BrianSmith Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 Is it normal to feel bored about your girlfriend? I've been in a relationship with her for 4 years now, and she's an amazing woman, and my best friend. Yet, I still feel seriously bored while talking to her on the phone; or even when I am with her. Sure, not always but sometimes I just do. I miss being single and having the chance of going out with my buddies and meeting other women. Since I am in a relationship, I need to report each time I go out with my buddies, what I am going to do, and meeting other women sexually, sure is out of the scene. Something also I find boring is she's not very sexually adventurous. Plenty of times before, I tried having sex with her in riskier places but she feel so uncomfortable that I've stopped doing it. And she already told me the doesn't enjoy it. So sex has become like a routine. I don't know I just feel bored, and my boredom is really starting to slap me on the face and that's why I decided to write this post here. I'd like to hear other people suggestions. Thanks you. -Brian Link to post Share on other sites
Zapbasket Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 It's perfectly normal to get bored of anything after a while. Boredom is a crossroads, where you have to examine whether you're "bored" because something has run its course (your job, where you live, your friend circle, your romantic relationship), or because you need to make some kind of mental adjustment, i.e., you're bored with yourself. I think you have to expect that with anything that is comfortable and familiar, there will be periods of boredom. We like routine but we also like when routine is shaken up. Since we can't easily throw everything up in the air every time we're bored, we have to find creative ways within ourselves to stay engaged in our current circumstances. If you've tried that and still feel bored, then you have to ask yourself some hard questions. Such as: where do you see this relationship going? You say your girlfriend is amazing, and your best friend, yet you have been together for four years now and don't mention any plans to get married, or go in on a joint venture together such as buy a house together, or plan a family, etc. Do you see a future with this person? When you look at where you want your life to go, do you see her in that vision? Ask yourself what in your conversations with her makes you feel bored. Do you talk about the same topics all the time? Regarding sex: "sexually adventurous" doesn't have to mean being game to have sex in "risky places." Would you be happy if she were game to try a new sexual position, or time of day for sex, or different lingerie, or new stimulus for sex such as watching porn together, or sharing and enacting new fantasies? When you can pinpoint what it is that bores you, then you can introduce some changes to the routine. Maybe plan a day trip together, or suggest taking a class together (cooking, tae-kwon-do, backcountry navigation, book club, indoor climbing). Maybe do some online research on new ways to pleasure a woman sexually and try them on her--lots of mind-blowing orgasms can awaken all kinds of sexual adventure. Think about things you don't know about her after all this time--people always have all kinds of secret hopes, wishes, dreams, potentials that they sublimate if they don't feel there's room for them in their current routine--and ask her about those things. Think of things you haven't shared with her in your inner life. Ask yourself, too, whether really you're bored with HER or your relationship, or whether your boredom stems from a dissatisfaction with another area of your life--boring friends, unstimulating job, dull location. Do you live in a suburb but dream of living in a city, or the country, or the mountains? Most often, boredom is in the beholder, and not intrinsic to the people or things you think are "making" you bored. Take responsibility for your boredom and get creative. Be the change you want to see happen. Don't wait for your girlfriend to become "un-boring" all on her own, because it won't happen. Also consider that maybe she is bored, too. Maybe she finds you boring lately, too. Do what you must to become interesting to yourself...and then see whether you are still bored with her. If you have done all these things and more, then maybe you have, indeed, outgrown your relationship and it's time to move on. But don't draw this conclusion before really getting in there and trying. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 How old are you both, and have you dated other women before her? Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 Anything routine can get boring. This is typical in relationships abd why communication is important. These 8ssue you have you should talk to her about it. U sure how old you are and if you are the only o e in a relationship ship while your buddies are si gle. Link to post Share on other sites
Larryville Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 Is it normal to feel bored about your girlfriend? I’m sorry but NO it isn’t if anyone bothers truly getting to know one another in the beginning… and not just spend all of the early times together screwing... I've been in a relationship with her for 4 years now, and she's an amazing woman, and my best friend. Check... Another contradictory post. ANAZING!? But boring… “best friend” but boring.. still feel seriously bored while talking to her on the phone; or even when I am with her. But is an AMAZING WOMAN and Best friend… I miss being single This is the crux of the thread... she's not very sexually adventurous. So sex has become like a routine. I don't know I just feel bored. Then just end it and stop wasting your time and hers or else you will eventually cheat, part and be back here posting about how you miss her and want her back and stalking her bla bla bla… 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 (edited) I agree with Larryville, the heart of this thread is that you miss being single and ready to mingle. As my mother used to tell me, if you're bored it's because you're boring Spicing up your sex life is one thing but being bored in your GF's company in general makes me wonder what's wrong with you. Edited May 2, 2016 by Michelle ma Belle 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 If someone 'dated' me for 4 years I'd be bored to. How come after 4 years this relationship is still at that 'dating' stage? