cheercrazi4ahs Posted June 20, 2005 Posted June 20, 2005 My main question is..Is FWB (Friends with benefits) a good idea? See a few of my friends and I went out to dinner with a few guys a couple weeks ago..This one guy really caught my eye, he was extremely good-looking, and funny! He had a girlfriend, so nothing ever evolved. A few nights ago i was at my friends baseball game, whos team he happens to be on. My friend called me later that night and told me that that guy doesnt have a girlfriend anymore, and wanted to talk to me. So i talked to him for a little bit that night, and for the past 2 days a lot. He tells me how he doesn't want a girlfriend, he just got out of his last relationship 2 weeks ago and isn't really looking for anything right now, he's just tired of all the baggage a girlfriend brings, which i guess is understandable. Then he asks me if i would ever consider being a fwb?..i have never been a fwb before, and i'm not sure what i should say to that question. I mean it's summer, and i'm all about having fun and a good time, but will i end up getting hurt is the question. I'm afraid that i will end up gettting attached to him, and he will end up getting into a relationship with someone and that will be the end of me? I want to believe that something would evolve between us after a while, but i honestly don't know?..what should i do???
Pyro Posted June 20, 2005 Posted June 20, 2005 Hi cheercrazi4ahs If you think that there is any chance that you will grow attached to this guy, then don't do it. You would just be setting yourself up for hardtimes. I personally don't go for FWB or one night stands, but if you are interested in being with him for just the sex and fun, then more power to you.
Author cheercrazi4ahs Posted June 20, 2005 Author Posted June 20, 2005 Thank you for your reply-..but the thing is, i know i will get attached..but for some reason i just can't bring myself to saying no. I do want to just be able to let loose and have fun, but i know in the long run i will grow attached. I tried to explain this to him, but i seemed to get myself absolutly no where..any ideas on how i can get him to understand how i'm feeling?
Pyro Posted June 20, 2005 Posted June 20, 2005 Talk to him. Simple as that. Tell him how you feel about everything and how you will end up feeling. If he is a great guy, he will understand your feelings and prevent this relationship from happening. But if he is a selfish guy, he won't care what you think or feel. He will only look out for himself and what he wants. You said so yourself that you will become attached. You have the power to stop it before it happens. Not too many people know the outcome of a situation before it happens. Please, don't hurt yourself. Stop it before it happens. You can find someone who will like you for you and not just want you for fun. You are better then a FWB relationship.
Author cheercrazi4ahs Posted June 20, 2005 Author Posted June 20, 2005 I talked to him about it. I told him that i knew i would get attached to him, and that i was afraid of getting hurt. He said that he wouldn't want me to do anything that i didn't want to do and understands where i am coming from, that he thinks we would have fun, and just isn't ready for a realtionship. I know deep down he is just trying to get some, but there's just something about this guy that keeps me wondering...
Pyro Posted June 20, 2005 Posted June 20, 2005 We all meet that type in life. You must resist. You obviously know the guy better than I do. From what he says, it sounds like that he is just telling you what you want to hear. He says that he understands and that he doesn't want you to get hurt. At the same time, he still suggests having fun with you. Obviously, all he wants is to get some from you because he still says that he doesn't want a relationship. Save yourself from the hardship.
phidelt127 Posted June 20, 2005 Posted June 20, 2005 I agree with the riddler. Most fwb relationships are one sided and usually end up in non communication, rumor, or heartbreak. I have been on both sides of the one sided fwb relationships and neither side is good. I think if he's not willing to commit to a relationship right now, that's cool, but I wouldn't suggest the fwb set up. Be friends with him though and if he comes around, great. If not, at least you haven't ruined a potentially good friendship.
kellyp1 Posted June 20, 2005 Posted June 20, 2005 I think if you have to ask, you know the answer in your heart.
BigB Posted June 20, 2005 Posted June 20, 2005 Originally posted by cheercrazi4ahs I talked to him about it. I told him that i knew i would get attached to him, and that i was afraid of getting hurt. He said that he wouldn't want me to do anything that i didn't want to do and understands where i am coming from, that he thinks we would have fun, and just isn't ready for a realtionship. I know deep down he is just trying to get some, but there's just something about this guy that keeps me wondering... Give him your number, and tell him to call you when he *IS* ready.
blue_eyes18 Posted June 20, 2005 Posted June 20, 2005 I also think you should avoid the FWB thing. Trust me, I thought there was "just something about this guy" and all that BS. I talked my self into doing it for fun and just to let loose, but it's really not worth it. I didn't realize what a waste of time the guy was in the end, and it sucked to know that I gave him what he wanted anyways, the "fun" is just not worth the ****ty feeling that you feel when you end up attached and wondering why the only time he wants to be around you really is when you're having sex. . . It's f***** up, cause I know I am better than that and worth so much more than to be done that way. I realized the guy was really never worth caring for anyways, cause he had drug problems and was really really selfish anyways, so I don't feel that bad, lol. There are too many guys out there that won't just want you to have sex with you. I thought this guy was different, or I thought it would turn out different, but it didn't. I would just give the best advice I have and tell you to find someone who DOES want a relationship with YOU, and a FWB ain't it! Good luck!
