glitchy Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 I'm seeing this girl. We had our fourth date on Saturday. Things went well, (holding hands, flirting etc). At the end of the date I asked when I'd see her next, she said Monday/Tuesday and we'll play it by ear. I messaged her after the date saying she looked good, and she said she had a good time. (Previous dates were similar, at the end we choose a date frame on when we'll meet next and then confirm when the time comes). No contact happened on Sunday. I messaged Monday asking her plans for the night. She said she's staying in because she's tired, which I know is true because of work. I cut the messaging short and told her we'll talk later tonight. Called her at night and spoke for 20 mins. I (purposely) did not bring up when we'd meet next, nor did she. No contact happened on Tuesday. It's bothering me that she did not bring it up. Am I overthinking this? I'm thinking not to contact her today (Wednesday) and contact her tomorrow. What and when should my next step be? As an age reference, I'm 29 she's 27.
Art_Critic Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 She is just slowing you down some, relax and keep up the light contact and ask her for another date next time you talk. and on a side note.. you texted her after the date and told her how good she looked ... Next time tell her how great of a time you had with her and don't emphasize that you only care about her looks... You tell a woman how great she looks when you first see her on the date night.. 4
Author glitchy Posted April 27, 2016 Author Posted April 27, 2016 ..... and on a side note.. you texted her after the date and told her how good she looked ... Next time tell her how great of a time you had with her and don't emphasize that you only care about her looks... You tell a woman how great she looks when you first see her on the date night.. I agree. I usually tell someone they look good and not text. Don't know how it slipped, and because I didn't, I thought of messaging instead. I am actually cringing on the fact that I didn't mention I had a good time. Yikes. Thanks though
PegNosePete Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 Who has organized and initiated the 4 previous dates?
Author glitchy Posted April 27, 2016 Author Posted April 27, 2016 Who has organized and initiated the 4 previous dates? I can't really point a finger on who initiated them. The first one I did The other 3 was kind of mutual in a way.
PegNosePete Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 OK, in that case, why not just call her up and ask her out again? What's with the game playing? 1
Author glitchy Posted April 27, 2016 Author Posted April 27, 2016 OK, in that case, why not just call her up and ask her out again? What's with the game playing? I'm not game playing. If anything I loathe game playing. I like clarity. But the fact that I asked about it on the end of the 4th date and we did not confirm. Then I asked again on Monday, and said she was tired. Then I called that same night to casually talk - one would think she should mention it during the phone call. I do not like to come across as needy, that's all.
Arieswoman Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 OP, I don't see what your problem is here. If you are having a nice time with a nice girl why can't you schedule another date before you leave her? Hey, I'm an old technophobe but all you young people have diaries on your mobiles/ipads/ipods/tablets that you can access, so why not book another date before you part company???
Author glitchy Posted April 27, 2016 Author Posted April 27, 2016 OP, I don't see what your problem is here. If you are having a nice time with a nice girl why can't you schedule another date before you leave her? Hey, I'm an old technophobe but all you young people have diaries on your mobiles/ipads/ipods/tablets that you can access, so why not book another date before you part company??? Maybe I haven't clearly conveyed my message. In a nutshell, I do not like to come across as needy. I don't think anyone does. My concern is that I mentioned a 5th date a few times, and we did not confirm a date. She could have easily mentioned an alternative to when we can meet rather than me keep asking. That's all .
PegNosePete Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 I'm not game playing. Uh, yeah it is. You're trying to use your silence / lack of contact / cutting short, as a way of manipulating her into asking about the next date. Just call her up and say do you want to come with me to XYZ on friday. If she says yes, all good. If she says no, then houston we have a problem. Simple. 4
Handsome Librarian Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 Games or no you worry too much. I'd think the 5th would be easier. They either don't talk to me after the first or become obsessed Pretty quickly. It's only been a few days I wouldn't worry and just as trying up cover up the neediness you should truly not care, not be worried and have other stuff to do and honestly not even like her or wAnt her that much. Just how it seems to work for me in my unhealthy relationships. Not to be philosophical but I think I like to be in charge and fawned over but somebodies dating up running around frantic and worried trying to impress me. Maybe my problem is that's normally the mans job but who knows. Oh 2 people who like each other, sure but would they be out seeking dating advice from strangers on the Internet. Play it cool mention it next time it comes up, play it by ear or wait for her to come to you.
Author glitchy Posted April 27, 2016 Author Posted April 27, 2016 (edited) ..... Just call her up and say do you want to come with me to XYZ on friday. If she says yes, all good. If she says no, then houston we have a problem. Simple. And that is what I plan to do tomorrow. If she says she can't, it's fine, I'll ask her to give me a date. If she still does not, then the writing is on the wall, and I'll thank her for misleading me. Edited April 27, 2016 by glitchy
Erik30 Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 This early on, you should be the one coming up with fun dates. Don't ask her what she would like to do, that gets old pretty quick. Next time, already have a plan before you ask her out. 1
Author glitchy Posted April 30, 2016 Author Posted April 30, 2016 Uh, yeah it is. You're trying to use your silence / lack of contact / cutting short, as a way of manipulating her into asking about the next date. Just call her up and say do you want to come with me to XYZ on friday. If she says yes, all good. If she says no, then houston we have a problem. Simple. Just an update: I called on Thursday to arrange a date for Friday. She couldn't make it, and said lets do Sun/Mon instead and we'll confirm. I don't like how she can't lock in a day. That said, the past 4 dates were the same - we confirm the date a day in advance or the same day in the morning. We continued talking for a bit before hanging up. I guess I will check in on her again on Saturday to confirm.
joseb Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 She probably has a higher priority guy she is dating, hence the need for rescheduling with you. That's my guess anyway. 4 dates and you haven't progressed beyond hand holding? I think that may be a factor in her not being so keen. Next time make sure you escalate or risk this never taking off.
Author glitchy Posted April 30, 2016 Author Posted April 30, 2016 (edited) She probably has a higher priority guy she is dating, hence the need for rescheduling with you. That's my guess anyway. 4 dates and you haven't progressed beyond hand holding? I think that may be a factor in her not being so keen. Next time make sure you escalate or risk this never taking off. That's exactly my concern - another guy! In terms of escalating, we made out 2nd date (I don't go beyond third date without making out) and she backed away. She didn't back away with a 'what are you doing' face, she backed away with a big smile on her face and giving me the 'no finger gesture', and said something along the lines of "let's know each other a bit more", then grabbed my hand and interlocked hard. I didn't re-initiate kissing 3rd/4th date for obvious reasons, and was planning on the 5th. Edited April 30, 2016 by glitchy
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