Author Bravedave Posted May 2, 2016 Author Posted May 2, 2016 OF COURSE I WANT HER BACK. So you are saying just let it be?
Author Bravedave Posted May 2, 2016 Author Posted May 2, 2016 LD. whats the move then. its almost damned if I do damned if I don't with you. Ill not contact her. but yet im the one who wants her back. wouldn't that defeat the purpose of EVER getting back with her?
LD1990 Posted May 2, 2016 Posted May 2, 2016 She left you and she said she wanted space. If she changes her mind, she'll contact you. If she doesn't, she won't. All that happens if you contact her is you disrespect her wishes by not giving her the one thing she asked for, which probably isn't going to endear you to her. The move is still the same - focus on yourself and getting your life in order, which is a continual process that takes time. It doesn't happen overnight, which is why that should be your focus right now. You do have to accept that you may not get back together with her. This was a relatively short relationship where you broke up with her twice, and then pissed her off enough to where she broke up with you. She may not want to give it another shot, and if that's the case, there's really nothing you can do about it.
Nickr3023 Posted May 2, 2016 Posted May 2, 2016 Well now that I've read your original story, which I apologize for not doing before, it sounds like....you guys can try and get back together, but it really sounds too me like you need to focus on yourself. I dealt with depression and anxiety for a very long time. I found out my live in ex cheated on me in 2010, and it was completely downhill from there. Breakup in 2012, single for 2 years but never really fully got over her. New girlfriend, she was recently separated, so that was an insane roller coaster of a relationship for a year. Ended up getting hooked on painkillers and xanax to escape the pain. Finally decided that was it, went to a psychologist and my doctor, got off the pills, got put on antidepressants and kept going to therapy.....and now I feel better than I ever have. This is 6 years later......now I'm not expert, but I'm going to say, there is no POSSIBLE way you've figured out the problems you have within yourself in a 2 week time. I hope you really do take the time so that when you do find the right person, you can have exactly what you want and deserve.
Simon Phoenix Posted May 2, 2016 Posted May 2, 2016 You need to give her space and you need to get your head completely straight. You played her like a yo-yo and shattered her trust. Any words that you say right now are going to seem empty to her, so it's best not to say any and dedicate yourself to making the changes you need to make. Your changes will have more of an impact if she discovers them on her own than if you broadcast them. Unfortunately, your wishy-washy behavior has probably spoiled this for good. But if this gets you to stop acting like that from this point forward, it will be a net positive in your life.
Author Bravedave Posted May 2, 2016 Author Posted May 2, 2016 To let go isn't to forgot, not to think about, or ignore. It doesn't leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn't about winning or losing. It's not about pride and it's not about how you appear, and it's not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and doesn't leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. It's not about giving in or giving up. Letting go isn't about loss and it's not about defeat. To let go is to cherish the memories, but to overcome and move on. It is having an open mind confidence in the future. Letting go is learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It's about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and set yourself free. To "let go" is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future. To "let go" is to fear less and to love more. 1
Author Bravedave Posted May 2, 2016 Author Posted May 2, 2016 (edited) painfully true what everyone is saying. it just sucks. I let the love of my life go because I couldn't get my **** together. Edited May 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language~T
Author Bravedave Posted May 10, 2016 Author Posted May 10, 2016 So it has been a little over 3 weeks since we last spoke when she needed some time to be left alone. I have been working on myself a lot and making great changes. NC has been hard however. I recently applied to volunteer for big brother big sister, they required references in which my ex had said she would definitely and willingly help me out with them. I decided to list her, and I wrote her an email "Hi, >> I just had an awesome interview with Big Brothers/Big Sisters today. I am really excited! I used you as a reference as you had previously suggest. I hope you are still willing to help me out with that. >> >> Dave" Re replied: Hi, > > That's volunteer work right? And yes of course I will be a reference and help you out. > recently I had posted on linked in yesterday a quote saying "I am grateful' which she liked. I was surprised. the NC is killing me, and I want to reach out and try to open up the communication lines, and test the waters. NC is strictly for me moving on, however I don't want to move on , for I want her back. I am not going to jump in, but just speak with her and see how it goes. opinions on above?
gimlynick Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 Watch out my friend... If she wants you she'll contact you, don't worry about that fact! If she does not... give it a lot more time before redoing stuff. Right now you are way to emotional. I did the same after a month, and it has destroyed me. Don't look for any ways to contact her. In your heart you know that this was stupid to do, I know that you want her as a part of your life, but at this moment in time she is not ready for this. Forget about her, I know, it's horrible. Maybe one day, when you are older and more wise, you'll meet again. But for now, concentrate on yourself. Good luck
Author Bravedave Posted May 10, 2016 Author Posted May 10, 2016 I feel like all of this advice is for a dumpee.. To be honest, im the one that messed up, I should be making the effort. not her
Simon Phoenix Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 So it has been a little over 3 weeks since we last spoke when she needed some time to be left alone. I have been working on myself a lot and making great changes. NC has been hard however. I recently applied to volunteer for big brother big sister, they required references in which my ex had said she would definitely and willingly help me out with them. I decided to list her, and I wrote her an email "Hi, >> I just had an awesome interview with Big Brothers/Big Sisters today. I am really excited! I used you as a reference as you had previously suggest. I hope you are still willing to help me out with that. >> >> Dave" Re replied: Hi, > > That's volunteer work right? And yes of course I will be a reference and help you out. > recently I had posted on linked in yesterday a quote saying "I am grateful' which she liked. I was surprised. the NC is killing me, and I want to reach out and try to open up the communication lines, and test the waters. NC is strictly for me moving on, however I don't want to move on , for I want her back. I am not going to jump in, but just speak with her and see how it goes. opinions on above? You aren't in No Contact for one. For the second, it's up to her if she wants to reconsider breaking up with you, so all of the plotting and strategizing that you are doing is an absolute waste of time. And now you are doing mental gymnastics to try to keep yourself in the muck. Go No Contact, stay No Contact and get your emotions under control. She knows you want her back, so there's nothing else for you to say or do. The ball is in her court and it's up to her whether or not she decides to reconsider. But yeah, you aren't doing yourself any favors. 1
LD1990 Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 I feel like all of this advice is for a dumpee.. To be honest, im the one that messed up, I should be making the effort. not her Regardless of who messed up, you are the dumpee. She dumped you during your most recent breakup, and she's the one that doesn't want to get back together. You already sent her flowers at work. Clearly that didn't work. You tried the not-very-subtle approach of showing her your changes by emailing her for a reference. That didn't work either. You're wasting your time and preventing yourself from healing by not committing to NC. There is nothing you can do to bring her back. If she wants to try again, she'll get in touch with you, but you should really accept that it's over.
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