apepalace Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 I want to keep this short as possible because most people don't like reading and I need people to help me Me and my ex gf broke up 1 year ago from what was a 3 year long relationship. She broke up with me for going to a party with my friends instead of hanging out with her even though I was always faithful. Throughout the next 8 months she kept begging for me back and I would always deny her. The reason I use to deny is because I didn't know what I wanted I always loved her but I didn't know if we were right for each other. Regardless of me denying her we use to talk and hangout as if we were exclusive all this for 8 months. One day I decided to tell her that I needed space to think and just figure out exactly what is that I wanted in life. So we went on 4 months without a word to each other. One month ago I realized that she was the love of my life I realized there is no girl I want to spend the rest of my life with. When I say these strong statements I truly feel it from the bottom of my heart. Long story short I decided to text her I came to find out she has been talking to a guy exclusively for 2 months. I pleaded my "case" to her in person told her exactly how I felt, she came to tell me the timing wasn't right but that she truly believes we will end up together. Those words brought tears in both our eyes but most of all it gives me hope that one day we will end up together. I also asked her if she's ever single will she go straight to me and she said yes. Time goes by and she comes to find out this guy has been playing her talking to other girls doing stuff with them. At this point she is "done with him" but ends up trying to work things out with him. She even told me the guy is an ******* to her. She has tons of problems with him it seems like there are constant problems with this guy mindful that their not even dating officially. She seems to really like this guy regardless of what he does. It tears me to pieces to know she is willing to give up a 3 year relationship for 2 months with some guy who doesn't value her. My dilemma here is I really love her but I'm clearly her second option. I don't know whether to pursue her or just move on. I tried talking to other girls but I just get so sad at the fact that I'm talking to someone who is not the one I love. Before you tell me to move on just for the fact that she doesn't want me at this moment, I really truly believe she is the one the amount of love she use to have for me was crazy and the amount of love I have for her now is greater than some husbands have for their wife's of many years. We use to click so well the only reasons things did not workout was because of myself but I changed and truly matured. So I always end up ignoring texts and calls from girls. I really love this girl Id do anything to have another chance with her. To be honest it doesn't even bother me that I'm basically her second option because I know for fact I'm better than her current guy. Its also very clear that things are most likely not going to workout with her new guy as they already have problems and are not even dating but at the same time she has many problems with him and doesn't leave him who clearly barely shows he's serious about her and she knows she could have me who loves her and still stays with him regardless makes me feel she is really attached to him and makes me feel she'll never leave him. Yesterday I sent her a text after she didn't reply to a regular convo we were having saying " I wonder if you ever think of me... I hate that I think of you all day, Am I weird for loving you this much ?" she replied with "are you ever going to accept that I moved on ? I do not understand your logic honestly you did this to yourself this is what you wanted at one point and now that you're not content it's a problem. like Idk what to say but anything you say to me doesn't really matter anymore I've moved on. Listen to this song I dedicate it to you listen to all of it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_0E5Tm5KhU " So she dedicated me this song and its in Spanish so those of you who don't speak Spanish the gist of the song basically says that she will never forget and hasent forgot me, that I still make her nervous as in she still has feelings for me but that doesn't mean she wants me. The song goes on to say that she loved me so much but at the point where i didnt want her anymore she didn't know who i was anymore. The song goes on to say she still doesnt know why she lost me. the song ends with saying that she will be fine regardless if i didn't value her is what the gist of the song is. This song made me cry my eyes out last night and I did not get any sleep. I replied to her text and she still has not replied to me and I doubt she'll talk to me anytime soon. So I'm here to basically ask if you guys think I have a chance to be with her someday I don't care how long I'd have to wait because I'm willing to do it. I just want to know if waiting would be the right decision and it would be if I end up with her but it be all bad if I don't end up with her. I really need help, If my chances with her seem bleak someone tell me because I'm too in love to tell if I'm ****ed or I just need to work on my self and wait for her to comeback one day please help me.
