Do men in general get excited about marriage?

April 25, 2016

I am not sure if believe in marriage anymore.

I am very cynical about relationships to begin with.

And no I have not been treated like cr@p by every guy. I had one or two bad experiences. The rest of the men who fancied me treated me like gold, if only I had been into them.....Sad.

I am currently dating someone I have no doubt is loyal. Very loyal.

So while I do trust my partner and I also trusted my ex implicitly, I STILL do not really believe in marriage.

Why you say? Well, it seems like something the GIRL wants and the guy goes along with in order to fulfil societies "expectations". I have NEVER met a man who was actually EXCITED about the notion of proposing! It has ALWAYS been about the girl and "stepping up" to the plate due to familial and societal pressure!

My partner and I have decided that we do not want children - despite the fact I have biological maternal urges, we simply won't be financially sound if we were to have kids. We started too late in life career wise. We are 30 with no mortgage and will likely never buy. Having kids would put two full time workers in poverty if they have not started accumulating wealth by the time they are 30. We prefer the idea of a child free comfortable life to a life of poverty for the sake of having kids.

So.... I am not expecting a marriage proposal.... Because, as a guy, he is prob feeling ZERO excitement surrounding marriage and we have no children/won't have any, for him to need to marry me.

Are there any men who actually feel strongly about marriage for reasons other than kids?

Also - is it common for a man to have no desire to ever get married, to suddenly change his mind upon meeting the right woman?

I do worry that one day I may want marriage.

April 25, 2016

If you are this cynical then maybe you're hanging out with the wrong crowd. Yes, of course men are excited about marriage. I have two close male friends; one just got married and the other is getting married in September, and they have been eagerly involved every step of the way. One was qyite a control freak about it, stressing about everything from the font size of the invitations to the way he did his hair, but it was all about creating a beauti*** experience for his bride. He proposed to her in the middle of the Sahara desert at sunrise

My boyfriend was pretty anti-marriage when we met. Within six months he was talking about a hypothetical future wedding. Now he has told me he's going to propose before October. He is quite excited and jokes about it with me often. So, yes, it can be a matter of finding the right woman.

There's nothing wrong with wanting marriage. There's nothing wrong with not wanting marriage, either. All that matters is both partners are on the same page.

April 25, 2016

Hmm.....

As for me, getting married has no benefit to me overall in the long run. The only things that will change after getting married is that I get to call my partner "wife" instead of "girlfriend". The kind of partner I am right now with her will not change (for better or for worse) just because I became her husband.

Another issue with marriage is that I basically signed a contract with the government. Honestly, outside of the knowledge that I am born as a U.S. citizen and other basic privileges like filing taxes, I prefer not to have any more ties to the government than necessary.

However, if I were to have children, then I see marriage as a necessary evil. I do believe children is raised better when you have 2 married parents who has exchanged vows to each other as opposed to otherwise. If I don't get married, I certainly will not have any children.

So while I certainly won't be excited for marriage since I have nothing to gain from it, I also won't be completely against it. If my partner really desires marriage, then I am on board just for her benefit......and if we want children, then I am also on board with marriage just for the kid's sake.

Edited April 25, 2016 by ltjg45

April 25, 2016

Hmm.....

As for me, getting married has no benefit to me overall. The only things that will change after getting married is that I get to call my partner "wife" instead of "girlfriend". The kind of partner I am right now with her will not change (for better or for worse) just because I became her husband.

Another issue with marriage is that I basically signed a contract with the government. Honestly, outside of the knowledge that I am born as a U.S. citizen and other basic privileges like filing taxes, I prefer not to have any more ties to the government than necessary.

However, if I were to have children, then I see marriage as a necessary evil. I do believe children is raised better when you have 2 married parents who has exchanged vows to each other as opposed to otherwise. If I don't get married, I certainly will not have any children.

