Author Rosales216 Posted April 29, 2016 Author Posted April 29, 2016 I didn't get that vibe from the OP at all. I mean the fact that he's debating giving up sex because he likes her as a person says otherwise. All I took from his OP was that he wants sex while in a relationship, which most people do, and he doesn't want to wait until marriage. That has nothing to do with just hooking up.. Thank you... IMO sex is part of a healthy relationship. She has her views that it is sacred, which I don't fault her for. I'm thinking of just ending it, But should I tell her that our views on premarital sex is the reason?
Emilia Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 Thank you... IMO sex is part of a healthy relationship. She has her views that it is sacred, which I don't fault her for. I'm thinking of just ending it, But should I tell her that our views on premarital sex is the reason? It must be disappointing because you want to lose your virginity but hey at least you are making progress! Rome wasn't built in a day. Just tell her that you don't believe you have compatible values. It has been a very short time, the information and detail you owe her is very limited.
Author Rosales216 Posted April 29, 2016 Author Posted April 29, 2016 It must be disappointing because you want to lose your virginity but hey at least you are making progress! Rome wasn't built in a day. Just tell her that you don't believe you have compatible values. It has been a very short time, the information and detail you owe her is very limited. Omg you have no idea how frustrated it is to have this happen. Haha I thought I was there and then BOOM, no go.
Emilia Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 Omg you have no idea how frustrated it is to have this happen. Haha I thought I was there and then BOOM, no go. It's not the last time in your life. It's virginity now, years down the line might be about quality of relationships or the length of them, etc. It's not easy for most people
Author Rosales216 Posted April 29, 2016 Author Posted April 29, 2016 It's not the last time in your life. It's virginity now, years down the line might be about quality of relationships or the length of them, etc. It's not easy for most people That is completely true haha. Just wish I could get over this stage finally.
Jabron1 Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 Thank you... IMO sex is part of a healthy relationship. She has her views that it is sacred, which I don't fault her for. I'm thinking of just ending it, But should I tell her that our views on premarital sex is the reason? Yeah, just be honest with her. Omg you have no idea how frustrated it is to have this happen. Haha I thought I was there and then BOOM, no go. We've all been there That is completely true haha. Just wish I could get over this stage finally. You can/will. Then, you'll probably wonder what all the fuss was about.
Els Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 Thank you... IMO sex is part of a healthy relationship. She has her views that it is sacred, which I don't fault her for. I'm thinking of just ending it, But should I tell her that our views on premarital sex is the reason? Yeah, just tell her you think you're both sexually incompatible. She will likely understand. I'm curious why she's on hot-or-not since that REALLY doesn't strike me as the kind of place for someone like that... but eh. Doesn't really matter either way. 1
Jabron1 Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 I'm curious why she's on hot-or-not since that REALLY doesn't strike me as the kind of place for someone like that... but eh. Doesn't really matter either way. None of that makes sense to me either. On 'hot or not', and doesn't express her religious views until a month later after they have fooled around. Very strange...
kendahke Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 So, I just started dating this girl about a week ago. I was over her apartment and we were kissing and I was touching on her. She wasn't really down to have sex, so of course I did not force her. I leave and when I get home I get a text saying she is a virgin and doesn't want sex before marriage. She thought I only wanted a hookup, which I didn't at all. I just want to be intimate with my partner. The thing is I do want sex in a relationship before marriage. I really like this girl, but I don't want to have to wait to see if we are going to get married, before we have sex. How should I handle this? There's always something to muck up the works, isn't it? Move on. Seriously. You both want different things out of a relationship and she is well within her rights to not want to have sex before marriage. You are well within your rights to want sex before marriage. You're just not right for one another given what each of you want out of your relationship. What I would watch out for is if she changes her mind and relents just to keep the relationship after you tell her it's over. Really be done with her if she does that. Someone who is so easily moved off of their position was only using it as a manipulation tool and it wasn't a strong conviction of theirs in the first place. It's one thing to hold fast to your principles--and there is nothing wrong with that. The problem comes when you abandon your principles for short term gain--that means your word isn't worth much.