Poutrew Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 OK, I'll tell you: you are out in the cold on this one. She was loving a scumbag for those months you were in NC. Even after she found out he was using her like a washrag, she still is trying to crawl back to him - NOT you. She prefers him to what you represent. Friend, you are not even 2nd choice for her. Do you realize that? If she does take you back it will only be as her pet. Your job will be to clean up the mess of their fornication after they both leave the room - you will be the butler, and working for free, no less. Do not be the dog she whips into submission. Find someone else, someone who will actually treat you with honor and respect. Leave her to her junkie friend... you know the old saying: sh*t finds its own level. Well, your ex found hers... 1
Author apepalace Posted April 30, 2016 Author Posted April 30, 2016 OK, I'll tell you: you are out in the cold on this one. She was loving a scumbag for those months you were in NC. Even after she found out he was using her like a washrag, she still is trying to crawl back to him - NOT you. She prefers him to what you represent. Friend, you are not even 2nd choice for her. Do you realize that? If she does take you back it will only be as her pet. Your job will be to clean up the mess of their fornication after they both leave the room - you will be the butler, and working for free, no less. Do not be the dog she whips into submission. Find someone else, someone who will actually treat you with honor and respect. Leave her to her junkie friend... you know the old saying: sh*t finds its own level. Well, your ex found hers... You think she prefers him or shes attached to him and doesnt want to comeback to me because of the way i treated her ? But i mean anyone who would try at her she wouldnt even give them the time of day. she at least talks to me sometimes. what do you mean id be the butler please explain ? she use to treat me with respect trust me she is perfect for me im not here asking if shes right for me because i know she is although right treats me like **** its for a reason. But their a little light in all this she said she thinks we will end up together one day what do you say about that ? and what about the song she dedicated for me ? do you think i have a chance with her one day or should i just plain out give up because it be hard to get a chance
TaraMaiden2 Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 You think she prefers him or shes attached to him and doesnt want to comeback to me because of the way i treated her ? The reason is irrelevant. Actions speak louder than words. She's made her choice. The reason is not for you to know, because even if you asked her, she might lie anyway, so the reason matters not one jot. She's with him. Not you. she use to treat me with respect trust me she is perfect for me im not here asking if shes right for me because i know she is although right treats me like **** its for a reason. But their a little light in all this she said she thinks we will end up together one day what do you say about that ? and what about the song she dedicated for me ? She's not right for you, she's not perfect for you, and I don't trust you because such talk is desperate, delusional and needy. Please don't sacrifice your dignity for someone who quite plainly has no definite interest in being with you. do you think i have a chance with her one day or should i just plain out give up because it be hard to get a chanceGive up, move on, go No Contact, stay No Contact, and leave this behind.
Author apepalace Posted April 30, 2016 Author Posted April 30, 2016 The reason is irrelevant. Actions speak louder than words. She's made her choice. The reason is not for you to know, because even if you asked her, she might lie anyway, so the reason matters not one jot. She's with him. Not you. your right that actions speak louder than words. yes right now she doesnt want to be with me but you dont think in the future things can workout ? She's not right for you, she's not perfect for you, and I don't trust you because such talk is desperate, delusional and needy. Please don't sacrifice your dignity for someone who quite plainly has no definite interest in being with you. Give up, move on, go No Contact, stay No Contact, and leave this behind. Im not desperate I have other girls contacting me constantly trying to talk I just really love her. She has no interest in me because she found someone else in 4 months but does that really mean i should give up ? she really is the love of my life
big dog Posted May 1, 2016 Posted May 1, 2016 She's been nice to you as well as honest when she told you she's moved on and for you to do the same....take her advice. Tim will heal the wounds,,,,, stay away from her...that's what she wants.
