sandrawg Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 I'm 48..been seeing someone who's 29 for 6 months--he contacted me on OKCupid. Although I vowed I was done with guys in their 20s, he was so adorable and his profile so well written, I thought I could keep it casual. Now we're going through a lot of back and forth because I'm falling for him, and he wants to the option to have kids. Word of advice to older women--watch out. This is the ONE BIG issue that can be a huge dealbreaker with younger guys. I know he has feelings for me, and we are both miserable without each other. He wants to see me "temporarily" until he finds someone his own age to "breed" with..I just can't do it. I have to break away. But it is SO hard.
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 2, 2016 Posted May 2, 2016 It is a very real concern when dating younger. I'm 46 and often end up dating younger men including having a gorgeous hot 22 year boy toy who desperately wants a relationship with me :/ If you're going to date younger men (10+ age gap) you have to get your head in the right frame of mind and protect your heart at the same time, especially if you KNOW they want a family one day. It's that simple. It's not easy letting something that good go but if you're not on the same page about how it's supposed to be then you need to move on sooner rather than later. It will only become more and more impossible to say goodbye. Good luck. 5
LoveRefreshed Posted May 2, 2016 Posted May 2, 2016 On Topic: Emotions aren't controlled. You should end things with him now if you want/feel more than you are going to get. He's not lying, and no offense, but at that age gap, he's young enough to find a family and will just as soon as he can. Most guys don't stay in temporary situations when he find someone that he wants something more permanent with. That's when it will really string the most. It is a very real concern when dating younger. I'm 46 and often end up dating younger men including having a gorgeous hot 22 year boy toy who desperately wants a relationship with me :/ If you're going to date younger men (10+ age gap) you have to get your head in the right frame of mind and protect your heart at the same time, especially if you KNOW they want a family one day. It's that simple. It's not easy letting something that good go but if you're not on the same page about how it's supposed to be then you need to move on sooner rather than later. It will only become more and more impossible to say goodbye. Good luck. Off Topic: Ouch, poor guy. I wonder if I was in here posting about how I had a 22 year old sex object girl that wants something more, if I'd end up with any likes on my comment. Regardless of gender, don't you find it a bit tasteless to refer to someone who is a human being and a 'friend'wb as just a 'toy'? Or do you find joy toying with his emotions? 3
sickoflove11 Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 I know a guy whos 24 seeing an OW who is about 40. I know at one point they wanted to be together but she is married. The husband of the OW cheats too and they have two kids together. I'm assuming this is not your exact situation, but to me, I don't see how this works out in anyone's favor. Except for maybe the younger guy just being in it for the sex and never having to really commit. His feelings may be real but if he wants kids and a family he will find that with someone else eventually, and you will be left having to grieve when you could've been finding someone who wants what you want. I'd end it now.
Author sandrawg Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 I know a guy whos 24 seeing an OW who is about 40. I know at one point they wanted to be together but she is married. The husband of the OW cheats too and they have two kids together. I'm assuming this is not your exact situation, but to me, I don't see how this works out in anyone's favor. Except for maybe the younger guy just being in it for the sex and never having to really commit. His feelings may be real but if he wants kids and a family he will find that with someone else eventually, and you will be left having to grieve when you could've been finding someone who wants what you want. I'd end it now. Yup..we were still contacting each other..just both having trouble letting things go, and I finally unfriended him on FB and am just gonna walk away, no contact. I feel like I really have no choice. I'm seriously NOT dating any more guys in their 20s..never again. 2
Author sandrawg Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 I know a guy whos 24 seeing an OW who is about 40. I know at one point they wanted to be together but she is married. The husband of the OW cheats too and they have two kids together. I'm assuming this is not your exact situation, but to me, I don't see how this works out in anyone's favor. Except for maybe the younger guy just being in it for the sex and never having to really commit. His feelings may be real but if he wants kids and a family he will find that with someone else eventually, and you will be left having to grieve when you could've been finding someone who wants what you want. I'd end it now. And btw..not married. I would never do that. I've been divorced for quite some time now. I met the 29 yr old on OKCupid. He contacted me. That's why I hate the word cougar. It implies we chase them, and we don't. I was hesitant to get involved with him because of the age diff. He definitely has a thing for older women. Even the porn he likes to watch, is older woman/younger man. So..I'm not really sure how it's gonna work out for him with someone his own age without him being able to fulfill his older woman fetish but yknow what? Not my problem.
