AMJ Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 MY CURRENT ISSUE is the here and now and her 'unimpressed' vibe. I get that she's impressed by me and that's why she's with me, but it still kills my ego that other things I wish would impress her do not. Doesn't everyone like to be told/shown, at least every now and then, that they've wow'ed their partner is some way or another? I get what you mean. What you're really saying is, she sounds difficult to please. And it seems like she doesn't get excited by anything, and possibly thinks she is superior to others? Or her experiences are superior to others' experiences? I'd have a difficult time dating a person like that too. Do you ever try to talk to her about that? For example "I'm wondering why you didn't mention that you also love tennis?" Or if she isn't excited about going to the place you mentioned taking her to, ask her where she would rather go instead? Another possibility is she may be taking antidepressants. They tend to make people very numb, which comes off how you describe her. But I also agree she is impressed by you or she wouldn't be with you. And don't discredit that there are things and experiences you can teach/give her, she may not realize the value of your knowledge and perspective until after she experiences it. I believe we can all learn from each other, regardless of who's more travelled or educated or whatever.
Author B12365 Posted May 5, 2016 Author Posted May 5, 2016 Zippy, those are awesome places! I'd like to go at some point. I guess I feel like I need to impress her in order to feel validated in some way. I feel that if I can't "wow" her then we're just too different to be dating. As far as the "how"...It could be anything: something I've done, something I could do for her now, somewhere I could take her be it a bar/lounge or other local event. (Not enough money to travel just yet, but later this year I'll be at that point) AMJ, You nailed it. She seems difficult to please and I'm wondering if there's an underlying superiority complex (if that's the right term) I've asked about the tennis thing and she said she didn't feel like socializing with her. As far as the other question, she's indecisive. She tends to punt it back to me. As far as antidepressants, I'm not aware of her taking these. I stay over at her place fairly often and she doesn't seem overly concerned with me being too close to any particular drawers or cabinets if you know what I mean. I know where her medicine cabinet is(yes I peeked while she was in the shower haha, you can never be too sure) and didn't see anything alarming. You're right though, she seems all about me and I feel like all I've done is just been myself. I've bragged about things that are probably small potatoes to her. Obviously, she didn't seem terribly impressed, but she seems to always want to be around me.
joseb Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 Stop trying to brag about things, and trying to impress her. It's actually a very unattractive characteristic. Think about if you ate happy together and go from there She us nit there to validate your ego
mortensorchid Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 I KNEW this to be the case! I have had terrible luck with men in my lifetime, and I KNEW this to be true! I hate to boast, but I have had an exciting life and I keep very busy with things because I don't want to sit around and do nothing. There are times that you feel like doing nothing, but I want to get out and explore life and have a good time. I have traveled and achieved and made dreams happen for me. And a lot do not, and they are jealous of what I have done with myself. Don't be this guy to this woman. If you want to be with her, be with her. What you have to offer her is more than any of those things can ever be to her if you are that person. Decide that you are that last piece of the puzzle and be it.
mikeylo Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 Or on the opposite side , she could be humble enough to not brag about herself , but doesn't realize that it comes out as different. Just like shy girls can be mistaken as not interested. Bd yourself. That's the best you can offer. Trying to impress can be sometimes beginning of a downfall because that's not the real you. That's one of the reasons relationships fail. As people's perception of you changes. I guess , her being with you should be the validation you need !
OnlyHonesty Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 It does not make any sense to compare your life to anyone elses. All that matters is that you are content and happy with your own.
Author B12365 Posted May 6, 2016 Author Posted May 6, 2016 Mortensorchid, Mikeylo, AMJ, THINGS GOT INTERESTING LAST NIGHT. First let me respond to what you've said: I guess I wouldn't have been jealous if I knew she had done it all on her own. Instead, she's done/she does all of these things with her parent's money. She doesn't spend a dime of her own because she doesn't make anything. Now, for last night. We went to this invite only event at this high-end store. Her father was invited because he visits this store every time he's in town and has purchased a couple of items from here. At the event, she didn't act any different. Fairly unimpressed as usual. After the event is where things got interesting. We went to a slightly upscale bar. She was already a few glasses of wine deep at the event. At the bar, she had a couple more glasses and this is where she started to get a little more...."braggy". She started talking a bit more about what she has and what her parents have done. It wasn't much, but you could hear a bit of "I know what I've got and I know it's more than most" in her voice. Not in good way, but in an arrogant way. Now, this has happened before when we were at her friend's place. However, at her friend's place it was worse and she was clearly bragging. I didn't mention it earlier because I wanted to make sure it wasn't a one-off thing. Later that night, we're talking about our careers. She started talking about how she's not where she wants to be and that she wishes she made more. She was talking about how she's had to go into her savings and her tax refund to pay her credit card bill. To that I said, why don't you start saving more and going out less; develop a budget. Start working on your resume and look for a better job. She then said that she can't budget because she doesn't make enough money and that she doesn't want to cut down on going out. I suggested she move to a cheaper apartment and consider roommates. She said she didn't want to move and that her parents feel comfortable with her living where she is. I think you're all starting to get the picture. She started getting upset with me for suggesting ways to become more independent. She said she didn't want to talk about it anymore so I left it alone. Overnight, her friend sent her an email about her wedding at some exotic location. She was telling me about it and said she would have to save for it. So this is where I looked at her sideways and was thinking to myself, "how are you going to save for this trip when you can't even afford anything you're doing now with your own money?" I'll cut it here since this is a long post. Sorry and thanks!