Author apepalace Posted May 1, 2016 Author Posted May 1, 2016 She's been nice to you as well as honest when she told you she's moved on and for you to do the same....take her advice. Tim will heal the wounds,,,,, stay away from her...that's what she wants. I will stay away from her but do you think I lost her forever?
RedPurpleOrange Posted May 1, 2016 Posted May 1, 2016 (edited) They're ALL right. Party On. I'm like you. The Party never ends ;) Edited May 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language ~T
Gloria25 Posted May 1, 2016 Posted May 1, 2016 You told her to get lost and she found someone else... Regardless of how terrible you may think he is, you told her to get lost and now she's hooked on this guy for whatever reasons. Why should she come back to someone who for months told her to get lost? 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 1, 2016 Posted May 1, 2016 I will stay away from her but do you think I lost her forever? Yes, YES, YeS, yEs, yuss, aye, deffo, absolutely, totes, yup, affirmative, without a doubt. I'm sorry, is that any clearer for you?
elaine567 Posted May 1, 2016 Posted May 1, 2016 YOU do not tell the "love of your life" to get lost, no-one does that. YOU knocked her back repeatedly as she wasn't what you wanted. She is now SOOOO important to you because she is now unavailable. Whatever the issues she does or doesn't have with this guy, she has made it perfectly clear she doesn't want to go back to you, why would she? EIGHT long months of you stringing her along whilst she begged for you to take her back. But you denied her, who would want to go through that again? Its done. You cannot recover from this and get this relationship back on track, and even if she did take you back my guess is that 6 months down the line you wouldn't want her again anyway. You just miss the besotted attention she gave you, and are jealous she now has someone else. Leave her alone. I have a feeling it is your ego that is bruised here, not your heart. Move on, for your own good, is my advice here. 2
Author apepalace Posted May 1, 2016 Author Posted May 1, 2016 (edited) YOU do not tell the "love of your life" to get lost, no-one does that. YOU knocked her back repeatedly as she wasn't what you wanted. She is now SOOOO important to you because she is now unavailable. Whatever the issues she does or doesn't have with this guy, she has made it perfectly clear she doesn't want to go back to you, why would she? EIGHT long months of you stringing her along whilst she begged for you to take her back. But you denied her, who would want to go through that again? Its done. You cannot recover from this and get this relationship back on track, and even if she did take you back my guess is that 6 months down the line you wouldn't want her again anyway. You just miss the besotted attention she gave you, and are jealous she now has someone else. Leave her alone. I have a feeling it is your ego that is bruised here, not your heart. Move on, for your own good, is my advice here. I matured so much since then when I did not want her it was because I was in the stage where I didnt even know who I was so how was I suppose to know the girl in front of me was the one the whole time when I didnt even know my self. and when I hit her up after our 4 months of no talking I had no idea she was with someone else it wasent like that at all. Maybe because I wouldnt ****en do that to her again. I did go 3 years of being the best boyfriend in the world, im capable of great things. She would never be hurt again in my arms It maybe done for now. when i say pain this the hardest time of my life. Suicide has passed through my thoughts many times because I may have lost the love of my life forever why would i go through all that to lose her again in 6 months. This has nothing to do with my ego, Im not going to lie I am a very overconfident basically really cocky person. My ego didnt get hurt why would it ? Edited May 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator rude~T
Author apepalace Posted May 1, 2016 Author Posted May 1, 2016 Yes, YES, YeS, yEs, yuss, aye, deffo, absolutely, totes, yup, affirmative, without a doubt. I'm sorry, is that any clearer for you? yeah its clear hopefully i can prove you wrong one day
RedPurpleOrange Posted May 1, 2016 Posted May 1, 2016 ^Hey, calm down. I know you're raw. I've been there, too. Sometimes the hardest truth is the only truth.
