How do you make someone love you again?

[BlissfulIgnorance]

I met this guy on instagram; he was the one who messaged me first; he complemented my looks and he's handsome and has a good body, he was nice, sweet and funny. But before we had a real conversation I told him that I may find it hard to trust him because I've trusted the wrong people too much and I'm afraid that he's just like the ones whos gonna make you feel so special then leaves you hanging. but he told me that i could trust him and he will never let me down. I didnt believe him at first. But as we talked all day till midnight about random stuff to personal things And I asked him questions about himself and I think he answered them all honestly, I realized that I have every reason to trust him. Btw we have 7 hours between us. I would sleep so late and wake up so esrly just to talk to him.I sacrificed my sleep for him and he did too. I couldn't take him off my mind and I knew that I had fallen in love with a stranger. It wasn't what I've expected. He seemed so sincere when he told me that he loves me and will never let me down. For the first time in a long time I have trusted someone again.

 

We talked everyday, but i was always the one who started the conversation. We had fights because I was getting jealous of the girls commenting on his instagrsm posts and sometimes he takes too long to reply. Once again, I questioned his love for me but then he told me that I should trust him because he loves me.

I fell for that again. He then put my name on his profile on instagram with a kissing couple emoji. I thoug he really loved me because he wasnt ashamed to show people that im his'. As we got into a deeper relationship we exchanged photos then i sent him something I shouldn't have. I trusted him because he promised me to keep it private. I was having the time of my life with him because even though he's far away i could feel he really cares for me. I was so in love with him that I planned our future together, from meeting each other in person to living together, getting married, having our honeymoon, having kids, to living in belgium or netherlands and to sexting. He seemed to put up with my plans for he planned it with me, he seeemed so interested too. He could also put up with all my drama and stuff. I told him that if he leaves me I would go insane, and I can't afford losing him right in that moment, then he told me that he will love me for a really long time.

Every 'I love you' he told felt so real. I have never loved anyone as much as I loved him. The though of losing him brings me to tears.

 

Everything was so magical until yesterday he woke up and realized that he doesn't love me anymore.

 

I was waiting for him to wake up, I was waiting for a reply that I never got. I shrugged off the thought that he's no longer interested in me because I trust him so much, so i was so worried about him. I cried all night not knowing why he doesnt text me back. I had so many questions in my head, I told myself that when i wake up in the morning, he has got a reply but there were no messages at all. I checked my instagram following and saw that he's online on instagram cuz he followed a bunch of people. I felt so happy to know hes safe but so devastated to know he didnt even click on my messages because there was no 'seen' sign below it. I then checked his profile and my name is gone from his profile and.... he blocked me! i bursted into tears not knowing what went wrong between the two of us. I couldnt imagine that Its happening again; trusting someone whos not worthy of my trust. I sent him a message on fb and his two instsgram accounts asking him from what i did wrong, to "i thought you loved me" to "i thought what we had was real" to "even if you dont love me anymore i still love you" and soo on. i sent him so many messages and i never got a single reply. he didnt even read it. I know sooner he's going block me from every account he has on social media.p and i would lose every way of communication we have.

 

It hurts more than it should be. I'm losing my mind and my eyes are swelling from sll the tears from last night up to right now. Today is dragging on. How could I wake up without him telling me "i love you"?

From the very beginning i rold him that i was afraid that one day he'll just disappear and so he did. I remember how he told me he would not let me down but he did. I am questioning everything he told me but I still want him back, I literally cant breathe anymore. He is the best thing ive ever had but why did he have to treat me like a joke. I hate how i would rather him ill than not love me anymore or did he ever even love me at all? Our love felt so real and magical and I have know idea what went wrong. I have got so many unanswered questions. Maybe I asked for too much? maybe i wasnt good enough? maybe i wasnt pretty enough? i dont even know why hes doing this to me. He wont talk to me. I need himm i love him so much. How could I make him love me again?

[chumly]

Oh wow! I am so sorry about this!! Actually I am going through a similar kind of thing myself but probably on a much smaller scale. I know it hurts so much right now but you really will be ok. I know it is so easy to fall for people over the internet...I have done that myself but you really deserve better than to be treated like this. You are a worthwhile person. I know it feels like your heart has a big hole in it right now but you eventually will get passed this. Like I said, I am going through a similar thing and I still feel hurt over it but I feel much better this week then I did last week and I am guessing that next week will be even better and so on.

