B12365 Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Like my title says, I'm completely jealous of my gf's past, but not the past that you're probably thinking of. I'm jealous of her past in that I feel like she's experienced way more in life than I have. To keep it short, we've only been dating a couple of months, but I really really like her and have very high hopes for her. I've dated around and I've also been in a long-term(almost 6 years) relationship so I feel like I know what I want at this point. Anyway, back to her. She's lived a privileged life. She's travelled the world and has done amazing things in most countries. She also travelled most of the United States and has done just about every fun thing there is to do in our city(NYC). Meanwhile, I've never even been out of the country and I've mainly only been up and down the east coast. I feel like I can't offer her anything new. I feel like everything I've done, she's done it bigger and better. She maintains that she really likes me and that there's still plenty she hasn't done and wants to do those things with me. Her and I really get along well and seem to click on all levels, but I just can't get past my jealousy/feeling of inferiority. Also, we're both in our later 20's. Thanks in advance for your feedback! 2
smackie9 Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Why is it up to you to offer something new?? Why can't she offer YOU new experiences??? I say take advantage and I'm sure she will take joy in showing you places she has been, etc. BTW kick her off that pedestal you put her on...she doesn't belong there. 7
Author B12365 Posted April 25, 2016 Author Posted April 25, 2016 Thanks for the quick feedback and advice! Honestly, I think part of me feeling like I need to show her new things is the result of having a silly male ego. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Assuming you have the funds, plan your 1st international trip. Ask her to come with so you will have shared memories. 1
PegNosePete Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 She maintains that she really likes me and that there's still plenty she hasn't done and wants to do those things with me. Why are you focussing on the negative, when she's being so positive? I'm with her here. There is plenty she hasn't done and she wants to do it all with you. Bring it on!! 4
Satu Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 (edited) comment deleted Edited April 25, 2016 by Satu
Author B12365 Posted April 28, 2016 Author Posted April 28, 2016 Thanks guys! And it's strange because I know there are people out there who've done more than she has, but for some reason it annoys me with her. It just makes me anxious and makes me feel like I missed out. Like I'll never have memories that compare to the ones she has.
brothers343 Posted April 28, 2016 Posted April 28, 2016 I wouldn't take this as a negative. You have the chance to learn new things. You can always learn new things. You just got to learn them with her. Go and enjoy life, do things more than once becouse you only have one life. Good luck.
spriggan2 Posted April 28, 2016 Posted April 28, 2016 Act unimpressed, but not jaded. She's not better than you because she's done more, dont think of her as such. Act personally curious but not extremely fascinated. Take an opportunity to learn from her experiences but don't always defer to her as the social/travel expert. Act happy for her but not UNhappy for yourself. True she's had fun, but you are lucky to be with someone who can enrich your life with their variety of experiences, and if you get really attatched then it's almost like you're sharing in their world. Their experiences become yours too. Expressing insecurity over this will only damage what could be a great thing. She's chosen to be with you knowing your past isn't as externally glamorous as hers, which means she doesn't care too much about that. You shouldnt either.
Gaeta Posted April 28, 2016 Posted April 28, 2016 Thanks guys! And it's strange because I know there are people out there who've done more than she has, but for some reason it annoys me with her. It just makes me anxious and makes me feel like I missed out. Like I'll never have memories that compare to the ones she has. You are just in your 20s, you have not missed out on anything. You have your whole life ahead of you to travel and experience life. Be proud she is your girlfriend and learn from her. One day you will travel together. She doesn't care you didn't travel. She just wants you to listen to her stories. I have never traveled and my boyfriend has been all over Europe, Russia, US, south America. He is full of stories and he knows so much about many societies! I am happy I get to learn this through him and one day maybe we'll learn something new together. 1
Author B12365 Posted April 30, 2016 Author Posted April 30, 2016 Thanks all for the responses! It's been a few more days and there are a few things I'm starting to notice. 1) She seems jaded at times when it comes to nice things and big trips. For instance, I might jokingly mention taking her on a trip to somewhere new for both of us and I barley get a smile from her. I feel like most people would perk up at the thought of that or at least kind of play to it. 2) She doesn't mention things in conversation. Here's an example of what I mean: the other day me and her met up with a friend of mine. My friend was telling us about how she has close family friends in a particular state. This is the same state the girl I'm seeing is from, but did she mention that in the conversation? No. I found that kind of weird. Usually a person would jump in and say, "oh cool that's where I'm from too." You know, just to make conversation if nothing else. Another example of the above: later that same day, we met up with some of my other friends. She was talking with one of them (we were all standing around in a small circle) and the girl she was talking to mentioned that she plays tennis. Well guess what, the girl I'm seeing is HUGE into tennis. However, she didn't even bat an eye or mention it to the other girl. I just found it to be strange.
d0nnivain Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 What you describe makes her a lousy conversationalist. I don't think it's a function of her well traveled past. Why did you put those two concepts together? 1
mikeylo Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 Thanks all for the responses! It's been a few more days and there are a few things I'm starting to notice. 1) She seems jaded at times when it comes to nice things and big trips. For instance, I might jokingly mention taking her on a trip to somewhere new for both of us and I barley get a smile from her. I feel like most people would perk up at the thought of that or at least kind of play to it. 2) She doesn't mention things in conversation. Here's an example of what I mean: the other day me and her met up with a friend of mine. My friend was telling us about how she has close family friends in a particular state. This is the same state the girl I'm seeing is from, but did she mention that in the conversation? No. I found that kind of weird. Usually a person would jump in and say, "oh cool that's where I'm from too." You know, just to make conversation if nothing else. Another example of the above: later that same day, we met up with some of my other friends. She was talking with one of them (we were all standing around in a small circle) and the girl she was talking to mentioned that she plays tennis. Well guess what, the girl I'm seeing is HUGE into tennis. However, she didn't even bat an eye or mention it to the other girl. I just found it to be strange. It could be her personality ! Maybe doesn't like to flaunt or takes a while to open up or even though she is well travelled , she doesn't have good experiences? People who travel a lot , at one point in their lives either want to just sit or keep wandering while some find a balance. If she doesn't bat an eye ,so what ? Maybe she has a bad memory of that particular place ?
