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So upset . my instincts were right. He's with someone younger

gillian34

By gillian34
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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gillian34 Member

gillian34

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I was with a man - have covered him in previous threads! He purported to be deeply madly in love with me but basically (as loveshackers pointed out) used me for sex and money which I gave freely as I was genuinely in love with him. All along he lied that I was perfect beautiful his dream girl etc and he has this lovely Irish accent...I am a lonely single mother and my instincts were screaming at me that he wanted some young girl from his work (he has a fixation with the sub Dom daddy thing, and I'm only 12 years younger than him) but I told myself ..everyone told me..i was being insecure.

 

My instincts caused me to confront him. I was accused of being a jealous paranoid insane abusive person and I admit I did go through his phone a few times which I shouldn't EVER have done but he'd deleted anything incriminating. He went off in a huff (still owing me £400) but continued to come round for sex occasionally for the next three weeks, but would always leave n not cuddle

 

Then after 3 weeks of this limbo i found out he is now in a relationship with some 22 Year old very pretty girl from his work. The girl I was "paranoid" about. Me n my kids , who ask after him still, are a distant memory. Though he did keep sleeping with me up until I found out about her!? (not thru him)

 

When I found out he claimed I was wrong all along but my abuse made me unbearable to be with so he was firced ti leave. But he also admitted he'd fancied her for two years :(

 

I am CUT UP. I have been told all my life I am beautiful , exceptionally sexy and attractive but this has floored me. I wouldn't ever want to be with him again_ he was an awful boyfriend to me in every way but I can't handle that he basically chose her and her young body n childfree life over me. That she is good enough to introduce to his friends and take out, but i wasnt. It's jealousy plain n simple n has left me feeling so old ugly and unlovable and hopeless and used and drained. I've gone NC but it's not helping .

 

I'm nothing but a stopgap to anyone. Ever :-(

 

ANY words of wisdom or comfort would be so welcome right now cos I cannot cope.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T
elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted

I note you wrote previously - "My past relationships have been either abusive or just flings" and this one was no better, despite the red flags fluttering you stuck in there, until it all went the way you probably foresaw from day one.

YOU need to take a long hard look at yourself here and ask yourself why do you do this?

Why are you settling for abusive guys or wasters or users or a guy with a fetish for 22 year olds? Why are you setting yourself up to fail?

I also note that you were sexually abused as a child and that recent therapy helped you, but I guess that may also be tied in to why you put up with people who do not have your own best interests at heart. People who use and abuse you.

He was a horrible user of a man, of that there is no doubt but you need to take care of you and make sure that when the actions do not match the words, you take notice and you take decisive action.

Grieve, heal, work on you, glam yourself up and onto the NEXT!

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gillian34 Member

gillian34

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Elaine thank you so much for this kind reply, it moved me to tears. Can't believe a stranger would take the time to read my past questions to understand why I'm.feeling like this. It helps just to be told it isn't necessarily something about me causing this to happen time and time again. My last relationship before this guy was a man jailed for assaulting me when pregnant with our child so anyone pretty much seems nice after him and my standards are at an all time low - it doesn't help that I've just turned 34 either , seems to be the age where all the good guys suitable are married off! Thank you again. I will read yoir advice every time I am on a downer x

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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My last relationship before this guy was a man jailed for assaulting me when pregnant with our child so anyone pretty much seems nice after him and my standards are at an all time low - it doesn't help that I've just turned 34 either , seems to be the age where all the good guys suitable are married off! Thank you again. I will read yoir advice every time I am on a downer x

 

Yes, you were hungry for attention and love, so anything at all offered was sucked up by you, you were a dry sponge and they provided some moisture. However being vulnerable also makes you very attractive to users and abusers. They recognise that need in you and use it to their advantage, they were out scouting for likely victims and you fitted the bill nicely.

Once you are in a better place, you can tell those people to get lost early doors, you do not wait around hoping they will improve or make excuses for their bad behaviour.

Plenty nice unattached men around in their thirties, plenty men who want LTRs, 34 is NOT old.

:)

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gillian34 Member

gillian34

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Yes, you were hungry for attention and love, so anything at all offered was sucked up by you, you were a dry sponge and they provided some moisture. However being vulnerable also makes you very attractive to users and abusers. They recognise that need in you and use it to their advantage, they were out scouting for likely victims and you fitted the bill nicely.

Once you are in a better place, you can tell those people to get lost early doors, you do not wait around hoping they will improve or make excuses for their bad behaviour.

Plenty nice unattached men around in their thirties, plenty men who want LTRs, 34 is NOT old.

:)

 

Thank you . you're an angel. And very intelligent and insightful! I made the mistake of reading articles online about why men only want younger women and the answers have left me feeling very very down, lots of men going on about how it boots their immune systems to be around "fresh meat" keeps them young, "why would I want a wrinkled old hag when I could have a pretty fresh young thing with no baggage". Ughhhhhh . having said that,wouldn't want a loser with that attitude anyway

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
Thank you . you're an angel. And very intelligent and insightful! I made the mistake of reading articles online about why men only want younger women and the answers have left me feeling very very down, lots of men going on about how it boots their immune systems to be around "fresh meat" keeps them young, "why would I want a wrinkled old hag when I could have a pretty fresh young thing with no baggage". Ughhhhhh . having said that,wouldn't want a loser with that attitude anyway

 

Lots of bitter people on the internet, take everything with a pinch of salt.

 

Your ex's 22yo will most likely dump her "old man" soon, for a younger model anyway. ;)

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