this trip. You already know it's not healthy to go on a TWO-WEEK VACATION with an ex who just dumped you. Suggest to her that she should invite a GF instead of you, with you trying to recoup as much $$ as possible but acknowledging that you'll lose some. If she's not into that, suggest the vice versa: that YOU invite a friend on the trip and she ditches it. Going forward with the trip with the two of you would be dangerous for several reasons. First, it's delaying the impact of the breakup. Neither of you have to treat the breakup as "real" if you know you're spending an intimate two weeks with each other down the line. You're not moving forward, you're not trying to heal... Beyond that, I can promise that trip would be an emotional rollercoaster of nightmare proportions. Tensions, fights, confusion, nostalgia. If there's make-up sex (chances are good) that's just going to inflate the confusions. You'll end the trip more confused than ever, probably more hurt than ever. GET OUT! 3
BC1980 Posted May 2, 2016 Posted May 2, 2016 I would get out of the trip if I were you. Something sort of similar happened to me. I think we has already paid for plane tickets but not hotel rooms. I ended up getting a different hotel than him but still going on the trip. It was supposed to be a family trip, so his family was there. I hung out with him for a few days of the trip, which was a bad idea. Being with her will mess up the trip quite frankly. You won't be able to enjoy it.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 2, 2016 Posted May 2, 2016 This trip is a recipe for disaster. Don't go. Let her find someone else to accompany her, or vice versa. Have that person reimburse the amount to you (or her, if you go) I can't see how anything positive will come out of this.
Author Twon Posted May 2, 2016 Author Posted May 2, 2016 Thanks for your replies everyone Unfortunately none of the flights can be transferred to another name so it is a case of just forfeiting one of the persons money if one of us don't go. We can't cancel the hotel either but it is under her name so essentially only she can use it if she goes with a friend but not vice versa. And gimlynick no I looked into it insurance doesn't cover cancellation unless it's like a medical or family emergency Standard fare, the potential for the roller coaster of emotions is what scares me Most! I feel quite happy with the progress I've made already in just 2 weeks but feel like all that can change in the time we are away. I mean I can avoid serious talk etc and keep it fun and light but not 24/7 for 2 weeks! Im just hoping that in these 2 months before we go everything will be much clearer...
ExpatInItaly Posted May 2, 2016 Posted May 2, 2016 Thanks for your replies everyone Unfortunately none of the flights can be transferred to another name so it is a case of just forfeiting one of the persons money if one of us don't go. We can't cancel the hotel either but it is under her name so essentially only she can use it if she goes with a friend but not vice versa. And gimlynick no I looked into it insurance doesn't cover cancellation unless it's like a medical or family emergency Standard fare, the potential for the roller coaster of emotions is what scares me Most! I feel quite happy with the progress I've made already in just 2 weeks but feel like all that can change in the time we are away. I mean I can avoid serious talk etc and keep it fun and light but not 24/7 for 2 weeks! Im just hoping that in these 2 months before we go everything will be much clearer... What happens if she starts seeing someone else in these next couple months? Or if you do?
Author Twon Posted May 2, 2016 Author Posted May 2, 2016 BC1980 if you don't mind could I ask in which way exactly did your trip with your ex turn into a disaster? Was it just uncomfortable for you two to hang Out? Was the breakup messy? I've had a breakup before where I didnt want to see the other where I didn't want to see my ex ever again. If that were the case this time I'd happily cancel and forfeit everything. What makes it complex this time tho is that I want this girl in my life as a friend. I don't want to offend her by not going. I just wanna see this trip as 2 friends going away together hence why I asked her if we coukd at least get separate rooms/beds... Think I might bring that up again with her. And unfortunately none of our friends can go. Even if someone could just come and act as a bit of a buffer for us would be good take the pressure off us just a little bit
Author Twon Posted May 2, 2016 Author Posted May 2, 2016 Expat, I'd like to say it wouldn't bother me as I just wanna be friends with her but who knows haha. I for one am definitely not looking for a relationship atm. Or even dating non serious for that matter. But I definitely see your point
d0nnivain Posted May 2, 2016 Posted May 2, 2016 If you think you can be civil to each other on the plane & in the hotel fine. What's gonna happen when a cute member of the opposite sex catches somebody's eye on this trip? Do you really want to be sitting there while some other guy hits on her? What if you see somebody interesting? Are you going to forgo that because you are on vacation with your EX? 1
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