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Why can't I block her phone number and leave it blocked!!!!

panzerfaust69

By panzerfaust69
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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panzerfaust69 Member

panzerfaust69

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So here's my story I'm 56 she's 45 she contacted me out of the blue on my Facebook two years ago I hadn't seen her or thought of her for 25 years we went to art school together back then and she bought some of my artwork. I'd been single for awhile after getting over a rather tumultuous five-year relationship where the woman was rather hard and dumped me.

 

So when I heard from this woman out of the blue it was quite a nice surprise and we had a pretty good time for the most part although I definitely was more involved in the relationship and she was.

 

We have our separate places to live but I would usually go to visit her and stay overnight at her house I also was way more communicative via text and stuff like that

 

She has said that she doesn't love me the way I love her she's the only woman that I ever asked to marry me she said no but we still kept the relationship going. I have also grown very close to her family.

 

 

And so now after two years I guess she's questioning whether she wants to carry on with me I still have her keys to her apartment she still has mine is a few my things over there you her things here

 

I have been trying to convince her I can change, she has some beefs about me, which really are pretty minor. I went over to her house on Saturday night before Valentines Day, low key, no romance just maybe to talk. She was nice enough but distant and business like. After an hour and a half saying she wasn't feeling well, I basically got the bums rush.

 

I felt really disrespected when I got home and I woke up at about 130 in the morning and I texted her all my feelings about what I was going to and everything like that for about an hour worth!

 

I had to call her on the phone at 10 AM couldn't hold it any longer. I don't like texting when I need to really communicate. I had to tell her how her distancing and separateness for the last month or so has really got me upset and I can't live like this any longer, I told her that I would love her till the day I die but she is forcing me to kill this love and I will have to kill it and she will never see me again. So after we said goodbye, I haven't a talked to her for a week now.

 

She sent me a text that morning that said,

"In short I am not mad at you I have forgiven you I just don't know what that I am interested in getting back together with you and to quit I don't really want to talk right now please don't pressure me"

The funny thing is is she sent me a text on Sunday evening that said "I don't know if I should say this but I will anyways happy Valentines time day big hug"

 

we haven't had sex since November 28.

 

She has been slowly withdrawing and isolating herself for me for about two months.

 

I have decided she needs to be clear about wanting to have a future with me in a romantic way. That she wants to work on the relationship too. I am way more wanting this to work.

 

So at this point I am trying no contact as a method of getting myself back, although today was very difficult felt like a stone in my solar plexus seems so bleak without her in the future but I know this no contact is not about getting her back it's about getting me back about getting over the addiction of this one and I am just in the cold turkey right now.

 

It is obviously over although I do have some hope she may change her mind. I know that's probably not going to happen, but she hasn't really completely broken up with me in so many words. I know she loves me, just not as much as I love her. I think she has issues with intimate relationships and I think she feels more comfortable alone she has said she wants me in her life as a friend but I know I can't do that because I love her with all my heart and soul.

 

Today was a difficult day, today, my mind creating a lot of pain for myself thinking about the future without her thinking about ways I could reach out to touch her on the phone or contact your sister, talk to her about it. But I know all those things will drive her away anyways plus like I said this isn't about her it's about getting my life back!!!

 

But it ****ing hurts!!!

Edited by panzerfaust69
Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

Posted
Posted

we haven't had sex since November 28.

 

She has been slowly withdrawing and isolating herself for me for about two months.

 

But it ****ing hurts!!!

 

You may not know it yet but she is already gone.

 

Swop keys over give back and collect any stuff that is at each other homes and say good bye.

 

It does hurt but as soon as you draw a line you can start moving on again.

 

Sorry dude.

ksol9 Established Member

ksol9

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Give it time. Give her the space and time to think about what she really wants. She can't do that when you are there pleading for her back. It further complicates things. I am going through a breakup. As much as I want him back, I have to let him go. My future depends on it. Good luck to you and I hope that your pain eases.

BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

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I have decided she needs to be clear about wanting to have a future with me in a romantic way. That she wants to work on the relationship too. I am way more wanting this to work.

 

It seems like she has been clear from day 1. You admitted that you were always more into the relationship than her. She told you she doesn't love you in the same way and rejected your marriage proposal. She has been very clear in the past, and she is being very clear in the present. She told you she has no desire to get back together, and she needs space. I think the problem is that you are not living in reality and never have been.

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panzerfaust69 Member

panzerfaust69

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How we can see other peoples problems so clearly and what the solution should be particularly regarding their problems with relationships and here I am having real difficulty letting go. on Monday after eight days of no contact I felt bad about not replying to the Valentine's Day thing anyway I texted back,

 

"hey sorry I didn't get back to you on Valentine's Day been super busy with work and life everything's going amazing hope you're doing as well as I am :p drop me a line sometime"

She wrote back later in the day,

 

"it's good to hear from you yes I imagine you have been busy I'm glad to hear you were doing well I've been busy too with work and trying to clean out my lockers and sell some furniture."

