Tuutuu22 Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years. He is a year older then me. Last year he came to my junior prom and I paid, I went to his senior prom and he paid. This year is my senior prom and I asked him if he could help me with the cost because its expensive (450$ between the tickets, bus and after party) and hard for me to pay it all. I have a job but dont make that much because im still in school. When I first asked him he said, "No problem, is 200$ ok?" I told him that'd be really helping me and i appreciate it. I thanked him multiple times. He said, "Np Ill get it to you at the end of this week." A week goes by and he hasnt said anything. So today I texted him and asked him when he could get the money to me by. He said, "How much do you want." I told him I'm not going to give you a specific price, that would be rude of me. He got nasty and said, "Well just tell me a number." I said, "forget it ill take care of it all." I started to tear up on the phone and told him the mere fact I had to ask for help is hurtful, i thought you wouldve offered." Then told him i had to go and ended the phone call. He came to my house. When I got into his truck he had the money in his hand. He said, "Before i give you the money, what did you say to me last year when i aksed you to help me pay for the weekend after prom?" I told him no. and he said "I paid for everything for my prom" Then i said, "I know that and appreciate that but who paid for my junior prom, me." He said "ok..." in a nasty tone and then i said to him "its amazing how when you do things theyre supposed to be notable but when i do its so what." Then i asked him how would your parents feel if they found out your sister was paying for her whole prom for her and her boyfriend? He told me, "My mom would pay for it all." so i said, "Thats fine ill pay for it, i dont want your help. and got out of his car and walked in my house. He got out of his truck and yelled my name i closed my front door and he went back in his car then sped off like a maniac. His truck is loud and my parents heard. My mom flipped out and said I need to break up with him. He's sped off before and my moms not too found of him she thinks he is a brat. i confused and hurt. He kept calling me after but i ignored every one of his calls because i dont know what to say or do. What would you do?
Shining One Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 His reactions are childish and that would be enough of a deal-breaker for many people. Is it a deal-breaker for you? As for the money situation, what is your preference? If you prefer split costs, then you should have each paid half on your previous proms. If you prefer taking turns, then this is your turn. If you want a guy who pays for everything, then you need to break up with this guy and find one who does.
CarrieT Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 More than once you have told him "forget it ill take care of it all" and "Thats fine ill pay for it, i dont want your help" so you are definitely sending him mixed messages. If you want his financial help, you have to tell him and not play the same type of games he is playing. He is not a mind-reader and can't be expected to KNOW that you mean something different than you are telling him. 1
basil67 Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 If you want help, don't say "it's fine, I'll take care of it" or refuse to name a price. Just tell him how much you need. Frankly, I think you both behaved childishly. 6
Gaeta Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 I am not American so maybe I don't fully understand the Prom thing. Isn't it the parent's responsibility to pay for their kid's prom? Why would a 17 year old be expected to shed 450$ ? 1
lilmissjava Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 A relationship should include compromise and communication. If you can't do either, what is the point? Pay for the prom yourself. You could have been saving for it all year as well. Nothing wrong with a contingency plan. Stick to your guns. The prom is on you.
SammySammy Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 Your parents should pay for your prom. I don't understand why they have you asking your boyfriend for money anyway much less flipping out over it.
preraph Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 Lord, proms have gotten expensive. I do think it's fair he pays half. You paid for your prom; he paid for his. Now you're even. If you pay for all of this, it will leave you paying more and he will hopefully not be having another one. You are right that once you asked, he never should have been recalcitrant and drug his feet and made you beg, and I agree with your mom about that, because that is NOT a good trait to have in a man if you intend to keep him and/or have children with him. So do plan on trading up at your convenience. But you did make an error when he asked you how much (even though you had already told the idiot how much -- again, making you beg). At that point, you should have said, "Still $200, like we agreed to before." You got your feelings hurt and became petulant and he was acting like a jerk. So you both got cross-wise. Of course you could always accept another gentleman's invitation to take you to prom.
preraph Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 Lord, proms have gotten expensive. I do think it's fair he pays half. You paid for your prom; he paid for his. Now you're even. If you pay for all of this, it will leave you paying more and he will hopefully not be having another one. You are right that once you asked, he never should have been recalcitrant and drug his feet and made you beg, and I agree with your mom about that, because that is NOT a good trait to have in a man if you intend to keep him and/or have children with him. So do plan on trading up at your convenience. But you did make an error when he asked you how much (even though you had already told the idiot how much -- again, making you beg). At that point, you should have said, "Still $200, like we agreed to before." You got your feelings hurt and became petulant and he was acting like a jerk. So you both got cross-wise. Of course you could always accept another gentleman's invitation to take you to prom, but I do understand that that would make your mom intolerably happy, and we can't have that.
AndOrchid Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 If you want help, don't say "it's fine, I'll take care of it" or refuse to name a price. Just tell him how much you need. Frankly, I think you both behaved childishly. Yes, exactly. Also, if in the past, you never split costs for prom, why were you tearing up on the phone and expecting him to have offered? Especially since it sounds like you specifically refused to help him for his prom last year? He was willing to give you the money. But instead of accepting it graciously, you acted like he had to apologize and beg you to take it. As said above, you both acted childishly. 1
basil67 Posted May 1, 2016 Posted May 1, 2016 I also think that if you can't afford to take him, then don't take him. Rule #1 of money: Don't spend what you can't afford. 2
joseb Posted May 1, 2016 Posted May 1, 2016 Murica. I spent 0 euros on my "prom". Yeah same here. Well maybe 10 euros. I'm shocked children in school are expected to fork up these amounts of money.
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