ImaManDammit Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo That's just your view - don't impose it on me Yup. Sort of like US foreign policy.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX I'm not sure if I believe its a self-respect issue. I know girls who sleep with many men who have a LOT of self-esteem and are very successful. Then, there are girls with low self-esteem who sleep around a lot. I don't think you can say for sure one way or the other. Everyone is different and to some having sex is not something that makes them feel badly about themselves. There ARE girls out there with just as high of a sex drive as a man. Also, I almost think it could be the opposite. Maybe its the girls with HIGH self-esteem who sleep with many men. They are confident and secure enough in themselves to not give a rat's ass what people will say about them, and they are comfortable enough with their bodies not to feel embarrassed or ashamed of their sexuality (or high sex drive). How does that one song go? I don't give a damn about my bad reputation.... My thoughts exactly. I LOVE SEX. I love myself and I love my body and I don't give a rats ass about what people think or say about me. It has nothing to do with morals for me. Hormones maybe Anything worth having is usually not easy to attain Maybe I don't want to "have" him long-term or even care what he thinks. He's hot, I'm horny, I want him just this one time because I LOVE SEX. Sleeping around with them, I tend to lean on "I need to please others to feel worthy..." theory Your theory is crap. I need to please myself first! Sex does it for me once in a while So does chocolate!
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by ImaManDammit Yup. Sort of like US foreign policy.
blind_otter Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 See this is why I never talk about "The Number". Who gives a sh*t who I slept with before I met my SO? I don't even remember what it felt like to f*** those other people. The only person that matters is the person I am with now. So I refuse to tell my number. I really don't care, as long as they are clean with no STDs, HOW many people they f***ed, as long as they are loyal to me now. The past is the past. Let it stay there. The past only lives as long as you let it live. Your past should not interfere with you current relationship and if it does, you need to resolve that before entering into another relationship. Other than that, ask a woman on the first date so you can know before hand how slutty your potential GF was. Then you can get a crisp, clean virgin.
ImaManDammit Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter The past is the past. Let it stay there. The past only lives as long as you let it live. Your past should not interfere with you current relationship and if it does, you need to resolve that before entering into another relationship. This is very true. Its also because this is what is important to you. For me though. I am more concerned around the circumstances of the numbers than the number itself. I would prefer that my partner been in a serious relationship whenever any sexual activity took place, and that means more than just intercourse. ie petting. Why that concerns me is to help me understand their thoughts on love and intimacy. To see if we're compatible.
Author zack121 Posted June 22, 2005 Author Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter See this is why I never talk about "The Number". Who gives a sh*t who I slept with before I met my SO? I don't even remember what it felt like to f*** those other people. The only person that matters is the person I am with now. So I refuse to tell my number. I really don't care, as long as they are clean with no STDs, HOW many people they f***ed, as long as they are loyal to me now. The past is the past. Let it stay there. The past only lives as long as you let it live. Your past should not interfere with you current relationship and if it does, you need to resolve that before entering into another relationship. Other than that, ask a woman on the first date so you can know before hand how slutty your potential GF was. Then you can get a crisp, clean virgin. Hmmmm your post has all the hallmarks of wisdom, with a touch of bitterness thrown in... I agree about the past, that was how I viewed it. I only posted the "number" as you call it, becuase people seemed to be taking things the wrong way, I feel that she was insecure about herself, hence looking for love (by using sex) I was not calling her a slut. never had/never will, even after breakup never called her anything, I have many times thougth about it. but not gunna do it. I guess that people feel either strongly for or against this one.. Not sure If a virgin is what I would want? don't belive they exist anyway. So you never think about the people you f88cked? ummm sorry not being rude, why did you f**k them then? I am interested in your opinion as obviosuly I'm in the minority (on this thread anyway) here
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 i think people are reading too much into this. I have had sex early in the relationship. Whether it was the feeling of comfort i felt with this guy or the fact that I haven't had sex in a while and needed a refill. Theres no self respect issue here. Just the enjoyment of having sex.
blind_otter Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by zack121 So you never think about the people you f88cked? ummm sorry not being rude, why did you f**k them then? I am interested in your opinion as obviosuly I'm in the minority (on this thread anyway) here Most were relationships that ended badly because I had sh*tty taste in men. Bad mistakes, mainly. Hidsight is always 20/20, isn't it? We can't all have clear, level headed judgement - especially when we are young - and sometimes (too often) lust is mistaken for love. Some of them were one night stands because I had bad committment phobia and was unable to stand being in relationships for a long time because of past issues with trust due to being raped. That's MY story though, and obviously should not be applied to anyone other than me. I am responsibile for the choices and mistakes I made, but there are always reasons that we do the things we do, even if we make that choice from an emotionally cripple place.
