Luc12 Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 I have been dating my girlfriend for 4.5 months now. Our relationship has been great thus far, we have done a lot together, we cook, play volleyball, watch movies and things like that.. and I really love her. We see eachother everyday at work and then go for dinner after.. That's a total of 8 hours everyday. On the weekends I stay at her house and we hangout all day.. But lately (about 2 days) iv been in a funk and can't seem to find a the root of it. I really love this girl.. And I am so scared that i could be losing love for her.. But it doesn't make sense because I'm not.. I am still excited to get a text from her in the morning and I'm still excited to see her.. I think she is absolutely beautiful and I always will.. But this funk it kicking me hard.. Could it be that now that it has been a good amount of time that we are passed the initial butterflies and our relationship is becoming a lot simpler. That we are know we are together and it's not such a sunrise anymore? Or that our relationship is maturing? 1
Zippy2000 Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 Please try not to over think things. Everything is going well.Its natural for things to cool down later but just enjoy the honey moon stage while you can. 1
Larryville Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 You fundamentally are not happy with your current state in life, job, career, family something… only you know that. I really love this girl.. And I am so scared that i could be losing love for her.. But it doesn't make sense because I'm not.. I am still excited to get a text from her in the morning and I'm still excited to see her.. I think she is absolutely beautiful and I always will.. But this funk it kicking me hard. Something else about your life is jacked up and you are doing what a lot of dudes do and derive your happiness via your relationship and the bad thing is unless you get and grip self evaluate, figure that out you are wasting your current GF’s time. Also you do something way too many do when they post this stuff, one sentence talk about how much they love someone and in the next sentence worried about LOSING your love for her, not logical. Love is NOT a “feeling” that come and goes. 2
Leigh 87 Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 Falling in love isn't a choice. Loving someone is. Loving someone is being by their side when you're not always feeling butterflies but you male the conscious choice to stick by them and support them. The spark ebbs and flows but the in love feeling will come back in waves which differs from couple to couple. 3
Versacehottie Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 I have been dating my girlfriend for 4.5 months now. Our relationship has been great thus far, we have done a lot together, we cook, play volleyball, watch movies and things like that.. and I really love her. We see eachother everyday at work and then go for dinner after.. That's a total of 8 hours everyday. On the weekends I stay at her house and we hangout all day.. But lately (about 2 days) iv been in a funk and can't seem to find a the root of it. I really love this girl.. And I am so scared that i could be losing love for her.. But it doesn't make sense because I'm not.. I am still excited to get a text from her in the morning and I'm still excited to see her.. I think she is absolutely beautiful and I always will.. But this funk it kicking me hard.. Could it be that now that it has been a good amount of time that we are passed the initial butterflies and our relationship is becoming a lot simpler. That we are know we are together and it's not such a sunrise anymore? Or that our relationship is maturing? Maybe the funk is purely about you. Or feeling that you are getting lost in the relationship and need some space just for yourself as much as you love her. I think sometimes guys (and girls too) when they feel not great about themselves don't want to be around others, especially those that love them and "see" them more intimately/emotionally. May just be a normal ebb and flow of feeling that way--the same way most people have all the time. The timing and situation combined with a few days of feeling that way potentially could have you confused and transferring that feeling onto the relationship. maybe? 1
Author Luc12 Posted April 26, 2016 Author Posted April 26, 2016 Maybe the funk is purely about you. Or feeling that you are getting lost in the relationship and need some space just for yourself as much as you love her. I think sometimes guys (and girls too) when they feel not great about themselves don't want to be around others, especially those that love them and "see" them more intimately/emotionally. May just be a normal ebb and flow of feeling that way--the same way most people have all the time. The timing and situation combined with a few days of feeling that way potentially could have you confused and transferring that feeling onto the relationship. maybe? I have been stressed a lot lately.. I would say boarder line depression.. I'm probably mixing feelings between sadness and my relationship.. After all this is my first relationship so I'm not even sure how I should feel.. 2
Versacehottie Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 I have been stressed a lot lately.. I would say boarder line depression.. I'm probably mixing feelings between sadness and my relationship.. After all this is my first relationship so I'm not even sure how I should feel.. Yeah I think you are transferring your feelings about life, stress and yourself onto the relationship which by your own account is great. It's ok and I feel like it's normal. Just make sure you set up a solution that will not damage the relationship and gives you a bit of time and space so you can feel good about yourself or reset. One thing also is rather than see your relationship as an additional stressor, try seeing it for what it brings to you. Solitude, comfort, happiness and joy. I think guys in particular retreat when they are not feeling good about themselves because it makes them feel exposed and like they are not taking care of their gf. Trust me, if she cares about you, she can return the favor of caring for you. If you know what I mean. Not to say some space isn't necessary so you don't feel trapped by everything going on. Good luck
Author Luc12 Posted April 27, 2016 Author Posted April 27, 2016 You fundamentally are not happy with your current state in life, job, career, family something… only you know that. Something else about your life is jacked up and you are doing what a lot of dudes do and derive your happiness via your relationship and the bad thing is unless you get and grip self evaluate, figure that out you are wasting your current GF’s time. Also you do something way too many do when they post this stuff, one sentence talk about how much they love someone and in the next sentence worried about LOSING your love for her, not logical. Love is NOT a “feeling” that come and goes. What made you conclude that I'm not happy in my life outside my relationship? I'm asking because you are right..