So while I certainly won't be excited for marriage since I have nothing to gain from it, I also won't be completely against it. If my partner really desires marriage, then I am on board just for her benefit......and if we want children, then I am also on board with marriage just for the kid's sake.

Neither my husband nor I were buoyantly over-the-moon excited about marrying, although we were both delighted to do so, and enjoyed the day.

At my stage of life, our marriage was for purely financial benefit.

My husband's pension (linked to a previous job he had) named his then-wife as sole beneficiary in the event of his death.

When they divorced, a financial agreement to end all post-divorce entitlements to a share in all subsequent moneys, was never signed.

In order to change the beneficiary name to mine, she would have had to sign an agreement passing inheritance to me, even if they were divorced.

Never in a million years would she have signed such an agreement.

So the only course of action was for us to marry. This made me his wife and immediate beneficiary.

That's really the only reason we married.

April 25, 2016

Neither my husband nor I were buoyantly over-the-moon excited about marrying, although we were both delighted to do so, and enjoyed the day.
At my stage of life, our marriage was for purely financial benefit.

My husband's pension (linked to a previous job he had) named his then-wife as sole beneficiary in the event of his death.
When they divorced, a financial agreement to end all post-divorce entitlements to a share in all subsequent moneys, was never signed.
In order to change the beneficiary name to mine, she would have had to sign an agreement passing inheritance to me, even if they were divorced.
Never in a million years would she have signed such an agreement.
So the only course of action was for us to marry. This made me his wife and immediate beneficiary.

That's really the only reason we married.

Interesting. Honestly, I can understand why especially if your husband has no desire to keep his pension with his ex-wife anymore and would rather see it go to you instead.

However, it really only proves how meaningless overall marriage really is. It is hard for anyone to get excited over it when the most important things that keeps a relationship going for decades is not affected just because you walked down the aisle.

April 25, 2016

People fail to realise, when they spend oodles, whistles and bells on a heart-stoppingly, outrageously-expensive wedding, that this isn't the culmination. This is the beginning.

It's not 'having the wedding' that counts.

It's how you construct your marriage, that is.

The wedding should be a firm confirmation of how you feel about each other, not an attempt to demonstrate you're going to make a go of it.

A marriage is testimony to the complete dedication, love and devotion a couple has for one another.

It's confirmation of a fact.

Not evidence of a likelihood.

April 25, 2016

Sounds like you've been around or exposed to a culture or crowd of people who either 1. Had failed marriages/relationships or 2. Have a lot of self doubt as far as what you want in life so you've latched onto "marriage isn't for me, neither are kids" in order to prevent your own heart and mind from becoming vulnerable to these emotional/life changing things

Common sense would tell you that of course there are guys, lots of them, who are thrilled about marriage and look forward to it. Ever heard of a guy buying a ring and proposing to a girl but he gets turned down and told "no" or broken up with?

That's something that goes on every day of the year somewhere with someone. So there's your proof that the girl doesn't need to be the one pushing it whatsoever contrary to your beliefs.

I also think that you are in danger of self sabotaging yourself in your current relationship. If you've told your partner your feelings on the subject like you have here, then you're digging your own disappointment grave when/if your feelings about it all change in a few years. Why establish and proclaim that marriage isn't what you want and neither are kids.. If there's even a 1% chance in your mind that you might eventually be open to it.

Do yourself a favor and refrain from comparing and referencing what other people, other couples, etc have made you think or shown you about this as well. You and your partner are uniquely specific in a way that no one else can compare or contrast to. Just because your best friend pressured her BF into proposing... Doesn't mean you'd have to do that to yours at all.

The more you downplay marriage and what effect it will have, the more you're making your partner think like you do. Let him be honest with you instead of telling him why you aren't into it. What if you never said anything and he proposed to you? That would prove a lot.

Is he someone you want to be with for the foreseeable future? Does he tell you he feels the same? If you don't discuss this stuff then there's your problem.

You also cannot ever be 100% sure about what's going to happen in the future.