 

There are such helpful people on here so I am sure someone will be along soon that will offer advice that will be much better than what I am giving you but I am hoping it might be helpful for you to hear from someone who can tell you that you will really be ok..even though you might not feel that way right now. My thoughts are with you, I send you virtual hugs and if I can think of better advice I will let you know. good luck and hang in there and please keep us posted...and like I said, you really will be ok.

[DreamBigg]

You're not in love. You haven't ever seen him

In real life. I'd guess you're being catfished. Or he's just seeing how immature and clingy you are with how

You're acting. Watch the movie WeddingCrashers and then ask people what "Stage 5 Clinger" means

[BlissfulIgnorance]

Oh wow! I am so sorry about this!! Actually I am going through a similar kind of thing myself but probably on a much smaller scale. I know it hurts so much right now but you really will be ok. I know it is so easy to fall for people over the internet...I have done that myself but you really deserve better than to be treated like this. You are a worthwhile person. I know it feels like your heart has a big hole in it right now but you eventually will get passed this. Like I said, I am going through a similar thing and I still feel hurt over it but I feel much better this week then I did last week and I am guessing that next week will be even better and so on.

 

There are such helpful people on here so I am sure someone will be along soon that will offer advice that will be much better than what I am giving you but I am hoping it might be helpful for you to hear from someone who can tell you that you will really be ok..even though you might not feel that way right now. My thoughts are with you, I send you virtual hugs and if I can think of better advice I will let you know. good luck and hang in there and please keep us posted...and like I said, you really will be ok.

 

Thank you for what you said. You made me feel a little better. Maybe you wanna talk about what happened, with me? if not, its okay..

yes it feels like theres a big hole in my heart. I find it really hard to breathe right now. If only i could unmeet him. This thing is so depressing. I really need someone rn.

[BlissfulIgnorance]

You're not in love. You haven't ever seen him

In real life. I'd guess you're being catfished. Or he's just seeing how immature and clingy you are with how

You're acting. Watch the movie WeddingCrashers and then ask people what "Stage 5 Clinger" means

 

How do you define love?

[chumly]

Thank you for what you said. You made me feel a little better. Maybe you wanna talk about what happened, with me? if not, its okay..

yes it feels like theres a big hole in my heart. I find it really hard to breathe right now. If only i could unmeet him. This thing is so depressing. I really need someone rn.

 

I know exactly how you feel! I wish I could unmeet the person I am referring to as well. I wish I could go back to last summer when he first started chatting with me on another dating site. I have had him on my mind since that time and reconnected with him on another site. It was never a feeling of love for me but just infactuation but I could so relate to your feelings on this!! I just think of how happy I was with things prior to all of this and I want so bad to get back to that happy feeling..so yes, I can really relate to what you are going through. You really are not alone at all and I am so glad that my post has brought you some comfort.

 

Thanks also for the offer to listen to what I am going through. I actually have an ongoing post about it on here so you can feel free to read through it if you would like but it is very long. Alot of people on here gave me great advice that has been so helpful! Like I said, it will take some time but you really will get over this slowly but surely and you will learn to trust someone again. I will try and leave a link to my post on a different thread. you actually might find some of the advice that others offered to me very helpful with your situation too. Anyway, please hang in there and please keep us posted..you reallywill be ok. HUGS to you!!

[chumly]

hi there again..I just wanted to leave a link to the post regarding my situation. It is a bit different than your situation but yet similar at the same time.

 

Like I said, you may find some of the advice others offered me to be helpful in your situation as well. my heart really goes out to you because I know how you feel so please keep us posted on things. I send you my best positive energy!!

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/576963-how-stop-being-obsessed-someone

[Phoenician]

Dear ,

 

Sorry to hear that you are suffering ; I know that feeling ...

I want to tell you some truth about love :

 

Love starts with a passion ,emotional or physical one , but to continue it needs reality and continuity ...

 

A short experience opf love is just a passion passing by .

 

to endure Love needs a lot of maintenance , it is like a garden , if you leave it it will die .

 

Love passes in three stages :

 

-Learning ,

-Hurting ,

-expressing (really expressing ,not just flirting).

 

 

when you love someone to an extent that you want to see them happy even if you are hurt , that's love ...

 

 

 

At the same time , love should have vows , and you trust those vows .

the more definitions are accurate in those vows and realistic , love will live longer ; when you go to the highest generic definitions , vows are easily broken..

 

real Love is a continuous long Road , full of pain as well as joy ;

 

It is not Unconditional commitment ;

 

Love is care , respect and empathy .

