Eel751 Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 I was sober and he was drunk. There was total consent. We recently changed our relationship from bf/gf to not having a label. We'll be 6 months in a week. We agreed that in the begining of our relationship we did love each other. 2 months later feelings he had for his first gf who she cheated on him came back. She was his first girlfriend they dated for 3 months 2 years ago. I told him ok. That's when I fell out of love with him. He said he saw her over break and that she has a bf who she's happy with but he still wants to hang out with her because he thinks she still has feelings for him the way she can comfortably talk to him. It's been a month now. I was so close to breaking up with him last week because I said, if you don't love me, we should just be friends. He got so upset. We were both ugly crying. We cried pretty hard. He said there is love there but it's not crazy love like he was with his girlfriend. I'm 19 and this is my second relationship, I feel that that crazy feeling he had was infatuation with his ex, not love. She cheated on him so she didn't love him. I have deep feelings for him. I think if you love someone, you want what's best for them. I want him to be happy. I love when he lights up about his passions about his schoolwork and his laugh is cute. I gave him his stuff back and I got mine back. We said we both care deeply about each other. I'm ok with this new relationship between us. Last night he came back with his drinking buddy and I went to his room sober. We had sex and it took him awhile to finish, I almost assumed he already got some today but I realized it's probably the alcohol. It felt like forever waiting for him to finish. It felt different emotionally. Maybe because I'm trying to differentiate my feelings for him. I have allergies right now and I coughed a lot last night. He patted my back and rubbed it. I kept saying sorry and everytime I'd cough, he'd be like aw baby . We then cuddled. We woke up at 4:30am and did it again and it felt the same way. He asked me if I enjoyed it but I lied and said yes. Maybe because we didn't cuddle after that he got upset but like it's 4:30 in the morning, I'm half asleep lol. I just turned away from him sleeping on my side. I woke up a few minutes later, he was on his iPod, he seemed like he was crying. I'm usually so comforting to him but I wasn't last night. I went back to sleep. We woke up later and he jumped out of bed asking if I had to pee and I was like no I don't think I said that. He's like oh, I thought that was in my dream like he was disappointed. He got up to pee and I did too. He went back into his room before I did but he locked me out. I was out there for almost a half hour thinking why the **** he would do that. I'm not cheating on him but I have started using Tinder to just talk to other guys. I don't think he knows. I have seen 3 of his friends on there but I swiped left on them. Outside if his door I was like, dude seriously this just makes you look like more of a douchebag.. Idk if he heard it, but I waited a bit and his suite mate came out and said I could knock because everyone else was up. He then finally got up and was like, sorry about that.. And I'm like, mmm hmm.. I picked off my sheets I put on his bottom bunk a few months ago and told them they needed to be washed but I don't feel like bringing them back to his room. I got dressed and was going to leave mad but I asked if he wanted to talk. He said he's tired and asked if I wanted to lay next to him. I sat down for a bit, got back up and laid next to him. I asked if he was ok and he said yeah he's tired but I told him he didn't seem ok last night. He said he was drunk. I said ok. We had sex like 4 times today. I didn't mind it. We then grabbed food for dinner and watched a movie. He then helped me put a Pokemon game on my computer. As he did so, he rested his head on my shoulder. He then kissed me nicely and told me I was pretty. It doesn't really mean anything for me anymore but I guess I appreciate the gesture. I'm not sure if he still actually loves me and is just lying to himself or he feels bad because he knows that I know he disappointed me and things are different now. I'm ok with having someone who I'm close with and hook up with. We said we'd still see each other in the summer since we're in college. We met each other's families when we were together so yeah. We enjoying hanging out, he's funny and he'll slap my butt all the time and omg he put q-tips in my butt today lol. He pops my pimples which hurt so bad!! He sprayed me with his cologne jokingly too. He told me his thoughts were consuming him and that he needed company. I told him I have to study and he has to do homework so I went over to his room and we worked on homework and we joked around a little. As he's doing his homework, he's singing "take a look at my girlfriend, she's the only one I got, not much of a girl friend, I never seem to get a lot." He then was singing Everybody Talks by Neon Trees, "it started with a whisper, and then was wen I kissed her, then she made my ween hurt." Then he sung, "I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on" He told me thanks for coming over. helped him get rid of his boner, he asked me to do something but I said my throat hurts so I don't want to and he says ok. I've been coughing a lot at night and he pats my back. I apologize and he says it's ok. We got breakfast this morning and went off to our different classes. What do you think of this? Have you had a relationship like this?? I'm confused on of he actually does love me or is upset because he knows he disappointed me or he's not happy. I'm a compassionate person and it breaks me to see him confused and said with his demons. Thoughts??