You may want kids next summer if your jobs take off and finances aren't an issue. Don't classify yourselves

April 25, 2016

I am not averse to marriage. ... I am just a skeptic. I totally believe in the exception to the rules. .. there are couples in happy marriages.

My own parents are one of them. Happily married since they were 21. Mum became the bread winner when my father fell ill and couldn't work for years. She moved overseas in order to get a job that would afford me the best schools and support my ill father. They survived a long distance marriage. I actually have great role models insofar as what commitment and marriage is all about. ....

I have been treated like gold by many short flings who wished to have a relationship with me.. so I know first hand that there are are decent men out there; I am friends with a few.

I still don't believe it is common to have it all in the one partner; the amazing spark and chemistry, the high compatability. ......the financial security. ...

I am not going to turn down a proposal if he askes. I just prefer the idea of eloping with just my parents present. I would rather he afford a nice ring and that we spend our money on a modest honeymoon together.

I just hear a lot of men are anti marriage or at the very best, indifferent about it and merely do it because it's expected of them. And I totally understand why they are.

I am in love, I feel I'm with my best friend and I've never laughed so much so I definitely see me saying yes to marriage because, well, it is a cool way to declare our love to one another. I am just at an age and with enough dating experience under my belt to not place much emphasis on marriage or having to have kids and having to keep up with what society deems as normal.

I used to think that I'd leave a guy if he didn't know that he wanted to marry me within 2 to 3 years. Now I don't really care. You're right in your assertion that this may be a self protective mechanism. Because I finally found a guy who adores me and that I found both the chemistry and compatability with, I naturally assume that because I've finally found a guy like this, it is too go9d to be true that the guy that makes my heart skip a beat would want marriage. The men that typically light my fire are unavailable or taken.

It seems easier to just dissmiss marriage when you feel it just isn't something that'll happen to you. It is better than holding out hope for something that'll likely never materialize. None of the men I am into ever want me and the men who ara all gaga over me are never men I am excited about dating.

On the whole, I do not know any couples who were both madly in love on their wedding day. I do know ONE couple who are crazy about each other and are about to get engaged. .. but the rest seem to lack any real chemistry. Oh I remember my piano teacher and her ex hadplenty of chemistry. They were the only wedding I've ever attended.

He cheated on her and they divorced.

One mate of mine is in a sex less marriage. They had 4 kids though so he finally married her. She was just a FWB he met during uni who happened to fall pregnant. 4 times. So they decided to stay together for the kids. Marriage seldom stands for a couple being madly in love anymore. I think that's the only way I could see myself wanting marriage. ..for love.

April 25, 2016

People fail to realise, when they spend oodles, whistles and bells on a heart-stoppingly, outrageously-expensive wedding, that this isn't the culmination. This is the beginning.
It's not 'having the wedding' that counts.
It's how you construct your marriage, that is.

The wedding should be a firm confirmation of how you feel about each other, not an attempt to demonstrate you're going to make a go of it.
A marriage is testimony to the complete dedication, love and devotion a couple has for one another.
It's confirmation of a fact.
Not evidence of a likelihood.

Yep.

To me, marriage is saying that you will support your partner if they fall ill. Just like my mother has done to my father. And she ofcourse, was very supportive and reassuring of my dad when he lost his dignity due to going from a big shot manager to incapacitated.

But how did they just know at the alter? They were 21.

April 25, 2016

Yep.

To me, marriage is saying that you will support your partner if they fall ill. Just like my mother has done to my father. And she ofcourse, was very supportive and reassuring of my dad when he lost his dignity due to going from a big shot manager to incapacitated.

But how did they just know at the alter? They were 21.

This is exactly my point.

They did know at the altar.

Because the marriage vows make that absolutely abundantly clear.

This is a transcript of the vows I made when I got married:

‘I, ('Taramaiden'), take you, (Hubby)

to be my husband,

to have and to hold

from this day forward;

for better, for worse,

for richer, for poorer,

in sickness and in health,

to be with and to stand by,

till death us do part.

