Bubblegumgirl Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 So I had this best friend from highschool and we moved to the same university We are soo close and I helped him get his girlfriend who also became my friend before they started dating. So now I was very close to my best friend (obviously) and this girl which later became his girlfriend was considered one of my really close friends. After sometime she began being so cold towards both of us and we found out after having her tell one of our mutual friends that she's has a problem with our friendship and she had doubts that something was going on between us and she was angry and aggressive about it. My guy best friend (her bf) and I talked and he doesn't think our friendship needs to change since it was the same way before they started dating and since she has no reason so be jealous because I was always so supportive of their relationship. After Talking to her a few times she still had the same feeling and my guy best friend noticed me backing off a bit and got mad. So I don't know what to do and where I stand in this situation. Should I back off to avoid being in this position? I would hate to lose my best friend (her boyfriend)
basil67 Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 Yes, it sounds like you are too close to him. She should be his best friend - not you. 1 1
Author Bubblegumgirl Posted April 29, 2016 Author Posted April 29, 2016 I get that but he can have more than one best friend can't he? He's great with her. Also shouldn't she have more trust in both of us considering I'm a close friend of hers too?
Tayla Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 I get that but he can have more than one best friend can't he? He's great with her. Also shouldn't she have more trust in both of us considering I'm a close friend of hers too? Yes. Unfortunately this comes at a cost as you are now experiencing. If there is a mature one in this stance I would contend its you. Able to separate the kindness and joy that is given and received in friendships. Sounds like you have proven yourself a civil friend. Its up to them to do the same. Been in your shoes and sometimes I had to let the behavior speak for itself.
d0nnivain Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 You keep your friendship. If a new romantic interest can't handle that, the problem lies with them, not you & your friend. 1
O'Malley Posted May 2, 2016 Posted May 2, 2016 How close are you and your friend? Have things always been completely platonic, buddy-buddy, or is there any prior history of intimacy or unresolved attraction? Not necessarily sex, but flirting, cuddle sessions, discussing each others relationships? I'm all for supportive friendships with clearly defined boundaries, but imo plenty of people would be uncomfortable with a friendship where there had been a prior flirtation or intimacy. This doesn't mean that his girlfriend should expect that he drop every woman friend, if she's that uncomfortable with his current friendships she shouldn't stay with him. However, *if* your friendship with him has ever been less than platonic, even if the attraction was not fully reciprocated, she might have picked up on that. Or it could be that she's just insecure about any woman being in too close proximity. The onus is on your guy friend to stand up for his friendships. His girlfriend has had enough time to become acquainted with you and observe your interactions with your friend. Sometimes you do have to step back and let your friends make their own decisions. 1
anika99 Posted May 2, 2016 Posted May 2, 2016 I have stepped back from platonic friendships with guys when they have gotten married or into serious relationships. One guy was a best friend to me for 3yrs while he was separated from his wife. When he decided to get back together with her I was surprised because I didn't even know reconciliation was on the table but I was happy for him as I truly only ever saw him as a dear friend. He wanted to keep our friendship and he wanted his wife and I to meet each other. She nixed that idea saying she didn't approve of our close friendship. After that he came over to my place a couple of times without his wife knowing. The second time he did it I told him I didn't think it was right for us to be secret friends and I didn't want to see him again unless his wife knew and was okay with it. After that we only spoke on the rare occasions that we would run into each other. I guess it really comes down to what your best friend wants. In the teens and early twenties it's not unusual for people to have close friends of the opposite sex and to prioritize those friendships over girlfriends and boyfriends. However when people grow up and start getting into serious relationships and marriages then they need to cool their opposite sex friendships. Not saying they have to end their friendships but the main person in their life should be their SO/spouse. If this was never a serious relationship for your friend then maybe he would rather have your friendship over her but one day, if he ever wants to have a close intimate romantic relationship with someone he is going to have to prioritize his love interest over his friendship with you. 2
kamani Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 Close friendships among opposite sexes can shift from platonic to romantic anytime.
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