steenerz Posted June 19, 2005 Posted June 19, 2005 lately, i have been feeling extremely insecure...and life at home with my family has been rough...my mom and i have been fighting a lot and she has been making me feel worthless...i try to shrug it off...but coming from my mom, whom i love so much...i really do feel worthless sometimes...the fighting has been bad....and i think it is affecting my relationship with my bf. I don't feel any love coming from my mom...therefore is one factor for why i am so needy...it puts so much pressure for my bf and i feel so bad....but at the same time i can't help it even tho i know it will piss him off...and last night i was ust extremely irritable and he was being all goofy and i just blew up and said some hurtful things to him...now he won't answer his phone. i feel like such a mess. i don't know what to do and at the same time i feel like the most horrible person in the world.
crazy_grl Posted June 20, 2005 Posted June 20, 2005 Get some counseling and read 'Are You the One for Me?' by Barbara DeAngelis. In the first few chapters, it talks about learing how to recognize and change the behaviors you're bringing into your relationships from childhood. In your case, it's the fact that you're needy and angry because you haven't gotten love from your mom. Leave him a message or a letter about how much you regret the things you said, and about hurting him. Include anything else you feel is appropriate. Don't make excuses or try to blame him to justify why you did it though. You already blew up at him, and that's probably punishment enough for anything he may have done to warrant it. Also tell him that this has made you realize that you need to deal with the issues that made you do that, and you're going to work on those. Tell him that you hope he'll be by your side to help you work through them.
scarlyjones Posted June 20, 2005 Posted June 20, 2005 Well,...you are depressed. Thats for sure. Who wouldnt be though, in your situation. I know exactly what you mean about the relationship with your Mom. Mine was and sometimes still is the same as yours with your mom. I dont know how to help you with her, but, you definitely should atleast say sorry to your bf.
Author steenerz Posted June 20, 2005 Author Posted June 20, 2005 i have said sorry...and he hasn't called me all day. I just feel stupid saying sorry b/c it's been happening like once a week and he's fed up with it (who wouldn't be?) I don't know what to do. I really really want to talk to him.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 20, 2005 Posted June 20, 2005 You don't feel love from your mom? Believe me when I say this, she loves you very much. How about putting some of that energy you're wasting on your boyfriend into building a better relationship with your mother first? Slow things down with your boyfriend and if he's right for you he will understand. If not then I hardly doubt he is worth it.
crazy_grl Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 I just reread and saw that you're living at home with your mom. So, you're probably a teenager or a little older, which means my earlier advice might not work for you. Telling a teenaged boy that you're working on issues often translates to "this girl is crazy" in their ears. Like MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 said, work on your relationship with your mom. That's going to impact the rest of your life more than your relationship with your boyfriend will. You might not believe it now, but there's probably about a 98% certainty that you two will not be together many, many years to come. As for your bf: Saying you're sorry doesn't mean anything if you're not doing anything to keep it from happening again. About the only thing you can do is to try to explain to him that you're having problems with your mom, and you took them out on him. Tell him you're trying to make things better with her so that you won't do it again. If he won't have anything to do with you, just move on and use this as a lesson not to take your frustrations with one person out on another. There's nothing you can do if he won't talk to you, so don't waste your energy.
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