[Emilia]

How do you define love?

Something that's based on reality rather than fantasy. When you have met and know each other and accept each other for warts and all.

 

Not some online fantasy, no.

[Satu]

snip

*Our love felt so real and magical and I have know idea what went wrong. I have got so many unanswered questions. Maybe I asked for too much? maybe i wasnt good enough? maybe i wasnt pretty enough? i dont even know why hes doing this to me. He wont talk to me. I need him i love him so much. **How could I make him love me again?

 

*Sometimes things that aren't real, feel real, when you invest so much belief into them.

 

**You can't make anyone think or feel anything. Nobody can.

 

What you are experiencing isn't love, but rather a form of dysfunctional attachment.

 

 

Here's a clip from my journals:

 

 

Spend some time contemplating the differences between loving, wanting, and needing.

 

Its important to understand those differences.

 

Those three things are related, but they're not different words for the same thing.

 

Really reflect on that.

 

It will help you to understand yourself (and others) better.

 

 

Take care.

[LD1990]

You can't love someone you've never even met in person. You moved way too fast and got far too serious without meeting this guy. Build your own life. Hang out with friends, go to places to socialize with people in person. Online relationships like these are just a bad idea. You get wrapped up in a person you don't really know and you don't build an actual social life at all.

[todreaminblue]

you cant make him love you......and you woke up regardless of a text of i love you.....you will survive and i feel for you knowing that you are hurting...but as another said online relationships are often not to be trusted if you have never met.. i will add they involve illusions and assumations on a person you dont really know well at all....

 

i know its a tough lesson to learn but...... seek out people closer to you.....your friends your family who love you...laugh with them ....spend time with them....go out with them and get some tlc from those closest to you...find out what floats your boat.....what you love to do and do it......paint make art ....sail a boat...feed the ducks...go on bushwalks...stick your feet in the sand......do what you love to do...try volunteering......then when you feel strong and confident.....join groups that involve your interests...never date and pin all your dreams hopes and aspirations on a man...keep your integrity then protect your heart and be true to your spirit first and always...or you will find people who arent true to you...and they will break that spirit....

 

 

save that heart of yours for someone who truly deserves to know it...:0).....best wishes...deb

[BlissfulIgnorance]

snip

 

*Sometimes things that aren't real, feel real, when you invest so much belief into them.

 

**You can't make anyone think or feel anything. Nobody can.

 

What you are experiencing isn't love, but rather a form of dysfunctional attachment.

 

 

Here's a clip from my journals:

 

 

Spend some time contemplating the differences between loving, wanting, and needing.

 

Its important to understand those differences.

 

Those three things are related, but they're not different words for the same thing.

 

Really reflect on that.

 

It will help you to understand yourself (and others) better.

 

 

Take care.

 

After all the replies here saying it wasnt love, for me it doesnt really matter anymore if we were in love or not, all i know is it hurts. The love may not be real but the pain is. I may have some strong infactuation and obesession on that jerk and it hurts that i have invested so much time, emotions, and enerrgy onto him when he just wanted the sexting.

[chumly]

After all the replies here saying it wasnt love, for me it doesnt really matter anymore if we were in love or not, all i know is it hurts. The love may not be real but the pain is. I may have some strong infactuation and obesession on that jerk and it hurts that i have invested so much time, emotions, and enerrgy onto him when he just wanted the sexting.

 

believe me..I know exactly how you feel and can so relate!! the strong feelings are there...whatever they may be and it hurts like hell!! that is what we want to stop feeling..the pain and we both will in time. I know it is getting better for me and it will get better for you as well just hang in there.

[basil67]

Nobody can guarantee that they won't hurt you, so it's unrealistic to hold someone to a foolish promise. As far as the question of what went wrong.....well I'd say that distance and the fact that you didn't really know each other in real life would have been the primary factors.

 

Love is a risk. Life is a risk. But with self worth and resilience we can recover from hurt and keep living to love again. However, as you are currently at a stage where you're so terrified of being hurt that you fear love - I'd say you should avoid dating and work on yourself. Perhaps seek some books or counselling and learn about building your resilience.

 

And no, you can't make him love you again. Honestly, he probably didn't love you at all to start with. That 'magic' is nothing more than infatuation - the real love sets in when the heady infatuation dies down and we find that we're truly compatible in real life.

[BlissfulIgnorance]

believe me..I know exactly how you feel and can so relate!! the strong feelings are there...whatever they may be and it hurts like hell!! that is what we want to stop feeling..the pain and we both will in time. I know it is getting better for me and it will get better for you as well just hang in there.