Forget About Her Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 FWB relationships can work. I just closed out one, and am in another one right now. I think you have to develop a friendship with the person first for it to work. If you guys just immediately start hooking up, you're not really "friends", your just two people getting benefits. That was the problem with my last FWB relationship. The one I am currently in started off as us being friends for a long time with no hooking up. The first time she came over for some "us" time, it felt really natural. The sex was fun, smooth, without embarressment. We have both verbalized that we can't ever see each other as a b/f or g/f, but we both like each other as friends, and we both love sex. It can work under the right circumstances, but it won't work in your case, believe me!
blue_eyes18 Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Right, you already want more from him basically than friendship. . . I think you will only get more attached having sex with him. I have been thorough it and it sucked. lol
UltimateZen Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Keep in mind that way down the road when you get married you will most likely tell your soon-to-be husband about your fwb relationship. How would he react? How would you react if the situation was reversed? What if your long time bf/fiance told you that he had a fwb relationship? Answers to these questions will help you answer your current one. Good luck.
J dub Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Most women think that to be a fwb "eventually he will change and will want a relationship if I just stick around long enough."' Not true. They will use and take advantage of you, and pursue someone else who is chase-worthy. They probably wont respect you enough to start dating you for a relationship. Also, if youre going to get attached, youre better off forgetting about him. You'll get some time of intimacy sure, but you deserve more -- ie, emotional intimacy, going out on dates to have fun together, working on a future together, etc etc.
kilombo Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Hm. Alright it seems that everybody agrees you shouldn't get yourself in too deep. I agree, but I'd perhaps be a little Sun Tzu about it. Be pleasant, flirtateous, give him a good time, but don't be afraid to draw your limits. If you enjoy yourselves enough, he'll be back for more. The fact that he's even discussing this stuff with you maybe indicates that although he's emotionally drained, but he recognises a good thing when he sees it and doesn't want to let you go just like that. Maybe that why 'there's something about this guy'. But no baggage doesn't mean 'lets have meaningless sex', it means 'lets share each other's company and have fun'. The trick is to know how to do this without resorting to sex or other emotionally demanding activities, since he doesn't want emotional anything. I dunno. Go skydiving, hang out with friends, eat wierd stuff. Instead of getting yourself in an emotional mess that neither of you wants, show him a good time, he might even deserve it (although I find all this 'friends with benefits' talk highly romantic, he should know how to have a good time with you without getting into your pants!). Hanging out with a good looking guy this summer can be empowering for you, or just the opposite. Know your limits, know what you want and stick to it! Good luck girl.
Lost&Confused Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 I have been "friends" with a guy I met a few months ago. We became lovers a few weeks ago. I thought I was his girlfriend... now he keeps saying friend. I am stressing out over this and driving myself CRAZY over him. I like him a lot but I am not a fwb only. I want more and it sounds like you do too. DONT DO IT!! I had actually just decided today to end it tonight! This is not going to be easy... do you really want to be in my shoes in a few months? or worse be dumped for a real girlfriend? I dont think so!
chichi Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 dont even get involved with him if you like him as boyfriend material because the only person that will get hurt is you in he long run trust me i am going through this now and it is not fun.....and once you have feelings for him its all down hill form there so if you decide to be involved with the whole FWB thing keep in mind if he saw you as anything more he would have been with you...and also this might be his way of getting back at his g/f for what ever reason that maybe just be careful....and use them like they use us
kitkat826 Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 I am currently in a FWB relationship. It is someone I dated for 6 months, we broke up a little over a month ago because we were just incompatible on a lot of levels. We joked about trying to mainain a fuc* buddy relationship, and it ended up happening. Overall, I think its working out well. Every once in a while I get a twinge of "feeling", but it doesnt last long. Eventually things might go sour, but I am ready for that if it happens. For now, I'm happy to have him on the side to take care of my "needs" and be able to concentrate on work/school/my life without worrying about the emotional drama of dating (ive decided to put myself on a dating hiatus). I think one reason this fwb thing has worked out is that we already HAD a relationship, and during it I never really saw us together long term. So even though we are intimate, I don't have any wish for it to go farther, because I've already been there and done that and know its a dead end. On top of it, the sex is good, and with a new FWB relationship you will be taking a crap shoot. What if you're not really sexually compatible? Will you feel bad/regretful?
