Geminix004 Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Hello world. So I've read many topics here about everybody's experience with relationships good or bad. My question is what really keeps men and women together ? It's definitely not sex , I've red things like " the sex is great" but he or she then leaves. Then I've also red where a man is taking care of everything and then the women is cheating behind his back. The list goes on... But what is essential for something to work out ?
RecentChange Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Well, there certainly isn't a one size fits all - and even "good" relationships are prone to issues. For us (me and the guy I have been with for 14+ years) here are the essentials that have kept us together: We are best friends. I enjoy spending my time with him more than any other humans and vice versa. We love, care for, and respect each other. Even in the worst of times, I can honestly say we haven't said things that were purposely hurtful. We have similar views when it comes to social issues, religion, finances etc. We have a good sex life - great chemistry - joked that it all started with a hot hot one night stand, that turned into "this". Willing to WORK at keeping the relationship alive - we have had our issues! But always come back to the fact that we want to make this work, and are willing to do what it takes to stick together. 5
Author Geminix004 Posted April 25, 2016 Author Posted April 25, 2016 Well, there certainly isn't a one size fits all - and even "good" relationships are prone to issues. For us (me and the guy I have been with for 14+ years) here are the essentials that have kept us together: We are best friends. I enjoy spending my time with him more than any other humans and vice versa. We love, care for, and respect each other. Even in the worst of times, I can honestly say we haven't said things that were purposely hurtful. We have similar views when it comes to social issues, religion, finances etc. We have a good sex life - great chemistry - joked that it all started with a hot hot one night stand, that turned into "this". Willing to WORK at keeping the relationship alive - we have had our issues! But always come back to the fact that we want to make this work, and are willing to do what it takes to stick together. Maybe it's a sad thing to say but I feel like nobody is worth trusting. I feel like the only women I could love and trust is ones mother. In the end everybody just watches after their own personal interest
ALL OR NOTHING Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 Hello world. So I've read many topics here about everybody's experience with relationships good or bad. My question is what really keeps men and women together ? It's definitely not sex , I've red things like " the sex is great" but he or she then leaves. Then I've also red where a man is taking care of everything and then the women is cheating behind his back. The list goes on... But what is essential for something to work out ? The will to make it work. The problem is that we let life's day to day problems create bad patterns that create moods within the relationship and we forget why we loved each other and if this behavior continues to the point where all we can remember is these day to day behaviors , we then simply give up , when in reality both people are just too stupid to see it.
seamos Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 Geminix004, protecting yourself by believing everyone is untrustworthy and protecting your personal interests can also severely limit what you get back from a relationship. I've been screwed over a number of times but I still believe that I need to put all my love and trust into a relationship or what's the point of even having one? Just be aware and if things aren't right you will figure it out. I think RecentChange had very good points, esp. being w/ someone who is also your best friend makes things so much better. 2
RedPurpleOrange Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 I think if you truly love someone and they truly love you then you'll never really lose a person in the heart. And just plain old getting along well is super-duper important. Being good friends. The trinity is completed by a good level of sexual attraction.
seamos Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 RedPurpleOrange is right, I might add that just plain getting old worked well for me, I think I'm just too damn old and tired now to fight about the things I used to! Ha ha ha! 1
LostOnes05 Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 In my opinion, it's fairly simple what keeps people together (I'm assuming you mean in a healthy relationship). All you need are two people willing to communicate effectively that trust each other and would rather die than to hurt the other person. We tend to complicate relationships. People get scared when everything is seemingly going right or people get scared if one thing goes wrong. People can be incredibly selfish. There's always a what if...what if there is someone out there better for me (im sure there is with 7 billion people and counting on the planet). What if my ex finds someone better after all I did for her/him...what if they chew their food like this for the rest of our lives together...the what ifs are endless, sometimes logical, sometimes irrational. But leave any one of those essential elements out and a relationship crumbles.
Otter2569 Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 Being best friends is very important but I also think you need some common interest, mutual respect, a shared goal of being the best couple (ie you are committed and in it for the long haul) and lots of passion (great sex). I was married to my best friend for many years but we never had a passionate and exciting sex life AND we / she put the kids ahead of our relationship. That ultimately did us in.
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