Author B12365 Posted April 30, 2016 Author Posted April 30, 2016 What you describe makes her a lousy conversationalist. I don't think it's a function of her well traveled past. Why did you put those two concepts together? I think the reason I put the two together is because sometimes I wonder if she doesn't offer up details because she feels "too good" in a way because of her past...I dunno. Honestly I just wish I could get out of my head about all of this and just enjoy her. I guess I've dealt with a lot of not so good ladies that now I don't know how to handle a good one haha It's just hard to get over her having done things I wish I had. It wasn't even a thought in my head until I met her.
Gaeta Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 Does she have the same attitude toward you? When you mention something does she take an interest? Does she share similar experience she may have had? Or she has the same indifference toward what you say?
Author B12365 Posted April 30, 2016 Author Posted April 30, 2016 (edited) She doesn't take the interest that I wish she would take. In general she just seems unimpressed with things in general other than the flowers I got for her. She doesn't always regularly offer up her similar experiences which annoys me. Like she'll have a similar story and not share it unless I ask her directly. It puts me off a bit. Edited April 30, 2016 by B12365
Gaeta Posted April 30, 2016 Posted April 30, 2016 It doesn't sound like you are having a fun time dating this woman. Why do you like her at all other than she's hot? If you feel that annoyed after 2 months imagine after a year. Maybe you have to look at it for what it really is. She is nice, well traveled, good looking but....it doesn't sound like you have any type of connection.
Author B12365 Posted May 5, 2016 Author Posted May 5, 2016 Starting to realize that she's a master at acting unimpressed or is just jaded beyond belief haha
mikeylo Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 Sending you a dose of male ego : she is with you because she is impressed with you. It will be a mission for some other dude to step in Anyways , life teaches all of us to behave / react in different a ways to same situation. If you are happy with her, why make an issue out of something this small. There are better worries , if you really need one , lol !
Protec Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 Actually i had that problem with my "current" one. She has 2 kids, she has travelled, she has been engaged, she has bought her own house etc. She has so much life experience. While i don't. I have never travelled, never been engaged or anything. I live in a rental apartment etc. We come from very different world the both of us. But now we are in a small crisis...but it has nothing to do with this situation.
Zippy2000 Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 Why on Earth are you jealous of someone past who you have no control of? The past is your girlfriends experiences and it makes her who she is today. She doesnt like you for your past experiences even if you havent been that far but you met her for a reason. Why not move forward and go travelling with her. For me? Im not a traveller too. I ve been ill for many years and i cant get far without my medication. Move forward and stop being envious of someone who has done things with their life while you can still do. Do something about it!
Author B12365 Posted May 5, 2016 Author Posted May 5, 2016 Thanks Mikeylo! That definitely makes sense. Protec, I hope you get through your current situation! Zippy2000, I'm sorry to hear about your condition. You really sound like someone who knows how to make the most of life. We could all learn from you. I guess I should clarify my current mindset a bit....I've come to terms with her past. I reminded myself that I didn't worry about travelling as much before I met her so why is it a big deal now? Also, I reminded myself that a lot of the places she's been I've never really desired to go. The place that I want to visit, she's never been to. I'm over the previous stuff. MY CURRENT ISSUE is the here and now and her 'unimpressed' vibe. I get that she's impressed by me and that's why she's with me, but it still kills my ego that other things I wish would impress her do not. Doesn't everyone like to be told/shown, at least every now and then, that they've wow'ed their partner is some way or another?
mikeylo Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 Read the 5 love languages. Since you have started dating recently , she may not know yours and you may not know hers. It takes time to learn each others love language. You may even have to tell her what is yours and she as well to you. Instead of holding grudge against it , it's better to know how we and the other feels loved.
Zippy2000 Posted May 5, 2016 Posted May 5, 2016 Thanks Mikeylo! That definitely makes sense. Protec, I hope you get through your current situation! Zippy2000, I'm sorry to hear about your condition. You really sound like someone who knows how to make the most of life. We could all learn from you. I guess I should clarify my current mindset a bit....I've come to terms with her past. I reminded myself that I didn't worry about travelling as much before I met her so why is it a big deal now? Also, I reminded myself that a lot of the places she's been I've never really desired to go. The place that I want to visit, she's never been to. I'm over the previous stuff. MY CURRENT ISSUE is the here and now and her 'unimpressed' vibe. I get that she's impressed by me and that's why she's with me, but it still kills my ego that other things I wish would impress her do not. Doesn't everyone like to be told/shown, at least every now and then, that they've wow'ed their partner is some way or another? Thank you for your thoughts and your understanding. I have travelled in my younger years to Tenerife, Kos (Greece) China, and Hong Kong but travelling for me isnt really in my genes. I like talking about different places with people and learning from their experiences. My opinion is you dont need to impress her. She is already with you and likes you. If you want to "wow" her. You could start organising a trip somewhere thats never been explored. I dont think you have any issues on your relationship but maybe a lack of confidence compared to your partners outgoing and exploring personnality. The question is how and why do you want to imnpress her?
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