chainsmoker94 Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 (edited) In octomber 2015 I met a girl, in a student dorm. I started to hit on her jokingly and in january we kissed, then, from here, we had sex some time after. We were never in a oficial relationship since circumstances are a bit complicated, she's taller than me and seems that she is not able to get past that. In mid march we split and stopped talking. I got over it with alcohol and drugs which made my life a ****storm, stopped taking classes, fighting with family because i was always pissed, ignoring friends, etc. 1 week after she told me she might be pregnant, started talking to her again until it was clarified that she was not pregnant. She told me through the phone one night(i was calling her once a week to check, the pregnant thing lasted for 3 weeks) that she does not want to see me / hear me again, i was golden.(because i was pissed at the time) So, when she told me she is not pregnant i blocked her on every means of contact, phone, facebook, whatsup app, everywhere. It lasted for 2 weeks in which i started working out which aparently helps ALOT.(i am kinda an angry guy by default) This monday she initiated contact through a friend who tricked me. In the 2 weeks of total ignore time she called me a couple of times and sent some texts to which i did not replied, ever. I talked to her, i felt kind of bad avoiding her. So, i confronted her asking her what the hell she wants from me since she broke it off. At first she gave me the friends bull**** but she finally spilled the beans, she wanted to be some kind of friends with benefits, oral sex only. I was what the i am not gonna do this. I turned her off instantly, she tried to kiss me, i pulled and refused. So, yesterday, i went to the dorm(i moved in january to another dorm) to drink with my ex roomies, she probably talked to someone and knew I was gonna be there. We drank and I got happy, not drunk since I developed resistance to alcohool being on a almost 1 month binge of 1 bottle of whiskey / day( i actually enjoy drinking, it is not only to get over the relationship). So, she got tipsy and begged me to have sex with her. I gave up and gave her oral sex, she came then we cuddled. Now, I am so confused, i certainly do not want her back but I still want to have sex with her, what scares me is that I may, yet again, develop feelings for her in such way that will probably eff me up even more this time. Wat do? Also, sorry for any gramatical mistakes, I am kinda out of practice with English. Edited May 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Satu Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 Seek help for your drink problem. Anything else is of lesser importance. Take care. 1
Author chainsmoker94 Posted April 27, 2016 Author Posted April 27, 2016 It's not a problem right now, it was a problem then (since 2 weeks ago or so). As I mentioned I took working out as a pressure releaser and it works, i jog and I hit the gym. I need help the fact that i feel ****ty right now after sex.
Geminix004 Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 It's not a problem right now, it was a problem then (since 2 weeks ago or so). As I mentioned I took working out as a pressure releaser and it works, i jog and I hit the gym. I need help the fact that i feel ****ty right now after sex. It's not a healthy relationship in anyway. If you can keep your feet on the ground and enjoy sex with her do it but since you have a history with her I advice you not to continue. There are many decent woman out there .
Papiyon Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 You have been through a lot in a short period of time with this girl. I can’t help but think that you’re sobriety is at risk with her being back in your life. Friends with Benefits is a “dangerous” title for you two. I wonder what her motives are? She doesn’t seem to be honest or caring…she seems selfish and after what makes her feel satisfied…even if it is at your expense. You should continue to focus on staying drug and alcohol free. From her track record, she may not be there in the long run. What will you do then!?! The confusion involved could trigger you to start using and drinking. She could be bad news…again! Trust your intuition, maybe you’re confused b/c something’s not right? Think it through before you continue anything…anything, with her.
Author chainsmoker94 Posted April 28, 2016 Author Posted April 28, 2016 My intuition is kinda messed up right now, she sends me mixed signals. Now she calls, messages (i unblocked her, as I priviously mentioned I felt bad cos she started discussing with my friends and asking them to call me for her) and she seems to want things again. I met her last night to watch a movie but ended up talking random stuff because she had her best friend over. I have not kissed her or anything this time and this, i think made her feel wierd. I dont always feel confused about this, its like i have mood changes or something like that. As far as sobriety goes, I am in a bad place with money right now and can not afford alcohol to get drunk anymore, maybe a beer or two / night.
Author chainsmoker94 Posted May 1, 2016 Author Posted May 1, 2016 My intuition is kinda messed up right now, she sends me mixed signals. Now she calls, messages (i unblocked her, as I priviously mentioned I felt bad cos she started discussing with my friends and asking them to call me for her) and she seems to want things again. I met her last night to watch a movie but ended up talking random stuff because she had her best friend over. I have not kissed her or anything this time and this, i think made her feel wierd. I dont always feel confused about this, its like i have mood changes or something like that. As far as sobriety goes, I am in a bad place with money right now and can not afford alcohol to get drunk anymore, maybe a beer or two / night. Yup, snapped out and drank.(for no reason really, just because i had alcohol). I am pretty tipsy right now and probably gonna be wasted tonight (gmt+2) Then i messaged her(just some hi,whats up?), no response since two hours ago(she replied instantly most of the time). I am mad right now(maybe the alcohol makes me overreact). How do I re-establish no contact? I am feeling like going on a spree right now, like breaking and killing everything that is alive. (seems that she still has some effect on me...and when I thought it was over) Why do I react like this, I cant understand myself in terms of reacting to this kind of stuff...I never experienced something like this, I just feel down I guess, it NEVER crossed my mind that I could feel bad about this kind of stuff.