Author zack121 Posted June 22, 2005 Author Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 My thoughts exactly. I LOVE SEX. I love myself and I love my body and I don't give a rats ass about what people think or say about me. It has nothing to do with morals for me. Hormones maybe Maybe I don't want to "have" him long-term or even care what he thinks. He's hot, I'm horny, I want him just this one time because I LOVE SEX. Your theory is crap. I need to please myself first! Sex does it for me once in a while So does chocolate! Have you felt this way all your life? I am curious, was it only bought on after a breakup? If I understand corretcly, YOU LOVE SEX and don;t want a long term relationship. I respect your right fot the way you live your life. good for you. what made you decide to have one nighters? homones I understand. just interested in how you think.. even though you clearly would not care (the rats a$$ bit)
Author zack121 Posted June 22, 2005 Author Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Most were relationships that ended badly because I had sh*tty taste in men. Bad mistakes, mainly. Hidsight is always 20/20, isn't it? We can't all have clear, level headed judgement - especially when we are young - and sometimes (too often) lust is mistaken for love. Some of them were one night stands because I had bad committment phobia and was unable to stand being in relationships for a long time because of past issues with trust due to being raped. That's MY story though, and obviously should not be applied to anyone other than me. I am responsibile for the choices and mistakes I made, but there are always reasons that we do the things we do, even if we make that choice from an emotionally cripple place. thanks for being honest, now I understand it, and can see more clearly what you mean. Yeah my ex was/did what she did out of revenge after being dumped and wanted to get back at her ex, and thought that was the way to go about, ie.. sleep with his friends etc etc you must be a very strong person. I admire you. I did concider this option, but to be honest its just not me I hope I don;t end up bitter, I feel 50/50 borderline some days.
ConfusedInOC Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by UCFKevin And what about the guy? I'm guessing you wouldn't think the guy has any self esteem problems. You'd just give him a high five? No Kevin, that's not even remotely what I think. Guys are wired differently than girls and I don't excuse any behavior that I deem immoral. Then again, these are my opinions and if you disagree with them, I'd love to hear your theories. I don't mind if you disagree with me, but if you are going to do it, at least voice WHY you disagree and not just lob an insult with nothing to back it up with. Zack, I'm with you. If something's that easy to get, it's not worth having IMHO. If women like hard to get men, why would they assume giving sex up on the first date is attractive? Perhaps, Zack, a one night stand was all they sought in the first place? A relationship predicated on sex will more than likely fail. Not always, as there are occasional exceptions, but for the most part. As for my opinion they suffer from self-esteem issues, I stick to it. "If I have sex with him, he'll like me." "If I don't have sex with him, he might not like me." If those questions ever ran through your head before you had sex on a first date, that's a self-esteem issue. And since it's my opinion, I'm not going to excuse it nor do I take offense if you insult it (or me). I don't care if you disagree with me, that's the great thing about a forum. It's all opinions. But if you're going to disagree, at least state your opinion to the contrary. Lobbing an insult with nothing to back it up is tantamount to playground behavior.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by zack121 Have you felt this way all your life? I am curious, was it only bought on after a breakup? If I understand corretcly, YOU LOVE SEX and don;t want a long term relationship. I respect your right fot the way you live your life. good for you. what made you decide to have one nighters? homones I understand. just interested in how you think.. even though you clearly would not care (the rats a$$ bit) No I haven't. I had a long term relationship age 16-22 where we waited 6 months before sex. I am only 5 months out of my affection/emotion/sex-deprived marriage which is why I am not ready for a long-term relationship. I'm a big girl at almost 40 yrs old and I can sleep with whoever I want without worrying about whether or not he's into me. I'm not looking for the man of my dreams. Maybe I'll take it slow if I feel like I should be taking it slow. It all depends on the circumstances and my mood (and hormones).
Linlin Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 I'm a big girl at almost 40 yrs old and I can sleep with whoever I want without worrying about whether or not he's into me. I'm not looking for the man of my dreams. Maybe I'll take it slow if I feel like I should be taking it slow. It all depends on the circumstances and my mood (and hormones). You have that right!!!!! I have had one night stands because I felt like having sex. I've dated some guys that I have had no sex with. I have turned down dates because I was not interested. I have a couple of FWB. It all depends on my circumstances and mood is right. Perhaps it has something to do with age and situation now. I have my kids, own my own home and car, etc. I am not looking for another husband or father for my kids. My extra-curriculars have to do with my needs.
