xxjustinukxx Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Hello everyone, About 6 months ago I started chatting to a really lovely woman via a dating website. We knew each other to say hi to for a couple of years, because both of us had a child at the same school. We saw each other online and have been chatting on and off for a while now, just general "hi how are you"? Anyway, she suggested that we meet up for coffee and so we did. Now, ive always found her really attractive but didn't see this as anything more than just catching up with a friend for a drink. Plus, I felt she was way out of my league. We met up and it was great, the first thing she said was "give me a cuddle" followed by a nice hug, then we chatted and the time flew! During our chat she told me she always tried to come say hi at school and that she "liked my look" also that she'd been looking at my Facebook page and noticed we had mutual friends. She also suggested we meet up again a few minutes into our meet. Im trying to work out if she's interested in me as more than friends without flat out asking! And whether us meeting are dates or just friends catching up. So far ive thought about seeing how the next meet goes, and if we enjoy it, asking her out for an evening and seeing what she says. Surely then its obvious its a date? ! Lol As im sure you can tell, im hopelessly out of practice when it comes to dating, but any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
DominicWayne Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 DO NOT EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES SAY THAT SHE'S OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE. EVER. She is only out of your league if you deem it so. First off, relationships do not happen through the digital realm. Relationships happen and flourish in reality. Stop talking to her so much online and just contact her for a date, through phone or through dating website. Secondly, it seems like this girl is into you. Don't mess this up! Every date should just be having fun and hooking up. That's it. Don't mention a relationship. Let her bring it up. While we're on that note, DON'T EVER reveal your feelings right off the bat. A majority of guys think it's really brave to just tell her, but it just sabotages your chances. One of the elements a girl wants with a guy is the sense of mystery and suspense, not knowing where she lies. That generates attraction towards you. Just continue being flirty and keep having fun one on one. Continue. Dominate the day. -Director Wayne
preraph Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 All you can do is ask her out for a real evening date, dinner, movie, or whatever, that cannot be misconstrued as just hanging out. Pick her up, do all the gentlemanly things. Kiss her at the end of the evening or take her hand while walking.
Gaeta Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 She gave you clear signs she is interested in you for more than friendship. A woman would never tell a man she always liked him and likes his look if she was not interested. On top of that she admitted staking your FB. Go ahead and invite her on a date.
Author xxjustinukxx Posted April 29, 2016 Author Posted April 29, 2016 Hi everyone, its been a while since i posted this original thread, and i wanted to update you all and get some advice moving forward as i'm really keen to not screw this up! We've met a few more times for a lunchtime drink and had a really good time together. Im trying to read the signs but at the same time, not get preoccupied with it and just enjoy our time together! During our last "date" - if thats what they are. At the end of our time together, we chatted briefly about going out for dinner one evening and she sounded very keen, suggesting that we should do it when her boys go away so we have more time and dont have to clock watch, so we'll do that. So, now im thinking, how do i know she doesn't just see all this as just two friends going out? I don't want to get my hopes up but i'm really finding this woman more and more attractive and i'm certainly scared at the thought of just coming right out and telling her that i fancy her, which i think is a bad idea anyway. so, any advice moving forward? As ive said previously, i'm hopeless at reading the signs, but think a few practical tips and some suggestions would mean a lot to me! Thank you!
Author xxjustinukxx Posted April 29, 2016 Author Posted April 29, 2016 (edited) Hello everyone, [] Myself and my friend have met a few more times for a lunchtime drink and had a really good time together. Im trying to read the signs but at the same time, not get preoccupied with it and just enjoy our time together! During our last "date" - if thats what they are. At the end of our time together, we chatted briefly about going out for dinner one evening and she sounded very keen, suggesting that we should do it when her boys go away so we have more time and dont have to clock watch, so we'll do that. So, now im thinking, how do i know she doesn't just see all this as just two friends going out? I don't want to get my hopes up but i'm really finding this woman more and more attractive and i'm certainly scared at the thought of just coming right out and telling her that i fancy her, which i think is a bad idea anyway. so, any advice moving forward? As ive said previously, i'm hopeless at reading the signs, but think a few practical tips and some suggestions would mean a lot to me! Thank you! Edited April 30, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redacted off-topic commentary ~6
d0nnivain Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 A date is nothing more then a pre planned time to spend time with another person. So yes you are dating. That does not mean you are in an exclusive relationship. At a minimum, step it up. Ask her to dinner & pay. 1
Author xxjustinukxx Posted April 29, 2016 Author Posted April 29, 2016 Thank you! I'm really tempted to drop a little hint or two into a text when we're chatting, like the word "date" dropped in somewhere - something subtle like that, oh my god i'm so out of practice with this kind of thing! i guess my main thrust with this is that i want her to be certain im interested and not just a friends type situation. She always asks how im finding a certain dating site we're both on and if i've had any luck etc, she doesn't seem to mind if i touch her shoulder or hand and certainly doesn't mind being very tactile towards me which i take as a positive sign. any more tips or advice?