Covers all the bases.

Your parents DID know. They were informed of their contractual obligations in the recitation of their promises.

This is what people sign up for when they marry.

However, nowhere in the vows above, does it make it contractual obligation to love - or be IN love - with your partner.

Because while the first are fulfillable practical obligations, love is an emotion.

And if you don't love your partner, nothing on earth obliges you to remain in a relationship where there is no love. You can't MAKE people love people.

April 25, 2016

As a guy I can admit that I have never had any real interest in marriage. This is despite being engaged once (I kind of went along with societal expectations. These days I don't care about any of that)

I know a fair few married guys. While I wouldn't say they are all miserable, many of them do say things like they probably wouldn't do it again, they did it to please their partner, or to have kids (often again to please their partner!)

Maybe it's an Australian thing, but I don't think guys here are much into marriage if given a choice with no pressure.

April 25, 2016

I am with a Ukrainian man. He takes relationships very seriously - he believes in fixing things. Infidelity is the only thing he says he would not want to overcome.

He has said " if we stay together than I will eventually want to marry you"

He has called me " future wifey" a few times as well as putting a silly picture of a ring on facebook messanger a couple of times.

But we haven't really discussed it at length because it is way too soon, we have had our issues due to the fact I am a med/podiatry student and refuse to work full time, which means finances are a huge issue for us. We make do, but do not live very comfortably. We cannot go out with friends or d anything but have a few beers at home.

I think it is a good sign that he has told me to please let him help support me during my studies. It may not be a flashy restaurant meal that my friends with rich boyfriends get on a regular basis, but it says a lot to me about his commitment.

This is the first time I have really had to explore my views on marriage. In the past I just KNEW it would never happen with any one of my exes. I mean, one of them talked about it once but I always knew deep down it just would not happen.

I have had men that WANTED to marry me. My ex was dead serious about it supposedly "knew" he wanted to marry me and was very excited about it. Then I had men I felt very passionate about and alive with who were either unavailable or not into me.

I have never had BOTH - a guy who wants to be by my side for life, that is really into me and that I am ALSO really into.

That is why I am thinking about what marriage means to me. Do I even need him to ever propose? is it that important?

The sad thing is - at a gut level, I sense that if he NEVER asks me, I will automatically feel that it is because I am not the one.....and that if he fell super hard for a woman, he would ask her to marry him....

How can you tell if you're dating a guy who is just indifferent about marriage ( in which case I could not care less about getting married), VERSUS a guy who WOULD put a ring on the woman who make his heart skip a beat yet simply is not into the idea of marrying ME.

April 25, 2016

Leigh: First of all, you need to determine precisely what it is you want from your partner.

What would be your ideal dream?

What would get your sense tingling, and your heart skipping?

What kind of a guy would make you excited about the prospect of being with him?

Does your heart do somersaults every time you see your 'Ukrainian man'...?

It's not about him, his views, his promises, his conditions, his provisos.

Your life - your marriage - your future - is about you.

April 25, 2016

As a guy I can admit that I have never had any real interest in marriage. This is despite being engaged once (I kind of went along with societal expectations. These days I don't care about any of that)

I know a fair few married guys. While I wouldn't say they are all miserable, many of them do say things like they probably wouldn't do it again, they did it to please their partner, or to have kids (often again to please their partner!)
Maybe it's an Australian thing, but I don't think guys here are much into marriage if given a choice with no pressure.

My bf is Ukrainian and very traditional loyal and faithful in my opinion at least. He believes in marriage he has said when I asked him. He would not have brought it up otherwise I am sure.

I am leaving it up to him to bring up in the future. If he never does I would never dream of asking him to please consider marrying me.

Yeah. A lot of men say such statements like " oh, time away from the missus, score!"

" give it a few months living with the missus. You will soon see what I mean by drudgery"

I know of only ONE couple who actually cherish their weekends together despite the years passing them by - they still ENJOY hanging out together more than they do hanging out with even their closest friends.

