Question for those who had or are having [an affair] in the workplace

April 30, 2016

OK lol. I'm trying no to post too much about it because it reopens stuff inside (but, like I said, it's all on here if you look through my stuff). Basically, she'd been with someone who wasn't nice to her for 20 years. I was nice to her and she ran to me. And now she's back with the guy who wasn't nice to her again and she's hating it. And I lost pretty much everything. Bummer.

So...that's it!

NOT a good idea. And not only that, guy sounds like a total dirtbag...at least I was always freakin' awesome!!!!

April 30, 2016

lftbehind, he doesn't sound like a keeper. He wants a sh*g, a F.B. Just get away. If you're happy with the hub, keep what you've got. If not, re-evaluate your situation and either work things out or make a change. I know people don't have the greatest opinions of OMs/OWs but at least with mine I went the whole nine yards, I love/loved/love that woman (see how hard it is?!!!). This guy...he definitely won't. And in the end, you'll just have an embarrassing mess on your hands and he'll have had his conquest.

Again, so SO right! Quadruple it if you're supposed to be splitting up with someone you've had an affair (and even lived) with! I had to work for two hours with her yesterday. She said "don't you think going through this ***t has just made me and you even more real?". It has. But you were supposed to be splitting up with me, weren't you? The situation's almost made us feel closer than ever now. Toxic situation. Ugh. Big, big grind.

I wish that I could get away, but we work in a small area and I see him all day. I feel dumb for asking, but why do you think that he only wants sex and that's all? I'm not happy with my husband and he has emotionally abused me. He is acting better, but the damage is done. My daughter is grown and on her own, but I can't afford to leave. That is good that you treated your MW well, a lot of times the OM will just use the MW. From reading your story in another thread, she needs to leave her relationship and be with you.

April 30, 2016

YOU are looking for friendship, attention and love , he is looking for sex.

Hot and cold is never a good sign.
Hot and cold is classic affair behaviour from an attached man.
Horny so hot and lays it on thick, then feels guilty, so goes cold and distant until he gets horny again...

I thought that he wanted some of the same things that I wanted, I guess we see what we want to see. Thanks for the much needed reality check. It's hard to have to see him every day and I can't get a new job right now.

April 30, 2016

Luckily my AP left the company about a year ago.

Otherwise I guarantee it would of continued.. We tried to break it off several times and couldn't.

It started purely sexual but after a whe became very intense and emotional and we were both in love.

You are so lucky that your AP left the company, now you can move on with your life.

April 30, 2016

Yeah, I treated her really well. I was a fool, I know, but I loved her and cared about her and wanted to make it all work, and I stuck by her once we knew we were gonna get involved in such a dangerous situation.

It's the hot/cold thing, the pressuring you for sex. He's made it clear. You're out for the thrill of new love. I don't think he's gonna give you that. Just a F.B. who he can hot/cold whenever he pleases. If your marriage is over, I'd look at that first and think about separation and discuss it with hub (I'm NOT advising you to separate, btw). Getting involved when married will just spread the mess like explosive diarrhoea.

Seriously, it's messy. He'll have his fun then keep you hanging.

April 30, 2016

But, look, I can't make you do anything, and I don't want to be in control of your actions. I might get all the good advice KNOWING it's the right thing...then go and do something waaaaaaay stooooooopid. To err is to be human, like someone once said.

All I can tell you is what I've been through and am going through.

I just know that hurt is hurt and hurt HURTS!!!!

April 30, 2016

Yeah, I treated her really well. I was a fool, I know, but I loved her and cared about her and wanted to make it all work, and I stuck by her once we knew we were gonna get involved in such a dangerous situation.

It's the hot/cold thing, the pressuring you for sex. He's made it clear. You're out for the thrill of new love. I don't think he's gonna give you that. Just a F.B. who he can hot/cold whenever he pleases. If your marriage is over, I'd look at that first and think about separation and discuss it with hub (I'm NOT advising you to separate, btw). Getting involved when married will just spread the mess like explosive diarrhoea.

Seriously, it's messy. He'll have his fun then keep you hanging.

You're never a fool for caring about someone and treating them well. It's hard to find someone these days that will treat you well, even if you treat them well. Most guys don't court women anymore and it's too bad.

We have just talked on the phone and I guess that you would call it light sexting, nothing detailed. A lot of the time we are talking about work or family. In the time span of almost 2 months, we have only hugged quickly in the parking lot at work a few times when no one is looking. He talks about taking a day off together to have sex. I know affairs aren't good. I don't make enough money to be on my own working full time.