joseb Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 (edited) Just make sure to escalate things on the date If you are kissing her she will probably realise you are interested Edit Just read your other other thread. It sounds like you have gone on a few dates already. If you keep meeting and not escalating she will either get bored waiting or put you in the friend zone. Edited April 29, 2016 by joseb 3
fitnessfan365 Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 She always asks how im finding a certain dating site we're both on and if i've had any luck etc, This could be taken one of two ways. 1) She has no romantic interest in you at all and has a genuine friend-like interest in how you're fairing on a dating site. 2) She likes you and wants to know if you're dating other women. What you need to do OP is just make your intentions known and stop beating around the bush. Since you've made no attempt to escalate yet, my advice would be to plan more of a romantic dinner where you pay, and then kiss her at the end of the night That will tell you all you need to know. 4
Versacehottie Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 I think you are pretty hopeless at reading the signs. She likes you man....for dating. Good luck
Author xxjustinukxx Posted April 30, 2016 Author Posted April 30, 2016 Thanks again! You're all awesome! We will have to wait a few weeks to go out for dinner as she said at the end of our last get together, that she'd like us to go out in the evening when her kids are away so we have a lot more time together and don't have to clock watch. Which sounds great to me! (they go away for a holiday for a couple of weeks in a fortnight or so) So, im going to just keep the texts and calls to a minimum until we actually arrange our date as i dont wanna come across as annoying/needy/desperate etc. Do you agree with this approach? I want to maintain her interest but at the same time, not be too full on. Perhaps a lunchtime coffee or two before then?
fitnessfan365 Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 It's funny because she is trying to steer it in the right direction stressing she wants to see you at night and spend more time together. But you keep getting in your own way not escalating yet and wanting to plan lunches. That is what friends do. Romance happens at night. If you can't have an actual date for a few weeks, I'd let her do most of the initiating and then start to up the flirting when she does. If you're able to have an actual date sooner than that, plan it. 1
EgoJoe Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 Plan a nice dinner. Bring her a COUPLE of roses 1-3 and not RED; White or Yellow only and no more than that. Be a gentleman, wear a tie and court her properly (open doors, pull out her chair, hold her hand etc. etc.) You're in. Go for it Champ! 1
phineas Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 It's funny because she is trying to steer it in the right direction stressing she wants to see you at night and spend more time together. But you keep getting in your own way not escalating yet and wanting to plan lunches. That is what friends do. Romance happens at night. If you can't have an actual date for a few weeks, I'd let her do most of the initiating and then start to up the flirting when she does. If you're able to have an actual date sooner than that, plan it. I agree. OP is going to end up friend-zoneing himself if he doesn't try to take her out at night & kiss her. 1
Gaeta Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 Thanks again! You're all awesome! We will have to wait a few weeks to go out for dinner as she said at the end of our last get together, that she'd like us to go out in the evening when her kids are away so we have a lot more time together and don't have to clock watch. Which sounds great to me! (they go away for a holiday for a couple of weeks in a fortnight or so) So, im going to just keep the texts and calls to a minimum until we actually arrange our date as i dont wanna come across as annoying/needy/desperate etc. Do you agree with this approach? I want to maintain her interest but at the same time, not be too full on. Perhaps a lunchtime coffee or two before then? I strongly disagree with that approach. You misunderstood her when she said she'd like to go out at night with you when her kids are away she didn't mean she wanted to wait weeks to see you again!! continue seeing each other on lunches and other available time. If you wait weeks to invite her out again I assure you she'll think you are not interested. There is no WE arrange our date. YOU Set up the darn date!! Put your pants on and organize time with her. Stop being so passive. Interested men ACT interested. Same thing with keeping communication to minimum. What do you hope to accomplish with that?? Are you interested in her or not? if you are then SHOW IT. We women don't have to waste on men that can't get off the pot. Next time you see her KISS HER. 1
rosyfuture Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 (edited) Keep some mystery! I recently dated a fellow who told me he was "all in" after a few dates. Totally killed the attraction. Edited April 30, 2016 by rosyfuture