d0nnivain Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 He's using you because he likes the sex. He's not a terrible human being so he has feelings & he wants to not be the jerk who uses people but he's also a 19 year old teenager who doesn't know his own mind. Leave him be. He has tons of growing up to do. It's ridiculous that 2 years later he has feelings for somebody he dated for 90 days when he was 17 You're allegedly deep feelings are misplaced. You need to start thinking with your head not your heart & certainly not your body. Sex does not mean love or commitment -- it's a physical act like taking a walk or playing tennis. Go on Tinder or any where else & find a guy who has his **** together because it ain't this kid. You can't wait around for him to figure out his own life. Until he does that however he's not BF material. Your idea that you are OK with going from BF/GF to FWB is selling yourself short. Why are you doing that? 6
stillafool Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 I agree with dOnnivain. I think he cares for you as a person but is using you for his sexual pleasure and is feeling somewhat guilty about it (tears) because he has said and he knows he is crazy in love with his ex. You said in your first paragraph that you fell out of love with him and if so stop letting him use you for sex. 2
Author Eel751 Posted April 26, 2016 Author Posted April 26, 2016 (edited) Hi guys, thanks for the input. My bf turns 21 this year and I turn 20 both of our birthdays are like in 5 months. I do agree with you guys. All my belongings in his room are out of it. After we'd have sex, we'd shower so I'd use my extra pair of shower shoes I would leave in his room. Recently when we had sex, he's like, "Did you bring your shoes?" And I'm like, "No.." because I know that symbolizes usage. He's like, "Jesus f*cking Christ" because we'd have to shower seperately and I'd have to use his shower shoes. He got close to me at breakfast and I was kinda put off by it. We were standing in line and he pokes me with his card. I backed away. I didn't follow him to our table because I had to get my coffee. He came back and walked to the table with me. I don't know why.. My thoughts come and go and I'm thinking now, we need to distance ourselves from each other. I think his friends are leaving him too. I'm torn because he needs a friend but I don't know if I should be his friend. His other friend he went drinking with is a dick too. He dated my friend who is my roommate's best friend from home. He never wanted to talk about the future with her and he broke up with her over text. This guy told me he did like her but she was indecisive about things and he didn't like that. My roommate said she is like that, but he didn't have to break up with her over text wtf. My friend said the condom broke and he wasn't concerned. My roommate had to buy her best friend plan b and the guy wasn't really concerned. I had to by plan B with my bf and he was so concerned. I'm on birth control right now and we're praying we're not pregnant. I find out if I get my period next week. I'm praying I do. I think I'll be ok. So my bf's friend is a dick and he's acting like a dick when he's with him. They got so drunk last weekend and stole a chair from outside the dining hall and brought it up to my bf's room. They're idiots.. Edited April 26, 2016 by Eel751
preraph Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 I don't know how deep that river runs. I mean, he could just be mourning that sex is about to go away. He probably has feelings for both you and the other girlfriend, whatever those feelings consist of. So he's in a constant state of confusion (and arousal, sounds like). He may try to keep you on a FWB if that is his main concern. I think what happens is going to be up to you if he is too confused to be decisive. He may be just biding his time and seeing what happens. If you get tired of having sex with him, then of course you'll need to break away. If you're not in any great fizz to stop having sex either and he continues to just let things fester, then of course you are free to just ride it out and see when the wave of resentment finally washes ashore. And it will. 1
Author Eel751 Posted April 27, 2016 Author Posted April 27, 2016 I don't know how deep that river runs. I mean, he could just be mourning that sex is about to go away. He probably has feelings for both you and the other girlfriend, whatever those feelings consist of. So he's in a constant state of confusion (and arousal, sounds like). He may try to keep you on a FWB if that is his main concern. I think what happens is going to be up to you if he is too confused to be decisive. He may be just biding his time and seeing what happens. If you get tired of having sex with him, then of course you'll need to break away. If you're not in any great fizz to stop having sex either and he continues to just let things fester, then of course you are free to just ride it out and see when the wave of resentment finally washes ashore. And it will. He told me, "Don't not un**** my head." Like my interpretation of that is, "Fix me." What do you think?