April 30, 2016

But, look, I can't make you do anything, and I don't want to be in control of your actions. I might get all the good advice KNOWING it's the right thing...then go and do something waaaaaaay stooooooopid. To err is to be human, like someone once said.

All I can tell you is what I've been through and am going through.

I just know that hurt is hurt and hurt HURTS!!!!

I appreciate the reality check, I really need it. It is good advice that I will take. I am hurting now and we didn't even get physical. Seeing him every day is hard. There's no other department I can move to and I can't get another job right now. Hope that the hurt gets better for you soon. Do the best thing for you.

April 30, 2016

You're never a fool for caring about someone and treating them well. It's hard to find someone these days that will treat you well, even if you treat them well. Most guys don't court women anymore and it's too bad.

We have just talked on the phone and I guess that you would call it light sexting, nothing detailed. A lot of the time we are talking about work or family. In the time span of almost 2 months, we have only hugged quickly in the parking lot at work a few times when no one is looking. He talks about taking a day off together to have sex. I know affairs aren't good. I don't make enough money to be on my own working full time.

Well I might be an adulterer, but I'm an old-fashioned one. I never wanted to have an affair and the whole thing was so stressful. If that love hadn't been there, I would have ran a mile. Maybe a sex-based affair would have been easier. But I'm not that guy, I like love. I love love.

The fact he wants to meet up for sex...it says it all. Not "I know this nice restaurant" or "I wanna take you to Paris for the weekend". No...it's "I know it's not Christmas but I'm Santa and I need to empty my sacks".

I don't care what anyone thinks of me. But I'm no sleaze. And I can sniff 'em a mile off.

April 30, 2016

Well I might be an adulterer, but I'm an old-fashioned one. I never wanted to have an affair and the whole thing was so stressful. If that love hadn't been there, I would have ran a mile. Maybe a sex-based affair would have been easier. But I'm not that guy, I like love. I love love.

The fact he wants to meet up for sex...it says it all. Not "I know this nice restaurant" or "I wanna take you to Paris for the weekend". No...it's "I know it's not Christmas but I'm Santa and I need to empty my sacks".

I don't care what anyone thinks of me. But I'm no sleaze. And I can sniff 'em a mile off.

Don't be hard on yourself, you had good intentions and that's good that you believe in love. I see your point about him just wanting to meet for sex and not talk about taking me somewhere nice and just enjoy being together. I felt this, but couldn't quite articulate it. That's funny about Santa Clause and his sacks. I needed a laugh. Also sad, because it's true.

April 30, 2016

Yeah, you sound like a nice girl, maybe unhappy in your marriage, but I'm a protective soul and I just wanted to make sure you know the score with this guy. And, you know, a girl needs to be romanced as well.

If you're not happy with hub, think about that first. Because if you're thinking of leaving hub for this guy...you might end up with no money AND nobody to rely on.

And never underestimate the importance of a good laugh. Humour is key. I'm glad I made you laugh...sometimes my humour gets a little wayward lol. Glad it didn't this time!

April 30, 2016

Yeah, you sound like a nice girl, maybe unhappy in your marriage, but I'm a protective soul and I just wanted to make sure you know the score with this guy. And, you know, a girl needs to be romanced as well.

If you're not happy with hub, think about that first. Because if you're thinking of leaving hub for this guy...you might end up with no money AND nobody to rely on.

And never underestimate the importance of a good laugh. Humour is key. I'm glad I made you laugh...sometimes my humour gets a little wayward lol. Glad it didn't this time!

Thanks, I try to be a nice person. I appreciate your perspective on this guy, because it's hard to see how someone really is when you like them. I think that you're right in your assessment of him and I shouldn't get involved with him any more than I am. I have to be careful how I handle things, because he is my shift lead and he could make my life harder at work. I don't think that he would, though. I'll say that we should just be friends.

I wouldn't leave my husband for him. A good laugh is important. You are very funny and wayward humour is good sometimes, too.

April 30, 2016

I guess my opinion doesn't hold much weight, being that I've never (nor will I ever) date, let alone "mingle" with a coworker. But there was a time that I was very much into a girl I worked with. At the time, I didn't really think about what it would be like to date someone I worked with; I just liked her for her, and wanted to date her because I never "like" anybody. Of course, she wasn't into me, so we didn't actually date.

But I suppose looking back, I'm not sure I can really wrap my head around dating, or even just sleeping with, someone you work with.

Statistically, most "relationships" end, and it seems more often than not, at least one person involved in said relationship comes out of it with some pretty sour or bad feelings, and I just don't see how two people could continue effectively being coworkers after ending a relationship with each other.

April 30, 2016

My intention in the beginning was purely sexual but it developed into very strong emotions and love.