Author chainsmoker94 Posted May 1, 2016 Author Posted May 1, 2016 I do not consider it a problem. I dont drink until I get drunk (i get tipsy most of the times). I just drink because I like the taste of it, thats all. Considering it is the Easter (orthodox christian here, S-E of europe) and it is the easter night or whatever they call it it is pretty normal to drink this night. Its just that message that I sent being a bit tipsy that f-me up. I stopped no contact a lot too soon because I was using it for the wrong reasons. Now I plan to use it for the right reasons since my own version of it failed monumentally. I think this will be my last post on this board (at least for the moment...anyway on this subject) since remembering things makes me feel like crap. Thank you for your support and concern on my alcohol consumption. This time I am determined to make it right.
Author chainsmoker94 Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 Damn, son. I am both sad and amused of the whole situation. I really really need to remove this person from my life and I seem unable to do that. If I do not block her, she will continue to contact me even if I tell her NOT to, if I block her she will show up on my doorstep and probably blow me off just to unblock her. I told her a couple of times that if she doesnt want something serious I am not available for emotional games and stuff like that but she seems not to understand. Here it is probably my fault because we had sex a couple of times since I last wrote here.
LD1990 Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 Here it is probably my fault because we had sex a couple of times since I last wrote here. Ding ding ding. If you want her out of your life you actually have to commit to that, meaning no contact at all, keep her blocked, and if she shows up, either don't answer the door or ask her to leave. If you don't want a dog to beg, but after enough begging you eventually just give in and feed it, all you've done is reinforce the bad behavior. Well, that same simple concept can apply to humans as well, and right now all you're doing is showing her that if she tries hard enough, she'll eventually get what she wants out of you.
Author chainsmoker94 Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 It's hard man, I am young and horny and she's gorgeous but i'll do that...I'll stick to my plan.
spiderowl Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 The drinking is a danger and you are at risk of becoming an alcoholic. A friend of mine died recently because he got hooked on alcohol. It was a tragic waste of a creative and special man. Having said that (which I am sure you already know deep down anyway), regarding the girl, I think maybe she is someone who thinks a relationship is bought through sex and probably doesn't know what she wants from you. She is probably more confused than you. If you can steer clear of the sex part until she figures out for herself what matters, then there may be potential there, but it sounds like you would have to be the one who lays down the ground rules. The ground rules for you appear to be that you want a proper relationship with this woman and nothing else will do.
LD1990 Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 It's hard man, I am young and horny and she's gorgeous but i'll do that...I'll stick to my plan. Yep, life gets hard sometimes and how we handle that is what separates the men from the boys. The thing you have to keep in mind with these casual sex scenarios is that they'll just hurt you in the long run if you have any sort of emotional attachment. If you didn't have any emotional attachment to her, by all means, have fun, you're two consenting adults. But from the sounds of it, you want more than just friends with benefits, she doesn't, which means you're going to get hurt at some point.
Author chainsmoker94 Posted May 22, 2016 Author Posted May 22, 2016 The drinking is a danger and you are at risk of becoming an alcoholic. A friend of mine died recently because he got hooked on alcohol. It was a tragic waste of a creative and special man. Having said that (which I am sure you already know deep down anyway), regarding the girl, I think maybe she is someone who thinks a relationship is bought through sex and probably doesn't know what she wants from you. She is probably more confused than you. If you can steer clear of the sex part until she figures out for herself what matters, then there may be potential there, but it sounds like you would have to be the one who lays down the ground rules. The ground rules for you appear to be that you want a proper relationship with this woman and nothing else will do. I drink only when I snap very hard (drank, i gave this up and took up writing a journal and going for a jog until i feel that i pass out), so no more drinking for me because of emotions. About the ground rules, i tried to establish that but i kept skipping them myself but this time i am for sure not going to do that, i had enough of this story. About a proper relationship...its hard now, I dont think i can trust her. Yep, life gets hard sometimes and how we handle that is what separates the men from the boys. The thing you have to keep in mind with these casual sex scenarios is that they'll just hurt you in the long run if you have any sort of emotional attachment. If you didn't have any emotional attachment to her, by all means, have fun, you're two consenting adults. But from the sounds of it, you want more than just friends with benefits, she doesn't, which means you're going to get hurt at some point. I dont know if I can get hurt by this thing anymore but I just want it to be over already, its been too long and its getting nowhere.
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