Author apepalace Posted May 1, 2016 Author Posted May 1, 2016 You told her to get lost and she found someone else... Regardless of how terrible you may think he is, you told her to get lost and now she's hooked on this guy for whatever reasons. Why should she come back to someone who for months told her to get lost? I told her to get lost because I did not know what I wanted in that period of time. Hell, I didnt even know my self I was confused on what i wanted my life to be like. How was i suppose to know the girl of my life was in front of me the whole time? If she came back I promise you she would be happier with me then right now I would spend every waking moment to try and make her happier. I felt so much pain this last month. the pain of realizing i may not ever get her back. So if i were to even get a slight chance to be with her I would never mess that up.
RedPurpleOrange Posted May 1, 2016 Posted May 1, 2016 There's no point going crazy at people on forums like this. It just makes everything worse. Sometimes, you might be in the darkest place ever and someone says something that just makes you wanna punch a wall. That's just how it is. I sometimes lose my rag, too...but I'm truly trying not to. It's easier. You have to detach yourself from that bad stuff and try to see as clearly as possible. 1
Author apepalace Posted May 1, 2016 Author Posted May 1, 2016 There's no point going crazy at people on forums like this. It just makes everything worse. Sometimes, you might be in the darkest place ever and someone says something that just makes you wanna punch a wall. That's just how it is. I sometimes lose my rag, too...but I'm truly trying not to. It's easier. You have to detach yourself from that bad stuff and try to see as clearly as possible. Okay I dont get mad when they say to move on or to just let her go because they are probably right but when they make assumptions of how I feel about her and ****. That really pisses me off
RedPurpleOrange Posted May 1, 2016 Posted May 1, 2016 Just don't let it stress you. At the bottom of it all is yourself. You are hurting BAD. And when you hurt BAD, one can be prone to making bad choices and lashing out...and all it does in the long term is cause damage to you and burn your bridges. Basically...we are all randomers on an internet forum. We don't really need to be here. We don't really need to tell our stories. We don't really need to give advice. That is the way I see it. Anything I post could be randomly attacked. It's a risk. Everyone is different. Not everyone will give you the comments you want to hear. Some will abuse. Some will love you. What you gotta do is sift through everything and figure out the truth. If loads of people are taking the time to give good advice, and it's pretty much the same advice...then you have to start thinking about that. I'd have been angry about that post, too. But...nobody owes us anything on here. So if we get some good stuff, we gotta look at that. Constructiveness all the way. 1
Author apepalace Posted May 1, 2016 Author Posted May 1, 2016 Just don't let it stress you. At the bottom of it all is yourself. You are hurting BAD. And when you hurt BAD, one can be prone to making bad choices and lashing out...and all it does in the long term is cause damage to you and burn your bridges. Basically...we are all randomers on an internet forum. We don't really need to be here. We don't really need to tell our stories. We don't really need to give advice. That is the way I see it. Anything I post could be randomly attacked. It's a risk. Everyone is different. Not everyone will give you the comments you want to hear. Some will abuse. Some will love you. What you gotta do is sift through everything and figure out the truth. If loads of people are taking the time to give good advice, and it's pretty much the same advice...then you have to start thinking about that. I'd have been angry about that post, too. But...nobody owes us anything on here. So if we get some good stuff, we gotta look at that. Constructiveness all the way. your 100% right and I really do appreciate everyone's advice and taking the time to help me 3
katiegrl Posted May 1, 2016 Posted May 1, 2016 Im not desperate I have other girls contacting me constantly trying to talk I just really love her. She has no interest in me because she found someone else in 4 months but does that really mean i should give up ? she really is the love of my life I find it interesting that you consider her "the love of your life" now that she is gone and wants nothing to do with you. When she *was* in love with you, and wanted you, you didn't want her ... or know how you felt. How do you know that if she took you back, you wouldn't go right back to being unsure snd ambivalent again? I only ask as this is like the fourth thread I have read from guys experiencing the same thing. When their gf wanted them, they didn't want her .... then when she no longer wanted him, he wanted her. There is another thread running right now you should read. "My ex wanted me for 15 months, now it's me." Sorry I can't link it cuz I am posting from my phone. But I think it may shed some light. Good luck I hope you figure it all out!
