Moved Too Fast, Spending Too Much Time Together? Needy?

[Jammer25]

So we've been dating for a few months. The honeymooning was great. We would always go out to dinner together nearly every day, talk during the day and at night, hang out, chill, be lazy together, pretty much everything.

 

I hadn't had a girlfriend in a few years, so for me it was all gravy. I loved the constant attention and affection.

 

But now I'm feeling smothered and constantly like my energy has to be on her. I'm a pretty introverted person so I need at least some alone time to recharge most days after work, and to be honest sometimes I'm annoyed how often I feel obligated to text and call my girlfriend. I try to be subtle about it, saying I'm tired after work so I can't go out or talk much. Or that I have to do stuff for my home business.

 

It's not that I don't feel connected to her after the honeymoon phase. I can tell her anything, and we can talk about pretty much everything in our lives. We have similar values on a lot of things too.

 

I definitely think we moved too fast, like spent too much time together in the beginning. It's not that I don't want to see her or break up, I just don't have the energy to see her every day and go out to dinner or whatnot.

 

Any advice on how to handle this and broach the topic with my girlfriend? Maybe we didn't talk about expectations or boundaries about this sort of thing. Am I overstating how needy she is coming off? Am I just being a jerk not knowing how to be a good boyfriend?

 

Thanks in advance.

[d0nnivain]

Don't make a big announcement. Just pull back a little. Schedule 1 less date per week but do make sure you touch base with her.

[TaraMaiden2]

I hate to sound like Captain Obvious, but hasn't it occurred to you to talk to her about this?

Discuss things reassuringly. But tell her you have to find the fine line between doing it, and over-doing it.

 

How old are you both, could I ask?

 

ETA: It's ok, I looked up your old threads.

YOU are in your early 20's.

Is this a co-worker, then?

Edited April 28, 2016 by TaraMaiden2

[ad4m]

It's so obvious, but just talk to her! Ask her where she feels in the relationship and then tell her where you are. You don't know, maybe she feels the same a little bit.

 

Just make that it comes across that it's no that you want to spend less time with her, rather, that you don't want to have too much of each other now and then be bored later down the line.

[Gaeta]

Don't make a big announcement. Just pull back a little. Schedule 1 less date per week but do make sure you touch base with her.

 

 

I disagree on pulling back without having first a conversation about it. Women are very sensitive to any change in dynamic and she will feel it and interpret it as him wanting out of the relationship and she'll be flooding our forum with threads like: boyfriend is different is it over!

 

OP: How long have you been dating?

[Versacehottie]

So we've been dating for a few months. The honeymooning was great. We would always go out to dinner together nearly every day, talk during the day and at night, hang out, chill, be lazy together, pretty much everything.

 

I hadn't had a girlfriend in a few years, so for me it was all gravy. I loved the constant attention and affection.

 

But now I'm feeling smothered and constantly like my energy has to be on her. I'm a pretty introverted person so I need at least some alone time to recharge most days after work, and to be honest sometimes I'm annoyed how often I feel obligated to text and call my girlfriend. I try to be subtle about it, saying I'm tired after work so I can't go out or talk much. Or that I have to do stuff for my home business.

It's not that I don't feel connected to her after the honeymoon phase. I can tell her anything, and we can talk about pretty much everything in our lives. We have similar values on a lot of things too.

 

I definitely think we moved too fast, like spent too much time together in the beginning. It's not that I don't want to see her or break up, I just don't have the energy to see her every day and go out to dinner or whatnot.

Any advice on how to handle this and broach the topic with my girlfriend? Maybe we didn't talk about expectations or boundaries about this sort of thing. Am I overstating how needy she is coming off? Am I just being a jerk not knowing how to be a good boyfriend?

 

Thanks in advance.

 

I bolded the things you should focus on when you talk to her. Make it about you. In reality, it is, after all. Don't tell her at this point she is being needy. Whoa, that would be a mistake, IMO. Don't offend her to get your space. You guys both set up a pattern and level of spending time together that seemed fine for both of you. But now you are having regrets since you rolled with the momentum of the honeymoon period without taking other things into consideration: your introvertness, your need for some space, your home business.

 

Give her at least a chance to adjust to the new pattern before you accuse her of being needy; she is just going with the flow of things as they've been established. Oh, and btw, I think there may be a little backlash from her but that's because for her the ground will suddenly become unstable. You need to give her a chance to get used to it. Also you need to be reassuring to her in a way that lets her know you still love her but that your need for space has nothing to do with her, just has to do with you. Good luck

[katiegrl]

I agree you shouldn't just pull back OP. That will only cause her to feel insecure and confused, thus becoming more clingy and needy.

 

The exact thing you want to avoid.

 

Talk to her. Tell her how you feel. You enjoy her, love her?.... want to continue developing the RL.... but you feel a bit suffocated, which is probably YOUR fault to some extent, since you started out so gung ho with everything -- i.e always go out to dinner together nearly every day, talk during the day and at night, hang out, chill, be lazy together, pretty much everything.