Conviction Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 Need some help guys. My GF rarely goes out to the bars, but every now and then, she gets an itch. Me, I've never been the bar/party kind of guy, I get really bad anxiety with those types of things.Drunk crowds, elbows in the face, some creep trying to cop a feel, on top of that, there's always that one person who starts drama and I just prefer to stay away. She asked if I would go to a bar with her because she likes the dancing (she doesn't want to go for the alcohol). Now, I really appreciate her wanting me to go with her that actually makes me feel a lot better about it. If she wanted to go alone, we'd have issues. I told her I'd give it some thought. My thoughts so far are to just suck it up and take her out, if one night out makes her happy it's worth it, plus it'll avoid an argument. The other side of me is afraid that if I take her out once, it will start a habit of a more frequent thing, and I'm also afraid it'll just be super akward and I'll be out of my comfort zone too much. Any of you have any similar experiences? I know relationships are all about compromises and sometimes doing things you don't want to necessarily do. I just want to get another view point if some of you have any experience with something similar.
d0nnivain Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 Nobody can predict the future. Going this once as a compromise is sweet on your part. If she hasn't exhibited party girl tendencies before it's unlikely they will surface now. But if they do, cross that bridge when you come to it. Sometimes if my husband or me wants to go out but the other doesn't, the stay at home person acts as chauffeur so nobody risks a DWI & we save the expense of an Uber. She clearly likes to dance so you better find a way to satisfy that need. Does it really have to be a crowded noisy bar full of drunks? What about a club of some sort (not a night club but like a Meet-up that dances in a gym) or taking dance lessons together in a studio?
Author Conviction Posted April 29, 2016 Author Posted April 29, 2016 Nobody can predict the future. Going this once as a compromise is sweet on your part. If she hasn't exhibited party girl tendencies before it's unlikely they will surface now. But if they do, cross that bridge when you come to it. Sometimes if my husband or me wants to go out but the other doesn't, the stay at home person acts as chauffeur so nobody risks a DWI & we save the expense of an Uber. She clearly likes to dance so you better find a way to satisfy that need. Does it really have to be a crowded noisy bar full of drunks? What about a club of some sort (not a night club but like a Meet-up that dances in a gym) or taking dance lessons together in a studio? Thank you for the reply. As for your last paragraph, that was actually one of my ideas to her, but she quickly shut that down because according to her she only likes this one particular place, she wasn't interested in another, less rowdy type place. That point kind of scares me actually, because if it was just because she likes to dance, I'd think she'd be open to another place, or lessons.
candie13 Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 it's bar hopping, not conquering the Wild West. Tell yourself that people do this all the time, everyday and still survived it. They actually enjoy it - since they are doing this. I think it's really great if you go with her bar hopping and I think it will benefit you greatly - because you'd get out of your comfort zone. Wonderful things happen only outside of your comfort zone. You're being a good bf, keep taking risks, it'll really pay off. 5
BlueIris Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 But I don’t see why there would be a fight. If you don’t like it and can’t have fun doing it, she should go without you. She enjoys it. Don’t ask her to give up something she enjoys doing- or go and be a fun date! 4
clia Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 If you don't want to go, can't she just go with her friends? What's the big deal? 6
Author Conviction Posted April 29, 2016 Author Posted April 29, 2016 it's bar hopping, not conquering the Wild West. Tell yourself that people do this all the time, everyday and still survived it. They actually enjoy it - since they are doing this. I think it's really great if you go with her bar hopping and I think it will benefit you greatly - because you'd get out of your comfort zone. Wonderful things happen only outside of your comfort zone. You're being a good bf, keep taking risks, it'll really pay off. I appreciate this. Thank you. 1
Author Conviction Posted April 29, 2016 Author Posted April 29, 2016 But I don’t see why there would be a fight. If you don’t like it and can’t have fun doing it, she should go without you. She enjoys it. Don’t ask her to give up something she enjoys doing- or go and be a fun date! I'm going to go, since she really wants me to and it'll make her happy. She's being considerate and promising it won't be a routine thing. I need to suck it up and give a little since she's doing the same. I'll make the best of it, and who knows maybe it'll be fun. It's worth trying at least once. 3
Versacehottie Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 Depending on your area, you could explore new bars and types of places together? I'm sure you could find one that suits both of you. In LA, I def know places like that. Anyway, to take up an adventure like that grows you both, as candie mentioned. Even the bad, with friends and bfs, some of our most bonding moments have been mutually agreeing and laughing to no end at a bad experience. Be open. Also you would get points in my book as the bf who suggested some cool new place we should try. Shows effort, take charge and adventurous attitude, more social, less afraid AND listening to what I said. Seriously, try it. Your gf, it is a little odd that she is just open to one particular place. You both could work on your rigidity Good luck
joseb Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 You said she wants to go bar hopping. But later, when someone suggested quite venues you said she just wants to go to this one place. So a bit confused...bar hopping or go to one particular bar? Have you been to this bar? Anyway, as someone else said, why can't she just go with her friends?
preraph Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 Yes, good decision. You either have to go or let her go with friends and not be resentful and distrusting about it. If you didn't go or let her go, it would be like if you loved to play basketball and she wouldn't allow you to because she didn't want to go.
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