Author sandrawg Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 "Off Topic: Ouch, poor guy. I wonder if I was in here posting about how I had a 22 year old sex object girl that wants something more, if I'd end up with any likes on my comment. Regardless of gender, don't you find it a bit tasteless to refer to someone who is a human being and a 'friend'wb as just a 'toy'? Or do you find joy toying with his emotions? I get where you are coming from, with the "boy toy" thing. My ex would make playful comments about him being my "boy toy"--to him it was sexy. But it always made me feel uncomfortable because I never considered him an object. I didn't wanna be his "cougar" nor did I want him to be my boytoy. I liked him for so much more than just the sex.
truth_seeker Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 This is a tough one as women have it rough when they get older and are still single. Guys want the options to have kids, even if they don't want any... OP, your young lover will drop you fast if he finds a younger woman who fills all his desires. You should end it now as you don't have a permanent future with him. 1
Emilia Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 It's not just the kids thing. Men in their 20s are a different generation, not only in words but in reality too. They have grown up in a completely different world than us Gen X people (in our 40s). If it wasn't the kids, it would be something else. It's very VERY rare to be compatible with someone with such a large age gap. And saying that he wanted to keep seeing you until he found someone to breed with is an insult and you should take it as such. 5
HopeForTomorrow Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 (edited) [] Twenty years is a huge age gap, both socially/emotionally and in terms of life experiences (having a family, etc). A couple of years ago I dated a man in his early 30's (I was 48 or so) and the family thing was always in the back of my mind too. That said, most of the people I have dated since then have been younger than me, just not that much younger. I don't see how this can end in any positive way for you, so getting out now seems prudent. I wish you well. Edited May 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
truth_seeker Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 My struggle right now as I near 40 is I'm very attracted to younger women (22-29) but they're not mature enough or are trouble... I get along with women closer to my age but am not so much attracted to them. I need to break even
Author sandrawg Posted May 22, 2016 Author Posted May 22, 2016 This is a tough one as women have it rough when they get older and are still single. Guys want the options to have kids, even if they don't want any... OP, your young lover will drop you fast if he finds a younger woman who fills all his desires. You should end it now as you don't have a permanent future with him. It's extremely common to be my age and single these days because divorce is so prevalent. I've been married nefore..I haven't been single this whole time. And it's not really that rough. I have no trouble finding men to date, or even relationships. The problem is I look much younger so a lot of younger men hit on me. In this case I met him in okcupid..he hit me up. He has a thing for older women. It's not like we single older women are desperate. I went out with him because he's adorable, smarr, funny.i really wasn't thinking about the age gap and he didn't either until the kid thing came up.
Author sandrawg Posted May 22, 2016 Author Posted May 22, 2016 My struggle right now as I near 40 is I'm very attracted to younger women (22-29) but they're not mature enough or are trouble... I get along with women closer to my age but am not so much attracted to them. I need to break even There are plenty of women over 40 who take good care of themselves and look younger...can you find one of those? This is why so many of us women your age end up with guys in their 20s. Because men our age are chasing younger..
Author sandrawg Posted May 22, 2016 Author Posted May 22, 2016 It's not just the kids thing. Men in their 20s are a different generation, not only in words but in reality too. They have grown up in a completely different world than us Gen X people (in our 40s). If it wasn't the kids, it would be something else. It's very VERY rare to be compatible with someone with such a large age gap. And saying that he wanted to keep seeing you until he found someone to breed with is an insult and you should take it as such. I think that bothers me the most. I know he has feelings for me but..trying to play both sides of the fence..that's painful to me.
Buddhist Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 He wants to see me "temporarily" until he finds someone his own age to "breed" with..I just can't do it. I have to break away. But it is SO hard. You'll find another one. There is always another one. No shortage of young guys in the world.
Emilia Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 I think that bothers me the most. I know he has feelings for me but..trying to play both sides of the fence..that's painful to me. That's the reality though, people that are happy to play both sides are not to be trusted. That pain will help you get over him much faster than you think.
Emilia Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 There are plenty of women over 40 who take good care of themselves and look younger...can you find one of those? This is why so many of us women your age end up with guys in their 20s. Because men our age are chasing younger.. In the UK there are more of them than people in their 40s. Their Millennial generation here is more numerous. But I think the reason why so many older women end up 'dating' (read having sex with) younger guys is that the younger guys want to experiment, they have no serious intentions. Men are the same in this regard at any age, those that are in their 20s now trying to work through the range of ladies available are the same guys that date much younger when they are 40. Those that make good partners tend to focus on their own age range. Just something to bear in mind.