Cherryz Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 Get over yourself!!!!!!!!!!! And stop compare yourself with people. No ones life gos the same. So you always will have things to share. Show her how you make fun. That can be something new for her and she can see that money and big trips is not all it. And instead of waste time on being jealous of people, work hard save money and go make a trip yourself. There is only a small group of people that ddnt have to work to get the money they have. And those people missing out alot of reality and live experiences. You need to start being yourself. And show her you how you are and what you enjoy. And if she cant accept you then break up with her. Learn and grow with each other. PLan trips together and plan activity's you enjoy with her so both of you can enjoy each-others stuff.
Cherryz Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 You will alwys find people that done somethings more then you. If you gonna waste time on jealousy and stuff like that you will have no life.
Gaeta Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 Mortensorchid, Mikeylo, AMJ, THINGS GOT INTERESTING LAST NIGHT. First let me respond to what you've said: I guess I wouldn't have been jealous if I knew she had done it all on her own. Instead, she's done/she does all of these things with her parent's money. She doesn't spend a dime of her own because she doesn't make anything. Now, for last night. We went to this invite only event at this high-end store. Her father was invited because he visits this store every time he's in town and has purchased a couple of items from here. At the event, she didn't act any different. Fairly unimpressed as usual. After the event is where things got interesting. We went to a slightly upscale bar. She was already a few glasses of wine deep at the event. At the bar, she had a couple more glasses and this is where she started to get a little more...."braggy". She started talking a bit more about what she has and what her parents have done. It wasn't much, but you could hear a bit of "I know what I've got and I know it's more than most" in her voice. Not in good way, but in an arrogant way. Now, this has happened before when we were at her friend's place. However, at her friend's place it was worse and she was clearly bragging. I didn't mention it earlier because I wanted to make sure it wasn't a one-off thing. Later that night, we're talking about our careers. She started talking about how she's not where she wants to be and that she wishes she made more. She was talking about how she's had to go into her savings and her tax refund to pay her credit card bill. To that I said, why don't you start saving more and going out less; develop a budget. Start working on your resume and look for a better job. She then said that she can't budget because she doesn't make enough money and that she doesn't want to cut down on going out. I suggested she move to a cheaper apartment and consider roommates. She said she didn't want to move and that her parents feel comfortable with her living where she is. I think you're all starting to get the picture. She started getting upset with me for suggesting ways to become more independent. She said she didn't want to talk about it anymore so I left it alone. Overnight, her friend sent her an email about her wedding at some exotic location. She was telling me about it and said she would have to save for it. So this is where I looked at her sideways and was thinking to myself, "how are you going to save for this trip when you can't even afford anything you're doing now with your own money?" I'll cut it here since this is a long post. Sorry and thanks! She sounds like a lovely woman
Toodaloo Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 I guess I wouldn't have been jealous if I knew she had done it all on her own. Instead, she's done/she does all of these things with her parent's money. She doesn't spend a dime of her own because she doesn't make anything. Bumming off of Mummy and Daddy is not an achievement, it is not to be respected nor admired. We went to a slightly upscale bar. She was already a few glasses of wine deep at the event. At the bar, she had a couple more glasses and this is where she started to get a little more...."braggy". She started talking a bit more about what she has and what her parents have done. It wasn't much, but you could hear a bit of "I know what I've got and I know it's more than most" in her voice. Not in good way, but in an arrogant way. Now, this has happened before when we were at her friend's place. However, at her friend's place it was worse and she was clearly bragging. I didn't mention it earlier because I wanted to make sure it wasn't a one-off thing. Later that night, we're talking about our careers. She started talking about how she's not where she wants to be and that she wishes she made more. She was talking about how she's had to go into her savings and her tax refund to pay her credit card bill. To that I said, why don't you start saving more and going out less; develop a budget. Start working on your resume and look for a better job. She then said that she can't budget because she doesn't make enough money and that she doesn't want to cut down on going out. I suggested she move to a cheaper apartment and consider roommates. She said she didn't want to move and that her parents feel comfortable with her living where she is. I think you're all starting to get the picture. She started getting upset with me for suggesting ways to become more independent. She said she didn't want to talk about it anymore so I left it alone. Overnight, her friend sent her an email about her wedding at some exotic location. She was telling me about it and said she would have to save for it. So this is where I looked at her sideways and was thinking to myself, "how are you going to save for this trip when you can't even afford anything you're doing now with your own money?" And this is why... money may buy you a merc and a holiday but it will never buy class or dignity. Her behaviour reeks of "new money"... Perhaps you should have just asked the question but I think you know she will tap Mummy and Daddy for the cash anyway. Sounds to me that if you take the credit card away there is not much left with this one...