I liked her but had no plans for an affair and didn't want to date her. She was fun, flirty, and great conversation. Then one thing led to another.....

I'm not sure but probably your coworker feels the same.. There is a spark and he likes you. He wants you but also feels guilty for that! Hence the hot and cold.

Looking back it was intense, hot, amazing sex... But once the emotions come in then you are playing with fire!!!!

Typically women have feelings a lot faster then guys so you need to be very careful.

April 30, 2016

Thanks, I try to be a nice person. I appreciate your perspective on this guy, because it's hard to see how someone really is when you like them. I think that you're right in your assessment of him and I shouldn't get involved with him any more than I am. I have to be careful how I handle things, because he is my shift lead and he could make my life harder at work. I don't think that he would, though. I'll say that we should just be friends.

I wouldn't leave my husband for him. A good laugh is important. You are very funny and wayward humour is good sometimes, too.

To him, it's more a game. To you, there's a lot more at stake. It's gonna be tough for you with the position you're in but you have all the power, you just have to be strong. I get a sense this won't be over so easy...but it'd be best to nip it in the bud right now, before sex gets involved.

Keep us updated and we'll be around to hear your woes or successes!

(And thanks for the 'funny' comment, btw, I'm all rosy-faced now. That's ANOTHER thing that bastid she went back to don't have on me lol).

April 30, 2016

Statistically, most "relationships" end, and it seems more often than not, at least one person involved in said relationship comes out of it with some pretty sour or bad feelings, and I just don't see how two people could continue effectively being coworkers after ending a relationship with each other.

You said it. Your logic is spot-on. And I like to think of myself as quite a logical guy...though I work much better when applying logic to other people's problems.

But to be 'in love' requires the absence of logic. It is a massive leap of faith. And it's a suicidal drop you face when it's an affair.

Us mere humans will always be attracted, moth-like, to that flame.

April 30, 2016

If you are having or have had an A in the workplace, do you think that the A lasts longer than it should or would if you didn't work together? I would think that it might, because the APs know that when they break off the A it will be hard to have to work together and see each other all of the time, so they keep the affair going, even when it's not what they want. What are some opinions?

To be or not to be. .....

I totally agree with the posts on this topic regarding affairs with the AP on the job/in the workplace.

You guys are absolutely right! Affairs in the workplace are a "no no" because both parties should think about the long term stuff. For example, when two people get involved in an affair on the job, the close proximity of being able to see and be around each other sounds good. The passion, the intimacy is intertwined with the nasty breakup, and facing the reality that the "dawn of a new day is here! OMG! I must have been under the love spell. I was hypnotized! I was so caught up in the rapture of the moment until I never thought it could come to a crashing end! My whole world ended!"

The question is what are both parties, ex affair partners gonna do when they have to face reality? What are the two parties gonna do when the passion and intimacy is gone?

Do one of the parties part ways and find another job? Or does one of the affair partners "toughen things out and continue to work around each other while maintaining a professional relationship?

Even if that happens, both parties might treat each other with a long handle spoon, just to keep their distance and sanity. The sight of the ex affair partner, and just the thought that there is no more intimacy going on, is (more than likely) a sign of "time to move on. "

At the same time, some people who have affairs on the job, will do so so that one of the people can get promoted.

Some affair partners who have romances on the job, will actually manipulate and use each other.

Some affair partners will share their intimacy just to"get to the top."

This is sad but true.

In the real world we are facing reality. These are just some things to think about! Hence I am not saying that this applies to everyone who is having an affair in the workplace.

Although everyone situation is unique and different, I absolutely agree that people on the job should never think about starting an affair.

Goo luck to you all.

Edited April 30, 2016 by 2016forme

April 30, 2016

I'll support the above post in a small way. I worked for the best part of a decade doing random shifts...nights, early mornings, 9-5s, I never knew what I was gonna get week to week. Alongside my shifts, there were set shifts doing set hours.

And on one of those shifts were three guys who've gone onto become three of my TRUE best friends in the world. I've worked with them on/off for years. One of them loaned me a massive sum of money to help me get the situation with my ex sorted when we were planning on moving in together. Without him...it would have never happened.

They wanted me on their shift. They love me. I love them. They are truly beautiful, funny, amazing geezers. Best guys ever.

And before I met the ex, I was always waiting to get on their shift...for like FIVE YEARS.

So...about this time last year...me and the ex are looking like a dead cert. And a place on their shift comes up...and I KNOCK IT BACK...AFTER FIVE YEARS of putting in for it.

Instead, I change my shifts to EXACTLY the same hours she does. I even get £200 less a month doing them. Imbecile!

