Am i a complete fool?

[LaKeiShA]

I had broken up with this married guy thrice(perhaps youve read before) and it was going ok, then it seemed to me that i couldnt see him when i wanted and i was really really frustrated. before i used to like work in a different branch but now i was transferred to the head office where he is, ok i dont like see him all the time but through the glass(its a bank so i see him through the banking hall). i had started out knowing that this is wrong and he isnt the guy for me then damn it i started obsessing like where does his wife work, is she pretteir than i am( i saw her) and what problems do they have for he to want a relationship outside his marriage. hed like call me every other day but on weekends id mop around waiting for him to give me an opening to go out and even if i had plans with my closest friends(EVEN FAMILY!!!!) id postpone just to be in his time frame. and sometimes when my friends come over and try to talk me out of having the relationship id send them away and they go out and have lots of fun and last minute hed cancel. you see the predicament i am in, i cannot call them and say hey the guy bounced me you know its all humiliating and stuff.

i had had the last straw and i told him how i felt and said its over. effing hell he is so calm about everything and he's likeif you think thats the best decision its ok, and i tell him never to call me again. and he doesnt, i break and call him

see what kinda fool i am?

we had not had sex like for 5 weeks in a row and i really missed him but i was scared to death to tell him i just needed to feel him next to me againbut on this particular night he did come and see me and we had incredible sex, we cried in each others arams. i guess he is getting all guilty now coz his wife is incredible.

on thursday evening he told me that he would see me on friday then on saturday, i was so estatic!! two nights with me? whats this?

then on friday he comes up with a crappy excuse that he had taken the bus because he car died and so he will stay in friday night but he will see me on saturday night.

he even called me saturday at around 3pm saying he was droppin the wife somewher then hed come see me after the rugby game.

i waited for his call.

6pm, 7, 8, 9, 10, effing 11 pm!!! theres no way he would come over. so i crawled into bed crying all my tears not believing what a fool i was because he had done this to me like 7 times.he dint even have the audacity to call or sms and say hey im running late.

so i sms'ed him and told him he wouldve atleast called or sms\ed and i told him about how angry i was and like i was so hurt

he did the unthinkable.

he sms's and says that oh sorry i was running late had to drop off some'a my wifey's friends and when i get back from town ill call you because i still would love to go out.

i was infuriated!!!!!!what! so simple ill call you when i get back. what the eff does he think i am? so i replied back and told him he had loads of numbers on his phone book and he can call them. I broke it off and cried myself to sleep.

atleast i got to go see someone i had so long pushed for a while (Jesus) yep i went to church.

have you ever been so disgusted? i dont wanna see him, i dont wanna take his effing calls,may he grovel and try i will not.

and i wonder, all this because of a guy who will never leave his wife? i certainly need to get my act together because by the time im smelling the coffee hell the carafe will be in New Delhi .

[newbby]

i dont understand it either

these mm seem to have some kind of strange hold over us.

i think because of their situations they have the whole cocktail of love tactics up to perfection.

the result seems to be we get obsessed

you are feeling obsessed at the moment because he has the total control and power. you feel completely out of control. think about it this way though, you do have power and you do have control.

you can decide not to see him again, you can take control of your own life and you can walk past him with your head held high. you can not even give him the time of day. you can go out with your friends and you can have fun.

no need to kick yourself and no need to be ashamed, mm are manipulative, they can be confident because they already have everything they need. they dont neeed you and if gives them total power.

turn it around, dont need him.

make your own plans and do not cancel them, force yourself, the more you keep doing this the more you will feel you have your own life in your own hands and you do not need him either.

i know, i fell into the same trap of waiting for him etc, it just makes you feel more desperate and more obsessed and more out of control.

i am now gradually letting him go, i have not been physical with him for about 5 months, but we have had daily contact for quite a long time. initially i felt i had the control back as i refused to see him and he kept begging me, now though i realise the psychological hook still remains. he still plays the games with me.

[LaKeiShA]

Originally posted by newbby

i dont understand it either

these mm seem to have some kind of strange hold over us.

i think because of their situations they have the whole cocktail of love tactics up to perfection.

the result seems to be we get obsessed

you are feeling obsessed at the moment because he has the total control and power. you feel completely out of control. think about it this way though, you do have power and you do have control.

you can decide not to see him again, you can take control of your own life and you can walk past him with your head held high. you can not even give him the time of day. you can go out with your friends and you can have fun.

no need to kick yourself and no need to be ashamed, mm are manipulative, they can be confident because they already have everything they need. they dont neeed you and if gives them total power.

turn it around, dont need him.

make your own plans and do not cancel them, force yourself, the more you keep doing this the more you will feel you have your own life in your own hands and you do not need him either.

i know, i fell into the same trap of waiting for him etc, it just makes you feel more desperate and more obsessed and more out of control.

i am now gradually letting him go, i have not been physical with him for about 5 months, but we have had daily contact for quite a long time. initially i felt i had the control back as i refused to see him and he kept begging me, now though i realise the psychological hook still remains. he still plays the games with me.

 

thanks so much for the encouragement. ill try and see if it works. funny enough the more i think of all the bad things he has done to me the more i dont even want to see, or hear from him.he has hurt me to many times.

also in the eyes of God this is a great sin. God hates sexual sins especially he loathes them and especially defiling the marriage bed. its so wrong and i know this yet i keep doing it. i know that God is a forgiving God but theres a limit. and i was tired of always going back and telling God im sorry after i knew very well what i was doing was wrong.I guess this is a time to sort myself out, not jump into any relationship as of yet and have a clear head first. thanks for the advice i needed it. God bless you.

[newbby]

my own particular god is not the same, however letting oneself down is never good.

i am doing nc now too, it is, i have realised, the only way