guild11 Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 Hello, I been with my GF for a year, She is Jewish and I am not. When we started dating she asked if me "will you convert if we gonna have a serious relationship?" I'm not religious person and I never was, I respect other people and their beliefs but I never thought of a divine power, never had "religion" in my thoughts. I told her that I will consider it. Fast forward to the last few days, I came to conclusion that I can't promise her that I will convert, I just feel that it's wrong to convert to please her or her family. We talked about it she got upset and angry, she said I lied I made her fall in love with me and kept her all the time. I said that I love her too, but I'm not willing to spend a year on conversion unless I want so, I said "I know it's important to you but I simply can't promise you that, I love you and that should be above all", and there we ended the discussion, she didn't replied, she said she is tired and went to sleep. The day after we didn't talk much, I went to work and later she messaged me saying "I really miss you and it's really tough for me" she asked if can not talk about it for few days while we have our days off. I told her that we can't delay that because it remains in my thoughts and we need a solution. We didn't talk since then. There are 2 options, she either gives up and accepts me as I am, or we both go different ways. Thoughts ?
keiji Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 You're doing the right thing, imo. There are few things as personal as religious beliefs. Would she be OK with you converting but not really feeling it? It's absurd and reeks of intolerance on her end.
Arieswoman Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 guild11, I went out with Jewish boy for 2 years when I was in my teens. My parents accepted him but his parents didn't accept me because I was a Gentile. In fact his mother was just ignorant and cut me dead in the street if she saw me. I wasn't prepared to convert to Judaism but I would have been prepared to celebrate their special events such as Passover ( which usually happens at our Easter anyway) Yom Kippur and Day of Atonement etc. Anyway, the relationship broke up because I went away to university. If you are serious about this girl you might want to seriously look into what Judaism is all about. If it doesn't sit well with you then it might be time to say goodbye - sorry x
LD1990 Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 She has no right to be mad at you. You said you'd consider it, you did and rightfully decided you didn't want to convert. How would she take it if you asked her to drop her religion and be non-religious like you? I doubt her and anyone in her family who heard about it would take a request like that very well, but for some reason she feels it's OK to request that of you.
TaraMaiden2 Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 The Jewish line is carried by, and passed down by the woman. Conversion would be a serious issue. It would in all likelihood also require circumcision, which even in the USA (where it's done for, well, no reasons at all really) is declining. I think her holding your emotions to ransom is unfair and frankly, immature. "If you love me, you'll convert" is absolutely NOT any good, worthy reason for you to do so. "A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still." If anyone should convert, because it's something they really, REALLY want to do, be faithful to, devote themselves to, and believe it to be a Right thing to do - it should be you. It should not, and cannot ever be a suggestion or imperus laid down by someone else. If you don't even remotely feel any of those things are applicable - you honestly need to walk away.
alphamale Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 interfaith marriages have a much higher than average divorce rate...
Author guild11 Posted April 27, 2016 Author Posted April 27, 2016 guild11, I went out with Jewish boy for 2 years when I was in my teens. My parents accepted him but his parents didn't accept me because I was a Gentile. In fact his mother was just ignorant and cut me dead in the street if she saw me. I wasn't prepared to convert to Judaism but I would have been prepared to celebrate their special events such as Passover ( which usually happens at our Easter anyway) Yom Kippur and Day of Atonement etc. Anyway, the relationship broke up because I went away to university. If you are serious about this girl you might want to seriously look into what Judaism is all about. If it doesn't sit well with you then it might be time to say goodbye - sorry x Same here, my parents are fine that she is Jewish, they don't care what beliefs she has, they prefer to keep their beliefs private and never forced me to follow any strict rules. Her mom said once that if we ever plan to marry I need to convert, I understand that she was raised this way and for her it's either going against me or her whole family. As for me , when I will have kids I won't be telling them to follow specific religion as they are "no brainer" kids, they should make their own decisions when they are grown up. It kinda hurts inside that I feel I'm no good enough because I'm not jewish. I really love her and I find it such a waste to break up because of this.
CarrieT Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 It kinda hurts inside that I feel I'm no good enough because I'm not jewish. I really love her and I find it such a waste to break up because of this. You need to change the mindset about "not being good enough" because it has nothing to do with that. And the fact that you believe that is the reason is tantamount to the need for this person to marry another Jewish person, because the are holding true to their beliefs. I have been involved with two Jewish men so I understand how important it is to them to carry on their line. The fact that I was not Jewish was even more important because - as others have said - it is the woman who carries on the Jewish line. It is not that you aren not good enough, it is that you are not Jewish enough and that is a big difference.
DevotedBaker54 Posted May 2, 2016 Posted May 2, 2016 At the end of the day you're still going to not have a religion and she is going to be Jewish. It seems you two have to come to a decision regarding if you can have a successful relationship while having different beliefs. If you continue your relationship make sure shes knows where you stand in your faith in order not to lead her on. Have you considered other religions?
Chi townD Posted May 2, 2016 Posted May 2, 2016 I mean, you're being honest with her. If you can't convert to Judaism then you can't. BUT! You should convey to her that you'll respect her beliefs and customs. You would never try to hamper them in anyway shape or form.
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