Larryville Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 (edited) What made you conclude that I'm not happy in my life outside my relationship? I'm asking because you are right.. Because your feelings are contradictory… I have been dating my girlfriend for 4.5 months now. Our relationship has been great thus far, we have done a lot together, we cook, play volleyball, watch movies and things like that.. and I really love her. We see eachother everyday at work and then go for dinner after.. That's a total of 8 hours everyday. On the weekends I stay at her house and we hangout all day.. But lately (about 2 days) iv been in a funk and can't seem to find a the root of it. I really love this girl.. And I am so scared that i could be losing love for her.. But it doesn't make sense because I'm not.. I am still excited to get a text from her in the morning and I'm still excited to see her.. I think she is absolutely beautiful and I always will.. But this funk it kicking me hard.. When people are unhappy with their lives they wrap themselves up in their relationships. They will exhibit that NEED to be with their significant other and derive their happiness almost exclusively from their significant other. Any thread you read here where someone starts out “my girlfriend or boyfriend is amazing, awesome, the best person I have ever been with, bla bla bla a bunch of descriptors that have nothing to do with them as a human being…. Then turn around and talk about how blue or sad you/they are… While the adoration for the significant other may not “phony” is still kinda manufactured. You can’t derive YOUR happiness from another human being. So until you find the source of your depression you will never be fully able to be the best “you” for your GF or ANYBODY for that fact… including close friends and family. Edited April 27, 2016 by Larryville 1
Gaeta Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 Could be a case of: You were unhappy, your girlfriend came along, made you feel good for a while and made you forget about your problems, now that the relationship is stable you realize a relationship does not solve problems and they are still lingering. Could be a case of: It's been 4 months and it's at that stage people (especially men) make the decision to make it or break it. It's a case of 'must have been love but it's over now'. Poof, feelings are gone. Happens. She is amazing but she's not the one. 3
Versacehottie Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 What made you conclude that I'm not happy in my life outside my relationship? I'm asking because you are right.. I agree with what Larryville said about this too. I thought you were not happy with your own life because usually when people say everything is great with their gf (or bf) the "BUT" refers back to the one, two or 100 problems they are have with her that they don't like. Yours simply said you are in a funk and did not relate back to the gf. Also whenever I hear people use the word "funk", it does seem to reflect how they feel inside, independent of outside interpersonal situations. I also slightly agree with Larry that you may be using your relationship in its intensity as a mask for the other things going on in your life and how you feel about them. And at the 4.5 month mark, the newness/excitement of that relationship is not enough now to overcome the bad feelings you have. Doesn't mean the relationship is bad--it just means you can't keep running from your other problems (if you indeed have any). Good luck. I think things will pass if you address them and give yourself some time and do some constructive things toward them. You are lucky if you now have someone in your life as a source of inspiration, motivation and support. If you see her like that, it "can" move you toward a happier life for real rather than being a mask. Good luck
Larryville Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 You were unhappy, your girlfriend came along, made you feel good for a while and made you forget about your problems. ABSOLUTELY! Why when dudes go on OLD sites and they send messages to “hundreds” or women desperately trying to find someone ANYONE to make their lives worth living. If they do get the attention of a woman BANG! She is the most awesome woman ever…. The relationship becomes the addiction… Let me be blunt, I’ve been there, after my divorce did the frantic OLD “job search” so many dudes do this, not saying women don’t engage in this behavior but for the most part women have so much more going on in their lives, raising kids, close circle of friends, hobbies, volunteering, advancing careers, women frankly can do the single thing better than guys. The majority of strong, independent, career minded, mentally grounded women don’t need guys or a relationship if a good guy comes along cool, and if life is not cool the last thing a woman is going to do is throw herself into a relationship to make herself happy. 1
Gaeta Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 On April 20th OP made a thread about him and his girlfriend fighting all the time and he can't deal with it any longer. - > doesn't that explain being in a funk? Luc: Why are you fighting all the time?
Larryville Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 On April 20th OP made a thread about him and his girlfriend fighting all the time and he can't deal with it any longer. G I saw that…. Another example on why before commenting (those who have the time, or inclination to do so) reading past threads by some OP's tells you all you need to know. Most of these threads people who have been here for a time is recycled misery. They won’t fix their issue or situation so they keep posting the same stuff in different ways trying to rationalize the issue(s) away. 1
Saracena Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 Not read the other replies in depth yet, but this was the first thing that struck me. Just out of interest, how old are you both OP? 1
sin miedo Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 If you're in a "funk" after only 4 months it's probably not meant to be. I was getting the honeymoon butterflies feeling for at least the first year to 18 months before things calmed down in my relationships
Author Luc12 Posted April 28, 2016 Author Posted April 28, 2016 On April 20th OP made a thread about him and his girlfriend fighting all the time and he can't deal with it any longer. - > doesn't that explain being in a funk? Luc: Why are you fighting all the time? The arguments are about stupid things.. We resolve them the same day.. After having a tough week I was shaping at almost every little thing.. These argument I will admit are mostly my fault... I'm just not happy outside my relationship and Iv just been terrified of loosing her. Even though she assures me that not going to happen.
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