Dzed Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 I was freinds with a woman at work, we were very good freinds for over a year. Toward the end of last year I was leaving my wife and around the same time I started having very strong feelings for this woman, and she admitted she had some for me as well. We never really started a heavy relationship as she was afraid to get into one for various reasons. Over the course of a couple of months a I tried to get her to change her mind, not heavy just every so often. Somtimes she was receptive sometimes she ignored me. I finally gave up and stopped contacting her or initiateing contact at work. Though when she sees me she still waves and smiles like a crazy person. Will hold glances with me even touches me somtimes, sometimes just walks by. I would reciprocate the waving at first now I usually turn away or pretend I didn't see her. About a month ago I did tell her to stop that **** because it confuses me. I said you wanted no relationship that was your choice so stick with it. I got I'm sorry she doesn't know what to say. She still does it. I am full blown ignoring her now. I admit I'm still head over heels for her, she sits nearby and I hear her all day and it kills me. I wear my headphone to play music to drown her out. I'm dating again in fact Im with a girl I really like. But this other one is still under my skin especially at work. Outside I do a good job not thinking of her. My questions are is she some kind of ******* or is she really confused herself? And How the hell do I get her out of my mind? as you can see I am trying. I am in my forties if that makes a difference.
preraph Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 Once you meet the right woman, I think your feelings for her will go out like someone flipped a switch. So hang in there.
Author Dzed Posted April 27, 2016 Author Posted April 27, 2016 She's done nothing wrong. Nothing at all. I never said she did. I'm just trying to understand it. If she's truly afraid I accept that. But I dont belive it. If you really are falling for someone as she said she was then you do anything you can to be with them. But instead she sends mixed signals and tries to be freinds. Fact is you can't be friends when at least one in the pair of freinds has "feelings" for the other. It just can't work until the feelings go away.
Handsome Librarian Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 You shouldn't ignore her because she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you because of work or for whatever reasons. I thought you were friends? Not being able to man up and handle rejection is your problem not hers. That's why you shouldn't have even tried dating at work unless you have some job you don't care about.
LoveRefreshed Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 You shouldn't ignore her because she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you because of work or for whatever reasons. I thought you were friends? Not being able to man up and handle rejection is your problem not hers. That's why you shouldn't have even tried dating at work unless you have some job you don't care about. That's not even true man. Handling rejection with dignity is not accepting the terms of a relationship that the other person lays out. She has her rights to not want to date him, but he has his right to not want to be just a friend. In fact, I support the decisions to move on after rejection ASAP as it allows people to move on quickly without any embarrassing moments or wasted life pining for someone who doesn't care the same way. However, giving someone the cold shoulder is kind of excessive. I wouldn't wave, but a polite 'Hi' is enough. Maybe some small chat if you're stuck on an elevator eh? You owe her nothing.
Author Dzed Posted April 27, 2016 Author Posted April 27, 2016 That's not even true man. Handling rejection with dignity is not accepting the terms of a relationship that the other person lays out. She has her rights to not want to date him, but he has his right to not want to be just a friend. In fact, I support the decisions to move on after rejection ASAP as it allows people to move on quickly without any embarrassing moments or wasted life pining for someone who doesn't care the same way. However, giving someone the cold shoulder is kind of excessive. I wouldn't wave, but a polite 'Hi' is enough. Maybe some small chat if you're stuck on an elevator eh? You owe her nothing. Thanks, your right I owe her nothing. The cold shoulder is when she touches me, sorry she doesn't get to do that. I'm polite the rest of the time, I just keep it short. Though one thing I do want to make clear, I could care less about rejection. If someone dont want you so be it. BUT if they do need to stick to their decision. That's all I'm saying. This whole be freinds with someone you have feelings for is BS. Maybe once the feelings subside. 1
dreamingoftigers Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 Thanks, your right I owe her nothing. The cold shoulder is when she touches me, sorry she doesn't get to do that. I'm polite the rest of the time, I just keep it short. Though one thing I do want to make clear, I could care less about rejection. If someone dont want you so be it. BUT if they do need to stick to their decision. That's all I'm saying. This whole be freinds with someone you have feelings for is BS. Maybe once the feelings subside. I think she was thinking "what a nice guy and I like the attention. But it won't go anywhere." Then she was probably shocked that you didn't want the touchy-feely attention back from her, even though she wasn't going to engage any deeper than that. When I was waaaaay younger I had trouble shutting stuff down and didn't want to reject a guy or hurt his feelings. I suspect that's different than this case. But it still presented "weird." She probably thought that this opened a bit of a door to a quasi-relationship thing where she felt safe to be in your space without having to do or invest anything else. That's really not fair to you though.
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