Most dudes act like they are keen to get AWAY for their golfing trips. Where as my partner would miss me if he was away from me and express how happy he is to see me at the end of a night away from me.

I wonder how the women attached to said men carry on about marriage, that make men who are so lukewarm towards marriage, that makes these types propose!

I have one guy who is a successful business man. He is a good friend, we were FWB and he is a really decent person. He has ended two long term R's because he said " both women were gorgeous " (they were, wow) and " I should have married both women, I will not ever do any better. But I see all my businessmen colleges stray. They love their wives but claim that one vagina for life is not the most hedonistic, ideal or most desirable way to live".

So he broke it off earlier rather than letting it get past a year or two with both women because he could not see himself marrying them and never experiencing other women again in his lifetime.

He is not un empathetic, he gets attached and has feelings on a deep level for women. He is open to marriage but wants to I guess live it up as much as possible before settling down.

I think that ^^^ is the best way to go, as opposed to the traditional model of marriage - getting hitched in your 20s and doing it all then.

I am sure glad I have had some wild flings. I have really lived. I look back with such fondness of the passion and hedonistic lifestyle I shared with some of my flings. I am so glad I had the experience. It made me so sure about my current guy.

April 25, 2016

I am not sure if believe in marriage anymore.

Yeah, concur, but you're a bit young for that IMO, especially not having experienced it.

I am very cynical about relationships to begin with.

That would explain, in part, why you don't believe in marriage.

And no I have not been treated like cr@p by every guy. I had one or two bad experiences. The rest of the men who fancied me treated me like gold, if only I had been into them.....Sad.

One doesn't have to be treated horribly to lose faith.

I am currently dating someone I have no doubt is loyal. Very loyal.
So while I do trust my partner and I also trusted my ex implicitly, I STILL do not really believe in marriage.

Good for you. Maybe that's your path. Marriage isn't some nirvana. It's just a legal partnership.

Why you say? Well, it seems like something the GIRL wants and the guy goes along with in order to fulfil societies "expectations". I have NEVER met a man who was actually EXCITED about the notion of proposing! It has ALWAYS been about the girl and "stepping up" to the plate due to familial and societal pressure!

I was excited enough as a young man to dress up in a santa suit to propose. Typical? IDK. IMO, times regarding marriage are far different from when I was socialized into marriage being the end game for relationships and men were responsible for making it happen. That means if I sat on my hands, some other guy, a more aggressive guy, would act and I'd be left sitting on my hands. Those days are over, apparently.

My partner and I have decided that we do not want children - despite the fact I have biological maternal urges, we simply won't be financially sound if we were to have kids. We started too late in life career wise. We are 30 with no mortgage and will likely never buy. Having kids would put two full time workers in poverty if they have not started accumulating wealth by the time they are 30. We prefer the idea of a child free comfortable life to a life of poverty for the sake of having kids.

That's a fair choice but healthy kids grow up in relative poverty every day and go on to be productive adults and, sometimes, change the world. Still, having children is a very personal choice and it sounds like you and your partner are united on that front. Having children doesn't require being married so you all can change your mind at any time, or never.

So.... I am not expecting a marriage proposal.... Because, as a guy, he is prob feeling ZERO excitement surrounding marriage and we have no children/won't have any, for him to need to marry me.

Can't read his mind but IME the excitement was about publicly sharing the generally private nature of my love and desire for a life with my spouse to be. That's a purely social construct and not necessary for a healthy relationship. Our social group was all married. Parents, married or had been married. Etc, etc. That's how social stuff works. Of course, people buck social customs or trends. That's part of being an individual. I do it in other ways.

Are there any men who actually feel strongly about marriage for reasons other than kids?

If you're asking if I would have proposed to my now exW if not intending to ever have children the answer would be yes.

Also - is it common for a man to have no desire to ever get married, to suddenly change his mind upon meeting the right woman?