Author zack121 Posted June 22, 2005 Author Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 No I haven't. I had a long term relationship age 16-22 where we waited 6 months before sex. I am only 5 months out of my affection/emotion/sex-deprived marriage which is why I am not ready for a long-term relationship. I'm a big girl at almost 40 yrs old and I can sleep with whoever I want without worrying about whether or not he's into me. I'm not looking for the man of my dreams. Maybe I'll take it slow if I feel like I should be taking it slow. It all depends on the circumstances and my mood (and hormones). so 16 to 22 was your longest relationship and you are 40 now, how long were you married if I may ask Please forgive me, but is not that your underlying motivation then, to res erect what you have missed out on within this ex marriage. From the way I read it, or perhaps I am miss interpreting it (If there was a Miss Interpret Pagenet I'd win). But seems to me your hurting, and desperately trying to get the things you missed out on,and because you did not get affection/emotion/sex, perhaps, these one nighters will re-enforce that, it may even make you think thats all you worth, but I admire your honesty and openness Yes agreed that @ 40 you can do whatever you please. My thoughts are if you think this does, go for it!!.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by zack121 so 16 to 22 was your longest relationship and you are 40 now, how long were you married if I may ask Please forgive me, but is not that your underlying motivation then, to res erect what you have missed out on within this ex marriage. From the way I read it, or perhaps I am miss interpreting it (If there was a Miss Interpret Pagenet I'd win). But seems to me your hurting, and desperately trying to get the things you missed out on,and because you did not get affection/emotion/sex, perhaps, these one nighters will re-enforce that, it may even make you think thats all you worth, but I admire your honesty and openness Yes agreed that @ 40 you can do whatever you please. My thoughts are if you think this does, go for it!!. I was married for 13 years, and with him for 16. You are right. I am hurting and getting (not desperately trying) the things I missed out on. I know the satisfaction doesn't last, but it also has nothing to do with my self worth. A night out on the town, with our without sex, sometimes beats a night at home watching the idiot box. Like Linlin, I have my kids with me alot, own my own home, vehicle, great career, great friends....I'm happy and not looking for a daddy for my kids.
Linlin Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 I was married for 10 and with him for 6. I am not hurting. I choose my behaviour and consequences all the time. Yes some of my choices have been clouded by alcohol but I still chose them and knew what I was doing. I have no regrets. Call it sowing some wild oats. Getting near 40 and the hormones reving. Whatever. The guys that I have slept with and still want to talk to and the guys that were ONS I don't. I make that choice. If it sounds cold. It is just the basic facts.
SexKitten Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by zack121 ANother possibly silly post... I have always thought that if a women would sleep with me on the first date, then she would sleep with someone else too just as quickly. and what about you? women don't sleep with themselves, you know. i can't stand guys who say things like this. "this girl slept with me on the first date. what a slut." well what the hell are you then?
Author zack121 Posted June 22, 2005 Author Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 I was married for 13 years, and with him for 16. You are right. I am hurting and getting (not desperately trying) the things I missed out on. I know the satisfaction doesn't last, but it also has nothing to do with my self worth. A night out on the town, with our without sex, sometimes beats a night at home watching the idiot box. Like Linlin, I have my kids with me alot, own my own home, vehicle, great career, great friends....I'm happy and not looking for a daddy for my kids. again I agree with you, Self worth is important, and If you feel comfortable then why not, your right sometimes getting out on the town is better than staying home, I go away once a week with a buddy and go to pubs a drink and have fun, I am not sure how I would feel if I was put in a position of a one night stand though.. again people are different and I try not to judge anybody on the values I just like hearing about people so I am better informed. It seems from the people I have spoken to, and I only mention this now to you as I am interested, when did you first realize that you were emotionally detacced from your ex H, what were your circumstances or what led you to feeling this way? Also while I'm probing, did you tell him this? Again I am just saying what I feel (which is often wrong), but I tend to think women detach allot eaiser than men, and it also would appear to me (or rather been my limited experince) that women seem to expect a male to know what they are thinking.. i failed on this with my ex. She told me that she cryed at night, I had never been told this, and felt so bad, by this stage she was emotionally detached or very very close to it, I felt that it was all my fault, and that she then went on to tell me that she should not have to tell me, and I reflected on this, perhaps she was right, perhaps I should have known, I struggled with it a while, and I guess I feel that - I'll use an analogy here. its no good if a friend has a flat tired and wants me to change it, unless he tells me he has a flat tire? I think the major problem with males and females is communication but I digress and have gone off tangent. I hope things work out for you, you sould like you have many things going for you, job, friends, kids, etc
ConfusedInOC Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by SexKitten and what about you? women don't sleep with themselves, you know. i can't stand guys who say things like this. "this girl slept with me on the first date. what a slut." well what the hell are you then? Men are no different in that regards, SK. Men are every bit as guilty as women are. Promiscuity is not easy to stave off, but the reward for waiting is well worth it.