And these guys...the ****ing BEST. Quality people. And I turned them down for her.

BIG lesson in life right there. BIIIIIIIIIIG lesson!

May 1, 2016

To him, it's more a game. To you, there's a lot more at stake. It's gonna be tough for you with the position you're in but you have all the power, you just have to be strong. I get a sense this won't be over so easy...but it'd be best to nip it in the bud right now, before sex gets involved.

Keep us updated and we'll be around to hear your woes or successes!

(And thanks for the 'funny' comment, btw, I'm all rosy-faced now. That's ANOTHER thing that bastid she went back to don't have on me lol).

You're right, it is more a game to him. I really don't want to get played more than I have been already. He might just leave me alone if I tell him that I just want to be friends. I'll keep everyone updated on what happens. I won't see him again until Monday at work and I am already dreading it. I'm glad that you like the 'funny' comment.

May 1, 2016

I had 3 affairs with people who worked for me. They always end badly. I told the last two that it would end badly and it did. I ended up transferring to another branch office both times because it either was awkward or hostile after the inevitable breakup. Proceed at your own risk.

May 1, 2016

I'll support the above post in a small way. I worked for the best part of a decade doing random shifts...nights, early mornings, 9-5s, I never knew what I was gonna get week to week. Alongside my shifts, there were set shifts doing set hours.

And on one of those shifts were three guys who've gone onto become three of my TRUE best friends in the world. I've worked with them on/off for years. One of them loaned me a massive sum of money to help me get the situation with my ex sorted when we were planning on moving in together. Without him...it would have never happened.

They wanted me on their shift. They love me. I love them. They are truly beautiful, funny, amazing geezers. Best guys ever.

And before I met the ex, I was always waiting to get on their shift...for like FIVE YEARS.

So...about this time last year...me and the ex are looking like a dead cert. And a place on their shift comes up...and I KNOCK IT BACK...AFTER FIVE YEARS of putting in for it.

Instead, I change my shifts to EXACTLY the same hours she does. I even get £200 less a month doing them. Imbecile!

And these guys...the ****ing BEST. Quality people. And I turned them down for her.

BIG lesson in life right there. BIIIIIIIIIIG lesson!

The things we do for love

May 1, 2016

I had 3 affairs with people who worked for me. They always end badly. I told the last two that it would end badly and it did. I ended up transferring to another branch office both times because it either was awkward or hostile after the inevitable breakup. Proceed at your own risk.

Not judging, but how did you end up having 3 affairs when you knew that they would end badly? I guess you had hope that they might work when you were in them? I don't want to proceed anymore.

May 1, 2016

Thank you all for your replies, especially RPO. I will re-read this thread when I need strength and I'm sure that I'll read it a lot.

May 1, 2016

The problems in your marriage will only get worse & worse the longer you're sinking into the affair with this guy. It's not going to make your marriage better!

You give the reasons for not divorcing your H but all of those things & more will be true if he discovers your affair. These days it's so much easier to discover adultery. One little thing that makes your H wonder & he'll start looking or he will find out by accident.

You don't sound like the kind of lady who will be able to hide your changing feelings from your H.

This is such a horrible idea in every way. I'm not even sure that you can be friends.

May 1, 2016

The problems in your marriage will only get worse & worse the longer you're sinking into the affair with this guy. It's not going to make your marriage better!

You give the reasons for not divorcing your H but all of those things & more will be true if he discovers your affair. These days it's so much easier to discover adultery. One little thing that makes your H wonder & he'll start looking or he will find out by accident.

You don't sound like the kind of lady who will be able to hide your changing feelings from your H.

This is such a horrible idea in every way. I'm not even sure that you can be friends.

I've had problems in my marriage for a while and I don't feel connected with my husband anymore and doubt that we can connect again. I agree that having an affair is a bad idea. I have been just talking with him and very little physical. I have to work with him, so we'll have to talk at work sometimes. I wish that I didn't have to see him anymore, but I do.

You're right about it being easy for H to discover an A. I have a different schedule than my H, so some days I don't see him at all or only for a few minutes.

Sign In

Question for those who had or are having [an affair] in the workplace

Recommended Posts

RedPurpleOrange

lftbehind

lftbehind

lftbehind

RedPurpleOrange

RedPurpleOrange

lftbehind

lftbehind

RedPurpleOrange

lftbehind

RedPurpleOrange

lftbehind

Inflikted

Confused9999

RedPurpleOrange

RedPurpleOrange

2016forme

RedPurpleOrange

lftbehind

len51

lftbehind

lftbehind

lftbehind

ShatteredLady

lftbehind

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...