tromsogutt Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Hello peeps well sad state of affairs has brought me here seeking advice from you all. Basically my partner ( mother of my two kids ) has been intimate with a workmate who she was on a business trip with by sharing a hotel room which she invited him too. The claims are that nothing happened just talking holding hands and stroking and she won't admit to anything else. I am very suspicious of that. However our relationship had its troubles too so i accept some of that responsibility by pushing her away etc. Now my question is , this other man has a woman in his life too and I have the urge to inform his woman of the moral and ethical line that was crossed. If i had been in her shoes i would want the other person to inform me of my partners behaviour. Is it morally correct to keep this a secret or is it her right to know what her man did to my woman on a so called business trip? Kind Regards
d0nnivain Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Especially if this other woman doesn't know you understand she will "shoot the messenger". She may not even believe you. You can tell her if you think that is the right thing to do but it won't change anything about what happened to you 1
PegNosePete Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 You should sort out your own affairs before thinking about theirs. I think you are right to be very suspicious. A woman whose marriage is in trouble, goes away for business, invites another man to her room, and claims that only holding hands and "stroking" happened? I would not believe her as far as I can throw her. Unfortunately getting to the truth can be very difficult in these situations. Cheaters will generally lie, lie, lie until they are blue in the face, and then lie some more. Here's what I would do. When you see her at home tonight, tell her this. "I have been speaking to XXX (his wife's name) and she has told me everything that you two got up to in that hotel room. So, let's hear it from the horse's mouth. It was a lot more than hand holding and stroking, wasn't it?" Now of course your bluff won't hold up to much scrutiny. DO NOT give her any chance to verify whether you've really been speaking to the guy's wife or not. DO NOT let her have any time to prepare herself or to use any kind of communication device. DO NOT let her just pop to the loo first because she will certainly text him or call him to check. Make her sit down and confess everything that happened, right here, right now. Also don't believe what she says. When put in a corner like this, cheaters will usually trickle-truth you. That is, they will give you a little bit more, hoping it will satisfy you, and carry on lying about the rest. So don't let her off the hook until you're sure she's told you EVERYTHING. She will probably at first say something like yeah OK you got me, we did have a little kiss but that's all I promise on my life!!! Then you push her again and she will reveal the next little bit, oh maybe a bit of groping but that's all I promise on my life! I'm sure you get the gist of this. Whatever she says, you have to not believe her. There is always more. There's also a chance she will simply deny, deny, deny everything even when faced with irrefutable evidence. You have to be ready for that, too. You know that she is lying here. What would you do if she carries on lying? Good luck. 1
big dog Posted April 28, 2016 Posted April 28, 2016 Time to wake up ! You're being lied to..... period. Stop trying to find a reason to believe her by blaming yourself for stuff.... that's BS. She's guilty as sin my friend ! Stop being stupid...
CarrieT Posted April 28, 2016 Posted April 28, 2016 Yes, tell. Then demand that all involved get tested for STDs. You are being lied to and while she may not believe you, the best thing you can do is expose, expose, expose. 1
Confused9999 Posted April 28, 2016 Posted April 28, 2016 You don't know his family situation and you are not even sure what happened. I think it's extreme to call his spouce at this point! Start with your wife! Make sure she steps back and goes NC as much as possible. Then if you feel she is not telling the truth or not willing to stop talking to him then call him and tell him to back off or there will be consequences such as you telling his wife etc..
Gloria25 Posted April 28, 2016 Posted April 28, 2016 I normally would say don't tell, but if you know for sure that hwr hubby is in the dark, he has to know to protect himself and the kids.
brothers343 Posted April 28, 2016 Posted April 28, 2016 This is what I would do if I was in your situation......first I wouldn't believe anything she tells me. I would put in my mind that they probably had sex. I would call a lawyer and tell him or her what has happened. Tell them to give you advise on how to proceed in getting a divorce....again this is what I would do. I wouldn't even let my wife know what Im planning. When I have all my **** straight, thats when Ill drop the bomb on both of them. I would take no prisoners either. Your marriege will never be the same. Some will tell you here that good can come from all this but that is a very,very low percentage that it will. The hard part is not staying, the hard part is leaving. Good luck. 1
Liam1 Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 Hello peeps well sad state of affairs has brought me here seeking advice from you all. Basically my partner ( mother of my two kids ) has been intimate with a workmate who she was on a business trip with by sharing a hotel room which she invited him too. The claims are that nothing happened just talking holding hands and stroking and she won't admit to anything else. I am very suspicious of that. However our relationship had its troubles too so i accept some of that responsibility by pushing her away etc. Now my question is , this other man has a woman in his life too and I have the urge to inform his woman of the moral and ethical line that was crossed. If i had been in her shoes i would want the other person to inform me of my partners behaviour. Is it morally correct to keep this a secret or is it her right to know what her man did to my woman on a so called busines trip? Kind Regards I agree with Donnivain. You have the right to tell him, if you wish. Still be prepared for him to refuse to believe you and to want to shoot the messenger. I think it is a good idea to shine a light on the affair or the ALMOST affair. It will end it more quickly. Get counseling to address the infidelity. Find an experienced infidelity counselor, not just a regular marriage counselor. Your marriage can be better after an affair, if you both want it to be. It will not be the same as the old marriage, but it can actually be a better marriage.
Tayla Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 An alternative is to set up a brief coffee meeting. With both of them. Ask that they clarify certain information. Then pretty much explain that with such honesty comes consequences. And ask which one is going to share such with the other spouse? if you are met with attitude, then be upfront and say that you have a conscious decision to make on relaying this data. After they squirm, excuse yourself and then make good on the decision. Transparency can be maturely handled. I learned to be a bit more diligent in getting further facts before making a final Action to the matter. It's important to be fair even to the seeming offender, I've had my fair share of eating humble pie .. So keep that in your pocket..
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