Gloria25 Posted May 1, 2016 Posted May 1, 2016 YOU do not tell the "love of your life" to get lost, no-one does that. YOU knocked her back repeatedly as she wasn't what you wanted. She is now SOOOO important to you because she is now unavailable. Whatever the issues she does or doesn't have with this guy, she has made it perfectly clear she doesn't want to go back to you, why would she? EIGHT long months of you stringing her along whilst she begged for you to take her back. But you denied her, who would want to go through that again? Its done. You cannot recover from this and get this relationship back on track, and even if she did take you back my guess is that 6 months down the line you wouldn't want her again anyway. You just miss the besotted attention she gave you, and are jealous she now has someone else. Leave her alone. I have a feeling it is your ego that is bruised here, not your heart. Move on, for your own good, is my advice here. I highlighted in bold what I think is going on here... So, to make sure you don't want her just cuz she's moved on, you need to back off here and gain some perspective. A woman called my fav podcaster about a guy that was yo-yoing her for the longest. She finally left him and her proposed marriage to her. My fav podcaster told her to run away from him and never look back. Why? cuz, he only made that grand gesture cuz she was finally done. Guaranteed, once the dust settles and she accepts the engagement, he's off to dissing her again. 1
Author apepalace Posted May 1, 2016 Author Posted May 1, 2016 (edited) I find it interesting that you consider her "the love of your life" now that she is gone and wants nothing to do with you. When she *was* in love with you, and wanted you, you didn't want her ... or know how you felt. How do you know that if she took you back, you wouldn't go right back to being unsure snd ambivalent again? I only ask as this is like the fourth thread I have read from guys experiencing the same thing. When their gf wanted them, they didn't want her .... then when she no longer wanted him, he wanted her. There is another thread running right now you should read. "My ex wanted me for 15 months, now it's me." Sorry I can't link it cuz I am posting from my phone. But I think it may shed some light. Good luck I hope you figure it all out! Dude i read that thread he went out with her for like 3 months , i went out with my ex for 3 years ! their is a HUGE difference. Edited May 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language~T
Gloria25 Posted May 1, 2016 Posted May 1, 2016 (edited) Dude i read that thread he went out with her for like 3 months , i went out with my ex for 3 years ! their is a HUGE difference. It was three years of it going nowhere and you telling her to get lost...So, time isn't the issue here, the poor quality of your RL with her is. Could have been 16 years - like that woman in the show I watched last nite. Sixteen years she kept with this guy, never a ring and/or a date, and he slept around. One of the hotties he was sleeping with got jealous and sent her a list of all the women he slept with during their 16 years and she was "stunned". Really, stunned that 16 years and he never proposed marriage to you, you seriously thought you were special to him or something and/or he wasn't cheating? Then, she was dumb enough, at 41 to pull an "oops" pregnancy. And guess what? They still lived in separate places, he still kept on sleeping with other woman, and the still didn't marry Edited May 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author apepalace Posted May 1, 2016 Author Posted May 1, 2016 I highlighted in bold what I think is going on here... So, to make sure you don't want her just cuz she's moved on, you need to back off here and gain some perspective. A woman called my fav podcaster about a guy that was yo-yoing her for the longest. She finally left him and her proposed marriage to her. My fav podcaster told her to run away from him and never look back. Why? cuz, he only made that grand gesture cuz she was finally done. Guaranteed, once the dust settles and she accepts the engagement, he's off to dissing her again. When i wanted her back I did not know if she was taken. what do you mean back off gain some perspective ? Trust me when i say this I truly love her always have . when i didn't want her it was because I was immature and lost. I didnt know who I was nor what i wanted. In my journey alone I truly found my self and I can say she is the love of my life. If I had another chance I would never leave her or hurt her in any way.
Recommended Posts