mikbroken Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Guys, Hoping for your advice. Im really broke, sad, angry, in denial, depressed. I have a girlfriend for 2 1/2 years. Ive been good to her and she cant give me a good reason aside from misunderstanding. She asked for space and i go into No contact rule, its almost 40 days but no response. I feel like i got burn by her passive aggressive behaviour so she can stay safe (being a dumper). No clarity at all on what's happening. I want to reach out but im thinking on at least giving myself a dignity not to contact her as she is the one who requested space. Much appreciated your advice. 1
PegNosePete Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Sorry to say, it seems she has taken that space and run away with it. Looks like your relationship is well and truly over. If I were you I'd be unravelling whatever connections still remain: shared possessions etc. The relationship is dead, so you need to cut the cord. 2
d0nnivain Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 A request for space is usually the 1st step in a break up. It's requested by somebody who doesn't have the backbone to come right out & break up. Since you backed off but she hasn't contacted you, there is your answer: you are broken up. You misapplied the NC rule. You were trying to use it to punish her or lure her back. It doesn't work that way. It's a tool so you can heal. Your relationship ended 40 days ago. It's time to accept that & move on. 2
Author mikbroken Posted April 25, 2016 Author Posted April 25, 2016 Sorry to say, it seems she has taken that space and run away with it. Looks like your relationship is well and truly over. If I were you I'd be unravelling whatever connections still remain: shared possessions etc. The relationship is dead, so you need to cut the cord. thanks, , should i talk to her at least?
d0nnivain Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 should i talk to her at least? About what? You aren't going to get her to tell you why. She probably can't put that in words. You may find out there is somebody new or that she at least wants there to be. Will knowing that help? I wouldn't talk to her if I were you. She has nothing to say to you or she would have contacted you by now. 2
Satu Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 'Space' means breakup. Maintain NC, but for the right reason: to heal Take care. 1
Author mikbroken Posted April 25, 2016 Author Posted April 25, 2016 i just feel like im one to be blame . She put herself on safe place and we have lots of mutual and family friends...im really upset About what? You aren't going to get her to tell you why. She probably can't put that in words. You may find out there is somebody new or that she at least wants there to be. Will knowing that help? I wouldn't talk to her if I were you. She has nothing to say to you or she would have contacted you by now.
PegNosePete Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 It doesn't matter who's to blame. That won't change anything. What's done is done. Being the one to blame won't bring her back, will it? 1
ExpatInItaly Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 What do you feel you want to talk to her about, exactly? It seems she's already done, unfortunately.
sowhynot Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 Please, please, please, don't contact her now. It won't change a thing except make you feel a lot, lot worse. And a lot worse than that if you end up begging and pleading for her to come back. This forum is littered with the burnt out wrecks of those poor souls who have gone down that path. Try to come to terms that this one is over, learn from whatever mistakes you may have made and move on. 1
Author mikbroken Posted April 27, 2016 Author Posted April 27, 2016 thank you very much for the help guys. Yes i will not contact here and just move on. For now im on the loop on stages of being a dumpee...she's beautiful but with attitude. I got a very low self esteem now that it will be hard to replace her. I got no friends and even i just work at home as a programmer. Hoping i can pass on this. Thanks again
sowhynot Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 So now's a good time to work on yourself. Jogging, the gym, there's all sorts you can do to make yourself feel and look better. Plus pounding those streets not only takes your mind of things but gives you a sense of achievement - I felt really good the first time I managed to break the ten mile mark (ok, it's not that far but I'm old...). Not getting out much ? - how about joining a club that ties in with the exercise routine. I always wanted to take up kayaking so took the plunge a few years ago. Kept fit and got me out of the house and met new people. Worst thing you can do is sit at home alone feeling sorry for yourself. hell, I've done it enough times but no more now I know what to do ! Take a deep breath, let go and you'll be fine, trust me.
Trinity_84 Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 Wanting space, IME, is wanting to date other people basically. Sorry.
sowhynot Posted April 27, 2016 Posted April 27, 2016 My ex. 'wanted space' to write a book.... A fairy story !!!
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