salparadise Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 I did bring it up to her again today and asked if we would be able to do other things besides intercourse. She said she didn't want to make any promises and it is a little too early to talk about that stuff. *Sigh* Why can't this whole dating/sex thing be easier. It's nature's method of optimizing the gene pool. If men were the gatekeepers we'd all be a bunch of asymmetrical idiots. Stop trying to force your POV on her. She is not as a sexual as you are. Period. This is the, "does no always means no" dilemma. What do you call a man who takes "no always means no" at face value... a virgin. OP, there is always the chance that she'll change her mind, but it wouldn't be right pressure her. Most who start out saying they're going to wait end up becoming sexual before marriage. If the chemistry between you was so strong that you just couldn't stay away that would be one thing... but it sounds as if you're not yet emotionally invested, and given your opposite perspectives on premarital sex you probably should move on while the cost is low. You just don't want to be in for a year or two or three, up to your eyeballs emotionally, and still not getting any sex. Given that she doesn't believe in sex before marriage there's about a fifty percent chance that she has been taught constrained attitudes, and that it's not going to flow like water once it happens. As many have alluded in earlier posts, it's important to find sexual compatibility in a partner, and the older you get the better you'll understand how true that is. Two people on opposite ends of the sex drive scale will have an extremely difficult time making a marriage or long-term relationship last. 1
kendahke Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 I'm 24 she's 22. We became official about a week ago, but we have been talking and going out on dates for almost a month. Met her on hot or not. I did bring it up to her again today and asked if we would be able to do other things besides intercourse. She said she didn't want to make any promises and it is a little too early to talk about that stuff. *Sigh* Why can't this whole dating/sex thing be easier. It is easier. What makes it hard is when you see a situation before you and you want to make it something it's not and has no hope of being.
Cherryz Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 A WEEK ago you start DATING a girl. So you are getting to know each other. Toching and meeting at home shouldnt be taking place. If she dont want sex before marriage respect that. Its great that she want that. In a world where many just give it up to who ever pass by. Dont stick around hope she will give it up to you one day or try to make her do it. There are enough girls out there that wont even wait a minute to get in bed with you. WHy act like the one that dont want to is a challenge or a issue. Move on. You are getting to know each other and know now that its not a match. So move one before any of you get more involved that you want to. Beside i would say to people that want to wait with sex, you should also live and act like someone that want to or is waiting till marriage. Like dont put yourself in positions where sex could happen easily. I dont know what she mean with hookup or why she met you at home. Those are not good choices for someone who want to wait. She need to be more clear in her ways. Either way, you know now she is not into sex before marriage, so move on. Since you are more worried about the sex then anything else.
salparadise Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 None of that makes sense to me either. On 'hot or not', and doesn't express her religious views until a month later after they have fooled around. Very strange... I dunno... she's a young woman. I don't think it's unusual for her to want to know if she's hot or not, to test her ability to attract men, and to enjoy the attention of suitors even if she doesn't intend to have sex. Understanding their marketability is important to young women.
Jabron1 Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 I dunno... she's a young woman. I don't think it's unusual for her to want to know if she's hot or not, to test her ability to attract men, and to enjoy the attention of suitors even if she doesn't intend to have sex. Understanding their marketability is important to young women. Fair point. But, he said they were talking for a month. You'd have thought this would have come up Her words say she's a virgin until marriage. Her actions say it's something of an afterthought. 1
carhill Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 Yeah, it is possible to conflate a personal choice regarding sexual expression with desire to be found attractive and also sexual desire, drive, and interest. To me, on overview, this is simply minds not meeting so a miss, predominantly on viewpoints surrounding sex and sexual expression. I ran into the reverse as a young man since I had similar boundaries as the young lady here. However, my female peers didn't dawdle; they moved on quickly when they realized the style differences. That's instructive.
Els Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 I dunno... she's a young woman. I don't think it's unusual for her to want to know if she's hot or not, to test her ability to attract men, and to enjoy the attention of suitors even if she doesn't intend to have sex. Understanding their marketability is important to young women. Yes, but people who want to wait for sex typically don't seek the attention of the opposite sex via websites like that. It's like someone who wants to wait til marriage for sex meeting dates via Tinder. I suppose it's technically possible, but really, did you think you'd meet someone compatible that way? It's hard to explain, really, unless you've known a lot of people who chose to wait. That being said, it's not a big deal. All that matters in the OP's case is that they're not compatible.
carhill Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 IDK much about web sites like hot or not but, unless things have changed markedly, women classically gain mating attention with their looks and men through risk-taking behaviors. Back in my day it might have been an erstwhile virgin prancing in a bikini on the beach and a guy showing off his skills on a surfboard, as examples. Their sexual status or proclivities wouldn't be readily observable by their methods of gaining attention from the opposite gender. Each could have been very promiscuous or virginal. We can't read minds so have no way of knowing. Same with this young couple when they first interacted. Heck, even right now they have no way of knowing what the authentic thoughts and perspectives of the other are. All part of the dance of mating and, if it don't flow, let it go and , hopefully, both had added a bit more experience to their library.
Tribble Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 Yes, but people who want to wait for sex typically don't seek the attention of the opposite sex via websites like that. It's like someone who wants to wait til marriage for sex meeting dates via Tinder. I suppose it's technically possible, but really, did you think you'd meet someone compatible that way? It's hard to explain, really, unless you've known a lot of people who chose to wait. Haha my friend met her bf on tinder. They've been dating over a year and it looks like she'll be waiting til marriage. I don't know anything about the hot or not app though. I just found tinder has moved on from just hooking up. For some people at least.
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