He didn't want a relationship, I walked away, now he wants me.

[YourCupOfTea]

Hi there!

 

I have a question. I went on a couple of dates with a guy, but things were not going so smooth. One night when I was a little tipsy I said that I liked him, but could not read him at all. This was after only three dates, and of course not a smart move from my part. I thought I scared him off, but wanted to continue to see me, but to keep it casual.

I like the guy, but wassen't sure if I wanted a relationship with him yet, so I thought: okay, lets just wait and see.

After a week or two I decided that this was not what I wanted and I told him: I like you, I want to date you and truly see where it can go, the thing that we have is not working for me. Take it or leave it.

 

I wassen't happy with the way things were going and I assumed he just wanted a casual thing and would break it off. I wanted to be honest and tell him how I felt, but I was also ready to move on and kind of already did a bit. But he told me he also really liked me and wanted to try things my way.

 

To me he seems like a sincere guy who would definitely not lead me on. I also know I have a good radar for those things.

But don't you guys think it's a bit weird? To change your mind like that? I want to just see how it goes, and see how he acts now. But should I keep my guard?

Edited April 25, 2016 by YourCupOfTea

[elaine567]

Very difficult to say whether he truly wants a relationship or not with you.

If he wants you then he may just be going along with whatever you say to keep you around, so do not assume you have been so awesome that you converted him.

[smudge21]

People always want what they can't have - if something is always there, always available, one can take it for granted. The moment it's taken away, it becomes the most desired object around. Once it's back, it often gets taken for granted again. Now I'm not saying that is what is happening here, just my opinion of what may be happening. You were basically walking away, which made him step up and move things forward. It could be perfectly innocent - he may just be a slow burner, taking his time for any number of reasons. Basically there's no way to know for sure unless you talk to him. I only say the above because I've seen it before and experienced it first hand. Talk it out... what have you to lose as it's still early days.

[ExpatInItaly]

Where did he say he didn't want a relationship? I get that he was a bit hard to read after three dates, but what was it that made you assume he just wanted something casual?

[katiegrl]

Hi there!

 

I have a question. I went on a couple of dates with a guy, but things were not going so smooth. One night when I was a little tipsy I said that I liked him, but could not read him at all. This was after only three dates, and of course not a smart move from my part. I thought I scared him off, but wanted to continue to see me, but to keep it casual.

I like the guy, but wassen't sure if I wanted a relationship with him yet, so I thought: okay, lets just wait and see.

After a week or two I decided that this was not what I wanted and I told him: I like you, I want to date you and truly see where it can go, the thing that we have is not working for me. Take it or leave it.

 

I wassen't happy with the way things were going and I assumed he just wanted a casual thing and would break it off. I wanted to be honest and tell him how I felt, but I was also ready to move on and kind of already did a bit. But he told me he also really liked me and wanted to try things my way.

 

To me he seems like a sincere guy who would definitely not lead me on. I also know I have a good radar for those things.

But don't you guys think it's a bit weird? To change your mind like that? I want to just see how it goes, and see how he acts now. But should I keep my guard?

 

OP, you say you weren't happy with the way things were going, and assumed he wanted casual.

 

So, question.

 

How "were" things going, and what things did he do/not do that caused you to assume he wanted only casual?

[Handsome Librarian]

That's a pretty classic move. You didn't take anything away you just made an ultimatum, put your foot down so to speak. Seeing where it's going is dating without being a needy and declaring its going somewhere or making promises which who can or should make.

 

As another said what didn't you like when you thought it was casual? I can understand the thing we lack is hope. Just the promise or expectation, it does give you the ability to talk and be flirty and importantly believe it. Like this girl I was talking to, it's nice to see a text in the morning saying I adore you feels good but is hard to enjoy when they're too busy too see you or meet whatever proves to you that they're sincere. It could be though that... Many things could be. I don't find it unusual though that he gave into an ultimatum. That he says we'll try it your way is funny and a good sign for you. Doesn't mean anything either way though. I would think most girls would be suspicious if a guy were too serious off the top.

[YourCupOfTea]

The reason I assumed he wanted something casual was because it was so hard to plan dates with him. He said he really wanted to see me, but he canceled a lot. Later he did a few late night booty calls, but I wassen't up for that and I told him.

Then I suggested to do something during the day after that and again he canceled the last minute. That was the situation I was not happy with. I don't feel like I'm being needy, i just don't feel like only doing late night sex.

 

I just assumed he wassen't really interested and send him a message that we should part ways, because I really liked him and he gave me the idea that he just wanted something casual from to his behavior.

 

But we will see. Now he seems to make a real effort. I think i will give it a couple of weeks and if he falls back into his old behavior I'll call it quits.

Edited April 26, 2016 by YourCupOfTea

[Popsicle]

I think you should see how it goes and stop worrying.

[qq2016]

That's a pretty classic move. You didn't take anything away you just made an ultimatum, put your foot down so to speak. Seeing where it's going is dating without being a needy and declaring its going somewhere or making promises which who can or should make.

 

As another said what didn't you like when you thought it was casual? I can understand the thing we lack is hope. Just the promise or expectation, it does give you the ability to talk and be flirty and importantly believe it. Like this girl I was talking to, it's nice to see a text in the morning saying I adore you feels good but is hard to enjoy when they're too busy too see you or meet whatever proves to you that they're sincere. It could be though that... Many things could be. I don't find it unusual though that he gave into an ultimatum. That he says we'll try it your way is funny and a good sign for you. Doesn't mean anything either way though. I would think most girls would be suspicious if a guy were too serious off the top.

 

He is only interested in sex.

[Miss Peach]

I believe he's only interested in sex. Otherwise he wouldn't be treating you like that. Based on what you posted why do you want HIM as a BF? He doesn't seem to be offering you much that you can't easily find elsewhere.