chumly Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 I am feeling a bit bad about a particular situation and would like to get other input on it.... I have found others on here extremely helpful with another situation I have posted so I would like to get some thoughts on this one. Anyway, I have an ongoing profile on the dating site called veggieconnection. A little while back I added a young man who had such a nice profile (he is about 6 years younger then myself) to my favorite list. Anyway, he responded back and thanked me. I suggested that perhaps we can communicate as friends. I figured that since there was an age difference and I was older he probably did not have an interest in me romantically anyway so by mentioning this I was hoping it would eliminate any worry of miscommunication. Anyway, he agreed and we had some nice emails back and forth. He was very flattering to me and always complimenting me on my work with animals and my profile. It really was such a boost to my low self esteem to hear all of this. Anyway, earlier in the year I received a message from him saying that he met a lady that he was getting romantically involved with so he was planning on deleting his profile or hiding it. He wanted to explain what was going on to me in case I was wondering what happened to his profile. He did give me his direct email and said he would like to keep in touch and he once again went on about what a terrific human being I was and how special of a person he thought I was. Again, it was so wonderful to hear someone say such kind words about me. I wound up responding back and explained that I was very happy for him that he met someone and I also explained that I realized it can be awkward in the beginning of a new relationship to remain friends with other females since this can often lead to misunderstandings so I told him that I would understand if he felt like it would be best to no longer communicate at this point. However, I told him that I did hope he would still remain in contact with me but wanted to leave the ball in his court (sort of speak) and give him the option out of the friendship in case he felt uncomfortable. I did provide my email address. However, I have not heard from his since that time so I just figured that he must have decided to concentrate on his new relationship and discontinue our friendship but at the same time I have noticed that he still seems to have an active profile on the dating site (he did not delete it as he said he would, although I think I recall that he had it hidden for a while). I also noticed that the site made it seem as though he had been on there not that long ago (about a day or so ago). So the bottom line is it seems as though he still has an active profile on there at this point but yet I guess he does not want to be friends with me. Makes me wonder if he even meant all the kind things he said about me that made me feel so great about myself?? I now feel a sense of rejection but on a rather deeper level than one might feel from a romantic relationship. Somehow rejecting friendship to me always feels worse and stings more and like I said, it is causing me to second guess all that he said to me. Just wondering what others thoughts are on this? Am I being overly senstive? Am I right to think that he probably did not mean what he said? If he thinks this highly of me..wouldnt he want to keep in contact with me?? I think very highly of him and I really thought it would be nice to be friends with him. He seemed so nice in his profile and we are both vegetarians with similar beliefs. I have difficulty finding others to relate to (whether male or even female). I really kind of feel sad about it and I think it is compounded by another rejecting situation that I am going through as well. Anyway, it kind of felt good to kind of type all of this out and thanks to anybody that has read this far along. Any thoughts on all of this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much in advance.
preraph Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 He's got bigger fish to fry. He may or may not want to be "just friends." But he at least let you know. Give him space and remember if you were the woman on the other end of this, you'd appreciate him not communicating with other women. Because if he starts flirting with you while going with her, then what you have, best-case scenario, is a guy who you can't trust. 2
hippychick3 Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 I am sure he meant all of the positive things he said to you and about you. But the reality is, it takes a lot of energy and time to maintain any kind of relationship, let alone friendship online. I know that I, personally, could not. There needs to be some kind of "payoff" for it to continue which is unlikely when there's not romantic possibilities and no plans to get together in real life. Most people prefer to focus their time and energy on real life relationships. That is no reflection whatsoever of what kind of person you are. Consider it as a nice short term friendship that met its expiration date solely due to the limited parameters of the relationship and not because of you. 1
deckard11 Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 Forget about him and move on. He ain't worth it. 1
todreaminblue Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 i dont think its a slight on you at all...or even a rejection he was honest with you and respected you enough to contact you.....he is a trustworthy person it seems and he is respecting and protecting his fledgling relationship...... dont be down about that for too long.....it happens..or dont be down because you probably wont hear from him again unless he is free......his compliments to you i believe were said in the spirit of honesty...so feel good.....and be that awesome woman you are..he was not really rejecting you he was telling you the truth.even though it is disappointing.......he is in a relationship now...and unavailable to you...i have had this happen.....with someone on here actually....and its disappointing for sure....but i respect the guy for his honesty to me and i have moved on as he has........good luck......deb 1
mrs rubble Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 I don't see anything wrong with messaging him on the dating site and saying "Hi, I noticed your profile has come out of hiding, I've missed chatting with you. How's things?" He'll either fill you in or ignore you, and you'll be enlightened. 2
Author chumly Posted April 26, 2016 Author Posted April 26, 2016 thankyou everyone for taking the time out to respond to my rather lengthy message. I really appreciate it. I also appreciate all the perspective that was offered here too. I suppose I can choose to believe that he meant all the kind words that he said. Like I said, I think I am more sensitive than usual these days due to several other things going on in my life. Mrs. Rubble..funny that you mentioned that. I was thinking of saying a quick "hello" to him myself on the site. You never know..maybe he feels funny trying to talk to me after all this time. I suppose a quick "hello" would not hurt at this point and like you said, it might give me a better idea on where I stand too. Great advice. Thanks so much:) and thanks once again so much for all the other great advice too! I can not tell you how much it means to get responses like this to my posts...it actually means more than you probably realize. It makes me realize that there really are caring people in this world so I can not tell you enough how thankful I am for that. so, thanks once again for really brightening my spirits!! 2
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