A man can change his mind for any reason or no reason at all. Common? IDK. IMO it would depend on his relationship history. If it trended to few and serious and long commitments, more likely. If a confirmed serial monogamist, less likely. Still, anything is possible.

I do worry that one day I may want marriage.

Deal with it then. Tomorrow is unknown for any of us. Enjoy today with your partner.

April 25, 2016

Leigh: First of all, you need to determine precisely what it is you want from your partner.
What would be your ideal dream?
What would get your sense tingling, and your heart skipping?
What kind of a guy would make you excited about the prospect of being with him?
Does your heart do somersaults every time you see your 'Ukrainian man'...?

It's not about him, his views, his promises, his conditions, his provisos.

Your life - your marriage - your future - is about you.

I had a wild and varied love life prior to him. I felt intense chemistry and longing to be with men before; some who reciprocated and some who did not. Along with the men who worshiped me yet who I just was not excited about despite OKAY chemistry. I have realised that I need my heart to do somersaults when a guy texts and feel a little giddy over it. The men I was not infatuated with, I honestly struggled to have sex with them. Our sex lives would consist of me laying down and getting them to make me feel good, because I had no drive to sleep with them. LOL.

SO I have established that I definitely need a heady, super lust filled stage which I know dies down a lot, but I believe, the spark can still be nurtured albeit not the same way it felt on day ONE of meeting...What I also want and noticed with my parents, is they are best friends which is a corny and long held sentiment echoed about good marriages.

I had that with Andrew, my ex ex I wrote about 50 threads about on here. We were great friends and made each other laugh - we just missed the in love side- I never made his heart skip a beat, and he never fell hard for me.

So my current guy I met while walking towards my flat. Totally random. I was at peace with being single until my mid to late 30's at that stage. I am 30 atm. I was enjoying dating around and wanted to enjoy the perks of being young and hence, attractive enough to yield such options. I knew it would happen eventually but thought it would take a while to get a guy I felt the magic with AND who was also highly compatible with me in crucial key ways.

He had been single for years despite his cute looks, tats and shaved had (many women love that look around here). He had always believed in meeting a soul mate though. He hoped it would happen but was at peace with being single. We had the same belief on love. We aspired to it but were done looking, and believed the right person would be presented to us, and we would need to be super into them from the start and feel like it felt "right" without trying to fit a square peg into a round hole in the name of " having a relationship".

We had a deep sense of wanting a relationship from day one but of course did not say anything. I was even seeing the Irish guy at the same time and went out as a single girl and got set up with a guy the weekend that I first met my current bf. We played it very cool, despite our burning desire to get to know one another intimately and exclusively.We could not pretend to want to take it slow and sensibly anymore, and after 2 weeks we started to spend all our weekends together and see each other during the week. We fell in love very quickly.

It is early days, but what gets me excited is thinking of fun travel together, being close, laughing and enjoying our intimate relations (which is through the roof and ** earth shattering**** lmao, that was for poster Rejected Rosebud who loves to hate me)He shares the same views. Travel together, being able to live a comfortable life (not rich but never having to worry about putting food on the table, we don't want to have to spend hours shopping for food bargins at the cheapest places, we want to just go to the regular shops and shop for whatever brands we feel like).

Kids and marriage - if we won lotto, we would like kids. But we do not want kids badly enough to warrant having them under our circumstances. We know deep down that we would enjoy being comfortable, traveling overseas, having a comfortable home life over being poor for the sake of kids.If we wanted to be comfortable AND to simultaneously have kids - that ship sailed in our early 20s. We needed to have started accumulating wealth from early 20s to 30 for us to even fathom having a child and not be broke. So in key areas regarding kids, finances and what makes us most happy in life - what do leigh 87 and ____ MOST want out of our lives? We agree on all of this. He has said that if I REALLY needed kids, he would more than likely have them for me and he could see himself loving it IF it was what I wanted - which I do not in all likeliness.