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 If someone 'dated' me for 4 years I'd be bored to. How come after 4 years this relationship is still at that 'dating' stage? What is he supposed do? Marry her because that's what people are supposed to do after 4 years?? Talk about starting a marriage on rocky ground. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 What is he supposed do? Marry her because that's what people are supposed to do after 4 years?? Talk about starting a marriage on rocky ground. Did I say marriage? If after 4 years you are still in the 'dating' phase it's because your relationship lacks goals. After 4 years you should be working toward a common dream. A) A house B) Traveling C) living together D) Children E) starting a business together. Pick the one you like or add any F) G) H). 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 Did I say marriage? If after 4 years you are still in the 'dating' phase it's because your relationship lacks goals. After 4 years you should be working toward a common dream. A) A house B) Traveling C) living together D) Children E) starting a business together. Pick the one you like or add any F) G) H). I didn't dig into his posts to find his age, but in reading things I'm guessing he is early 20s. Marriage is usually not a topic then. His buddies are out drinking snd getting some while he is thinking about greener grass. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 when you say you are bored.....i always feel that boredom is something that you can fix....not anyone else....it isnt another persons responsibility to entertain you .....why not suggest non sexual fun things you can do outdoors....go hiking explore somewhere new ...give your self and your gf inspiration for deeper conversations......sex isnt everything but if you have a really high libido and your gf doesnt it could be a problem in compatability... but honestly when someone tells me they are bored ...i tell them why dont you find something else to do.use your imagination..fulfill some dreams of yours....people to visit places to see.....and do them with your gf...ask for her suggestions on doing something different and plan together.......deb... Link to post Share on other sites
GR4 Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 Did I say marriage? If after 4 years you are still in the 'dating' phase it's because your relationship lacks goals. After 4 years you should be working toward a common dream. A) A house B) Traveling C) living together D) Children E) starting a business together. Pick the one you like or add any F) G) H). Couldn't disagree with you more there. They may be your goals but that doesn't mean they're everyone's goals. I don't want kids and I don't believe in marriage. I'm not interested in starting a business. I like my own space so maybe if I had a relationship I'd want to live alone still. You can still be in a relationship and not have any of the things in the above list. Just because that's what society has deemed normal doesn't mean it should be that way. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 No, I don't get bored with my best friend. No matter what I'm doing--boring or exciting--I prefer to do it with him About sex, I've never understood how sex in risky places makes it better. It makes me nervous, and that's a turn off for me. There are so many other ways to make/keep sex exciting. Arouse her until she's begging for things you've only dreamed of hearing her say Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 Couldn't disagree with you more there. They may be your goals but that doesn't mean they're everyone's goals. I don't want kids and I don't believe in marriage. I'm not interested in starting a business. I like my own space so maybe if I had a relationship I'd want to live alone still. You can still be in a relationship and not have any of the things in the above list. Just because that's what society has deemed normal doesn't mean it should be that way. That is why I said and you add your own F G H, your own goals, dreams etc. Of course I know not everybody is seeking the same darn thing but couples should have goals and dreams! EVEN if they don't ever want to live together! It's up to them to decide of their goals and dreams, mine were just examples. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 I've been in a relationship with her for 4 years now, and she's an amazing woman, and my best friend. Yet, I still feel seriously bored while talking to her on the phone; or even when I am with her. Sure, not always but sometimes I just do. You have been long distance for 4 years. At some point the distance has to end and this relationship has to evolve to something else. You've been doing the same thing over and over for 4 years. It would kill any relationship, and before 4 years. How old are you 2? When is the long distance gonna end? Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 You have been long distance for 4 years. At some point the distance has to end and this relationship has to evolve to something else. You've been doing the same thing over and over for 4 years. It would kill any relationship, and before 4 years. How old are you 2? When is the long distance gonna end? Gaeta, what makes you presume it's a long distance relationship? Because they talk on the phone? What am I missing? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 Gaeta, what makes you presume it's a long distance relationship? Because they talk on the phone? What am I missing? I read his history Link to post Share on other sites