katiegrl Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 He told me, "Don't not un**** my head." Like my interpretation of that is, "Fix me." What do you think? "Don't not" un**** my head? That's a double negative and makes no sense. 2
almond Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 If your boyfriend of six months turns around and tells you that he has decided to chase after an ex-girlfriend and you don't turn around and walk away, then I think there is a good chance that you have some self-esteem issues that you need to address ASAP. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 Where are your standards, girl?? He's downgraded you from Girlfriend to Friend With Benefits. By your description and over-analysis of his words and action, you are in love with him. I don't see how his backtracking is okay with you. He doesn't need you to be his friend. He has friends. Don't do that to yourself. You are going to get hurt again when you find out he's seeing or sleeping with someone else. He's basically given himself license to do just that by making it clear he's not your boyfriend anymore. If you think this won't happen, you're being incredibly naive. Look, he's a hot mess. He's hung up on some girl he dated for three months...2 years ago? I'm sorry, but that's ridiculous. You hanging around and having sex with this guy who is, by his own admission, still into another girl is not going to end well for you. Take it from those of us who have been there! 4
ExpatInItaly Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 He told me, "Don't not un**** my head." Like my interpretation of that is, "Fix me." What do you think? I think he found a senseless quote on the internet, but he thinks this makes him "deep." It doesn't mean anything and makes zero sense. 1
stillafool Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 He definitely doesn't need you to be his friend as he already has friends. He has told you he isn't over his ex and he felt "crazy love" for her so believe him and move on. 1
Author Eel751 Posted April 27, 2016 Author Posted April 27, 2016 Thanks again guys! He still texts me asking what I'm up to. I'm distancing myself from him. It feels good. My finals are coming up so I have to focus on those. He snapchatted me two days ago. Still haven't opened it. When he texts me, I take a while to respond. I don't need him, I realize that. I think this is good. Although there is a very thin connection between us now and a part of me will always care about him, I know I deserve better. I hope one day he realizes he ****ed up and that a girl who'd never hurt him was always there for him. And by then, I'll have moved on with my own life and find someone who appreciates me and all the love I can give them. Thanks again.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 You are focusing too much on little details without looking at the bigger picture. You are FWB now, the details don't matter. 1
seekingpeaceinlove Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 So, according to your words, you're still "with" a guy (who told you that he doesn't love you anymore and has feelings for his ex) because you wanted someone to warm you up while you're at school. BUT the sex is mediocre. So you wanted to keep him around as a FWB but the sex is so so? EH? Girl. Spread your wings and fly away. You shoud be in your sexual prime now...exploring and having an amazing f*cking time. Dump the bore and find yourself a great guy who wants you back just as much OR a damn good F buddy. Value yourself and get what you want, girl!
smackie9 Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 He's broken and is pulling you down with him. Just walk. 1
stillafool Posted April 28, 2016 Posted April 28, 2016 Thanks again guys! He still texts me asking what I'm up to. I'm distancing myself from him. It feels good. My finals are coming up so I have to focus on those. He snapchatted me two days ago. Still haven't opened it. When he texts me, I take a while to respond. I don't need him, I realize that. I think this is good. Although there is a very thin connection between us now and a part of me will always care about him, I know I deserve better. I hope one day he realizes he ****ed up and that a girl who'd never hurt him was always there for him. And by then, I'll have moved on with my own life and find someone who appreciates me and all the love I can give them. Thanks again. Why haven't you blocked him? 1
Author Eel751 Posted April 29, 2016 Author Posted April 29, 2016 So, according to your words, you're still "with" a guy (who told you that he doesn't love you anymore and has feelings for his ex) because you wanted someone to warm you up while you're at school. BUT the sex is mediocre. So you wanted to keep him around as a FWB but the sex is so so? EH? Girl. Spread your wings and fly away. You shoud be in your sexual prime now...exploring and having an amazing f*cking time. Dump the bore and find yourself a great guy who wants you back just as much OR a damn good F buddy. Value yourself and get what you want, girl! That's funny you say that because the sex was so so but got really good. Maybe because I've got more experience with him. I'm not sure if he's screwing with my head but last night he gave it to me real good. I made him help me first. I teased him so bad before I let him have it. I got mine first, so it was his turn next. He was begging so bad and I gave it to him good too like I did stuff I never do to make him go crazy. He's being silly and obnoxious by putting my shorts on his head and wearing them like a turban. He complimented me and I'm like "omg stop.." And he's like, "fine I'll stop trying.." He apologized for begging for it. He said he's going to go home to go to lunch with his mom and sister on Sunday now that he has his car on campus for the last 2 weeks of school. Who knows if he's really going to do that or whatever. Maybe he needs advice from his mom and sister, idk. Before we went off to class he kissed me goodbye which he hasn't done in a couple weeks. He leaned in I was surprised, I backed away but he's like, "c'mon!" So I kissed him goodbye. I don't know if he's being sincere or what. I'm aware of his actions but I'm not sure if I 100% believe them.. In some ways we're both ****ing with each other if he's not being sincere and it's interesting because I think the frustration makes the sex better hahaha.
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