Buddhist Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 Stick with the over 35's and you should be okay. By that age most guys who want family are already doing that. They've taken themselves out of the dating pool already. 1
Lois_Griffin Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 Word of advice to older women--watch out. This is the ONE BIG issue that can be a huge dealbreaker with younger guys. LOL. I don't play with boys and only dated age-appropriate men, so this would never be an issue. The young guys with their Mrs. Robinson fantasy are ALL OVER dating sites, literally hitting on any older woman they can find. It never flattered me when these little fools tried to convince me to 'date' them. One even followed me around the supermarket one day and finally worked up the nerve to hit on me in the candy aisle. I see them as little perverts with mommy complexes and it's not flattering at all.
Author sandrawg Posted May 22, 2016 Author Posted May 22, 2016 You'll find another one. There is always another one. No shortage of young guys in the world. That's really a weird thing to say. Are you trying to imply I just collect younger guys?? First off, I balked at dating him because he is younger I don't seek out younger men. Given my experience trying to have relationships with them I'd rather not date them. Secondly my attraction to him had nothing to do with his age. It's not like he's replaceable by just going out and finding another younger guy. Your comment was vaguely insulting.
Author sandrawg Posted May 22, 2016 Author Posted May 22, 2016 LOL. I don't play with boys and only dated age-appropriate men, so this would never be an issue. The young guys with their Mrs. Robinson fantasy are ALL OVER dating sites, literally hitting on any older woman they can find. It never flattered me when these little fools tried to convince me to 'date' them. One even followed me around the supermarket one day and finally worked up the nerve to hit on me in the candy aisle. I see them as little perverts with mommy complexes and it's not flattering at all. Age appropriate is a pretty judgmental term, as is the rest of your post. Younger men don't date older women because they have "mommy complexes." So would you also chalk up all younger women who date older men as having "daddy issues", or do you only make stereotypical comments about ow/ym relationships??
Author sandrawg Posted May 22, 2016 Author Posted May 22, 2016 In the UK there are more of them than people in their 40s. Their Millennial generation here is more numerous. But I think the reason why so many older women end up 'dating' (read having sex with) younger guys is that the younger guys want to experiment, they have no serious intentions. Men are the same in this regard at any age, those that are in their 20s now trying to work through the range of ladies available are the same guys that date much younger when they are 40. Those that make good partners tend to focus on their own age range. Just something to bear in mind. Not sure why you can't accept that all age difference dating doesn't revolve just around sex. There is some serious close mindedness on this forum. Sometimes it starts out as casual and gets more serious. Not sure why you people have trouble accepting that. Do you also judge relationships where the man is much older, as well??
Author sandrawg Posted May 22, 2016 Author Posted May 22, 2016 Stick with the over 35's and you should be okay. By that age most guys who want family are already doing that. They've taken themselves out of the dating pool already. Good point. A lot of those guys are looking for younger tho. I lived with a bf who was 38 when I met him and he ended up being less mature and more high maintenance than the guys in their 20s I had dated. But yeah, the kid thing wasn't an issue. He already had one and didn't want more.
Emilia Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 Not sure why you can't accept that all age difference dating doesn't revolve just around sex. There is some serious close mindedness on this forum. Sometimes it starts out as casual and gets more serious. Not sure why you people have trouble accepting that. Do you also judge relationships where the man is much older, as well?? I have had several much younger partners. I am 43 so not much younger than you. Dating a much younger person is about delusion, not facing the fact that you are getting old. I know the feeling but the truth is, something that perhaps works now or for a couple of years let's say, won't work long term because no-one in their 40s or 50s wants to be someone's carer - which is what the younger person would have to be. It would be also incredibly unfair to expect them to be. I think women can be in a good nick if they look after themselves until they hit their mid-50s but beyond that it's wishful thinking. When someone posts that they look much younger, I always know they aren't being honest. We all look older, might look good but still look older. Men are not stupid. Yes I say the same thing to older men too, it's a form of mid-life crisis. The younger women only stick around until they find a guy in his early 30s to have kids with. They enjoy the attention and the material treats until then. You can avoid facing aging for only so long and you best off sticking with your own age group. 1
Emilia Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 Age appropriate is a pretty judgmental term, as is the rest of your post. Younger men don't date older women because they have "mommy complexes." So would you also chalk up all younger women who date older men as having "daddy issues", or do you only make stereotypical comments about ow/ym relationships?? Yes of course. People that date older either need someone mature in their life at that point because they don't have anyone, want to experience a different kind of sex or are after money. The dynamic isn't the same as in a relationship with someone closer in age.
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