 

Then, after letting it sit for a day, in the morning yesterday at 8 AM I wrote,

 

"I have been organizing also I guess an early spring cleaning for both of us right now so much clutter, and a seven day work week!"

Then a few minutes later I wrote, "drop me a line if you want to meet for coffee sometime"

 

She texted me back at about 11 and said,

 

"Yuck a seven day work week!?!"

I haven't replied.

 

In a couple of daysI guess I'll text her, "hey just dropping you a line on when we can exchange keys forgotten items at each other's. I'm busy busy can you give me a couple of times that work for you"

 

It's tough because for me it means it will be really over any hope I have of being with her again I am throwing away.

Its over and I can't face it. I've got "oneitis"

Edited by panzerfaust69
Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

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That is actually a really pitiful text exchange.

 

Phone her. Set up a date to exchange keys and items.

 

Don't break no contact again.

 

Time to learn how to have a proper relationship. This is not the way.

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panzerfaust69 Member

panzerfaust69

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sorry how is it pitiful?

LOL and at 56 I think it might be too late to learn how to have a "proper relationship"

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panzerfaust69 Member

panzerfaust69

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well I called her, made arrangement to meet for coffee on Sunday afternoon, only opportunity cause of work. It will either be the famous final scene and closure or an opportunity for reconciliation, the one I'm rooting for as I am a hopeless romantic.:laugh:

  • 2 months later...
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panzerfaust69 Member

panzerfaust69

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Ah well, the miracle I was looking for never happened. I did have a good meeting with thought we were maybe going to try again but it was not going anywhere in the end. We have officially broken up, got my stuff we exchanged keys etc. I haven't been good about going NC and she hasn't been perfect either. Monday was my birthday she sent me a greeting wanted to take me out for dinner I told her I needed to grieve and heal for 30 days in the meantime it's been a week now. During the past week I've been able to read a book called he's scared she scared and it really has enlighten me as to why I am in the situation she's the active partner in the commitment phobia and I'm the passive one. I chose her because I didn't want to have a commitment. even though she was clear about her level of commitment I ignored all the signs. Next time I hope I am able to have more self protection and make better choices

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panzerfaust69 Member

panzerfaust69

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[] Why would I want anything to do with this person that dumped me, and kept me guessing for four months with mixed messages and most recently a birthday greeting. I worry OI will miss it if she tries to contact me. What is wrong with my self esteem that I would even allow this person to hurt me again???!!! Really angry at myself for being soooo weak!!!!

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
edited title ~6
ChickiePops Established Member

ChickiePops

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sorry how is it pitiful?

LOL and at 56 I think it might be too late to learn how to have a "proper relationship"

 

I'm late to the game but I can tell you why it was pitiful. You were trying waaaaaaaaaaaaay too hard to sound casual and happy. The whole 'I hope things are going as amazingly well for you as they are for me' is cringeworthy. I literally had a physical reaction when I read that...

 

I don't think texting is quite your style. I would suggest avoiding it in the future unless you're arranging plans.

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panzerfaust69 Member

panzerfaust69

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That text actually wasn't mine a friend wrote it as I was desperate to get her back and my natural reaction was cringe worthy as well, more of the pleading bargaining "selling" myself, type. He said it would work, to show I was moving on. A lesson in being true to myself I guess. I told my ex when we me for coffee a few weeks later that it wasn't real after she asked about it lol

Today is Day 10 (if I make it) with no contact. I have been having problems understand her motives for the break up and the wanting me to be in her life. I am just really curious as to what it is in me that would want to be with someone who has subtracted and taken away all of their love from me - although they still care about me and hate to see me in so much pain. It is hard for me to separate the beautiful loving sweet woman I was in love with for two years to someone I can no longer safely see.

 

That book He's Scared She's Scared, describes our situation to a "T" with me the Passive.

 

Right now the situation is that on the 17th of April I texted her after 3 days of NC that I was flying away to visit my Dad for a week and to grieve and heal. She said she could respect that. She was surprised and said that it was too bad as she was going to call me and take me out for my birthday dinner the following day. 18 of April she sent me a text wishing me a Happy Birthday. I said thanks and said at least this thing may bring me closer to my family.

 

I said I'm so sorry honey I wish it could have been a better experience for you (this was where the dynamic of her finding fault with me for an excuse to split was going on)

She said I have good memories too so don't be too sorry.

then.

Some great orgasms too

 

Like why say something like that?

Anyways my counselor suggested I postpone the date for 30 days and go NC. I said that to her and she agreed. But I'm starting to think it would be a real bad idea to go for dinner, what could come from it but more rejection!!!