SexKitten Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Men are no different in that regards, SK. Men are every bit as guilty as women are. Promiscuity is not easy to stave off, but the reward for waiting is well worth it. promiscuity should be easy to stave off. no one neeeeeeds to sleep with many people too soon. if they do though, that's their choice. but the issue is more with the person who sleeps with someone and then is deemed "promiscuous" by the person they were with.
ConfusedInOC Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by SexKitten promiscuity should be easy to stave off. no one neeeeeeds to sleep with many people too soon. if they do though, that's their choice. Here's the issue I have. If you find yourself sleeping with many people on the first date, that's a behavioral problem. That's an indication that something is not right (you either lack self-esteem or self-resepect or you have a problem with being accepted by others or feel sex is the only way to get someone to like you.) Just my opinion, though. but the issue is more with the person who sleeps with someone and then is deemed "promiscuous" by the person they were with. Well they couldn't deem them promiscuous without incriminating themselves as well. Personally, I would much rather wait. A confident woman who knows she can have any man she wants will know that she can have him when she feels like it and therefore does not need to cave into any pressure. If she feels pressured, she is confident she can walk away and will be losing nothing in the process. She is of value and therefore will not waste her time with a man who does not value her.
Hmmm... Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 I've never had a one night stand in my life and have only had 3 partners in my 30 years. Recently, i slept with a date on the first night and we are still seeing each other after 1 month. Does it mean I have self esteem issue? No. Why this guy and not the others I've dated? 1) the chemistry was great with this guy I'm seeing; 2) there was just something about him that made me trust him right off the bat and 3) he was HOT! Does it mean I give it away to every guy I've dated? No. In fact, this never happened before. Will it happen again? Maybe, but really highly unlikely. Don't assume and don't judge. Maybe if she sleeps with you on the first night, she sees something in you that she's never seen with anyone before. Or she's just horny. And what's wrong with that?
Author zack121 Posted June 22, 2005 Author Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by SexKitten and what about you? women don't sleep with themselves, you know. i can't stand guys who say things like this. "this girl slept with me on the first date. what a slut." well what the hell are you then? Sexkitten 4 f(((K sake read my intital post and then get back to me, I accept your apology in advance. edit: perhaps I did not make myslef clear, I never slept with her first night, or second night can;t actaully remember when it occurred perhaps you are assuming that I slept with her the first night and then on the second night I said etc etc... perhaps thats my fault for not being clearer
Author zack121 Posted June 22, 2005 Author Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by Linlin I was married for 10 and with him for 6. I am not hurting. I choose my behaviour and consequences all the time. Yes some of my choices have been clouded by alcohol but I still chose them and knew what I was doing. I have no regrets. Call it sowing some wild oats. Getting near 40 and the hormones reving. Whatever. The guys that I have slept with and still want to talk to and the guys that were ONS I don't. I make that choice. If it sounds cold. It is just the basic facts. MWC - I am a fellow Canuck. Where are you from. PM me if you want. sorry maths is/was not my forte you were married for 10 and with him for 6? does that mean for 4 years you were separated. Fair enough on your choices. You should like your using bravado, and a little cynical, Sowing wild oats? why do you feel like that did you did not get enough sex during your teens, 20's, 30's. Will sowing your wild oats make you feel what? more complete, more attractive, more loved? I'd like to hear your thoughts on this as its something I have heard before and don;t understand. Does having ONS make women feel wanted/needed? or as I am beginning to see , women perhaps in some way are using the guys to for fill a desire. I had a women come up to me in a club, she was 40ish and asked if I wanted to F((k her, there was nothing more unattractive than this, I could have said something evil and cruel, I choose to say, I loved to, but I'l have to wait until I'm 40 (it was nicer than this - it happened a few months ago) but I did not want to hurt her feelings, but the fact she said that to me, showed me thats not what I want to hear.
SexKitten Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by zack121 Sexkitten 4 f(((K sake read my intital post and then get back to me, I accept your apology in advance. edit: perhaps I did not make myslef clear, I never slept with her first night, or second night can;t actaully remember when it occurred perhaps you are assuming that I slept with her the first night and then on the second night I said etc etc... perhaps thats my fault for not being clearer chill out dude. i wasn't necessarily referring to you. i didn't say "zack." i was referring to the general situation you put forth. no apologies here. but i graciously accept yours.
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