Versacehottie Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 Keep some mystery! I recently dated a fellow who told me he was "all in" after a few dates. Totally killed the attraction. I agree with this sentiment...in general. I think the OP though is playing it way too passive. If he is mostly a serious guy, I agree, he should definitely not put it all on the table. He should flirt and let her know he has interest in a playful, confident way. Usually guys that are too passive, swing wildly to the other end and dump all their feelings on the table in a serious manner when they get up the courage. Like your fellow, and the OP, I agree there needs to be some good build up. That said, it needs to be made clear by OP that it is dating/sexual tension not friendship pathway. OP, I don't see why you are going to not really communicate with her during the 2-3 week period. Do it confidently. If someone is on your mind, and you are on theirs it will be welcomed!! Plus you can do some flirting by text/phone. If you have to wait 2-3 weeks before the night date, do NOT take her to lunch dates that confuse the issue in between--ie more again on a friend note. If you take her to those lunch dates, which is perfectly fine IMO, then ramp up the good tension--otherwise do it thru communicating and wait for the date. Don't see her in the in-between time to do more of the same friend stuff and confuse the issue or send yourself straight into the friendzone---only to come on like a freight train 3 weeks from now on the date night. Be steady and confident. Enjoy her company in a non-friend manner right away.
Gaeta Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 This thing started 6 months ago. Enough with the mystery already. 1
phineas Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 Keep some mystery! I recently dated a fellow who told me he was "all in" after a few dates. Totally killed the attraction. I don't suggest extreme's on either end. Maintaining contact with a woman who has made it clear she is into you is not an issue providing you make a date with her ASAP. The only time I suggest "keep some mystery" is when a woman starts getting hot/cold or she isn't making it clear where you stand after a week or two then I lose interest and stop contacting because why would I want to contact a woman who isn't into me? 1
alphamale Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 you're catching up that possibly leads to dating. i.e. she is trying to feel you out and learn more about you...
Author xxjustinukxx Posted May 10, 2016 Author Posted May 10, 2016 Thank you everyone who replied with advice, i can't tell you how much i appreciate it. Just to update you all, it turns out my interest has just started seeing someone. so, either i took to long by being cautious and not wanting to seem pushy, or she was never interested in the first place I guess. Either way, I take from this the lesson that i need to be more forthcoming and take a chance. I wonder if anyone else agrees?
preraph Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 Yes, you took too long. First time, she said "Give me a cuddle." That's as much of a physical invitation as you're ever likely to get from any woman. Then you waited and waited because you can't believe she'd like you. It is a rare woman who is just going to throw you down and jump on you when you haven't so much as kissed her yet. She may not be with this guy forever, OR she may not really be with him but gave you that excuse because she was tired of you not moving forward. If she does come back into the picture, you should take her out and KISS her immediately, for better of worse.
phineas Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 Took too long. Did not show interest romantically to her so she found someone who did.
Versacehottie Posted May 11, 2016 Posted May 11, 2016 I also think that you took too long and were too timid about it. Ok, rather than bash you for that (it sounds like you have learned your lesson). Here's what I want to ask? If you've learned your lesson, why are you taking a passive route with her now?? How did you find out that she is dating someone else? Did she tell you to your face in midst of you telling her something about your feelings or on a date? OR did you find out through others or she told you in passing and one of those lunches (!!!!!)? My point is unless she told you she is dating someone else directly in response to you admitting feelings for her, you should let her know either teasingly or semi-seriously that you are disappointed that you missed this window of opportunity with her (worded less formally IMO). I think playful is best (but realize that seems opposite to your personality). That will get her thinking and if it is shaky (as new things are prone to be) or doesn't work out, she knows there's is a real interest from you. Also she may even jump ship from him to you. Take the chance, if you are going to remain friends, I think it's better to get it out in the open rather than pine for her. A few of my friend couples got together in a version this way. You don't retreat and give up. You alter the plan which was in some way to show her you have feelings for her; still do that, just in an altered version. Start being that more proactive guy now; not on the next girl. good luck
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