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panzerfaust69 Member

panzerfaust69

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And another little fragment is that last week when I was at my dads I was reading that he scared she scared and I bought a copy for my ex on Amazon and sent it to her I asked her before I sent it if I could send it and she said yes so now I'm waiting for her to receive it probably by Friday or next Monday but I know that it's part of my sick dynamic trying to fix her so that she will see the errors of her way and come back to me willing to try but we all know that's not going to happen part of me wants to keep the lines of communication open and unblock the phone so that I can get a thank you message from her to which I say to myself I won't reply but at least I will know if she got itlast week I also got my doctor to write me a script for some low-level antidepressants which is helping remove the obsession but it's still there, but way less. I also have a spiritual program and I asked my higher power to remove the obsession but I still miss her on some level.

 

Btw I have 18.4 years of complete sobriety, no booze drugs or smokes

 

It's kind of funny that I seem to be getting sort of like attacked for what I said in the text in a way like you know I was a complete mess so I'm far from doing break up very well I'm just a human being

Edited by panzerfaust69
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panzerfaust69 Member

panzerfaust69

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Wow major shift this afternoon- acceptance has creeped in and I feel good.

witchypoo31 Member

witchypoo31

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Hi panzerfaust69, glad you are feeling better. I was intrigued with your whole story because it is the EXACT same dynamic as my ex and me and we are on day 12 of NC. Although he has tried every way possible to contact me. I have blocks on everything but he still calls "unknown" and has left multiple msgs. Not since Monday tho. We dated almost a yr and a half. He's 50/ Im 46. I am so similar to your gf and you sound exactly like him. He never proposed to me but we did look at rings briefly. I could not completely commit to the relationship for some reason. I know that I have broken his heart into a million pieces but he ended things getting drunk and saying some really awful things to me. I've been NC since. It's really difficult.

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panzerfaust69 Member

panzerfaust69

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Well sorry for what you are going through. I have had difficulty with the reality of the situation. My former girlfriend has health issues that precluded her from being able to commit. I have been pretty respectful of her barriers and she has also been unclear and conflicted in her method of breaking up with me, basically slowly but surely removing more and more from the relationship till there was nothing left. She is a great person. I am lucky to have had her and perhaps will have her in my future as well. I am friends with a few former partners.

I am also fortunate and grateful that I no longer self medicate in any way. It actually saves me a lot of processing time and I don't do things I will regret.

 

Drinking never helps in situations like this.

It sounds like you may have dodged a bullet.

 

Rejection sucks. But I have done enough work on myself over the years to know I am a good man.

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panzerfaust69 Member

panzerfaust69

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Also with this wave of acceptance I no longer feel compelled to block her number. I feel that a relationship with this person is probably possible. I have started online dating. I guess part of the difficulty in letting go was thinking if I met somebody and had sex that it would ruin any chance of getting back with her. But that doesn't matter any more. I have really learned a lot about myself with this breakup. Pain is the touchstone of growth (spiritual and otherwise)

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panzerfaust69 Member

panzerfaust69

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Well sorry for what you are going through. I have had difficulty with the reality of the situation. My former girlfriend has health issues that precluded her from being able to commit. I have been pretty respectful of her barriers and she has also been unclear and conflicted in her method of breaking up with me, basically slowly but surely removing more and more from the relationship till there was nothing left. She is a great person. I am lucky to have had her and perhaps will have her in my future as well. I am friends with a few former partners.

I am also fortunate and grateful that I no longer self medicate in any way. It actually saves me a lot of processing time and I don't do things I will regret.

 

Drinking never helps in situations like this.

It sounds like you may have dodged a bullet.

 

Rejection sucks. But I have done enough work on myself over the years to know I am a good man.

 

I wanted to edit this message but the board rules limit that opportunity so I'll post an edited version here...

 

Well sorry for what you are going through. I have had difficulty with the reality of the situation. My former girlfriend has health issues that precluded her from being able to commit. I have been pretty respectful of her boundaries, (not really calling like your friend). Her part in the dynamic is she has been unclear and conflicted in her method of breaking up with me, basically slowly but surely removing more and more from the relationship till there was nothing left.

 

In spite of this she is a great person and we are still on pretty good terms, considering. (She was going to take me out for dinner on my Birthday 10 days ago.) I am lucky to have had her in my life, my future girlfriend will benefit from her influence on me! I am a better person for having known her. Perhaps I will have her in my future as well, which will enrich my life in any account. I am friends with a few former partners.

I am also fortunate and grateful that I no longer self medicate in any way. It actually saves me a lot of processing time and I don't do things I will regret.

 

Drinking never helps in situations like this.

It sounds like you may have dodged a bullet.

 

Rejection sucks. But I have done enough work on myself over the years to know I am a good man.

Edited by panzerfaust69
ChickiePops Established Member

ChickiePops

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[]

 

Seriously..no more texting for you. Ever.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redcated personalized comments.
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panzerfaust69 Member

panzerfaust69

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gonna call this case closed. thanks for the help loveshack particularly for the reference to He's Scared She's Scared.

bluefeather Established Member

bluefeather

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gonna call this case closed. thanks for the help loveshack particularly for the reference to He's Scared She's Scared.

 

Loveshack referred you to that book? Is there a book-list somewhere around here?

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