Does the Good outweigh the BAD? Does he seem like a good potential mate so far?

[Gardener121]

Does the GOOD outweigh the BAD?

 

GOOD:

- brought me to meet to his grandparents, mom, siblings, cousins

- drives far to see me twice a week

-told me he wants me to be in his life for a really long time

- if im feeling sad he always makes sure im okay and tries to cheer me up (rubs my back, cuddles etc..)

- If were mad at eachother he always want to fix it right away (says he hates leaving things unresloved)

-takes me to dinner or breakfast often

- supports my desires and dreams,

- he comforts me and tells me its okay that I dont have my education and "life" together yet (still in college and I dont have a steady Job yet. He has both, and he also has a car and a place) that he doesn't see me any diffrent and doesn't look for that in a woman anyways.

-Moving to my town in august to be closer to me and to work

-Planning trips for next summer already

-wants me to feel like his home is mine. He said I can rearrage anything in his home I dont like lol

-Gave me his phone password

-I sometimes catch im staring at me and smiling and I get shy and look away

-said we will have cute kids one day

 

BAD:

-lives in another town an 1hr and 45 mins away

-works sooo much

-We communicate every other day

- We usually only see eachother twice a week

- were suppose to go to the city on a road trip but he said his long time friend is coming down who he hasent seen in like 9 months and he want to spend time with him. I said it was fine and we postponed for two weeks... Because i try understand.

-he said i love you and then took it back the next and said he said it too quickly and wasent ready yet.. he apologized.. tho I didn't say i love you back when he said it.. i said nothing back so maybe that the reason.after the fact i told him I wanted to say it back but i was just shocked, but he still said he isnt ready yet..i feel bad about it, but im also hurt he took it back. . I don't know what to do.

[Versacehottie]

Yes good outweighs the bad, IMO. Sounds like a good guy. If it's new enough you need to make sure he follows through on things he has promised but so far so good, I think.

 

I think he took back the ily because you couldn't say it to him and he didn't want to freak you out. It's a little hurtful to you of course but so probably was you not being able to say it to him at all. Try to see that from his point of view. Most of the other things on his bad list are things he actively addresses, such as coming to see you, MOVING to your area soon, etc. I don't think talking every day is absolutely necessary but I imagine if you said something to him about it or reached out to him every day, he would be responsive. it's probably a good thing that he works hard; i'm surprised you put it in the negative column. If you want a future with him, this is a plus--imagine the alternative.

 

he sounds good

[smackie9]

If he moves to your town, things will be more promising because you will be able to spend more time together but until then all you can do is communicate to him you wish to receive daily contact, and see each other more, and that would be about it for now.

 

The I love you will eventually come around again.....maybe you need to put more effort in to see him and contact him more even if he doesn't respond. Guys like little sexy/flirty text messages.

[Versacehottie]

If he moves to your town, things will be more promising because you will be able to spend more time together but until then all you can do is communicate to him you wish to receive daily contact, and see each other more, and that would be about it for now.

 

The I love you will eventually come around again.....maybe you need to put more effort in to see him and contact him more even if he doesn't respond. Guys like little sexy/flirty text messages.

 

yep, good points smackie.

[Gardener121]

Our relationship is going well so far, we are working on our communication and he is getting way better at owning up to his faults. But This week he said something that bothered me a bit.

 

He said something along the lines of "I dont care if I have control over things... except you".

And then he kissed me, and I replied "is that right?" And I sort of laughed it off. I don't know what that ment really. He's not an alpha male type guy at all and he's not controling and he doesn't tell me what to wear or things like that. I can be sort of bossy more than him haha.. But it did make me think and I wonder if this is a red flag. Maybe he is hiding his real self... I don't know. I need advice

[Larryville]

He said something along the lines of "I dont care if I have control over things... except you".

 

I don’t know, I just always wonder when or why people joke about crap like that. This is kinda like in one current thread where a woman complained about a dude putting his arm her in public, “ownership”

 

I just someone who firmly believes “words mean things.” Question is does his actions up to this point match this “joke” in any way?

 

Our relationship is going well so far

 

Is it really? After all it bothered you enough to take the time to post about this statement

[Gaeta]

Sounds like you are looking for something to pick at.

 

He was being playful I believe. Unless his actions demonstrate he is controlling then forget about him saying this.

[MidwestUSA]

If he's not an 'alpha', it may have been a lame attempt at trying.

 

I'd let it pass. Personally, I'd have had a comeback regarding who REALLY has control.

[Versacehottie]

If the context otherwise is that he is NOT controlling, then it is just a random statement, being playful, telling you that you are what matters to him. From the context you gave us so far, unless major things were omitted, I'd say he was just talking and it was sweet not sinister.

 

Are you super scared? Why are you trying to pick this small thing apart? Maybe inexperienced? I get it--parts of being in a relationship can be scary. But taking the risk can be worth it--far better than the regret of knowing you are the one who messed up a good thing.

[brothers343]

You really don't know someone until you spend alot of time together.......in that time you really get to see the real pro and cons. Sooner or later all truths come out whether you like it or not.