 

I hope theres an easy way of letting go..

[BlissfulIgnorance]

believe me..I know exactly how you feel and can so relate!! the strong feelings are there...whatever they may be and it hurts like hell!! that is what we want to stop feeling..the pain and we both will in time. I know it is getting better for me and it will get better for you as well just hang in there.

 

I wish theres an easy way of letting go..

[chumly]

 

I wish theres an easy way of letting go..

 

 

I know and I do too but it might be one of those things that you just have to go through the pain but eventually you will be alright. Just hang in there, keep busy, maybe try listening to positive music and you really will get through this.;)

[BlissfulIgnorance]

After all the agony and hours of waiting for a reply, i finally got one. He messaged me on facebook just now saying "I'm sorry I can't anymore".

Just like that. Those 5 words feel like thousands of knives stabbing me in the heart over and over, I was kind of feeling a little bit better from the advice i got from all of you but here i am again, Im back to crying and trying to stop these emotions and I was right, he blocked me in every social media account he has.

"Im sorry I cant anymore"- The cruelest thing I will ever hear.

He's gonna make you feel special then leaves you hanging. -The exact thing I told him to not do to me from the very start. I hope he gets what he deserves, I hope he'll ever find happiness.

[BlissfulIgnorance]

 

 

I know and I do too but it might be one of those things that you just have to go through the pain but eventually you will be alright. Just hang in there, keep busy, maybe try listening to positive music and you really will get through this.;)

 

Music? He makes beats and made me listen to his music. I cant beleive how everything I do and everywhere I go reminds me of him.

He has replied to me already and I think I have had enough.

[BlissfulIgnorance]

you cant make him love you......and you woke up regardless of a text of i love you.....you will survive and i feel for you knowing that you are hurting...but as another said online relationships are often not to be trusted if you have never met.. i will add they involve illusions and assumations on a person you dont really know well at all....

 

i know its a tough lesson to learn but...... seek out people closer to you.....your friends your family who love you...laugh with them ....spend time with them....go out with them and get some tlc from those closest to you...find out what floats your boat.....what you love to do and do it......paint make art ....sail a boat...feed the ducks...go on bushwalks...stick your feet in the sand......do what you love to do...try volunteering......then when you feel strong and confident.....join groups that involve your interests...never date and pin all your dreams hopes and aspirations on a man...keep your integrity then protect your heart and be true to your spirit first and always...or you will find people who arent true to you...and they will break that spirit....

 

 

save that heart of yours for someone who truly deserves to know it...:0).....best wishes...deb

 

The reason why I got so serious about our deluded relationship was because i have nothing. I am surrounded by a lot of people but I feel so alone.p but with him, it's different. He might not be who He made me think he was but I felt 'real happiness' in a 'fake person'.

I guess I used this relationship to escape the reality of my own miserable life which became even more miserable because of trying to escape from it.

[chumly]

The reason why I got so serious about our deluded relationship was because i have nothing. I am surrounded by a lot of people but I feel so alone.p but with him, it's different. He might not be who He made me think he was but I felt 'real happiness' in a 'fake person'.

I guess I used this relationship to escape the reality of my own miserable life which became even more miserable because of trying to escape from it.

 

oh sweetie...I am so sorry!! My heart really goes out to you. I know you hurt so much right now and some people on here mean well but they dont understand what you are going through and how easy it can be to become prey to such people! However, I understand and just take this one day at a time. Maybe take a walk, treat yourself to something good and just hang in there because even though it does not feel like it right now you will eventually forget about him and be on to somebody else.

I will try and post more later but trust me..you are going to be ok!! Time is of the essence..time really does heal all!! be back later.

[todreaminblue]

The reason why I got so serious about our deluded relationship was because i have nothing. I am surrounded by a lot of people but I feel so alone.p but with him, it's different. He might not be who He made me think he was but I felt 'real happiness' in a 'fake person'.

I guess I used this relationship to escape the reality of my own miserable life which became even more miserable because of trying to escape from it.

 

I am sorry you feel alone and i know that feeling of being surrounded by people yet you feel lonely.....one way you can make your life less miserable ...is to know what you love to do....it cant be all about a guy an dbeing in a relationship...but something you love that makes your heart feel....happy..that no other person is required to fulfill that happiness..and you build up a fort of these things....and you do them when you feel that loneliness.....it works....truly .....i have many things...i read a lot.....i love scriptures...they also soothe my heart when nothing else does...scriptures do.......my home is full of books and movies that have made me feel good over the years...........