My dad never wanted kids especially. Mum did. He had me because mum wanted me but he more than rose to the occasion and loved me as much as a child could hope for.

He has also said that if we remain together, marriage is something he wants. I agree it is nice in theory, but how many relationships are honestly that great? I sure don't see any besides my own parents and ONE friend of mine...... Out of a LOT of relationships and couples I have witnessed around me.I guess I will see it when I believe it - that we will go on to have a great relationship where we are head over heels, have a great sex life, continue to laugh a lot and end up thrilled over our engagement.

^^^ it is just not a given or even a necessity to have to get married simply because we have great sexual chemistry and laugh a lot together and share the basic fundamental views about life.He has made it known that he wants to spend his life with me. I also feel the same. We have both been around enough and had enough partners to believe that we know when someone special comes along, who we feel the urge to be with. We have both had objectively hotter and more successful and more desirable partners - but to each other, nothing has compared to what we share. We both have mental health issues so we have realistically said that wow, we have some issues, we may very well not work out unless we get on top of things. Our greatest wish is to be together and by each others side for life though, we cannot comprehend someone else being a better fit for us at this stage in our lives. We BOTH think more about growing old together - than we do about marriage in and of itself.

It is the thought of growing old together that inspires us more than marriage.

...........................

Alternatively, I know one girl, a friend of a friend, who had an "plan" where she "needed" to be married by age 23, proposed to by age 21 .... When he proposed, they, surprise surprise, conducted a stylised shot of the ring box, with scrabble letters that spelt " yes" on the ring.. along with her caption of " once in a while there is a fairy-tale". I wanted to puke honestly.

For me, it is the way we light each other up, our magnetism and how he cares for me that I would rather people bear witness to - because it is just really nice when I see a guy who clearly cares and is devoted to his partner. And the look of true love doesn't need a stylized proposal shot on INSTAGRAM.I guess I feel that marriage is such a cultural expectation and not enough to do with what it should really be about - again, which is to grow old with someone, which my partner and I already want without even thinking about marriage.

Edited April 25, 2016 by Leigh 87

April 25, 2016

For a long time the wedding day was sort of seen as a woman's crowning achievement in life, that & having kids. There was little thought that through education, hard work & ingenuity that a woman would actually independently accomplish something, where a man was prepared for a work life. So that is where the expectations diverged.

Most men I know saw marriage as the next step a rung on their ladder of success, the got the entry level job, they got married, it projected stability, they moved up, they had kids etc. It was just the next step, not to be dreamed about but to be done. It was a more practical notion -- somebody to keep the home fires burning while they made their way in the world. The modern economy doesn't really support a single income household any more but those are the sociological foundations.

When DH proposed I bought my 1st bridal magazine. It had a preparations list. The 1st 9 things were for the bride & step 10 was "get him involved." I thought it was awful. It was his wedding too. I showed it to my FI. As a joke throughout the wedding planning process, he'd often joke "why are you asking me? You're not on step 10 yet." It wasn't that he didn't care about our marriage but details like colors, fonts for the invitations, style of flower etc. didn't matter to him.

April 25, 2016

For me, I don't know if I was excited about marriage, as in really thought about a wedding or anything. But after I met my wife I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and I wanted to commit that to her and her to me.

Really that is what a marriage is, wanting to be partners in everything for the rest of your lives. Most people find they want that at some point even if for some reason they don't want the formal piece of paper that goes with it.

April 25, 2016

I said it once, and it caused trouble, but men simply don't get excited by weddings or marriage the way that women do.

The closest I've ever seen was when my uncle got married. He runs clubs, and planning the after-party became something of an obsession for him. He must have been planning it for many months - which bands he'd book, what venue, the look of the place, etc. Never really spoke about the wedding, just kept going on about the party.

It was a good party though

April 25, 2016

I was excited about marrying my wife.

I did not care about the wedding, though.

