hurtandconfused12345 Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 So to cut a really long story short, I was with my ex 3 years and everything was fine. We did argue and have low points like any relationship but for the most part got along really well. We became really serious with me staying with him almost 5 days out of the week. We spoke about marriage, he would ask how I would want him to propose and we were very much in love. We both got along extremely well with each others families and often spend Christmas and other holidays together (morning with my family evening with his). We are both 21 so I know it was a really heavy relationship. Anyway after abit of a rough patch we went on holiday and really reconnected and come back so much more in love. Things were going great. Then we had abit of an argument as I was frustrated I didn't feel he put in enough effort. Anyway we went on holiday with some friends and had a great time. He wasn't distant or anything but he did realise that he was unhappy with various areas of his life. We had an extremely frank discussion which I said if it was me that was causing his unhappiness I would walk away. He broke down saying I was the only good thing left and he loved me. After that we were fine. two weeks go by we were getting on great laughing and joking, the sex was great. I came to stay one night and we laughed most of the night. Woke up and snuggled as usual before he went to work. Came home told me how beautiful I was and what not but I just felt something was up. I asked that's when he ended it. said he loved me but was unsure of everything. anyway I decided to leave and we said we would meet the next day. Next day he was even more certain and after me clinging on to the fact he said he loved me he said some pretty hurtful things. We went no contact for about 2 weeks (although I still speak with his family) then met up so I could collect my things from his house. His family said he went off the rails and was upset but claimed he wanted this. Anyway fast forward a few weeks and his mum called me upset asking me to try to tlak to him as he was staying out all night getting drunk and what not and his nan had been placed in hospital. I should never of done it but I did needless to say he was pissed. From then I went no contact again and started to rebuild myself. Dropped 20lb, got a tattoo and a job and although miss him like crazy forced myself to stop checking social media (he blocked me on all social media immediately after the breakup). Anyway one day I get a call. I didn't answer it because I felt like I had been punched in the face and iw asnt sure what he would say. His mum said he was rining as he admitted he missed me and was worried about me as I had been going through a lot of health issues. I text casually asking what was up he replied asking how I was which I said I was fine. a few weeks went by and a death of one of his close family friends casued me to text him wishing him well. we ended up talking about my new job, him starting his company, tattoos and some old memories (I brought up) however when I mentioned two new friends he replied rather bluntly who are they? I said friends and he stopped replying.. to say I'm confused is an understatement. not gonna initate any more contact now the ball is in his court. but any advice or insight would be much appreciated.
TaraMaiden2 Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 You're broken up. He's your ex. You really shouldn't maintain any contact at all, or keep any channels open. Read the NC Guide in my signature. If you don't stick to it, I can 100% top-hole guarantee just more confusion and heartbreak for you. He has no right to any further insight of you or your life, nor to exert any influence. You're finished. Free individuals to live your own lives from now on, as you wish. The same goes the other way, too.
PegNosePete Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Not only should you not initiate contact, you should not respond to his breadcrumbs either. Or to his mum or his sister or his second cousin in Outer Mongolia. It is none of their business. He is an adult. If he wants to talk, he knows your number. But he is clearly not interested in reviving your relationship. If he was, he wouldn't be making idle chit-chat. He would be saying I've made a terrible mistake, can we meet up to discuss a revival of our relationship? But he is not doing that. He is wasting your time and emotion and giving you false hope by talking about daily humdrum rubbish. You need to cut him off and begin the process of moving on.
jofor Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 In my opinion there is some big red flags in this relationship. What are some attributes you would want in a life long partner ( husband) ? Does this guy really fulfill those? I obviously don't know him or you but I do believe you deserve more than this. He doesn't seem, to want, to share with you his life. It sounds like he has things going on that he is keeping from you. I know you have shared some wonderful times and I know that makes it hard to put away this relationship. In my opinion that is one of the reasons sex should be saved for marriage. It can create an emotional bond prematurely, before you have a chance to know each other in other more substantive ways. I'm really glad you left the "ball in his court", I hope you can leave it there. It sounds like you are doing great with a new job and health issues.
Ambajohnson Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 This is something similar to me !! I wish someone told me my ex missed me though, I feel like he dosent care or anything. We was going great until one night he said he was confused and didn't know what he wanted next day he said he would message me he never did and then a moth went by nc I messaged him asking how he was And he blocked Me from everything and I done nothing wrong we had the best realishnip but he got so caught up in work
LD1990 Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 Anyway fast forward a few weeks and his mum called me upset asking me to try to tlak to him as he was staying out all night getting drunk and what not and his nan had been placed in hospital. I should never of done it but I did needless to say he was pissed. My God, and I thought my ex's mother was bad (well, she is). That's just pathetic. "My son's a screw up and I don't know what to do, guess I'll call his ex-girlfriend." This is why you need to stop chatting with her, because it just reminds you of him and she ends up thinking that stupid requests like these are OK. Leave the ball in his court and stop responding to him unless he puts on his big boy pants, apologizes and tells you how much he messed up.
Souldier1234 Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 Dear one There's not much more I can say that everyone hasn't said already. As long as you are still working on you and focusing on you, then anything he does is his responsibility and not your portion. There is a huge struggle and confusion in your exes life and I always believe, there is a lesson to be learned through confusion. But it is his lesson to learn. Your lesson might be to learn to let go and keep growing and evolving into the stronger, confident and better you. Perhaps your ex will grow and learn from his experiences & lessons or perhaps he may never. However, he has made it clear what your relationship is and all you can do is honor it. As long as you stay clear about the qualities you like, the more opportunities you will create, to bring forth blessings and relationships that mirror what is within you. Take care Dear one
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