 

another thing that has helped me in the past is walking .....going somewhere beautiful for me my go to place is the sea or water......and over the years i have volunteered hours when i was a lonely teen i joined the state emergency services and became a radar plotter...finding lost peoples or rescuing stranded pilot whales........those are some of the most enjoyable and rewarding times i have had in periods of real darkness......is helping others......being with other people and helping out brings this deep sense of fulfillment that a man just cant bring....it touches the heart of you that feels pure happiness and a renewed sense of hope starts to warm the broken bits ...that other people cant reach.....but god does.....

 

 

i wish you well you know....and i know it feels horrible....but how a man treats you...is what you allow to happen.....how you feel...is all you..so being all you...you can make a change you can make your life .....rewarding....or stay miserable......and moping a bit for a little while is fine....but dont mope for too long..it wont help you at all.....make a promise to yourself that you are going to change how you feel......be good to yourself and seek to be happy..no one can do that for you......and make it that you know how to be happy.......i do know you can do it.....hugs...huge ones....deb

[BlissfulIgnorance]

I am sorry you feel alone and i know that feeling of being surrounded by people yet you feel lonely.....one way you can make your life less miserable ...is to know what you love to do....it cant be all about a guy an dbeing in a relationship...but something you love that makes your heart feel....happy..that no other person is required to fulfill that happiness..and you build up a fort of these things....and you do them when you feel that loneliness.....it works....truly .....i have many things...i read a lot.....i love scriptures...they also soothe my heart when nothing else does...scriptures do.......my home is full of books and movies that have made me feel good over the years...........

 

another thing that has helped me in the past is walking .....going somewhere beautiful for me my go to place is the sea or water......and over the years i have volunteered hours when i was a lonely teen i joined the state emergency services and became a radar plotter...finding lost peoples or rescuing stranded pilot whales........those are some of the most enjoyable and rewarding times i have had in periods of real darkness......is helping others......being with other people and helping out brings this deep sense of fulfillment that a man just cant bring....it touches the heart of you that feels pure happiness and a renewed sense of hope starts to warm the broken bits ...that other people cant reach.....but god does.....

 

 

i wish you well you know....and i know it feels horrible....but how a man treats you...is what you allow to happen.....how you feel...is all you..so being all you...you can make a change you can make your life .....rewarding....or stay miserable......and moping a bit for a little while is fine....but dont mope for too long..it wont help you at all.....make a promise to yourself that you are going to change how you feel......be good to yourself and seek to be happy..no one can do that for you......and make it that you know how to be happy.......i do know you can do it.....hugs...huge ones....deb

 

Hi I appreciate your advice and I promise to follow them. Right now, I still need some cries but I swear after this I'm gonna get back up and try to forget the thing causing me pain and I hate myself for not hating him, I should hate him right? For all the pain he caused me but the joy he brought just seem to weigh more than the pain and I want that joy back. but as you've said There are things that a man can't bring.

 

After moping, first thing I'm gonna do is to find myself because i dont even know me anymore. I don't know what makes me happy aside from the illusion of a perfect man and relationship.

I will find new things, maybe I'll right down the things that's hurting me cuz that makes me feel a lot better. I'm going to try to get my real life back without needing a man for that.

 

Thank you so much for the advice it helped a lot

[BlissfulIgnorance]

oh sweetie...I am so sorry!! My heart really goes out to you. I know you hurt so much right now and some people on here mean well but they dont understand what you are going through and how easy it can be to become prey to such people! However, I understand and just take this one day at a time. Maybe take a walk, treat yourself to something good and just hang in there because even though it does not feel like it right now you will eventually forget about him and be on to somebody else.

I will try and post more later but trust me..you are going to be ok!! Time is of the essence..time really does heal all!! be back later.

 

I will try my best to move on I promise and There's one thing I'm thankful for, it's the fact that he left me sooner than I wanted, at least I think that's gonna make it easier for me to forget about him.

Btw, I woke up today without a 'good morning' and 'i love you' text message. I admit that I did cry but maybe for just 20 seconds. Unlike yesterday where I cried almost the whole day and I felt like I'm so tired and sick with no energy to do anything, maybe because I was lonlier yesterday than I am today.

 

You're right, time does heal. Myabe tomorrow, I'll be better than I am today.

Thank you for caring, I really needed this right now because yeahh I'm literally alone.