Still, IMO, people some people have unrealistically high expectations regarding marriage.

Marriage, in the long haul, requires work. It needs to be tended to otherwise, like anything else that is neglected, it will not do well

I am not sure if believe in marriage anymore.

I am very cynical about relationships to begin with.

And no I have not been treated like cr@p by every guy. I had one or two bad experiences. The rest of the men who fancied me treated me like gold, if only I had been into them.....Sad.

I am currently dating someone I have no doubt is loyal. Very loyal.
So while I do trust my partner and I also trusted my ex implicitly, I STILL do not really believe in marriage.

Why you say? Well, it seems like something the GIRL wants and the guy goes along with in order to fulfil societies "expectations". I have NEVER met a man who was actually EXCITED about the notion of proposing! It has ALWAYS been about the girl and "stepping up" to the plate due to familial and societal pressure!

My partner and I have decided that we do not want children - despite the fact I have biological maternal urges, we simply won't be financially sound if we were to have kids. We started too late in life career wise. We are 30 with no mortgage and will likely never buy. Having kids would put two full time workers in poverty if they have not started accumulating wealth by the time they are 30. We prefer the idea of a child free comfortable life to a life of poverty for the sake of having kids.

So.... I am not expecting a marriage proposal.... Because, as a guy, he is prob feeling ZERO excitement surrounding marriage and we have no children/won't have any, for him to need to marry me.

Are there any men who actually feel strongly about marriage for reasons other than kids?

Also - is it common for a man to have no desire to ever get married, to suddenly change his mind upon meeting the right woman?

I do worry that one day I may want marriage.

April 25, 2016

Regarding the going away for golfing weekends or whatever it was, you are still in the honeymoon phase. Couples who don't spend any time apart or have their own lives at all don't tend to do as well once that honeymoon phase is over.

I would hope that you have your own friends and your own life outside of your boyfriend..it's not healthy to revolve your entire life around him.

April 25, 2016

Regarding the going away for golfing weekends or whatever it was, you are still in the honeymoon phase. Couples who don't spend any time apart or have their own lives at all don't tend to do as well once that honeymoon phase is over.

I would hope that you have your own friends and your own life outside of your boyfriend..it's not healthy to revolve your entire life around him.

Yeah.

It's called a podiatry degree.

Oh and over gotten a bit fat lately so I spend my time off exercising, eating or sleeping. Time with the bf happens Fri or Saturday night only.

We live together. But enjoy chilling alone.

I study most of the time. He is lucky to be awake when I go to bed.

The point is, we love time together. Where as many Aussie men bemoan time stuck with their wives.

April 25, 2016

Yeah.

It's called a podiatry degree.

Oh and over gotten a bit fat lately so I spend my time off exercising, eating or sleeping. Time with the bf happens Fri or Saturday night only.

We live together. But enjoy chilling alone.

I study most of the time. He is lucky to be awake when I go to bed.

The point is, we love time together. Where as many Aussie men bemoan time stuck with their wives.

Wooooaaaah defensive..apparently I hit a nerve...sorry about that.

April 25, 2016

Wooooaaaah defensive..apparently I hit a nerve...sorry about that.

No?

Didn't bother me at all.

I am saying that we havd lives outside of each other. Yet still savour our time together. Unlike the usual men around where I live who often moan about being stuck in the same room as their missus lol.

April 25, 2016

My brother met a woman last year and is getting married in June, she even has a 9 year old daughter, but my brother is OVER THE MOON!

He cannnot wait to get married, to become a family with this woman and her daughter.

He is already super close with her daughter, she plays soccer so he takes her to games and stuff.

So to answer your question, yes I think there are many many men who are very excited about marriage.... and becoming one unit with another (and her kids if she has any -- a family.

My brother dated A LOT of girls before her too.... one for three years.

None of them felt right in the end though.... with this one he knew very quickly she was very special.

Edited April 25, 2016 by katiegrl

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Do men in general get excited about marriage?

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