Larryville Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 I read his history G ya know you were the one who recommended I do this early on and I wish others who bother to take the time to respond to folks would take a moment and do this as well before responding. Posting a response to an individual who you can read their history helps in how you respond. Because some of these people who post you can call them on their BS and get an understanding of what they are really about. Doing this has helped me understand some of these people, but this may also be why I am seeing more "new" people but posting the same crap in a different manner to get a different response. Hey... just a thought 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 G ya know you were the one who recommended I do this early on and I wish others who bother to take the time to respond to folks would take a moment and do this as well before responding. Posting a response to an individual who you can read their history helps in how you respond. Because some of these people who post you can call them on their BS and get an understanding of what they are really about. Doing this has helped me understand some of these people, but this may also be why I am seeing more "new" people but posting the same crap in a different manner to get a different response. Hey... just a thought Yeah I guess I should start doing that too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrianSmith Posted May 4, 2016 Author Share Posted May 4, 2016 Thanks everyone for the wonderful replies. Our goals, not just mine for the past 4 years has been to build our financial life first. I've saw many times, couples who have children without considering their financial situation suffering in the long-term greatly their choices. So yes, that's why we haven't had that opportunity to have kids, nor our own home. But honestly that's not even the question, I have been analyzing my life during the past few days. I have come to the conclusion that I do miss being single and just going out meeting women. I am thirty at the moment but when I was younger I was extremely shy, and therefore, I didn't date around a lot. I have change a lot since then and yes, my girlfriend is a wonderful woman. I would definitely marry her. But I still don't feel sexually satisfied. I know someday, I'll be old and if I don't do what I got to do, I'll regret it. But making my mind has been really hard because she's a great woman. I guess that's why I feel bored. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 I am glad you have figured yourself out. As for the rest, just my grain of salt here, if you were feeling she was the one in your gut you would want to build a financial security with her. People that wait on money to marry, wait on better jobs, wait on less debts, that's all excuses. Being in a relationship is about building each other up, and together. It's not about building yourself first, if it was, no one under 45 would marry. Again being a couple is about surviving and building ourselves a better life 'together'. She was just not the one for you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrianSmith Posted May 4, 2016 Author Share Posted May 4, 2016 Well, you can still do that all without ever getting married. I have quite a different point of view about that. For me marriage is just a paper you sign. I know women love the idea. But honestly, it's just an old fashion belief that doesn't seem to be very effective, since so many people get divorce nowadays. And money is one of the biggest reasons why people get divorce in the first place. So yeah, money is more important than marriage so it's not an excuse. I would just like to have both. A great girlfriend and meet other women. But I know that's out of question so I must decide. Fortunately, everything eventually must come to a conclusion. But thanks for the reply Gaeta. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 But honestly that's not even the question, I have been analyzing my life during the past few days. I have come to the conclusion that I do miss being single and just going out meeting women. I am thirty at the moment but when I was younger I was extremely shy, and therefore, I didn't date around a lot. I have change a lot since then and yes, my girlfriend is a wonderful woman. I would definitely marry her. But I still don't feel sexually satisfied. I know someday, I'll be old and if I don't do what I got to do, I'll regret it. But making my mind has been really hard because she's a great woman. I guess that's why I feel bored. Why would you marry her if you're not sexually satisfied w/her? That's like asking for trouble and then signing up for it permanently. As to sexual boredom, even sex with the most beautiful and adventurous/voracious women becomes familiar, and that's when maturity kicks in and you accept that, as far as traditional relationships go, the sex won't be a constant moment of discovery and newness. But if you fall into complacency instead of familiarity, that's the dangerous thing, and it usually signals a fundamental attraction-based incompatibility. You shouldn't ignore those signs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrianSmith Posted May 4, 2016 Author Share Posted May 4, 2016 She satisfies me alright! Probably, I didn't use the correct word! I just want to have more sexual experiences with other women. As I said, I didn't have when I was younger because of shyness. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 She satisfies me alright! Probably, I didn't use the correct word! I just want to have more sexual experiences with other women. As I said, I didn't have when I was younger because of shyness. That answers one context but not the other - she's 'good' in your sexual encounters with you but she doesn't satisfy you comprehensively bc you want/need more partners. Don't marry someone like that, for your sake and hers. Link to post Share on other sites
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