shebapug Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 My main question is..Is FWB (Friends with benefits) a good idea? See a few of my friends and I went out to dinner with a few guys a couple weeks ago..This one guy really caught my eye, he was extremely good-looking, and funny! He had a girlfriend, so nothing ever evolved. A few nights ago i was at my friends baseball game, whos team he happens to be on. My friend called me later that night and told me that that guy doesnt have a girlfriend anymore, and wanted to talk to me. So i talked to him for a little bit that night, and for the past 2 days a lot. He tells me how he doesn't want a girlfriend, he just got out of his last relationship 2 weeks ago and isn't really looking for anything right now, he's just tired of all the baggage a girlfriend brings, which i guess is understandable. Then he asks me if i would ever consider being a fwb?..i have never been a fwb before, and i'm not sure what i should say to that question. I mean it's summer, and i'm all about having fun and a good time, but will i end up getting hurt is the question. I'm afraid that i will end up gettting attached to him, and he will end up getting into a relationship with someone and that will be the end of me? I want to believe that something would evolve between us after a while, but i honestly don't know?..what should i do??? I think you might start to like him even more and maybe you'll waNT TO GET SERIOUS WITH HIM, BUT SINCE HE JUST GOT OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP HE WONT WANT THE SAME.
Topper Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 FWB or F**** buddies can work if both people are on the same page. I have had relationships like that. Some have ended well and others not so well. In a way you almost have to think of each other as really great sex toys. It is a step up from masturbation. The sex can be great. Yet never as satisfying as when you are in a committed relationship. Your own admissions tell a lot about what you know to be true for you. One I think you are going to sleep with this guy. No matter what anyone says here or what you know the outcome will be,you will have sex with him. Two I'm pretty sure it isn't going to end well for you. He has been up front with you about his level of emotional commitment. You need to be honest with yourself. good luck
Blue2005 Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 DON'T DO It...I am currently in a situation with a guy and we are FWB. It was great for a while as I was getting over an ex. I have never done the whole FWB and for a while it was working out great but in the last few weeks the phone calls are becoming less frequent, Friday and Sat nite hanging out time (prime dating nights) is being slowly exchanged for 'do you want to come over to my place on Tuesday). this would be fine but I really like him alot...in fact am crazy about him but have to except the fact that he does not feel the same AND he may have replaced me with a proper girlfriend or at least someone else he is seeing. None of this is good for my self esteem and it is beginning to affect that so I decided...I am worth more and I want more so I am gonna let it go. I have decided against the whole...lets have a chat because what is the point. By allowing it to disappear gradually I think I will retain my mystique and most of all my dignity and pride. Just my experience but this is the first and last time I will be in a situation like this.
sleeplessindallas Posted September 17, 2005 Posted September 17, 2005 I've had a couple of fantastic FWB relationships, so I have no problem with it. However... I am probably much older than you - 48. I was married for a lot of years, and have been single for about five years. I don't have anywhere near the same hopes and expectations about relationships that people in their 20's would have. As a result of that, FWB is probably the perfect relationship for me. I can tell you, though, that if what you hope for is a *good* relationship, a bf/gf thing, then FWB probably isn't going to work for you. It's not impossible, though, and I honestly wouldn't completely rule out the possibility. It's just that when you get into something like this, you absolutely, positively MUST be prepared to be dumped at any moment for someone else. That's the bottom line in a FWB situation. And, conversely, the other person is at the mercy of your whims and desires, too. You're not the only one taking a risk here. A couple of thoughts: Understand, going into it, that you're not going to have as much of this person's time and attention as you might like. You're also probably not going to have as much sex as you'd like. Sounds weird, but people who want a relationship like this are usually people who don't want to put a lot of time into a relationship. They have other things going on that take their time. They're free to date, and so are you, so as someone else said on this thread, prime dating time is probably going to be free time for you. You just need to figure out what you really want. Do you want to have most of your time as your own? Do you feel like you just would like to have sex once in a while to get you by? Do you have a lot of other things in your life that demand your time? Are you independent enough to feel good about yourself and keep yourself busy without a significant other in the picture? Are you able to not care if a week or two go by and you don't get to see him? Maybe even not hear from him? You've got to be okay with that stuff before you can consider being a FWB because if you're not, you're going to be a hurting unit very quickly. The situation can evolve from FWB into something more some day, possibly, but you also have to be okay with the possiblity that it might not. What happens a few months or even a few years from now is not what you have to deal with. What you have to deal with is today and tomorrow and next week without hope or expectations. Can you do that?
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