Author B12365 Posted May 6, 2016 Author Posted May 6, 2016 Toodaloo, Yeah, I agree. I mean I know people need help every now and then and this is not an easy economy, but when someone else is completely funding your lifestyle, it just comes off as a bit fraudulent. It's like setting the MLB homerun record while being jacked up on steroids: yeah, you continued to hit the gym and you were the one swinging that bat, but you definitely had a little(read: a lot) of help. I mean she's a nice girl. She's caring and honest (although she's slow to give you the full details of things which can drive me nuts at times. This might require another thread.)....I mean I don't know, I don't know what to do about this one. Perhaps I'm being impatient and trying to figure her out too quickly...I mean it's really only been 2 months.
AMJ Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 (edited) So she's an arrogant, spoiled snob. She has no concept of what it takes to earn a living and support herself. This makes more sense then...because people who have really big experiences but have worked hard to achieve those things on their own don't usually act the way she does- superior to others. What do you like about her? So far all we know are the bad qualities, and they are starting to stack up. It's kind of a moot point now...but I don't think it's bad that you want to wow/impress her. That's how you know you really care about the relationship, when you want to give the other person an amazing experience. I believe though, that with the right person, even the smallest things can be mind blowing. I'll never forget the time my ex drags me into his back patio to show me his new tomato plant. He was so excited that he was growing his own tomatoes. We got down on the ground and smelled it- homegrown tomatoes smell incredible- and he told me this story about how his aunt always grew tomatoes at her house when he was kid....and anyway, because I was completely in love with him, little small moments like that were amazing for me. Anything that excited him, excited me. So if you're with someone who is literally never excited about anything because she doesn't appreciate anything, that is tough. Or if she's only impressed by designer handbags and vacations to exotic places, its going to be a lot of work to make her happy. At the same time, there's a difference between wanting to blow her mind- which comes from a good place, and wanting to impress her- which comes from insecurity. Edited May 6, 2016 by AMJ
Emilia Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 I think she is still looking to work out who she is. You are both young, most people have no clue in their 20s who they are and a large number of people are idiots in their 20s too - I'm speaking from experience I had to get independent and learn budgeting in my early 30s because I went from money to no money with mortgages and responsibilities, it was a steep learning curve and I probably wasn't the easiest person to be around! Then I learned that really, being materialistic is a loser's game, but it took until my 30s to figure that out. Mind you, it was that time when I travelled the most and lived in places like Africa where all Western trappings seemed absolutely ridiculous. So my point is, she might grow up. Clearly she is a bit entitled but she is also looking to work out who she is and what she wants. You will need to decide whether you want to stick around or find someone less conflicted for a smoother journey.
Author B12365 Posted May 6, 2016 Author Posted May 6, 2016 You're right. I chose the wrong words. I want to blow her mind. I want to do things for her that put a huge smile on her face. Things that she'll think about while she's at work eating lunch. I like that she's nice, caring, funny and I do like that she likes to explore and try new things. Like I said before, she's honest, although you have to sometimes drag details out of her. Why did you guys split?
mikeylo Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 Dude, in one post you make her sound like an angel from heaven and in the next as a villain ! Is it you or her or me , I can't understand who the problem is what the issue is. She is who she is. Take it or leave it. Duh! No wonder she behaves different with you because you flip yourself. So she doesn't know the real you. Well, now I'm confused as well
AMJ Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 Lol....he probably mostly likes her because she's really hot, but he doesn't want to admit that.
Author B12365 Posted May 9, 2016 Author Posted May 9, 2016 (edited) Haha, now you see what was in my head. Some days I felt like, "wow she's great" other times I couldn't tell if she was low-key arrogant. She's beautiful to me, but by today's standards she would be considered average. I don't think I'd fair much better haha After spending this entire weekend together, I realized it's not her past that bothers me at all. It's the fact that she's low key with her emotions and reactions. I tied the two together. I think someone mentioned it earlier. Her mild reactions to things comes across as subtle arrogance and indifference. For instance, if you took her to a place or did something different with her, you'd never know if it was her first time there or if she's been there or done that ten times. All in all, I don't see the above as a reason to throw things away. I'll see how it develops. Edited May 9, 2016 by B12365
mikeylo Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 Oh boy ! You are analyzing her to T ! Really? Everyone has their own quirks. It seems like you are not enjoying her or the relationship but spending every second watching and scrutinizing her, lol ! I hope I'm wrong but it seems like you are trying to find a reason to bring her down somehow and are unable to. If she is a nice girl , she is nice. Nothing more or less. Probably you've never been with a nice girl , lol so finding it hard that they exist and how you got who's in love with you ! You are gonna ruin things. Get over the silly analyzing her every breath ! You are gonna make her life hell.
kztar Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 Hey man, I live in NYC and I've experienced ALOT as well but believe me there is definitely a lot of things to do out here in NYC that she has not done. As privileged as she is there's so much more to do and you can offer her new experiences. On the other hand also look at it like what she can teach and bring to the table for you.
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